


Someone Like You

by DopeScotlandWarrior



Category: Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Modern
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-03-17 07:35:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 144,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18960757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DopeScotlandWarrior/pseuds/DopeScotlandWarrior
Summary: Claire takes the road trip from hell to rescue her best friend's brother who she hasn't seen in six years. He is family, after all, the eldest son of the family who raised her for many years in Scotland. Complications, family secrets, an arch enemy and a master manipulator (Jenny) turn a twenty-hour drive into a week that leads them both to re-evaluate their perfect lives.





	1. Chapter 1

July 2006  
The makeshift curtain at the community center lifts to a collective awe from the audience of parents and siblings. Two little girls, age seven, are dressed as fairies and sing a song while they shake their wands at the people watching. Ellen and Brian smile and giggle at each other because the girls are so cute. Jaime crosses his arms and looks at his feet, waiting for it to be over. 

September 2008  
Ellen pressed lunch bags into the girl’s hands and kissed them on the top of their heads. “First day of third grade, how exciting girls! Oh, Claire honey, you have to give this form to your teacher.” Ellen unzipped the backpack and stuck the letter inside. She watched the girls walk to the bus stop talking animatedly and sighed at how fast they were growing up.

November 2008  
My dearest Ellen  
I hope this letter finds you very well indeed. This is short notice, I realize that, but I have taken an assignment in Peru which will keep me away for at least two years. Now that Claire is nine years old I think she is sturdy enough to live with me. If you agree, I will be taking her from your charge right after Hogmanay. Please share your thoughts with me, honest and direct, as you always are. I am so deeply in your debt for providing stability and a home for that tiny girl. I do not wish to impose any further. I anxiously await your response. 

January 2009  
Two young girls clung to each other at the Edinburgh airport while Lamb and Ellen tried to pull them apart. Lamb was quite upset and shaken by the incident and wondered if he would be a suitable guardian for this little girl. Ellen pulled the girls away and spoke to them about manners and behaving in public. She kissed Claire’s cheeks and encouraged her to go to Lamb. 

December 2011  
Lamb and his charge walked through the crowded airport looking for baggage. Claire was searching for Jenny in the crowd of people waiting for arrivals. She felt someone yank on her pigtails and turned around to Jaime Fraser laughing. “C’mon dork, they’re over there.” Lamb was at baggage sweating profusely and pulling the only two bags they had between them. He desperately needed whisky and a nap. 

December 2012  
“I am so grateful to Lamb for sending me back to Scotland for the holidays but I am quite unprepared for the freezing temperatures. I was keeping Jenny awake with my shivering so I grabbed the blanket off the couch and sat on the staircase trying to get warm. I didn’t want to complain. I was so happy to be here, so I shivered in silence. Jaime got up and walked down to the kitchen bringing a plate of food back to his room. He grabbed my arm and pulled me along. I stood in his dark room shivering and not knowing why I was here. 

“Get in bed lass.” He handed me a cookie and lit the fire in his room. Then he pulled the blankets up and turned his back on me to sleep. The fire warmed the room and I watched the flames dance me to sleep. I slipped out of Jaime’s room before dawn and went back to Jenny’s bed. 

“On the eve of my departure back to Lamb I sat on the stairs trying to avoid waking Jenny. I was freezing of course, and I couldn’t stop crying. I was making myself a nuisance. I hunkered down in the blanket and sniffled until I heard a door open. Jaime walked past me on his midnight raid for food and grabbed my arm again on his way back. This time he gave me a piece of cake, lit the fire, and tucked me in before turning his back. Again, although so grateful, I slipped out of his room before dawn. 

December 2014  
The house feels warmer this year and I haven’t shivered in my sleep for the past two weeks. Lamb is so kind to send me back year after year. If I didn’t have Lallybroch to look forward to all year I would go insane probably. My skin is itchy from the hayride we went of today. I don’t mind. Jaime sat next to me the whole time so it’s worth it. 

December 2016  
Uncle Lamb is finally preparing to release his research on the Inca invasion and cultural effect on the indigenous tribes of Peru. He was upbeat and full of energy for the past several months as many archeologists came to our camp to weigh in on his findings. I continued to do my lessons, assist at the dig, and mostly look forward to leaving. I was sure the days grew longer, tortuously so, as the day of our departure neared. This was my last pack out from Peru. Uncle Lamb would deplane in London to arrange our living quarters while I went on to Scotland. I would finally go to a public school in England never to see Machu Picchu again. I was deliriously happy. 

It took a day to reach an airport and it was always a crap shoot whether or not the plane would actually show up, or leave as scheduled. I ran to the ladies room and the first large mirror I had seen in a year. How disappointing. I fancied myself prettier now, strikingly beautiful in fact. My reflection mocked me. Where were my long slim limbs, exotic hair, perfect face? I must have stared at my face for an hour when Lamb came crashing into the bathroom making my cheeks burn with embarrassment. I guess the plane showed up and decided to fly us to civilization. I got in line and called Jenny.

As the plane filled slowly I stood in front of the mirror in the lavatory studying my face, my dirty skin and nails, and my torn clothes. Someone pounded on the door until I came out so I sat next to Lamb and waited for my last exit from Peru.. Lamb’s face was the color of his field jacket, beige, and he was mopping his sweating face with a towel. He told me to go to sleep and he would see me in the morning. I curled up in my seat and watched him as long as I could before I fell asleep. I had dreams of Lallybroch and running through the fields with Jenny while Jaime sat on the grass with arms crossed looking down. Rupert stood in front of me and pointed at someone behind me. I jerked my head up and saw the worried face of the stewardess, right before big hands hauled me out of my seat and pushed me to the front of the plane. I was snapped into a seat and flight attendants stood next to me the rest of the way to London. People practically ran off the plane and the captain asked who was waiting for me in Scotland. He took my phone and left.

I didn’t see Uncle Lamb get off the plane and I tried to tell the captain he was supposed to get off in London. They weren’t paying attention and I was getting quite upset. The captain pulled me into the cockpit and handed me a phone. I heard Jenny’s da tell me Uncle Lamb had died during the night and I was to continue to Scotland. They would be waiting for me. I looked up at the captain and saw his compassion. The flight attendants stayed beside me and then handed me to the Frasers. I never saw Lamb’s body and for years I would dream he was alive living in the jungle and would call me up one day and say surprise! 

When I finally got back to Lallybroch I wasn’t excited anymore, I just felt numb. Sleep would not come for me that first night. I sat on the staircase and huddled against the cold. Jaime got up and raided the refrigerator really late. He mumbled to me as he brought his food to bed and closed his door. The next night the scene was repeated but I was shivering with the chill in the house. When Jaime passed me going back to his room he grabbed my arm and pulled me along. 

I stood in his dark room shivering. “Get in bed lass.” He offered me some food and lit the fire in his room. He covered me with the quilt and turned his back to me. I felt every move he made that night. I listened to his rhythmic breathing until the sun came up signaling it was time to leave. I slipped out of his room and curled up in Jenny’s bed.

All of my friends were at the Fraser’s house over the next two weeks and they helped me overlook the dread I was feeling. Namely, what would happen to me now? Where was I supposed to go? Jaime was always with his best friend Ian, Rupert and Angus were there as well. They either stayed in Jaime’s room or dragged him away for the day. The only time I spent any time in the same room with Jaime was Hogmanay and he didn’t speak with me. 

The party was fun but my anxiety had become almost unmanageable. Jenny was starting school again in a few days and her parents had said nothing to me about staying with them or enrolling in school. Finally, the day after Hogmanay, Jenny’s parents asked us to come downstairs and talk to them. I waited with my fingers crossed. Ellen Fraser smiled at me and told me what was to happen now. 

“What was left of your parent’s estate was invested and protected by your Uncle for all of these years sweetheart. He has stipulated in his will the money is to keep you at a boarding school in Switzerland until you graduate with provisions for food and clothing. On the day of your graduation the remaining assets, and the property in Boston will be transferred to you to use as you wish.”

I was stunned. Switzerland? What did I know about Switzerland, except it was cold? I just stared at Ellen Fraser and said nothing. She seemed so happy that Lamb had planned this so carefully and I would be taken care of. I should be happy too but the tears I felt coming could not be held back. I asked to be excused and ran to Jenny’s room where we tried to piece together what life in a boarding school would be like. 

“It willna be so bad, dinna fash yerself Claire! You’ll meet girls yer age, fancy lasses. You’ll learn to be fancy like them!” She giggled so hard it hit my funny bone and I giggled with her. There was a knock on the door and Jenny opened it to Rupert smiling like an idiot. “What?”

Rupert looked past Jenny and asked, “what er ye lasses laughin about, what’s so funny here?” A large hand came down on Ruper’s shoulder and pulled him away with force. He could be heard protesting the interruption of his courtship. 

Jenny closed the door and laughed until she bent over holding her stomach. “Ye could always stay in Scotland and marry Rupert!”

I stared at the door wondering why Jaime wanted to drag Rupert away? 

The next two days were filled with shopping at the most extravagant level I had ever been a part of. Ellen took Jenny and me to all the shops armed with a list of necessities the school provided. The list had details right down to how many pajamas, stockings, underwear, outside clothes, party dresses, ball gowns, shoes of every variety, riding wear and boots, loungewear, robes, and coats. It was fun at first and exhausting by the second day. Suitcases were purchased, a day bag for books because backpacks were forbidden. When the list was complete we piled into the car hoping never to shop again so when Ellen pulled into a technology store Jenny and I looked at her confused. An hour later I scrambled into the back seat holding the greatest treasure of my entire life. A laptop computer loaded with all the mandatory software for office skills, drafting, graphic design, illustration, and the best of all, internet browsers. I held it like the treasure it was and couldn’t wait to play around with it.

The following weekend I stood with Jenny at the Edinburgh airport wearing one of my new dresses, shoes, and coat. I shook from head to toe. 

“Yer shakin so hard my own teeth are rattlin. Dinna fash, yer goin on an adventure!” Jenny looked at me with such compassion. I didn’t cry nor could I speak from fear of what was next. Both of Jenny’s parents tried to reassure me and I couldn’t speak to them either. I knew when I let go of Jenny’s hand I would be alone with strangers waiting for me in Switzerland and a school full of fancy girls that would hate me. If not for the people in line behind me waiting to board I don’t think I could have convinced my feet to move forward. My mind tortured me with every conceivable terror awaiting me until I felt myself let go. We were landing in Switzerland, my fate was sealed, now I had to live it, and that was that.


	2. Chapter 2

I stumbled out of the mess tent with my stomach full of some unknown fish the cook caught earlier in the day. He said it was trout but I’ve never tasted trout like that before. I prayed whatever it was wouldn’t make me sick. Aside from the food, I was happy to be working a dig in the Grand Canyon this summer. Professor Alvarez, an old friend of Lamb’s was needing students to work and I had to get out of Boston for a while. I chewed on a toothpick and reached for my ringing phone. 

“Hello.”

“Ah, I recognize your voice, will ye return the favor lass?”

“I’m not sure I forgive you yet for not being home the last three years when I visited.” 

“Couldn’t be helped I assure ye. I missed seein ye though.”

“I highly doubt it. I am completely stumped why I should hear from you out of the blue. Do tell.”

“I asked Jenny not to warn ye I would be callin. I am gonna ask ye to do somethin that could be fun for ye or it could be a burden. I think I’ll know the difference in your voice.”

“That would be some miracle since you have never heard me speak.”

“My first words tonight were I recognize your voice lass. Tell me when yer ready.”

“For what?”

“For my question.”

“Ready.”

“I havena taken a vacation in…well ever, and never to America. I have a convention in California and decided I would drive across the country and see the sights then work my way up to San Francisco. I never expected American highways to be so cutthroat and dangerous. I’m serious lass, I was scared half to death the first day I got on the road. So, I have driven through the night and try to sleep in the day. Stop laughin it is far from funny Sassenach.”

“Jaime, what’s your question?” 

“I thought it would be obvious, sorry.” He cleared his throat. “I want you to drive with me the rest of the way to San Francisco. I know it’s a long shot you could get away for a few days but I thought I’d ask ye. If I’m to salvage any of this vacation I need a copilot.”

“Well, that is quite an offer. Where are you?”

“Albuquerque. Jenny looked on Google Earth and said ye arna far.”

“I have two weeks left on this dig so I need to check with the professor. Can I call you back in thirty minutes Jaime?”

“Of course lass take yer time, I’m just now gettin on the road.” Jaime figured that was a no and resigned himself to midnight driving for the rest of his trip. He was ready to roll out of New Mexico and would pass right through northern Arizona. 

I clicked off and thought about my best friend’s brother who was the recipient of my first crush. Once I figured that out I never saw him again, he was always away at school or spending the holiday with the Dunsany family. It made me hate Geneva even more. Now, here he was, asking me to see him safely to San Francisco. I’m over my crush and in love with a perfectly wonderful man now, so why not see poor Jaimie the rest of the way to his convention. 

“Dr. Alvarez, something has come up and I need to leave early. Do you mind?” He was sitting at the sifting table pulling shards out of the sand.

“No, of course not. You come here and work harder than the rest and for free. I am grateful for your time this summer. Come here, give me hug. Peter is heading to Flagstaff tonight to pick up his brother from the airport. Do you need a ride into town?” 

I wished him well and said I would be leaving tonight with Pete most likely. “Maybe I will see you next summer.” Walking to my tent I called Jaime back and lost myself in giggles at his startled reaction. 

“It’s four hours to the Flagstaff airport Jaime, just stay on the 40. If you have navigation that’s even better. When you drive into the airport call me and I’ll meet you at the curb in arrivals. Sound good? Oh, please watch for wildlife, elk, deer, bears, they are all over the roads at this time of year and you definitely want to avoid them. Jaime, did I lose you?”

“No lass! I heard every word. I diidna think you would come and I’m happy to have a partner in the last leg of this ridiculous trip. Thank you!” 

“Your welcome. Be safe and I’ll see you in about four hours.”

Well, now that I said yes, I wondered what we would have to talk about if we would double up on hotel rooms, if I would stay in San Francisco for a while, if I could get a flight back to Boston with such short notice. How would I explain this to Frank? Well, maybe that could wait a couple days. In fact, just thinking about him makes me…what? Sad, hurt, angry, jealous? Why is it so hard to name the emotion I feel? He hasn’t called or returned my calls in two weeks and I’m just not sure where that fits in a loving relationship. I pushed it out of my mind because it confused me and headed to my tent to pack up my stuff.

I looked at my watch and wondered where Jaime was, hoping he hadn’t collided with a horny Elk running across the highway after a ripe cow. Twenty minutes later I heard a familiar burr and looked up at the most handsome face I had ever seen in my life. His intense blue eyes were bluer, his muscular physique seemed bigger and the wide smile and square jaw that showed promise five years ago took my breath away. 

“Jaime!” I jumped into his arms and hugged him for all I was worth. 

“Oh my God, lass, ye grew up did ye naught.” He held my hands and looked me up and down smiling. “Yer a beauty Sassenach!” 

I could feel my cheeks blushing and stammered something stupid like “your not so bad yourself.” A cringe-worthy statement but so true. Walking to the car I tried not to look at him but met his eyes several times before the darkness of the car saved me. 

Jaime started the car and looked over at me. “I thought we might talk a bit about the trip before heading onto the highway but I guess it doesna matter if we’re laying tread at the same time.” The car was luxurious with large front and back seats. The dash was wood grain and highly polished with a large navigation screen and tons of features it looked like. 

“This car is amazing Jaime. What is it?”

“It’s a Mercedes S-Class. I wanted something comfortable to drive four thousand plus miles on my exciting vacation. This is the first year I am making the trip since da passed and I’ve done everything wrong so far. All my hotels were booked ahead with no cancellation within 48 hours. This car was booked and paid for with a forty percent cancellation for early return. I am screwed. The American highways are a death trap Sassenach.”

I laughed at his unbelievable bad luck and vehemence about the US drivers. “Did you use a travel agency to book everything? Not a good idea for reasons you’re living with right now. You poor guy. I am going to help. How do we get you turned around tonight sleeping again?”

“I wasna all that good at sleepin in the day actually. In another hour or two I’ll be sleep driving like I have the last two nights.” 

“Oh, well let’s see what is coming up in the next hour and I will cancel your next hotel. What’s the name of it?” I picked up my phone ready to call the hotel. 

“You canna Sassenach, I’ve tried and they say no.”

He pointed at the glove box for his itinerary and shook his head from side to side. “It’s too late tonight but I promise I will cancel your room with a full refund tomorrow.” He looked dubious. “If I fail, I pay. So let’s plan our stop for tonight.” 

I did a google search and decided on Palm Desert, the Marriott hotel. I was able to secure only one room for the evening and told Jaime I would sleep on the floor or the couch. I had been living in a tent for the past six weeks after all. 

“I remember ye sleepin in my bed as a wee one. Do you remember Sassenach?”

“Well, yes, that was pretty weird. You were so nice to help me. I wasn’t so wee actually.”

“Ye were a second sister to me and freezin cold if I remember. Christ, I havna thought about those days in many years. Rupert fell hard for ye a few years later ye know.”

“Rupert? Did I even see Rupert after that time?”

“Aye, he was at Hogmanay one of those years and decided he was in love. Pestered me for yer number for months he did.”

“You never gave him my number, why not?”

“Why would I. You were in Switzerland becomin a fine lady and would have no want with Rupert. He was pretty sore with me for a while.”

What I did remember was Jaime’s hand pulling Rupert away from Jenny’s door by the shoulder when he was flirting with me. All this time there was someone who fancied himself my big brother. I never considered such a thing. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to consider it now. It was far more exciting to be adventuring with my best friend’s brother. Why did it matter I wondered?

Jaime pushed in a CD and the car filled with a sultry saxophone and piano, followed by Pachelbel's Canon in D, followed by Braums, Adagio in G, Chopin, Bach. 

I put my head back and let the twelve speaker sound system fill me with happiness. Every nerve vibrated to the music I loved and the dark car just heightened the experience. In my mind I was soaring over the Grand Canyon, kissing my boarding school sisters goodbye, walking through the Brownstone in Boston the first time. Saying goodbye to Jenny, and Lallybroch. It was glorious and completely transporting. The most wonderful rendition of over the rainbow played and a soothing voice sang the old song. I opened my eyes and looked at Jaime.

“Who…? He was watching me with a strange look on his face and I realized I had temporarily gone into my happy space without so much as an I’ll be right back. I sat up quickly, embarrassed to let myself go like that. “Sorry.”

“Sorry…for what Claire? Ye like my music, I can see it yer face. I have yet to meet another person who appreciates the classics. I am thrilled, I have stacks of CD’s with me, all classical. This is awesome. Look in the glove box and pick yer favorite.”

“Who is singing Over the Rainbow? It’s beautiful.”

“Isreal, he’s called IZ. He died shortly after this became popular. I love it.”

I had closed my eyes again and the music took me away. When Chopin Nocturin in C sharp minor filled the car my eyes filled with tears and I breathed into the beauty of the notes. I opened my mouth to breathe and the tears rolled down my cheeks. When I felt the car suddenly stop I jerked my head up and gasped. 

Jaime took my hand, “are ye alright lass?”

I looked at him confused and wiped my face hurriedly when I realized I had cried. “Oh my God, I am such a sap for this music! I’m sorry Jaime, I am fine, great actually. I haven’t heard music like this for almost two months.” I tried to smile through my embarrassment. 

Jaime recovered himself and shook his head, “sorry lass, I am so surprised to see ye face so unguarded and emotional. It does the same for me. Not tears of sorrow but… he looked at me helpless to find the words. “The emotion wells up inside, the notes tell an amazing story and it has to go somewhere so it comes out in tears, aye?”

I smiled in understanding, “aye.”

“Ye have a beautiful smile Sassenach, ye’ve grown into a beautiful woman.” With that, he pulled onto the highway again and turned the music back up. I sat up and cleared my throat bringing myself fully back to the present. How could such an emotional and wonderful man be attracted to Geneva Dunsany I wondered. She was a beautiful woman, I was sure of that, but I just couldn’t see her having a clue about what Jaime just said. Maybe I’m wrong and I’ve judged her too harshly. Better just leave that be. I have no business thinking of Jaime’s personal life. Forty-eight hours from now I will be headed back to Boston, and Frank. I looked at Jaime in the dark and felt the loss of music in my future, never before had I known someone else to enjoy it with. I wondered why Frank did not even try to love it.

To get my mind off the emotional wave I was riding I sent a text to Jenny. ‘Riding in a Mercedes with Jaime on the way to San Francisco. Who would have thought?”

Jenny picked up her phone and smiled, “me.”

It was one o’clock in the morning when we pulled into the Marriott. The lobby was empty so check in was a breeze. The room smelled wonderful and I headed to the shower wishing Jaime goodnight and hoping he was dead asleep when I came out. I filled the tub with the most glorious scent, compliments of the hotel, and immersed myself in the first bath in six weeks. I brought the music back in my head and dropped under the water and bubbles. 

When I had scrubbed a layer of skin off I pulled the plug and then showered and washed my hair. I was happy to see a stack of fluffy towels so no reason to skimp. When I was ready to go out and find my suitcase I prayed that Jaime would be asleep and then quietly opened the door and tiptoed out. The bed was complete and not disturbed. Jaime was fast asleep on the couch. I looked at him and let my eyes remain on his breathtaking face so relaxed in sleep. I had only one pair of clean jeans left due to the timing that Jaime whisked me away. I decided to find the laundry and fix the problem. I climbed into my clean clothes and carried my suitcase to the desk, then on to the laundry. 

Everything is so empty in the wee hours of the morning. I’ve always loved this time of night, for laundry, study, term papers, and anything I needed full concentration for. It’s not that I didn’t love my boarding school sisters, but they did like to talk. I could always count on them to be fast asleep at this time of night. My thoughts drifted to Jaime and the pull I felt towards him. I was quite sure it was his Hollywood handsome looks, which I found repulsive and shallow of me. That helped to get me on task before I spent the entire night fantasizing. With the abundance of free machines I was done in an hour and carried my now clean suitcase full of clothes to the room. 

I opened the door as quietly as I could and stopped abruptly when I saw Jaime asleep in the bed lying corner to corner. What was he doing I wondered. I set the case down and made my way to the couch before I heard “stop.”

I looked back at Jaime up on his elbows watching me. “I…I’m sorry did I wake you?”

Jaime looked at her in her tight jeans, long legs, and small waist. Her hair was down. He wondered if he was seeing the Sassenach on a Saturday morning when her natural state was allowed. I worit about ye lass. The front desk told me ye inquired about the laundry so I peeked in and saw ye workin. I’m sorry I gave ye no time to prepare. Now ye’ll be tired when ye drive tomorrow.”

“It’s alright, my excitement will keep me awake. It’s been some time since I drove highway one up the coast. It really is an amazing drive. You’re going to love it.” 

I sat down on the couch and stretched out before he could say anything. I felt his hand on my arm, just like when he pulled me off the stairs at Lallybroch. 

“Come Sassenach. The couch is leather. Ye’ll be sweatin up a storm in no time so ye have to share the bed with yer big brother.” 

I wasn’t weighing in on this decision obviously and fatigue was pulling at my eyelids. I went willingly and let him push me into the most comfortable mattress I had ever felt. He walked around to the other side and turned the light off. I felt the mattress shift under his weight but had no time for thought before sleep took me.

My eyes slammed open in the first second of consciousness I looked around the room for Jaime and then a clock. Eight o’clock, thank God I didn’t sleep the morning away. Jaime was on the patio sipping coffee and talking on the phone. I sat up and watched him pace, take a sip, and pace some more. He was the owner and blend master for the family whisky business now and he seemed to fall into the role with grace and preparedness. I knew that a small percentage went to Jenny and the maintenance of the Lallybroch estate but the rest was Jaime’s. Jenny filled me in on his bold move to change the blend in his first year. Something the manager of twenty years found intolerable. He implemented changes at each stage of the process, she said, and the manager rallied the crew against the young upstart. It had not ended well for the manager and Jaime absorbed his duties with apparent ease. Jenny gushed about her brother whenever she could. She even forgave him for choosing Geneva Dunsany as a life partner. 

I jumped into the shower and pinned my hair up and out of my way. I reached into my bag and applied lipstick and then wondered what that was all about. I saw my hand reach for the doorknob and stopped. What the hell was I doing? What on earth was I thinking? I let out a long breath and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Where are you Frank? Why have you left me alone for two weeks with no calls? I trusted you to love me and went on living my life, joining the dig in Arizona, knowing you would be in Germany lecturing for the summer. All of that came with the assumption you would stay connected to me, but you didn’t and I want to know why. Your lack of presence in my life leaves me open to other thoughts, it highlights what is lacking with us rather than what is good. 

I sat on the bed and sent a text to Frank asking him to get in contact because my plans had changed. I was driving a friend to San Francisco. I purposely left the message vague hoping to get him riled enough to call. I felt the uninvited spear of doubt struggle to conquer my consciousness and I shoved it down. Fuck that. Jaime is like my big brother, nothing more, I’m just being weird because of Frank’s silence for the past two weeks. 

Jaime was locked into a discussion about the purchase of oak barrels used to age the whisky. He had chosen a distributor for what he considered the best barrels but was being told they would not be delivered in time to transfer the whisky for aging. He was livid and made three successive calls trying to stop the catastrophe. He was acutely aware of Claire moving around the room and watched her sending messages on her phone. Her face was telling a story and he couldn’t look away. What was twisting her so, he wondered. Her heart was not his to know but he felt compassionate and protective of her. No doubt a connection to his feelings for Jenny. He continued to watch her as he paced and argued. 

We loaded the car with our cases and friendly talk about the process of making whisky. Jaime was a very good teacher and explained each part of the process with enthusiasm. I could tell he loved the business and was fully invested emotionally. How wonderful for him to have found a calling he loved. I envied him. I still waffled between nursing and archeology. The latter being a difficult field to enter, especially for a woman. My relation to Lamb would open all the doors for me so why couldn’t I commit to that and stop thinking? 

I was genuinely interested in what Jaime did for a living and had many questions that he answered happily. The time flew by and before I knew it we were heading up highway one and Jaime was kneeling on the seat with his head out the moon roof. I found his enthusiasm charming and contagious. 

He dropped into the car and gushed about the California coast and how beautiful it was. I had to agree, it is the golden coast after all. I heard Jaime gasp and tell me to pull over. I looked for an exit and was parked with wide questioning eyes within a few minutes. 

“Sassenach, the sign said highway one, not one-0-one. We’re on the wrong road!” He was reaching for his map that he carefully marked out his route and showed me the Hwy 101.

“Jaime, I have traveled this coast more times than I can count. Do you trust me to get you to San Francisco and the convention by morning?”

“But Sassenach, it’s right here on the map, how can it be wrong?”

“It’s not wrong and it’s about an hour faster. I suggest riding the Hwy 1 that skirts the edge of the North American continent. We go through Santa Monica, Malibu and Pepperdine University. We can stop at Paradise Cove for lunch and stretch our legs with a walk on the beach. Most importantly, the road runs the edge of the ocean all the up to San Fran.”

Jaime was watching me with intense interest but he wasn’t looking at the map. That confused me so I asked him if he was listening. He smiled and put his faith in me to get him to the places he would remember forever. I smiled at that sentiment. I needed to help this wonderful man make some memories of America and I was just the girl to do it. I got us back on Highway 1 and Jaime went back out the moon roof


	3. Chapter 3

When we stopped at Paradise Cove for lunch we were both seat sore and anxious to stretch so we walked along the surf before the restaurant. Jaime was quiet at first, enjoying the crashing waves and sunshine I imagined. Then he took my hand and announced he was hungry holding my hand to the restaurant. We both ordered sample platters of every sea creature imaginable and shared the food. California cuisine is about as far from Scotland favorites as one can get. I demonstrated how to eat oysters, dip lobster in butter, and savor scallops. He watched my face and mouth smiling and then did exactly what I did. It was great fun and I realized Frank would have shut the fun down and ordered a steak, thereby distancing himself from something new, something good, and something me. 

When yer thoughts turn to whatever yer thinkin ye lose the sparkle in yer eyes Sassenach. I don’t mean to pry and I’m not asking what yer thinking. Just makin an observation is all. He squeezed my hand and smiled. It was a moment of truth between us that I had not intended to share but he seemed to read my thoughts. When he held my eyes it was an old and trusted friend I saw and I felt warm and happy inside. 

“I want to take a nap on the beach Sassenach. Two great whisky’s and sunshine is too much to resist.” He paid the waitress and grabbed my hand again pulling me back to the beach. He was smiling so bright it took my breath away so I followed and laid in the warm sand. I was going under from the whisky and waves. I felt him cover my hand.

“So ye dinna get away while I nap.” he laughed and kept his hand over mine.

I woke slowly and stretched smiling at the sight of Jaime staring out at the ocean. I sat up and looked at the pink across his nose feeling mine for the telltale burn. It was there. 

“This alone is worth all the lonely nights I drove to get here before I picked ye up. Thank ye for this, it's magnificent. And a great nap!” He pulled me up laughing. “Time to go mo nighean donn!” His hair was blowing in the wind and his face looked like he was a boy again, but not so serious as before. 

“What does mo ne…”

“Mo nighean donn. It means brown-haired lass.” he smiled at me.

“Oh.”

We barreled up the most picturesque landscape in America. Jaime popped in a Chopin CD and stuck his head out the moon roof. I could feel the happiness radiating from his body and wondered if this guy had any fun in his life. The sweet music, the awesome coastline, and the gorgeous Jaime was the complete package for me. This was the most fun I had in, well, forever. I didn’t much like thinking that and I pressed the gas to increase our speed. Suddenly, I felt my whole world was threatened by a casual trip with an old family friend. I had to get to San Francisco and quickly make my way to the airport. Enough of this folly. 

When Jaime could no longer see the water and the mansions he dropped back into the car. The music had long since ended and the car interior was quiet. He looked at me like he understood the war I had waged for the past two hours. That was unnerving me until I realized there was no way. He wasn’t a mind reader for Christ’s sake. 

“How much longer Sassenach?” 

“Two hours and we are there.” I tried to smile. 

“This is my comfort zone for driving nighean bhreagha. Time to switch.” He smiled at me and looked through his CD’s choosing one and popping it in. It was classical piano, stimulating to the central nervous system, confusing to a troubled girl’s brain. 

“What does nighean …”

“It means beautiful girl,” he said as he stepped out and then opened my door. 

“Have ye found a flight back to Boston yet?”

“No, I’ll just go straight to the airport and wait for the next flight.” 

“Ye have a dog or a cat that hasna been fed in six weeks have ye?” He smiled at me. “I thought San Francisco was yer favorite city. Could I tempt ye to come to the tastin party tomorrow night? It’s great fun and there’s dancing, accordin to my da.”

“Oh, no, but thank you very much. I need to get back home.” I said not looking at him.

“I thought ye were on the dig for another two weeks. So whoever is gettin yer mail isna expecting ye right away.” He looked at me and I looked at the road that suddenly became a gravel side road as Jaime turned off the highway.

“What’s happened?” I was thinking a tire was flat or the car had overheated. 

Jaime covered my hands with his and looked straight ahead. “I have not had this kind of fun in a long time Sassenach. I dinna want to keep you but I dinna want it to end. Ye can show me Fisherman’s Wharf and we can buy crab right off the boat I hear. I want to see the old lighthouse, but I won’t see it without ye. I’ll stay in that convention center morning till night and then fall asleep and do it again. Then go home. It’s a whole different story if ye stay for the weekend.” 

I felt the walls of the car closing in. I desperately wanted to experience San Francisco with Jaime and I was just as scared I would lose my heart in the process. 

“You’re troubled, I can see it in yer face.” He held a hand up to stop me from talking. “Yer private life is not mine to know or question Claire, but if ye could have two days off the grid to have fun and forget about what lies ahead for ye, what would ye do with it?”

“I would stay in San Francisco with you.” The words were loose in the car before I could stop them and Jaime smiled at me. 

“Well then, I guess you’ll be stayin with me.” He flipped the Mercedes into the opposite lane and sped down the highway toward San Francisco. It was nine o’clock in the evening when we entered the city limits and I could see Jaime holding the steering wheel tighter until his knuckles were white. 

“I’m getting rather bored sitting so much. Do you mind if I drive for a while?” Before the sentence was completed Jaime pulled into a parking lot and was opening my door. 

“Can you lock the hotel address into the nav?”

“Done.”

This was the biggest Whisky convention of the year and San Francisco was booked for the weekend. Neither of us was particularly surprised or felt weird about it. I would have the day to lounge around and walk through the city while Jaime was in workshops and round table discussions. I was excited. 

Jaime asked if I had anything fancy to wear to the tasting that night. I looked down at my jeans and shrugged my shoulders. My intention was to find a conservative dress that wouldn’t embarrass me just in case Jaime got the level of fancy wrong. This was his first time attending this party too so I guess it would Brian Fraser getting it wrong. The first couple of shops were ill stocked for what I needed. I headed for the higher end shops. 

Sometimes when you see a dress that is so perfect in the way it fits and sums up your personality, body type, and intention for the evening, you throw caution to the wind and buy it. Well, if the saleswoman hadn’t pushed it on me I never would have tried it on. It was black and hung on the hanger like a sack of cloth. As soon as my foot stepped into the dress and I pulled it up my smile almost hurt my cheeks. I twirled in front of the mirror and watched two layers of chiffon glide up my thighs on the air currents. A simple A-line with a tight bodice that attached behind the neck in a mock collar. The skirt was two layers of chiffon with an irregular hem that moved like water when you walk through it. The dress included a tiny jacket with long sleeves. I was in love. I purchased shoes, very high straps that would surely put me on eye level with Jaime. Beautiful thigh high stockings and I was done. 

There was no way I could get a hair appointment so I resigned myself to the long task of straightening my coils. I was dressed and ready when Jaime blasted into the room. When he looked up he stopped abruptly and just stared at me. He looked at my face, my eyes heavy with mascara and my lips red and shiny. His eyes moved down my neck and he smiled slightly at my bare shoulders before moving his sight down to my very high heels.

“Stand up Sassenach.” He croaked out. 

“If this is too much, or too weird, I don’t have to go Jaime.” I was feeling very self-conscious the way he looked at my dress. I was filled with dread and embarrassment. He pulled my arm to make me walk away from the chair I was sitting on. He walked behind me and whistled. When he stood in front of me he smiled brightly. 

“I will be the envy of all Sassenach. I need a shower. Five minutes!”

He gently pushed me back in the chair and told me not to move a muscle. Then he vanished for exactly five minutes before coming back in just a towel. 

“Maybe the lady will turn around and look out on the water for a minute? That is Alcatraz Sassenach.”

“What? Really?” I was out of my chair and nose pressed to the glass of the window, straining to see the famous prison. I had actually taken the tour of the facility one year but didn’t realize we could see it from the room.

“Okay, I’m decent…or at least dressed.” 

When I turned to look Jaime snapped my picture with his phone. I was surprised and Jaime laughed at my expression. 

“I wouldna want to forget how ye look in that dress. Jenny will want to see it.” He pulled his jacket on. “Ready?”

Jaime noticed the heads turning to look at Claire as they made their way to the Grand Ballroom. He felt immense pride in this girl who cowered on their staircase in the middle of the night, completely alone in the world. Shipped off to boarding school in a strange country and emerged a stunning beauty with a brain. He smiled to himself and pulled her hand into the crux of his elbow.

“What is your primary mission tonight Jaime? Get drunk for cheap?”

“No, I want to network. You are well aware of that I’m sure.”

“Is that when all the men in the village work together to pull this huge net in full of fish! Yea saw it on the discovery channel.” 

“It's a good thing yer gorgeous with a mouth like that.”

The Ballroom was enormous and lined with tasting bars for every type of whiskey I could imagine. Jaime led me to three of them and we tasted tiny amounts of different brands. We piled finger food on plates and sat down to eat and watch the dancers. 

Several people stopped to shake Jaime’s hand and he begged off from conversation promising to catch up with them in a bit. I felt he was being protective of me and encouraged him to make his rounds while I watched the dancing. Some of them were very good as they moved their partners around the floor.

“Excuse me miss. I see you’re with the gentleman but he is not here. Would you care to dance?”

“I would love to!” I jumped out of my seat and we walked to the dance floor. He was a very handsome older gentleman and tall, like Jaime. He waltzed like a pro and soon I was twirling around the room. It felt so wonderful to dance with a skilled partner and I was thankful for learning all the social dances at school. Mastery of the waltz, foxtrot, and two-step was mandatory with one dance of our choice as an elective. I chose the tango and shared the instructor with only two other girls in the class. Apparently, the favorite for all the other girls was the rumba or free dancing. I loved the tango and spent the entire semester dancing with the instructor due to the odd number of students in the class. Once I left Switzerland and my beloved school, dancing was not part of my life. 

Jaime looked up and saw a stunning woman twirling three times at once while her skirt lifted to mid-thigh. He watched her move so gracefully. When she turned around he was shocked to see it was Claire. He was more impressed with her every minute it seemed. He would miss her when he went home. 

The song ended and the gentleman walked me back to the table. Before I had time to even look for Jaime another man asked me to dance and I was off again. This time he kept me on the dance floor for a second song, a western two-step which I loved. When I sat down again I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up at Jaime smiling. 

“I had better stay with ye for the rest of the evening or someone might run off with ye. I enjoyed watchin ye dance. Where did you learn?”

“Same place I learned to enjoy classical music. Boarding school” 

“Are ye ready to taste more whisky Sassenach? Now that you’ve had some food and exercise it should be safe.” 

I laughed at Jaime’s overprotective attitude about my drinking. “Lead on, and hurry, my buzz is almost gone.” 

Jaime explained the tasting procedure to me with great enthusiasm, I could tell how much he loved making Whisky. The glasses were flutes, each came with a square piece of glass that rested on top of the flute once the whisky was poured and swirled to mix oxygen into the liquid. Several swirls and the glass was placed on the flute to allow the aromas to build up. After several minutes and holding the flute by the stem the small square of glass was removed to breathe in the aromas. Three or four deep breaths in through the nose right above the rim of the flute. It was very interesting and once my buzz was back I was able to go slower and listen harder. 

I looked at Jaime’s eyes flash as he instructed me on handling the glass. When he took my hand and wrapped my fingers around the stem I noticed my heart rate climb and felt my cheeks burn. People were crowding into the tasting bars and I had to stand closer to Jaime. God, he smelled divine. 

“Ready to smell Sassenach?” 

“You smell like heaven.”

“Well, no, the sample under the glass.” He laughed at my face.

Shit, one more and then more dancing. Christ, I want the second most handsome man in the room to dance with me the rest of the night so Jaime can mingle, or network, and I can get my mind on someone safer. Frank, you prick, no contact from you makes me want romance and I am getting turned on by the most wrong person there ever was. 

“Well, I’m drunk. I’m going back to the table and hopefully pick up a few dances while you network. Play nice with the other master blenders.” I turned on my spike and felt Jaime’s arm come around my waist. 

“I’ll help ye back lass.”

Something felt a little weird about his arm around me. It almost felt possessive which confused me. With this awesome buzz, all I could do is smile. 

Jaime left for three minutes and a gentleman asked me to dance. A waltz, my second favorite. He was a very good dancer and I enjoyed the challenge.

“Do you tango miss?” He looked at me hopefully.

“Tango happens to be my favorite dance!” I was excited. The man introduced himself as Anthony and said he would make the request and be right back. I waited.

I heard the first few notes and Anthony reached for my hand and walked to the middle of the floor for the initial pose. Hot damn, this guy was turning into my wish for the rest of the evening. We started dancing and he pulled me into him and leaned back so it appeared I melted into him. He was smiling and having fun because he could dance with me rather than drag me around the dance floor. He led me through the seductive tango and I could feel his happiness doing this complicated dance. 

Jaime was deep in conversation with another blender when someone tapped him on the shoulder and pointed to the dance floor. Jaime was riveted on Claire who was doing the most seductive dance he had ever seen. He couldn’t look away or stop smiling. When the music ended the crowd clapped for two graceful and practiced dancers. 

I looked up at Anthony and thanked him. When I turned around I almost face planted Jaime’s chest. The song was slow and he wrapped himself around me and swayed to the music. I looked up at the bluest eyes and felt I could melt into them. 

“Yer overheated lass. Get that jacket off and I’ll dance us to the table where ye can leave it. I don’t want to stop the dance if it’s all the same to ye.” 

I saw something different in Jaime’s eyes when I removed the fitted jacket leaving my shoulders and arms bare. God, that was better, and I was cooling off within minutes. 

“Yer a great dancer Sassenach. That last one was very seductive, it's supposed to be aye?”

I smiled and shook my head yes. Jaime was being attentive and sweet like a real date and it was appreciated. Maybe fake, but it felt like salve to a burn after Franks silence for so many weeks. When we sat down again Jaime showed me pictures of Rupert and his family. A young daughter and a wife that had love in her eyes. 

“Oh my God! What a beautiful family!” 

“Well, he would rather it be you but he truly cares for his wife.”

“what about Angus?” Trying to buy time to sit this close to Jaime and try never to forget his smell.

“Ah, a devoted bachelor until death he says.”

“How is the network going Jaime?”

“I have three people I can call when I need to bounce ideas.” He smiled with pride. 

I opened my clutch and counted quickly, “here’s eight more.” I giggled at his astonished expression.

“So, what about you? When will the Dunsany family gain a son?” I was drunk enough to ask but really didn’t want to know. I have never been so relieved to see a man’s hand reach out to me for a dance. I launched out of my chair before Jaime uttered a single syllable. Thank God. I danced the notion out of my head, of a bright, scrubbed Jaime pledging himself to pure evil with great hair. Geneva, God gave her everything, looks, money, a family, and Jaime. I have never hated her so much.

I heard a man’s voice say “I can do it rough. Can you handle it Claire?”

I looked up at Anthony smiling down at me. “What?”

I feel you are about to explode and wondered if I might help with that. 

“What?” I barely took a breath and Anthony went from a box foxtrot to the Western two-step. Very fast, with spins and double spins, every configuration of arms, back, and shoulders. He knew every move and it was exhilarating. He morphed our dance into the traveling two- step and I was really struggling to keep up with him. “God, you’re good!”

“Maybe you run away from your brother and go dancing with me tomorrow night.”

I actually felt the smile fall off my face. I was tempted to look for it on the floor. I thought it was so odd for men to approach me for a dance when I was with another man. It was clear as day to everyone that Jaime was just a friend, or a cousin maybe. I felt awful and wanted to get out of there, sit in dark room and sort out the mess in my head. I smiled and thanked Anthony while he slipped me his business card. 

I spotted Jaime in deep conversation at one of the tasting tables. I suddenly felt conspicuous by myself at the table and went to join him. A gentleman behind the bar set me up with a flute and poured for me. I skipped the swirl, glass lid and sniff and tossed it back. 

“Again.”

The man put out a fresh glass and almost poured the whisky on Jaime’s hand when it covered the flute. I felt an arm around my waist and he pulled me out of the ballroom. He held my hand and pulled me along until he found a quiet hallway and then turned on me.

“Sassenach?” He was a bit close to me with his head tilted and one eyebrow raised.

“What?”

“Do ye ken what my sister will do to me if I let anything happen to ye? Like drink too much and go home with twinkle toes.” 

I could actually see Jaime’s heartbeat thumping in his neck. What does that mean, I wondered. Could he really be that scared of Jenny? Well, she was scary but never to Jaime. 

“I’m sorry Jaime.” God, I thought, what the hell is this I feel now. Shame? Someone in my head shouted ALL STOP! Oh, I guess that was me. I had done nothing wrong and I wouldn’t be shamed by Jaime. I squared my shoulders and gave Jaime a vampy, come fuck me look through my lashes and held out my hand for the room key. Before I turned toward the elevator I got very, very close to Jaime and whispered into his neck. I could see him trying to swallow.

“If I wanted to go home with twinkle toes, we would be speeding down the road with me on his lap, stripped to the waist, and that poor man would be so conflicted. Drive safe and make it home or… you know the rest. I walked to the elevator with the best sexy walk I knew. Probably looked more like a drunken sailor. When the elevator doors closed I sobbed all the way to the tenth floor scaring the piss out of the elevator boy. 

“Maam?” He held the room card toward me. You dropped it when you took your shoes off.


	4. Chapter 4

I entered the dark hotel room and sat in front of the window looking out over San Francisco with tears rolling down my cheeks. I was just drunk enough to send Frank a tiny piece of my mind. I picked up my phone and squinted at the keys, God they were blurry.

Frank, you fuck. Did you break all your fingers and lose your voice? I have a new boyfriend now, his name is Anthony. I am in San Fran with him right now. He is wonderful and now I know what it feels like To have great sex with a guy who looks like a Greek God. You can stay in Germany with what's her name because we are through. Love Cla… Jesus, what am I doing? Backspace eight times… you fuck! Ah, that’s much better. Send.

I took a shower and washed the make off and tried to feel clean instead of feeling like a loser. I wrapped up in a robe and climbed into bed. With any luck, I wouldn’t even hear Jaime come back, much less face him. For some reason, I counted how many times I turned over, and on the eighth turn, I got up and got dressed. I wrote a hasty note about taking a walk and left. I needed to walk until I felt like me again, even if it took all night. 

Jaime was rooted in place after Claire’s mock seduction. The image of her pillow lips and beautiful face pressed against his ear shoved everything else in his head out. He watched her walk to the elevator and noticed every head turn and look at her. The lass is dangerous, he thought, He had to sit down as his thoughts came slamming into his head. When she pressed up against him it rocked him to the core. The lass is drunk he reasoned so how safe is a shared bed tonight. He remembered the way her dress flared up her legs when she danced and her long slim legs in stiletto heels. He thought he saw the lace top of her stockings a few times. She was probably laying in bed right now with thong underwear and those sexy stockings. He jumped off the chair and ran a hand through his hair thoroughly irritated with himself for getting twisted about her. He would stay in the ballroom tonight and get drunk. Leave the temptress alone. 

Jaime stopped at the front desk to get a spare room card. As he walked back into the ballroom he caught Claire coming out of the elevator. What the hell was this now, he wondered. She was in her torn jeans and a cable sweater and her hair was back to curly. She’s not going to meet twinkle toes, so where is she going? He gave her plenty of lead and then followed her.

The cold night air and the earth under my feet did wonders for my mood and wounded soul. I thought about the hours I spent talking to Frank about being orphaned when I was five years old. What it felt like to watch my friends interact with parents and siblings. What were you doing during those times I laid my soul bare to you Frank? Planning your next lecture, doing a mental crossword puzzle? What? You are a brilliant historian, a brilliant mind that should know what happens to me when I’m abandoned. Its torture you asshole. 

My heart felt like it would burst I was so mad, so hurt. I boxed a hedge until leaves and stems were flying everywhere. When I saw a light come on in the house I walked away fast but felt infinitely better. Ha! I don’t even need you Frank, I can beat up the bushes myself. I raised my arms in the air like a victor as tears started to roll down my face. 

Jaime looked at the hedge, poor hedge. It might not survive the wrath of the Sassenach. He panicked and looked down the walkway not seeing her anymore. He doubled his pace looking up and down the street getting more concerned by the minute. If he had not heard her crying he would have walked right into her. It was a heartbreaking weep that he felt in his bones. My God, Sassenach, he thought, what has someone done to ye to make ye hurt so? He paced up and down in the dark, waiting for her to start walking again. He put some distance between them and called his sister. He could still see Claire but he didn’t know how to help her.

In Scotland, it was nine o’clock in the morning and Jenny was hosting Ian’s tongue in her mouth after a morning of hot passion. Her cell phone rang and then rang again. She moaned against Ian’s chest and he hugged her tightly. 

Ian broke away and flashed his brilliant white smile. “Last night alone dove. Get home early tonight. I have a wee surprise for ye.” He ducked into his car and he was gone.

Jenny climbed into her own car irritated at someone calling for the third time. Her eyes went soft and playful when she saw it was Jaime. “Don’t tell me ye eloped with my best friend brother.” Jenny was smiling at the prospect. 

“What?” Jaime was clearly not in the mood for her banter at the moment. “Jenny, it’s three o’clock in the morning in San Francisco, its colder than a witch's tit outside, I’m followin Claire who has walked about three miles from the hotel alone, and now the lass is sitting in someone’s grass cryin her eyes out. She…she had some whisky and said things to me real close and walked away in her fancy dress. Now she’s back in her jeans with holes in the knees like its a balmy eighty degrees. She beat up a hedge Jenny!” 

“You were right to follow her Jaime, I know what you should do but let me get rid of this call first.” She choked her way through the last sentence because her smile was so tight she could hardly talk. Jenny took a moment to do a happy dance at the red light until horns pulled her back to the present. She drove and cleared her throat, thinking of starving puppies and bad things. When that didn’t work she pulled her ace in the hole and let herself remember saying goodbye to her favorite horse before they put him down. When she clicked back to Jaime her voice wavered and she struggled for composure.

“I’m so glad yer with her Jaime, she needs ye. I canna tell ye why but she is verra fragile right now.” She sniffed as the tears rolled down her cheeks. “Ye be her strength brother, she needs ye.” Jenny clicked off and sobbed to work. “Only for ye sweet Claire,” she said out loud dabbing at her makeup in the rearview mirror. Then the smile was back, like the Cheshire cat. 

“Jesus Christ,” Jaime looked at his phone and felt like he was lost. Jenny didn’t tell him how to help the Sassenach so he still didn’t know what to do. Jenny sent a text. ‘Drive down to San Diego and walk on the beach. San Francisco makes her cry!’ 

“What are you doing?”

Jaime’s head jerked up at the sound of Claire’s voice. She stood a few feet from him trying to act normal like her heart was not broken. From what he didn’t know.

“I…I…ah.” He dropped his head clearly at a loss for words.

“It looks like you are following me Jaime, and then made a phone call?” 

He saw her curls around her face, springy coils that dropped down her forehead and back. Her scrubbed face made her look so young and innocent. She was enjoying his misery and he didn’t care. She was smiling. “Shall I guess then?” 

“Aye lass.. guessing is a fun thing to do.” 

Claire wondered if he checked in with Geneva and lost her smile.  
Jaime saw it and hurried to fill the silence. “I saw ye leave the hotel and feared for yer safety. So I followed at a discrete distance. Sorry Sassenach” 

Claire studied him in the lamplight and wondered if this was the last time she would see him as a single man. He was so handsome it hurt. She smiled at him and looped her arm in his turning them back toward the hotel. 

“If I were her I would never let you come here alone is all I have to say. Shall we go schedule our flights handsome?”

“Nay lass. I am stuck bringing that loathsome car back to where I picked it up I’m afraid. But, maybe ye could fly home from San Diego. We can head down there and warm up at least.”

That’s when Claire realized Jaime was only wearing his suit jacket. 

“God Jaime, you must be freezing. Such a good big brother ye are laddie.” She rubbed his back and squeezed him around the middle. “Let’s move faster before you freeze to death out here.” 

Jaime hunkered into his light jacket and saw snapshots of the sexy Claire pressing into him, her mouth on his ear. 

“Claire, ah, what ye said about sittin on a man’s lap naked to the waist while he tries to drive ye home. That was kiddin right?”

“Well, it’s my barometer for the first date, just how naked I am by the time we get home.” She heard the air evacuate his lungs and laughed shoving him to the side. “Of course I was kidding you goofball.” 

Jaime tried to smile and recover. “I am verra cold Sassenach.”

“Poor baby, come here.” She wrapped her arms and thick cable sweater around his middle and walked faster while Jaime smiled in the dark.

“When we get back to the room I will call the travel agency and get your car and hotel reservations canceled. It’s the least I can do for my big, bad, protector.”

“Thank ye Sassenach.”

Jaime thought about the first three days of this miserable trip, driving through the night while he fought to stay awake. Laying on a hotel bed all day because he couldn’t sleep while the sun was up. Everything got much better when Claire threw her backpack in the trunk and piled into the front seat. He was delighted to see her all grown up and they shared their memories of growing up at Lallybroch. He was not home during her visits to see Jenny the last three years. He wondered what her life was like at boarding school. While he suffered through dressing for dinner every night with the Dunsanys she and Jenny were being girls and having fun. Thinking about Geneva almost made his skin crawl. 

His life was all planned out and included a beautiful wife and bairns, a thriving whisky business, he at the helm, surrounded by his perfect family. They had given their virginity to each other one passionate night, and after that, his existence became a daily struggle to keep Geneva happy. For three years he missed holidays with his family and doted on Geneva at her parent's estate. He was heartsick when his parents passed. He would never get that time back with them. On the rare occasion she would join his family at Lallybroch she acted like she might catch a disease if she touched anything. Stiff, arrogant, and haughty is how he remembered her. Once he realized he could never make a happy life with her it was easy to walk away. 

She must have liked him a little bit he thought. She sure put up a fight about breaking up. He remembered waking up with a naked Geneva in his bed and his shock almost gave him a heart attack. She could navigate Lallybroch just fine when she wanted something. He believed she had changed and went back for another six months of punishment with the Dunsany family. Her father sat down with Jaime after Christmas dinner with a mile wide desk between them and a fat cigar that made him cough. He wanted to know what Jaime’s intentions were for his daughter. Jaime was not expecting such a question and stammered while her father looked down his cigar at him.

Jaime saw the pure folly of his reunion with Geneva. He stood up, shook Mr. Dunsany’s hand and left. After that, the house was locked up tight every night when he was home from school. Feeling free was absolutely everything for him the first year. She wasn’t hard to ignore even though she would show up everywhere he went. It was always a shock to see her standing there looking at him and a delight to turn his back to her and walk away. The first three months after the second and final break up he worried that she would trap him with a pregnancy. It worried him sick because Geneva had her heart set on torturing him for the rest of their lives. At the three month mark, he threw a party at Lallybroch and emptied his savings on food and drink for a house full of his friends and family. Jaime’s first toast of the evening was to old friends and his family. Rupert looked him in the eye and countered with “and the bullets we dodge along the way.” A giggle bubbled up remembering.

“What is so funny?” I looked up as he turned to look at me and my breath caught. Jesus, I thought, if I were Geneva I would live to make him smile like that. “So, tell me the joke you just thought of.”

“Remembering you, around ten years old holdin onto Jenny and cryin yer eyes out talkin about mud and havin to pea behind bushes. And Jenny clingin to ye like a lifeline.” He pushed her playfully. “It took da and Lamb pullin to get the two of ye apart!” He was thoroughly enjoying the memory and I leveled a withering gaze at him for reminding me I was once a ten-year-old leaving for a year in Peru. 

“A couple time a year Jenny would get a bushel of letters from ye and be locked away in her room for days readin each one of em twice. Jesus Sassenach, I love my sister but not as much as ye do!” He laughed again.

“Well, we are lesbians, always have been. Yes, we’re in love.” Jaime stopped so abruptly I thought my arm would break as it was now locked into his. He looked down at me with wide eyes and an open mouth. 

“Sassenach.”

“Kidding! C’mon Jaime. Remember I’m the one naked to the waist going home with some man on the first date. I don’t think lesbians do that.” 

“But I thought ye said…”

“I say a lot of things. The important thing is we are here now, back at the hotel and the last leg of our adventure.” I did my best to keep a straight face which necessitated awkward coughing and looking away. I could see the gears grinding in Jaime’s head. Jenny is going to kill me, I thought. 

We got to the room and I realized Jaime was stuck, the poor guy. “Jaime sit with me for a minute, please. I’m sorry for teasing you about being a floozy and a lesbian with your sister. I promise both were jokes, your sister is fine. Okay? How could she be in love with Ian if she was a lesbian?”

“Ian? My best friend Ian?”

“Uh oh.”

The burr during his rant was so thick I didn’t really understand much. He kept punching numbers into his phone and then dropping it on the bed or the floor. I was sure she would kill me now. I sent her a text begging her forgiveness. 

Claire -OMG let Ian out of the bag. Didn’t know it was secret. J is coming apart at the seems. So sorry!  
Jenny- OMG! No, no, no!! What have ye done! Please, Claire, stay with him or he will park that car at a Walmart and fly home to kill Ian. PLEASE! He will calm down in a few days and Ian will be safe.  
Claire- how do I stay with him? I fly home tonight.  
Jenny-ye did this Claire so ye have to or Ian gets a beatin. Ye have to stay with him, keep him on the road, three days minimum. I know my brother… 

Jenny was laughing so hard she could barely hit the right keys to write the text. She finally gave up and threw her phone into her purse as she held her stomach and laughed. “This is pure perfection! Let them two try to get across the country in a car. This could take all month. She tried three times to call Ian but gave up until her laughing fit stopped. 

Jaime’s rant had gained some momentum but it was now in Gaelic..probably better I don’t know what he’s saying. Christ, what have I done with my joking and big mouth? I was agitated and wanted to be away from Jaime right now. It would be a long three days if he is mad at me the whole time. My phone was buzzing. A message from Jenny… ‘three days Claire.’ 

Jaime laid back on the bed and stopped his Gaelic monologue of promises to punish I assume. I walked to the door but before I touched the handle.

“Stop.”

Well, he looks a little less murderous, maybe I’ll be saved after all. “I’m sorry Jaime. I didn’t mean to meddle in family business.”

“I believe you offered to call the travel agency for me. I canna get anywhere with them.” 

Oh crap, I watched him punch the numbers and hand me his phone. I smiled at him with a thumbs- up and remembered Jenny’s plea to keep him on the road for at least three days. The agent who answered was very pleasant. I explained that I wanted to cancel every reservation on the way back east to the car rental company.

“No problem ma'am. We require the one way to California but after that, we can cancel everything and refund Mr. Fraser’s deposit.”

I looked at Jaime and saw his eyebrows lift. “What! That is outrageous!! I’ve never heard of such a thing and I’m sure it's against the law! How dare you!” I growled at the phone and clicked it off. It rang immediately and I grabbed it again and gave the agent another dose of my pretend fury ending with “do not call us again!” I sat down hard on the bed next to Jaime, “I’m sorry, I tried.”

“Dinna fash lass. We have a date in San Diego. If I am stuck sleep driving at night let’s have some fun today. You deserve a great day after comin with me last minute like ye did. I promise I am puttin Ian and my sister out of my mind until I see ye take off tonight. Deal?”

“Um. Yes, that’s…that’s a deal I guess. That will be fine I guess.” Well, I will sit right here until you’re ready to go.” OMG, I thought, how do I suddenly change my mind and decide to drive for him during the day. How did I get into this mess in the first place? I was suddenly overwhelmed with fatigue and realized we had walked seven or eight miles at least, drank too much and nearly frozen through last night. I could not even form a sentence at the moment so I walked to the bed and laid down. I do not remember having a single thought before I went to black.

How to describe that first moment of awareness when there is a strange pressure on your hip. It doesn’t belong there. It’s warm and intimate and connected to Jaime Fraser! Shit! I remember having superpowers all of a sudden that lifted me off the bed like I was a helicopter. Landing on my feet I locked myself in the bathroom and turned on the shower. I wanted to burn that feeling into my memory because it was something I always wanted Frank to do. He wasn’t a cuddler. Obviously, Jaime was for him to do it in his sleep. I remembered Geneva staring me down while I stuck my thumbs in my ears and wiggled my fingers while sticking my tongue out of course. That was the day I started hating her for her perfect hair and teeth. I was about eight years old and my adult teeth were just coming in. She called me ugly and made faces at me. I felt my anger coming so I put my thumbs in my ears and stuck out my tongue. “Guess what Geneva, your groom to be is in my bed, ha!” Feeling better I stepped into the shower. 

I looked around for my backpack which I forgot to bring with me into the bathroom. I tiptoed across the room and grabbed it racing back to the bathroom. 

Jaime felt the absence of Claire the second she jumped off the bed. He laid there thinking of this crazy trip, his secretive sister and best friend, and the Sassenach. America has been some crazy ups and downs he thought. It was better now. For today anyway, while Claire was still with him. When he heard the bathroom door open he shut his eyes, almost. He watched her sneak in and grab her pack. She looked at him for a couple of seconds before racing back to the bathroom. What are ye lookin at Sassenach? He wondered. They had another day together before she flew home to Boston, away from him forever he guessed. He missed her already.

The scent of quality shower gel wafted through the room. He knew she was near him, he could feel her energy in front of him. What are ye lookin at Claire? He took a deep breath and stretched with a life-saving yawn. 

“It’s almost ten o'clock, we should get on the road.” I thought I might be losing my mind because I would skip everything for a chance to cuddle with Jaime again. Yes, I was being delusional and crushing on my best friends brother. I can make it three more days I thought. No problem. Will I have a heart in my chest when this is over. Probably not. My phone was buzzing and I clicked it on and braced myself for Jenny’s wrath.

“Claire, sweetheart, I didn’t call because you were down in the canyon. Don’t be mad, please. I’m cutting my trip short and flying home on Saturday. We will talk this out and I’ll make everything okay. Please tell me you are not in a hotel room with another man.” 

My eyes flew open and I almost swallowed my tongue when I sucked air in a gasp. He went on talking about how much he missed me and couldn’t wait to get home. I decided I didn’t have anything to say so I listened to him instead. His deep buttery voice filled my ears and I have to admit the man could be convincing. When Jaime walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his lower half I was done with Frank. 

“Oh, sorry Frank, the Greek God is out of the shower and we have plans for the rest of our lives. I clicked off and looked at Jaime feeling stupid. “Sorry, I hope you don’t mind.” 

Jaime was grabbing clothes out of his suitcase laughing. “What being called a Greek God or helping ye make yer boyfriend jealous?”

“He’s my, was my, fiancee. I ended it last night. See?” Jaime read my scathing text to Frank from last night. He was still laughing as he dressed, right in front of me. I turned completely around in my chair and felt my cheeks burn. 

“Christ, sorry Sassenach. Forgot ye were sittin right there. Are ye alright lass? Do ye need to talk about this? It’s okay mo chridhe, I’m yer friend and I will listen.” Now he knew why she cried alone in the dark last night. Oh Claire, he thought, poor lass.

“It’s okay Jaime, I know what I want and it’s not him. I want someone like you, but not a family member because that’s too weird.”

I saw Jaime freeze with his belt halfway through the loops of his jeans. I felt numb all of a sudden. I felt bad for Jaime. That was disclosure overload for him. God his hands are warm and he is pulling me to the bed to sit down. Sorry Jenny, I just scared the piss out of Jaime and he is leaving me behind to fly home. He is talking to me. His mouth is so lovely and warm. 

“Sassenach?”

“Hmm?”

“I think ye need to talk this through with someone. If ye agreed to marry the bloke then ye loved him and its only been what twelve hours since ye broke it off. Tell me what happened.”

“I am going to get the car. Are you coming brother. I smiled at him, genuinely and grabbed his hand to pull him towards the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Once we were on the road Jamie opened up his laptop and worked for a while. I needed the solitude to clear my head. Jamie was right, it was only twelve hours ago I broke off my engagement. Why do I just feel numb? As a first-year student at Boston U, Frank, Dr. Randall, taught my history course. The way he looked at me was a bit unnerving. When I walked into the huge lecture hall his eyes would find mine and he would smile and wave. His comments on my SA answers were over the top in praise. I started looking forward to seeing his face light up. He made me feel special. It was fun to be the teacher’s pet. Coming straight from boarding school and still a virgin, I was swept away by the sophisticated Dr. Randall. As soon as I was no longer his student, we started dating. The first summer was magical because he took me with him to England where he was lecturing at Brunel for six weeks and I was free to wander around London all day, ride the train to different cities, read the day away at the many bookstores. I couldn’t wait for him to be free for the evening because we made love almost every night. 

I was watching the coastline lost in my memories of that romantic summer. The moon roof was open and warm air surrounded me. I thought, how odd that I can’t catch my breath. I forced myself to breathe and relax but it wasn’t helping. Suddenly I was gripped by panic because I couldn’t breathe. The car started to swerve and I looked helplessly at Jamie before I passed out.

I heard voices, strange voices and felt a terror grip my stomach. Terrified I would discover something so awful it would change my life forever. I didn’t know how the car was stopped, or who all the people were around me. I just wanted to go back to the black. There was a mask over my face, a cuff on my arm, and an EMT had my wrist in his hand. Jamie held my other hand. I pushed the mask off my face and sat up, apologizing to everyone and assuring them I was fine now. 

I refused a trip to the ER and signed a paper that said as much. I stood up and started to open the car door when everyone seemed to say no at the same time. I looked at Jamie feeling helpless and very afraid. 

“I’ll drive for a while lass.”

He is the kindest man I have ever known, I thought. He looked worried and helped me into the car and closed my door. The ambulance pulled away and Jamie looked at me. I could see the worry on his face. At that moment I didn’t even want to be with him. Alone in the woods, under a rock, a floating raft out there on the ocean would be preferable. 

Jamie watched Claire work through something in her head. Whatever was happening to her caused a massive panic attack and she fainted right in front of him. “How can I help Sassenach?” He decided at that moment that Claire had the most unique and beautiful eyes than he had ever seen on a woman. She looked lost and vulnerable and he ached to crush her to him. 

It’s time for the truth I decided. I tried to square my shoulders and feel brave but I failed. Jump in, get it over with, and then go on with life and be stronger for it. 

“I might need to borrow your laptop for a moment. I just need a browser. Is that okay?” He put the computer on my lap and I typed in the name of Frank’s hotel. I heard the phone ring and a man’s voice answer in German.  


“English?”  


“Yes madam, how may I help you?”  


“My brother is staying at your hotel, with his wife. There’s been a family emergency and I must speak to doctor Frank Randall at once.”  


“I believe Dr. Randall is at the University at the moment.”  


“Ring me through please I’ll speak to his wife.”  


“Of course, madam.” 

When she answered, the phone slipped out of my hand and I looked out at the ocean. It turned gray and ugly, the sky was ugly, the hills were ugly. Jamie was calling me from far away and finally held my face so I would look at him. “Such a good man,” I whispered. Before I knew it Jamie yanked me out of the car and walked me down the side of the highway. He held me around my waist and my feet were moving. 

“I’m here with ye Sassenach and we will just walk until you feel a bit better. I want ye to tell me what just happened”

He stopped suddenly and turned me to face him. “Wasna request. What just happened?”

“Frank brought a woman with him to Germany. She has been with him this whole time.”

“Christ, Claire. I am so sorry.” 

He pulled me to him and I felt the enormous strength of his arms. He body felt like a stone wall I was leaning against. What must it be like to have strength like that, I wondered. His big warm hands were stroking up and down my back. He pulled my arms around him and crushed me to him. It was surreal and I knew if he let me go I would float off my feet and be lost forever.

“Lass, yer shakin sae hard, It’s time for a whisky. Maybe two. C’mon.” 

I clung to his arm, afraid he would let go and he pulled me to him again. Somehow Jamie found a bar within five minutes and ordered two at a time. The whisky was like a reprieve, a second chance at life, and I had two more. I filled my lungs with air and smiled up at Jamie. 

“Well. Very shitty news. I suppose I will need some therapy for trust issues in the future. If it’s ten sessions or less I’m good with that." His eyes looked so worried. I put my hand on his cheek and smiled. I felt okay now, it was as simple as that. “It’s truly okay Jamie. I was done with him anyway. I just never considered that level of dishonesty and manipulation was possible. It shocked me. I never considered he wasn’t alone lecturing for six weeks. Why would I?”

“Why would ye indeed.” he pulled me to my feet and we drove across the street into a parking lot. I looked at the ocean, it was beautiful again, as was the sky. He popped the trunk and handed me my big straw hat. 

“It was a great idea to wear our suits for the ride Sassenach. We’re too drunk to drive but we can swim!”

The idea made me feel happy and I was out of the car before Jamie could reach for my door. We dinna have towels and I drank too much to go drive around lookin for a store. Ye’ll be okay without one Sassenach?”

I heard him laugh when I pulled him toward the beach. It was a spectacular Sunday. Warm and breezy with crashing waves that held Jamie’s attention.

“My God. The waves are beautiful and I would have missed all this if ye hadna come with me!” 

I smiled up at him as I unbuttoned my shirt. He seemed stuck on what I was doing. “I can’t wait to jump into a wave!” I dropped my pants and piled my clothes on the sand and ran toward the water. The tears were coming, I couldn’t stop them and I wanted a place to hide. I wanted the ocean to hold me while I cried for my lost innocence.

Jamie was speechless watching Claire run to the waves. “That is the smallest bikini I’ve er seen”, he said out loud, “and she is breathtaking.”

Claire turned around and waved him in. When she took off her hat he could see the pain and the tears. Oh God lass. Yer too small to hurt that bad. He ran into the water and scooped her up off her feet and held her to him. She cried into his neck and her body shook with sobs. Jamie just held on and rocked her back and forth. He whispered over and over, this will pass sweetheart. He doubted she could hear above the waves but it made him feel better. He knew it was true. When she wiggled to get down he didn’t want to let her go, but he did. Then he pushed her into a big wave. 

Every second underwater I felt his body against mine. I scooped a handful of wet sand and threw it at him when I popped up. When he laughed his wide smile was genuine and his teeth were so white. I didn’t see him throw it but I was jolted from staring at him by a large quantity of wet sand hitting me in the belly. He walked over to me laughing and splashed water on the clinging sand. 

“It’s time for a nap and yer not allowed in the water without me so come on.” 

He pulled me to where we left our clothes and dropped onto his back. Then he patted the sand next to him. I heard myself laughing and realized it was real laughter. Jamie was being very cute and funny.

“What… am I laying on yer side Sassenach? Sorry”. He rolled about three feet to the side and I laughed some more. I would get through this, and for now, I wanted it out of my head. Jamie was like a kid who skipped school to go to the beach. I laid down on the warm sand and it felt delicious. The sun was so warm on my cold skin and my eyes were closing. Then, the unthinkable happened. My phone started to buzz. 

“That will be Jenny askin ye to tie me to somethin solid and leave me there.”

“I’m gonna make her jealous.” I reached for my phone and then threw it like it was a hot potato. 

I looked at the thing continue to ring.”

“Is that Frank fuck?”

I couldn’t help the giggle. “Yes, some nerve.” When it wouldn’t stop I grabbed it and clicked it on. “I’m having a nap with the Greek God Frank, what do you want?”

“No your in your tent freaking out about something you know nothing about.”

I clicked off and laid back down. The calls started again but this time he wanted to face time me. I looked at the face I use to love. “What is it Frank I could feel his image pulling me under.

“Where in God’s name are you Claire?” 

Jamie was laying on his side watching me. I got up on my knees and gave Frank a look at my bikini, then I twisted landing on Jamie. I turned the camera toward Jamie who smiled and waved. “Frank, meet the Greek God. Greek God, meet…oh never mind.” I wiggled my way into Jamie’s side and he stretched out to give me access to the full length of him. Frank was yelling something about the hotel manager wants to tell me something. I guess I had enough of Frank at that moment. I looked up at Jamie and pulled his mouth down on mine. Within seconds Frank’s voice went away, the surf was silent, the people made no sound, and for the"minute long kiss it was only Jamie and me. I felt his warm hand move up my arm. 

“Sassenach.”

I don’t know if I wanted to do anything with my mouth except kiss Jamie again. Like he read my mind his lips touched mine softly. I just wanted to feel this for ten more seconds and I wrapped my arms around his neck. His kiss turned hungry and his tongue invaded my mouth. God, I felt like a runaway train and clung to him. Then it happened, my brain restarted and I screamed looking at Jamie in horror. I couldn’t wiggle away fast enough and just ran for the waves. I wanted to drown myself for what I had done. I dove into a wave and felt Jamie’s arm pull me up. What else could I do but sob to him how sorry I was. 

“Let me go Jamie!” He refused to unhand me. “Jamie please!”

He bent over so his eyes were level with mine. “I canna because yer talkin a wee bit crazy right now.” He looked really freaked out when I promised not to tell or better yet I’ll tell her about Frank and my impulse…you weren’t ready for it…I surprised you. I gasped and hit him in the arm as hard as I could, “why did you kiss me back?!” I was absolutely shocked. “You're as bad as Frank, you fuck!”

Before I could hit him again he picked me up and spun me into his chest and just held me there while I fought against his iron hold and the waves. After five minutes of fighting for my life, my body had no strength left. I cried and said I was sorry over and over.

“Sassenach! What are ye so sorry for lass?”

“Turning you into a cheater like Frank.” He wouldn’t let me go and I was just spent, so I just cried.”

“Claire, I’ve known ye almost all yer life. I know ye to be sassy but not crazy. For the love of God, what are ye sorry for!” 

“Will you be able to say your vows to Geneva with a clear conscious?”

“Claire, ye must listen very carefully, with all yer heart. I am not to be wed to anyone and I havna been with Geneva for over a year.”

Surely I didn’t hear him correctly. I picked my head up, “what?”

He spun me around so I could see his face and his eyes.

“I dinna have a lass at home and Geneva and I are through forever. Now if I let you go we will go have a talk, aye? On second thought, if its all the same to ye, c’mere ye little brat.” 

He crushed his lips to mine and I dropped back into that void of silence. I felt my arms go around his neck and I felt the kiss all the way to my toes. 

We kissed so many times I lost count and when I would break for air his amazing blue eyes filled my vision. We walked back to our spot and laid in the sand again. He kissed me more and announced it was nap time again. He grabbed my phone and pulled the battery out. 

You need rest mo leannan and I will guard ye. He turned me on my side and laid behind me with one arm over my hip. My mind was like a tornado. I desperately needed to talk to Jenny and this would be weird because it was her brother. 

“Claire, honesty…I have wanted to kiss ye since Flagstaff airport.”

I smiled to myself. “I’ve wanted you to do that since I was sixteen laying close to you in your bed.

“Yer a patient one are ye naught?” 

He rubbed my leg. “I don’t want ye to go home tonight Sassenach. Stay with me and I’ll drive ye right to yer door. Well, ye will be drivin. Ye dinna start school for a month and I want to know ye better.” 

“I decided to stay and drive with you before you kissed me.”

“Yer a good lass arent ye.”

There was considerable energy between us. So much had happened in the last day, no the last hour, and I needed to process the conflicting emotions of heartache over Frank and excitement about Jamie. I wondered if that made me the most shallow person that ever existed. 

All this time Geneva was his fiance, at least in my mind. I wondered how I didn’t know they had broken up. I went back in my mind and remembered I just stopped asking about Jamie. He belonged to someone else and was no longer in my group of friends in Scotland. That’s what I did. I just cut him out rather than feel blue about his relationship with Geneva. When Brian Fraser died last year and Jamie took his place as leader of the company, Jenny would talk about his accomplishments with the business and nothing more. This past eight months she spoke only of Ian it seemed.

What of Frank? Did I have a need to fill the Jamie hole when I got back to the states after graduation? How did I fall so easily and deeply into Frank when he is so obviously the wrong man for me. Frank is ten years older than I am and the only person I have kissed until today. Does he know what a terrible kisser he is, I wondered? How many times have I noticed this weekend how wrong Frank is for me? Even if Jamie and I part forever, I would rather take my chances on what else is out there than be saddled with what looks like a serial cheater and a big zero on the fun scale. History is for people who relish the past and I am not that girl. 

As one breath rolled into another I dropped the archeology path forever. It was like history. Proving the past and how it existed was not the environment for me. Medicine never looks back, always forward. Not proving the dead, but improving the living. Why didn’t I see this before? That’s two wrongs I’ve chucked out of my life this weekend, Frank and archeology. I felt lighter and more progressive already. 

What about Jamie? Oh my God, what a stellar kisser. That is very exciting. I liked sex with Frank because he would focus only on me for a little while. It was really the only time I didn’t have to fight for his attention. Sex was fine, didn’t love it or hate it, but I liked having Frank all over me. I wonder how Jamie makes love. If it’s the way he kisses it’s rough and crazy. Maybe I will like it better with Jamie. What am I thinking? He goes home to Scotland in three days and then it’s another crapshoot when I would see him again. Now I’m feeling sad because I really like Jamie and I think he likes me too. 

I just want more kisses and hope he doesn’t stop if it gets weird. Got to keep it not weird somehow. Maybe I am sleepy after all. 

I took a deep breath and stretched rolling to my back and then remembered where I was. It looked like the afternoon was waning, maybe four o’clock I guessed. I looked at Jamie asleep on his back. He looked peaceful but I’ll bet that sunburn won’t feel good when he wakes up. Poor guy. I can’t even get my fingers through my hair it’s so matted with sand. I should try and scrub some of this out before we go. 

I wandered into the surf and dropped down under the water working the sand out of my hair. I popped up and felt clumps of sand still caught in the coils` so down I went again. This time was much better and I squeezed the water out like a sponge. I should get Jamie up. His stomach looked pretty pink, come to think of it, so does mine. 

Laying next to him in the sand I studied his face for a few minutes before running my hand lightly up his arm. He opened his eyes and stretched. 

“You broke the only rule I have Sassenach, how could you?” He was gigging.

“I just woke up too, and haven’t done anything.”

“Ye went in the water without me, didna ye lass.” He was smiling so big. “So now ye go in again, with me this time.”

He stood and picked me up off the sand but released me quickly moaning about his sunburn. His stomach looked not only amazingly muscular but bright red as well. 

“We need to get you some medicine, but the cold water will help a little too!” I didn’t want him to hurt, it would take away from his fun. So I stood and pulled him to the water and he sighed with relief. We floated and let the waves crash over us. Each in their own thoughts but he never let go of my hand. Later, we walked down the beach while our suits dried and happened to catch the seagulls hunting. They would soar high into the sky and then drop straight down lengthening their body like a missile into the water. Seconds later up they would come flapping back into flight. It was really fun to watch so we climbed a guard tower and sat high off the sand watching them while the sunset behind them. Jamie pulled me in front of him, in between his knees and he played with my hair while we watched. Before we were completely in the dark we headed for the car to resume the trip. 

We exited highway one with great sadness and Jamie jumped on the interstate heading east. We were both quiet, maybe feeling the same loss of our time in California. I watched the highway come into the headlights for about an hour and wondered if there was a better way to get to the other side of the country. This type of driving would just be depressing. I wondered why Jamie was so quiet. I hoped he wasn’t regretting the kissing. Please don’t regret that Jamie.


	6. Chapter 6

We had been driving for two hours, heading east, away from a crazy forty-eight hours between San Francisco and San Diego. So much had happened in that short time but all I can think about is Jaime’s kiss.

“Sassenach, find us somethin to listen to, aye?”

I flipped through the CD’s and chose a mix of the masters. I felt the music pulling me under where I would soon close my eyes and see snapshots of the wonderful times the music reminded me of. More of the past, I thought. We could both stay in our heads for the next three days, or maybe we could make new snapshots of a glorious trip across America. I wondered if I should bring up the possibility. After an hour of grey highway in the headlights, I threw caution to the wind.

“I’m thinking this highway might make me homicidal after a few more hours. I know we are stopping in Palm Desert for the night, but what about the next few days?” Jaime grabbed my hand.

“Are ye so anxious to be done with me Sassenach?”

“Kind of the opposite actually. What if we drove from one awesome place to another making our way east rather than shoot down these gray highways where there’s nothing to see?” It was a bold move to be sure and I felt it was too much suddenly and tried to back out of the idea. “On second thought, we need to get back probably.” 

“I have a new rule Sassenach. No second thoughts for the next three days, or however long it takes us to Boston!” He shot up the exit ramp in Palm Desert and stopped at a full-service truck stop. 

We came back to the car with an arm full of maps, one for almost every state. Jaime was back to being exuberant and joyful. He danced me along the wall of maps in a pseudo tango and I couldn’t catch my breath because I was laughing so hard. 

“Let’s make a plan over and after dinner Sassenach. We can look at each state and decide where to go.” He headed for the hotel and the energy had completely changed in the car. “Yer a smart lass Sassenach.”

Neither of us wanted to sit through a restaurant dinner so we grabbed fast food and checked into the hotel. Jaime handed me a key card and asked if I wanted my room or his for planning the big adventure. 

I picked his because my mind was careening in a different direction. Separate rooms? Why? I wondered We had been joined at the hip for so long I didn’t like the idea of separate rooms. I wanted to ask him but the new energy was too good to threaten with questions like that. He’s not your boyfriend you idiot. He kissed you a few times and that is all. Get your head back where it belongs. Shit!

We sipped one of the Whisky’s Jaime bought at the convention, ate burgers and spread the maps all over the bed. Jaime would call out places to see in each state in our route across the country. We had a great list in a short time and the whisky was having its way with my eyelids. I was kneeling on the floor bend over the bed looking at my list and the maps when it got too hard to stay awake. I put my head on the bed and struggled to keep my eyes open, and then I didn’t.

I felt Jaime pick me up and lay me in his bed. He pulled my shoes off and turned off the bright lights leaving only the bathroom light on. I looked up at him sitting next to me with the sweetest smile. 

“I’ll wake up in a minute Jaime, let's keep going.”

“Can I kiss ye good night Claire?” 

I turned my head toward him as his lips pressed to mine so softly. I felt my arms go around his neck and the kiss continued getting playful, then serious, then hungry. My heart was racing and I pulled him to me. He broke the kiss and looked down at me rather seriously I thought.

“I’m gonna miss ye when I leave Sassenach. Let’s start early, aye? Get to our first stop and see as much as we can tomorrow.” 

My head was muddled from fatigue and I just stared at his handsome face and nodded. He kissed my forehead and said sweet dreams on his way out. I knew I had two choices, let the emptiness of this bed remind me of my Frankless life, or look forward to tomorrow adventuring with Jaime. I chose the latter and let my eyes close to my dreams. 

The ringing phone pulled me from sleep and I reached for my phone and clicked it on to silence. What? I looked for the ringing and picked up the room phone next to the bed, “Hello?”

“I have somethin important to say to ye Sassenach. It’s time to go!”

I laughed at Jaime’s excited voice on the phone and looked for a clock. Six in the morning, an early riser apparently. “Yes, definitely, I just need to run through some water. Food?”

“There is a breakfast bar that has all the favorites. I’ll be there waitin for ye but take all the time ye need and hurry!” I hung up laughing and made my way to the shower. 

When I saw Jaime sitting at a table, drinking coffee, talking on his phone my heart almost got stuck in my throat. My God, look at this specimen of a man, and I get to look at him all day long. I poured coffee and yogurt and sat down to eat and wake up. When Jaime clicked off his call he stood up and kissed me with his hand on my cheek. 

“Mmm, that yogurt tastes good Sassenach.” His smile was full of fun this morning and I was loving it. “I had a thought Sassenach. The clothes ye wear on a dig in the Grand Canyon may not be your comfort clothes for long rides in the car. What do we need to get ye to be comfortable?”

“I need two sundresses actually.”

“A lady who knows what she needs. Always a good sign lass. Before we head north, let's find some, aye?”

“Aye,” I said laughing. 

I reached for my buzzing phone and saw Jenny’s name. “Just the girl I wanted to say hi to this morning.”

Jaime watched Claire’s face light up talking to his sister and knew Jenny had the same expression. He would leave them to their girl talk and motioned to Claire to stay put while he checked out.  
“Claire, is my brother right there with ye?”

“No.”

“Ian asked me to marry him last night… and I said yes!!” Jenny was speed talking about every detail of Ian’s surprise and I could do little except listen. I felt her joy and felt happy for her. Very happy.

Once I heard all the details I wondered when she would tell Jaime and felt an uncomfortable having to keep anything this big from Jaime. “Jenny, when are you going to tell Jaime?”

“No worries sister, Ian is calling him right now. I knew it would be weird havin to keep it from him. Are ye two speaking to each other yet?”

“Yes, of course, what?”

“Well, last I heard ye had just told him about Ian and me and had to figure out a way to stay on the road with him. He’s being decent with ye, right lass.”

“Of course, a perfect gentleman, funny, adventurous. We’re having a really good time. I don’t think we will make it back to Boston in three days though. We decided to take some sightseeing trips along the way. I’m excited.” 

“Well, it's a good thing I’m stuck on me at the moment or I’d be given ye the third degree. Where is Jaime?”

I looked up and saw Jaime coming toward me with a gigantic smile on his face. I exhaled in relief. “He’s here now and looks happy.”

Jenny almost split my eardrum with a shriek. I was completely pulled into her happiness and told her so. We talked for another five minutes and I clicked off. 

‘Well, big news about my sister and best friend.” He looked at me with a lopsided grin. “Now I don’t have to lay a hand on him, aye? He’s gonna be a brother in law!” 

He looked at me for a full minute, until I felt uncomfortable. “It’s time to put sparkles in those amazing eyes Sassenach. Are ye ready?”

When I stood up he wrapped an arm around my waist for a quick kiss. Then he grabbed my hand and walked us back to the car. God, it was hot. I don’t think I’ve ever felt heat like this and gratefully started the engine and turned up the air conditioner. Jaime spoke into the navigation and I followed the turns to a boutique dress shop in town. We separated so Jaime could find a new charger for his laptop and I entered the shop feeling like a coal miner with my torn jeans and boots. Unexpectedly the saleswoman was most helpful and I had armfuls of casual sundresses to try on in minutes. 

I chose four dresses that promised a loose fit and comfort for the hours of driving ahead. The woman at the desk handed me a bag with my dresses and wished me a happy day.

“I haven’t paid for them yet.”

“Oh, the gentleman called ahead and gave his credit card in case you found what you needed.”

I stumbled out of the store and saw Jaime leaning against the car smiling at me. I hugged him and enjoyed a long sweet kiss before dashing into the car and the air conditioning. It felt like my whole body was sweating, even my calves.

“Why not wear one of them now? You Boston lasses are no prepared for Arizona heat. Come.”

He brought me back into the store and the woman was only too happy to show me the dressing room again. I pealed my hot jeans off and my shirt and felt instantly cooler as I slipped a fun, light, sundress over my head. I pushed the pins deeper into my hair and we left. 

That first day we drove through the most beautiful landscape of the southwest. Monument Valley was absolutely stunning and we ate a picnic lunch looking at the huge mountains and mesa’s that covered the valley. I told Jaime about all the John Wayne movies that were made right here where we sat. He was enthralled and animated about the movies he had seen. 

Back in the car, Jaime worked for a couple of hours. The music was beautiful and I loved driving this high-end car. Every once in a while Jaime would caress my knee and lower leg while he worked and other times he would explain what he was working on and answer my questions like a professor. I found the process of making whisky to be fascinating. 

We stopped to look at the Meteor Crater and the petrified forest and marveled at how the wood had turned to glass. Heading toward Colorado and thankfully cooler temperatures we stopped about every three or four hours to see the next sight on our list, stretch our legs, and kiss. We found a hotel at eight o’clock in the evening, exhausted, and hungry. Jaime could not handle another burger so we found a quiet restaurant where we could celebrate a fabulous day and sip whisky while we talked. 

“Why did you always seem so annoyed when we were growing up Jaime? Maybe not annoyed but always looking down like you would rather be anywhere but where you were.”

“Well, I felt the pressure on me ken? So afraid I might see somethin better than makin whisky with da and be miserable the rest of my life. So, I didna look.”

“You felt that much pressure when you were, what, fifteen or sixteen?”

“Aye.”

“That is remarkable. But maybe I’ve never considered expectations of an entire career. Jaime, I can’t imagine it.” 

“That’s why I didna look.” He had a slight smile and a gleam in his eye. “I’m so thankful I learned to love makin whisky. Even more so when I went to University to study chemistry. That’s what hooked me. Deep down. I found a passion to run the long years of my life and every year starts the creative process anew. It’s verra exciting Sassenach.”

I watched him and felt his excitement seep into me. His blue eyes sparkled and flashed shades of blue not seen before. I wanted them to flash like that for me. What? I shook my head and smiled in a weird way hoping Jaime didn’t catch my longing gaze. I’m an idiot, an interloper in their amazing family. My head filled with the sad lyrics of ‘Someone like you’. I could hear the sultry voice of Adele sing it with such emotion. I noticed that Jaime had stopped talking and I know I blushed fiercely because my cheeks were blazing. I looked at my lap and suddenly wanted to leave. 

“I wore my Sassenach out today, aye?” Let’s get checked in so ye can relax and do what ye want with the precious time left of our day.” 

Jaime walked me to the car with his arm around my waist and closed the door after me. He drove to the hotel and held my hand. I was loving the intimacy between us and decided not to put a label on it. If I was going to lose my heart to Jaime Fraser it was too late to stop now. That I knew. 

He opened my hotel room door and put my backpack down before he hugged me. “Did ye see that pool Sassenach? It’s beautiful. I’m gonna swim and cool off before bed if ye care to join me.” 

Before I could speak he kissed the breath out of me, and then he was gone. I dove into my pack looking for my other suit and was heading for the pool in less than three minutes. I couldn’t wait to sink into the cool water. God, what awesome relief, I thought as I slowly drift up to the surface. The water was refreshing and I finally felt cooler. I pulled the pins from my hair and swam the length of the pool along the bottom. Alone with my thoughts, I found not a speck wrong with the world. It was more perfect than I had ever known it to be. 

Jaime watched from his window, a cold glass of whisky tipping to his lips he saw every move she made. Her long thin body floated on the water before diving to the bottom and finding the other side of the pool. So graceful, he thought, happy in her oneness with the water and her vibrant youth. This trip was endless hours of extreme attraction that was not his to act on. Every time she opened her mouth he liked her more. He had the highest respect for this girl, this orphan, who emerged a beauty with a pure heart and a sound mind that put women like Geneva to shame and she had no clue how special she was. He watched her stretch and swim laps, flipping at the end of the pool and pushing off. Every move she made had a purpose. His thoughts turned to circling her tiny waist with his arm and letting his hand reach into her hair pulling her head back, mouth open, ready to…”Ah, dia!”

Jaime slammed the glass down on the table and left the room. He dove into the deep end where Claire was and wrapped his arms around her pulling her to the surface and kissing her breathless. He released her abruptly and dropped into the depths leaving Claire confused and disoriented.

I was feeling a strong attraction to a man who seemed not to know what to do with me. It was getting confusing and I wasn’t in the mood for it tonight. Being this close to him all day, his random kisses that made my knees weak, and bouts where he would lock himself inside for hours and then rub my knee. I was exhausted. From him, from the heat, from knowing we would soon be parted. My voice of reason had always been Jenny but this time I was on my own and out of my league. I climbed out of the pool and held my fluffy towel to me. When Jaime surfaced I said goodnight and headed quickly to my room and a bath. Boston seemed so far away tonight and endless miles would be made with this amazing man before I ever get there. I don’t know what is worse, spending two more days with Jaime, or not spending two more days with Jaime. I am a mess. 

When the door slammed shut behind me I started to feel better. For now anyway the confusion and wanting would stop for a blissful six or seven hours. 

Jaime sat on a lounge chair and considered what he was doing to Claire. She was so young and he was confusing her. He knew she had a raging crush and he felt awful for exploiting her. Is that what he was doing? It was just sweet kisses that he couldn’t get enough of. The hours that passed in the car were nothing short of a struggle to keep his hands to himself. What did he want? A quick and heated release with her supple body wrapped around him? Then what? Separate continents do not make for a successful relationship. God, he was getting twisted about this girl. 

By three o'clock in the morning, Jaime gave up trying to figure out what to do and went to bed. After all that thinking he only knew one thing, he didn’t want to hurt her and he wondered if it was too late. He was still thinking at six in the morning and feeling more miserable than before. He considered putting her on a plane back to Boston today. His normal iron will completely failed him knowing he would miss her the second she was gone. He would go home and hear about little details of her life without him, like her next epic love, her marriage, maybe her children. She still came to Lallybroch every year for Hogmanay, how could he not scoop her up in a hug he had been missing for months. He was screwed and he knew it now. It wasn’t Claire’s crush he should worry about, it was his own. 

Jaime emerged from his shower dripping and heard the room phone ringing. “Hello?”

“Where are you? You must come to the front of the hotel, right now! Hurry!” She clicked off and Jaime felt his heart pounding in his chest. He pulled his clothes on and ran to the entrance of the hotel. He could see Claire smiling wide ready to burst with excitement by the looks of her. When he stepped outside he looked at huge and colorful hot air balloons tethered and ready to launch. The street was closed and as far as the eye could see were balloons preparing for take off. They were so close he could hear the blast of the fire inflating the balloon, then the one closest to them silently lifted into the sky. One by one the balloons dropped their tether and lifted up. He counted thirty balloons filled the sky drifting away from each other in silence. It was amazing and Claire was holding his arm smiling from ear to ear. 

“Oh, my God, they are huge and beautiful!” She was looking up at the sky with an uninhibited love for life pouring out of her. Her hair was down and one of her new dresses hugged her frame like a second skin. His eyes traveled down her shapely body to her lace-up boots and he wondered if he had ever seen a woman so comfortable in her clothes or even her own skin. 

“Wasn’t that fabulous?” she exhaled a long breath and pulled him into the breakfast room. “You must be starving!”

Jaime laughed and agreed he was starving but he left his suitcase in the room and needed to fetch it before the maid came. “I’ll be right back Sassenach. Have some Yogurt and figure out where we point the car to today.”

Jaime sat on the bed and looked at his phone, it was time to call in reinforcements. 

“How are ye brother?”

“Congratulations on yer engagement Jenny.”

“Really, that’s the best ye can do? Ye ken this is a once in a lifetime occurrence?” She heard Jaime exhale like it was his last breath. She waited. 

“I’ve made a mess of things Jen and I don’t know what to do.”

“Would this be my best friend Claire ye’ve messed up because so help me God I will…”

“I’m sorry I called like this Jenny. Everything is fine, I’m just tired. I need to get back home.”

“Whatever is goin on, what’s the worse that can happen if ye stop thinkin sae much?” 

“Too much can happen, or maybe it already has. Maybe I just made a mess of her and me.”

“Claire has a brain, and a good one. Ye think she doesna ken yer leavin in a couple days? Stop thinkin for her and share what yer feelin. Maybe ye will find the solution together. I bet ye didna think of that did ye.”

“I love ye Jenny.”

“Mm-hmm, have a wee bit more enthusiasm next time you talk about my upcomin nuptials. Jaime, she’ll be here for Hogmanay. Four months to figure out how ye feel about each other. Sometimes its a gift, the distance. Yer missin the bright side sae worit about the dark.”


	7. Chapter 7

Jaime picked at his food and slammed coffee, announcing he was ready to push on. When they snapped their belts Claire watched the road waiting to merge into traffic. Jaime looked at her coils of hair falling down her back and thought he saw the barest hint of an unbound breast when she twisted to look over her shoulder. She smelled like heaven and her face was still pink from the sun showing freckles across the bridge of her nose. He surrendered. At that moment he knew he lost the war of control over his emotions and need for her. He looked at their list and told himself to wait for some peaceful place to talk. 

I was grateful for the balloons this morning. They broke the ice between Jaime and me making it easier to press on. Sometime today I had to tell him it was time for me to leave him and go back to Boston. He must know I am falling in love with him and he continues to tease me with kisses and touching. It is doing me in to think I’m something for him to play with during the boring trip across the country. He has no feelings and that is something I can leave and I will be better for it. I’ll tell him to drop me at the Boulder airport and keep going. He’ll be alright. Maybe I should tell him I deceived him and he can pick up a flight back to Scotland anytime he wants. I can skip Hogmanay this year and next year we can greet each other like old friends again. He will. I don’t think I can ever see him that way again. 

I heard, that you’re settled down  
That you found a girl and you’re married now.

I heard, that your dreams came true  
I guess she gave you things  
I didn’t give to you

Old friend, why are you so shy  
Ain’t like you to hold back  
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited but I  
Couldn’t stay away I couldn’t fight it  
I hoped you’d see my face  
And that you be reminded that for me it isn’t over

Never mind I’ll find someone like you  
I wish nothing but the best for you too  
Don’t forget me I beg  
I’ll remember you said  
Sometimes it lasts in love  
But sometimes it hurts instead

“Can you listen to music while you work Jaime? The silence is getting to me.”

“What would ye like Sassenach?”

“You pick. As long as there’s a melody.” 

We drove higher into Colorado and the landscape changed to dark green forests and the looming Rocky Mountains. Any other day it would take my breath away. Now, it just brought me closer to Boulder and the beginning of the heartache. I was sorry this happened, so sorry I had made a mess of something fun. The memories I wanted to make would only bring me pain in the future. I would have been so much safer to remain at the dig. I wish I had. 

Jaime watched Claire wrestle with her emotions as long as he could stand. It was time to get this out in the open, come what may. “Sassenach, let’s stop for an early lunch, I’m starvin. Something outside would be great so we can gaze at that mountain range while we talk a bit.”

We pulled into a quaint sidewalk cafe and I was happy to stretch my legs a bit. Now I would sit across from a face that would surely haunt my dreams for months, if not years. I put it on a scale of the most terrifying times of my life. Losing my parents, losing Lamb, being shipped off to an unknown boarding school. Why did this feel so much worse? It was time.

“Jaime, I’ve been thinking about the rest of the trip and maybe …” He grabbed my hand and his eyes were begging me not to continue so I stopped feeling wretched. 

“From the moment I saw ye in Flagstaff ye’ve been a fascination to me Claire. At first, I was so impressed with how ye grew up. Your independence, your mind so sure of where ye where goin, and all on yer own. I was bowled over by ye lass. But, it didn’t stop there and my interest grew so quickly. I listened to ye breathe the first night in the hotel. In and out, deep in sleep. It was a comfort to me to know ye’d wake and spend yer day with me. I saw so many sides of Claire Beauchamp in two days. The student straight from a dig in the Grand Canyon, that dress and the way you wore it for the tastin, the way you danced and teased me in the corridor. Walking with ye in the middle of the night. I confess I wasn’t cold. I just wanted to feel yer arms around me. When ye fell apart at the beach, so brave tryin to hide it from me and yer honesty about Frank. When ye kissed me on the beach it was like someone tore out my brake and I was racing down the track out of control. It’s just gotten worse since then. 

“Worse?”

“I canna hold back from ye lass and it’s tearin me apart. I have to go back to Scotland and I dinna want to hurt ye but damn if I can go backward now and see ye as just a friend. I’m scared Sassenach, of my heart breakin when I feel the plane lift off the runway and away from ye lass. All I want to do is hold ye for every second we have left.”

“I..I, Boulder is close so I. I think.” I looked at Jaime helplessly and did what I wanted at that moment. I launched myself at him hoping he would catch me. He did and his kiss sent electricity coursing through my veins lighting up every part of me. 

“Ye were gonna tell me ye were flyin home today were ye naught?

Jaime stroked my cheek and watched me with his fierce eyes. He told me he thought about the same thing.

“Sassenach, how much worse could it get? Maybe we dinna think so much and just have fun, aye?

“Yes, it's a plan laddie.”

We stopped at two more sights in the afternoon and Jaime got needier as the afternoon progressed. I noticed his hand would caress the top part of my knee now and he told me to pull over twice only to slide across the seat and kiss me deeply. It was fun and exciting and I was getting heated at where his hands were going. 

At six o’clock in the evening, we decided to call it a day for sightseeing and rolled into a hotel for the night. I had raced to a ladies room as he checked because my bladder was about to burst. When I came out Jaime reached for my hand. He opened my room and wrapped himself around me when the door slammed. His kisses were deep and hungry and I was losing my way. He gently pushed me back and suggested we meet in an hour for dinner. He turned to leave and I caught his hand. Whatever he did after the kissing I wanted to feel. 

Jaime was heading toward the door when he felt her hand stop him. He looked at Claire’s eyes and felt the floor drop away. They were smoldering... He watched her chest strain with heavy breathing. 

“Don’t go.”

He would consume her, he knew it. He would taste her youth and innocence and devour her. He was helpless to stop himself as he turned back towards her and hugged her to him. “If ye knew how bad I want ye lass, ye might be runnin for the hills. Claire, I’m out of control and I canna start somethin in that frame of mind, ken? Please try to understand me. I want all of ye and I feel protective about ye, so I am at war with myself and it’s confusing me.” He exhaled a ragged breath.

I saw his misery and I was sure I would interpret it wrong so I didn’t try. “I understand and it’s okay. Let’s go have dinner and talk about where we stop tomorrow. Okay?”

“Thank you Claire. One hour.”

Jaime kissed me softly and left my room. My head was spinning because I didn’t know what he was waiting for. If he still had the ability to walk away from me unchanged then we were not on the same plane of existence and the heartbreak would be all mine. I stumbled to the shower.

I wore my hair down and chose one of the two dresses I had left. It was my favorite. A short, white dress that was so soft, held up by tea straps and not a zipper or button anywhere. I brushed on one layer of mascara, some powder, and nude lipstick. Ready. 

Jaime could never determine what he noticed first when Claire opened the door to him. Was it the amazing smell, her exotic amber eyes, the coils of hair around her face, or maybe it was her smile. There she was with all these very special attributes and his for the taking. My little dream girl, he thought, one boyfriend so far and one cheater’s betrayal. He was hell bent on not making it two for two. He decided in his hour away that kissing would be the end of it. Time apart would tell him if he was falling in love or just hormonally confused. She turned her back on him to grab her purse and Jaime felt weak watching her little dress hug her round ass. 

“Are ye hungry Sassenach? There is an Italian place that is highly recommended by the front desk.”

I was starving and Italian made my mouth water just thinking about it. Jaime seemed a bit keyed up and I hoped a couple of whiskeys would bring back the carefree goofy guy he had been through much of this trip. I hugged him tight around his waist and smiled up at him, “I am starving!”

We went over our stops for the next day and I was getting excited about seeing the historical places of America’s first government. We sipped whisky and tried to reduce the stops to something manageable. I leaned forward so we could both see the list and noticed Jaime got very quiet. When I looked up he was staring down the front of my dress. I sat down hard…” sorry.”

A second whisky and our food came. The first bite to the last I was in culinary heaven, dipping bread in the sauces and offering Jaime a taste of this amazing meal. When I could tear my gaze away from my plate I would catch the strangest looks from Jaime. “How do I put the boyish smile back on that handsome face?”

“I am fed, buzzed, and happy Sassenach. Around the corner, there’s a jazz lounge. We could listen to music for a while.”

I decided that was perfect and when we stepped outside I refreshed my lipstick as we strolled toward the club.

“Sassenach do ye have a tissue in yer wee purse? Take it off.” He pushed me into an ally between buildings and I barely the got the lipstick off before his mouth crushed me. The kiss lasted for several minutes and I clung to him while his tongue danced in my mouth. I was panting for air and noticed he was holding me up for some reason. I looked up and tried to smile as we pushed into the lounge.

“Two Drambuie over crushed ice please.” He smiled at me. This drink is made from Scotch whisky and heather honey. It’s delicious.” 

As he explained the production of Drambuie he pulled my chair around so we were both facing the stage and sitting very close together. The liquor was very sweet and cold with a warm soft buzz that I loved. I sat back with my drink and watched the musicians while Jaime played with my knee cap. After an hour of beautiful music, Jaime pulled me to the dance floor where we swayed very close together. He kissed my shoulder and playfully pushed a tea strap off and then put it back. I felt sensuous and warm as I leaned against him floating on the music. I put my nose to his neck and his smell heightened my arousal. God, he smelled good. 

“I think we should go Sassenach.” he grabbed my hand, threw money on the table and out into the night we went. It was a cool evening and I wanted to walk but Jaime steered us to the car asking forgiveness for begging off tonight. 

Jaime looked at the dreamy lass enjoying the soft intoxication and her arousal. When she stuck her nose in his neck he almost lost it. She is so unguarded he thought. Complete trust and happiness in her own reality tonight letting all her sparkling feelings play across her face. She was so special and he was immensely happy to know her this way. He now had a prototype of the perfect woman and never again would he wonder what he was looking for in a partner. She would be like Claire. 

Claire hugged Jaime around the waist as tight as she could. “I had the best time tonight. Thank you so much.” He looked down at her smiling face as the room card slid into the slot. He might have made it to a cold shower if he hadn’t looked that last time. He pushed the door open and shoved the protector Jaime back out into the hall and slammed the door. Claire had her back to him humming and swaying with her own music she twirled and her smile turned into a gasp. 

“Jesus Jaime, I thought you left. Good way to make my heart stop.” She giggled.

I can read her face, he thought, she has no idea she is bein stalked, no idea I’m gonna ravish her and that makes it even more delicious. 

I expected Jaime to grab whatever he left and vaporize to his own room. I felt him behind me as his arms circled my waist. He dropped his head to my ear, “I’m sorry lass.”

My heart was pounding, “why, what heinous crime have you committed now?” 

“Arms out to the sides lass. That’s a good girl.”

Jaime’s intensity was making me shake with anticipation. My back was against his chest and he softly pulled my arms up and around his neck, This position pulled my rib cage open and my breasts were pushed out as his hands made their ascent. He pushed into the swell of my breast and made me gasp. 

“Dinna move mo chridhe. I’ll have every inch of ye before I’m through tonight.”He threw his room key on the table. As he pushed the straps off my shoulders, “that’s yer way to safety, to sanity, if it’s not what ye want then take the key and run.” 

He was breathing heavy in my ear as he pushed my dress below my naked breasts. He cupped them both and kneaded them before pinching my nipples making me pant for air. He pulled me backward and turned me to him as he sat on the bed. I looked at the key on the table and pulled Jaime’s face to my breasts. It was heaven. So long anticipated and hoped for now here he was loving me. He reached behind me and pulled a chair around pushing me into it and reaching for my boot. He slowly pulled the knot of the laces and then pulled them free of the eyelets so slowly. He was looking at my thigh under my dress and that simple stare made me wiggle in my chair. He was so intense making a declaration with every movement and gaze. When he reached for my other boot I wasn’t sure I could hold off from lunging at him. I put my hands over my head, bent elbows resting my forearms on top of my head. Jaime pulled the second boot off and looked at me making no effort to hide his lustful gaze. He pulled me up to straddle him and I unbuttoned his shirt as fast as I could. He held my hands behind my back and kissed me deeply pulling my mind into him and making me moan. 

“What's yer hurry lass? Remember I said I’ll have every inch of ye before we’re through here tonight.” He pushed Claire’s dress off her hips and let it fall to the floor. “Christ Almighty yer beautiful. Perfect ye are.” He pulled his shirt off and pulled Claire back on his lap holding her against him chest to chest. He twisted his upper body and gently laid her on the bed then slid up next to her. 

“Sassenach. It is my duty to inform ye that ye are very special to me and special to the world.” He kissed me deeply, “ye have eyes, how do ye no ken that?” Jaime could see I was completely under his spell. So sensual and compliant. He looked down at her curves and tiny white lace thong. He slipped his finger under the lace and felt her soft skin inviting him. My mouth was open breathing hard. “Can I touch ye here mo ghradh?” I nodded. 

“Please Jaime, I am feeling out of control and shaky. I’m ready.” 

Jaime looked down like I was speaking Greek. “Ready for what Sassenach?” His feather-light touch continued to touch my most private places and pull gasps out of me. “We have barely begun my lovely. I want somethin from ye and I’ll watch your face while ye give it to me.” 

I felt myself panting and ready to explode from Jaime soft touch. I heard him talking and building my need and then his finger pushed into me and his mouth kissed me deeply. I knew I was moaning but couldn’t stop. I pressed my hips toward him and panted when he released my mouth. 

“Ah, that’s a good lass, I can feel ye comin around my fingers and it’s making me crazy.”

I felt my orgasm and was startled by it until Jaime pulled my conscious mind back into the sea of sensation where time and place didn’t exist. I tumbled into pulsing release and felt Jaime’s strong arms and hands holding me. I had done this to myself at times but it was never like this and the waves of euphoria slowly dissipated leaving me spent, like jello. 

“Yer the most gorgeous creature. So willing, pliant in my arms Claire. I know ye want me because yer drippin with it. Tell me ye want me Sassenach.” He watched her pry her eyes open and try to speak. She was still not fully back to earth but she tried to reach his jeans and get him out of them. Her hands shook but she was coming back to her senses. Jaime was quick to stop that from happening. He twisted the buttons on his jeans and slid out of them in seconds. He pulled Claire’s hand around to his buttock and felt her caress him while she moaned under his kiss. Lowering himself he pulled one of her legs over his shoulder while he sucked her breast and then kissed her inner thigh from his shoulder to her core. “Do ye like this Claire?” He ran a soft finger into her fold and heard her gasp. Her whole body shook, her eyes were closed, and she waited for him to thrust into her until he came. That was her normal. Her comfort zone. He had seen this before when women would almost shut down waiting for the inevitable pushing and grunting that signaled it was over. 

“My sweet Sassenach.” He held her cheek until she looked at him. If ye never allowed yerself to dive into a huge crashing wave like ye did at the beach, do ye think ye would ever know the joy of swimming in the ocean?” 

I shook my head watching his beautiful eyes, thinking I would walk to the front desk and shoot the man behind the counter if he asked me to.

Ye have yer feet wet. I want ye to dive in my ocean lass. I will help ye, but it’s far from over mo chridhe.” 

He pushed himself up to my mouth and kissed me slowly barely pulling away I felt myself chasing his mouth and he teased with his tongue and gripped my nipples rocking me to the core. “Do ye wonder what I taste like Sassenach? I whispered “yes” while I stared at his mouth above mine. I held his cheek and lifted my head to run my tongue along his lower lip. “So soft.”

“Do it again lass.” 

When my tongue came out to touch his lip he touched my heat and opened his mouth capturing my tongue and groaning. He was coming undone with his need for her and knew she was close to another orgasm. 

I thought Jaime must be like a Zen master that he could make love this way. I stopped trying to control the sex and relaxed into Jaime’s capable hands. I watched his eyes because I could see into his soul it seemed. He was very unguarded while our bodies were touching and I wanted him that way forever.

“Can I touch you Jaime?” He guided my hand to him and I wrapped around his hard cock feeling the heat. I lightly moved my hand up and caressed the tip watching Jaime gasp and breathe deeply. He pulled my hand away blushing. “Sorry love, I won’t last with yer wee hand touchin me like that. He pushed himself up to look into my eyes. “I want ye to come again Claire and when I kiss ye please just let it go. I have a need to pound into ye. He kissed me and spoke into my lips making me wiggle under him. It’s gonna be fierce, and I’ll touch ye deep in places no one has gone before, and ye will let me and pull me into ye.” 

I was losing my mind wanting to feel what he promised, shaking with need. When he shifted his weight I expected to feel him push into me. His warm wet tongue touched my heat and I nearly fainted. It was such an exquisite and intense feeling. He pushed my legs open and I was thrown into the pulsing wave that carried me off. Still spinning in my pulsing pussy Jaime pushed into me, just a bit. I struggled to come back and open my eyes, not wanting to miss any of this.

“Open yer eyes Sassenach. I looked at his fierce blue eyes that were very focused now and growling it seemed. 

“Are ye alright lass?” I am gonna lose control when I take ye beautiful body. Ye need to stop me now if ye dinna want me. He pushed a little deeper. He was huge and I felt myself opening to him. 

My body acted quite without my control when my hands grabbed his buttocks and pushed him into me. I gasped and lifted my knees to his sides as he eased out I begged him and pulled him back. I couldn’t look away from his eyes. They were hungry and smoldering. “I’m comin for ye lass..” His large hands gripped my backside holding me in place while he pounded into me. He crushed my mouth and our stomachs slapped with the movement. 

“Open yer legs lass, let me in.”

I pressed my legs farther apart as he slammed into my cervix and stopped. He held me tightly and I felt him pulse inside me and his body shook. He dropped his forehead to my shoulder panting. In that very moment, I fell in love so hard it felt like I morphed into a different person. Jaime rolled to his side and held my face in his hands trying to normalize his breathing.

“You are an amazing girl Claire. What ye just did was a beautiful experience for me.” He kissed my forehead, “thank ye for trusting me and letting me lead ye. So willing and innocent ye are, it’s a beautiful thing to have that experience. 

I watched his eyes sparkle with his earnest expressions. I did not have a clue what he was talking about but felt giddy happy and so sleepy. 

Jaime pushed the hair off my face and chuckled at my attempts to keep my eyes open. He reached up and turned off the light. “Come here brat, I’ll need to touch ye all night I’m afraid. He pulled me to him and wrapped himself around me and my God it felt good.


	8. Chapter 8

As dawn broke on a new day, Jaime opened his eyes with a full heart and a strong desire for more of the Sassenach. His face lit up with a smile that was witnessed only by a sleeping Claire. It wasn’t that he did not know his heart, but his sexual interest had at times felt like the most epic love was starting when it wasn’t. He didn’t like that part of himself and in the aftermath of last night, he was relieved his interest in this amazing girl had grown. 

He was filled with happiness and excited about his new freedom with Claire. No more pushing back on every impulse to touch her, kiss her, or speak his truth. He wanted to celebrate and show Claire the ways of love that would fill a diary. For now, he would creep to get some coffee and call the office. 

Jaime hired good people to replace those that left with the old guard. His team was young, very skilled and very devoted to him. He firmed up what was coming in the next week and delegated everything. He circled a date in his planner. The day he had to be at work to do what no one else could. He had five days. It wasn’t enough but it was better than two. 

I opened my eyes to the morning light pushing past the drawn blinds and curtains. Jaime was gone and I stretched noticing body parts that felt different after last night. It was deliciously evident I had the best sex of my life last night and I smiled into another stretch and headed for the shower. 

I leaned back and rinsed the shampoo out of my hair feeling big hands pull me away from the water to kiss me soundly. When Jaime smiled it was like looking at the sun. 

His big soapy hands pulled me to him and he spread the soap over me and sucked my neck. He gripped my hair pulling my head back looking me over and making my legs wobble a bit. “How is the train fearin lassie today?” 

All I could do is smile at him, like an idiot, while I screamed at my brain to boot the fuck up!

“Ah,” he smiled knowingly, “did the lass like what I did to her last night?” He pulled me against him and nuzzled my ear, “the wee one is mute this morning, so I’ll take that as a yes.” He kissed me softly and looked at me exhaling. “If ye ever stop takin my breath away it gets much better.”

I suppose my face was incredulous because he hugged me and laughed. I jumped out while I could. It felt like I was losing my ability to have a rational thought. My nerves were on edge as I pulled a comb through my hair and sat down on the bed to put lotion on my legs. I had so much happiness inside me but somehow felt like a deer in the headlights, startled and frozen. I watched Jaime move around the room in his towel and the feeling gripped me harder. 

Jaime was excited to tell Claire his idea for the rest of the week. She was working lotion into her hands when he came out of the bathroom to grab a razor. “I have a proposition for ye Sassenach. Just need one minute to shave.” His eyes lingered on her short robe open an inch as she moved through her morning routine. When he came back out to share his idea he watched Claire pour lotion into her palm and rub her hands together. Like she did five minutes ago. He narrowed his eyes at her and wondered what had her so distracted.

I looked up at Jaime, excited to hear his proposition but his face was in concentration, his eyes were almost slits as he regarded me. He moved toward me slowly, gazing into my robe, and I felt the instant jolt of arousal. 

“Ye know Sassenach, there is only one thing more irresistible than a naked woman.” He walked toward me like a panther sizing up his next meal and I found it harder to breathe. I grabbed my lotion bottle and his hand stopped me. “Ye dinna need a third coat on those pretty hands Sassenach. I’m thinkin yer mind is somewhere else at the moment. Ye forgot ye just put lotion on yer hands…twice.” He sat down slowly looking me over. I expected him to lick his lips at any moment. 

“What is better then…ah, naked?”

“Almost naked, mo chridhe,” he whispered. “It’s the mystery, the allure, and the tease, that makes men weak.” 

He ran his hand up my thigh and then lightly pushed me back on the bed sliding up next to me. He described my short robe being slightly open and caressed the places he said he could see and the places he wanted to see. His rich deep voice filled my ears as his hands exposed the parts of my body he was keen on at the moment. 

Jaime was starving for her and lingered on her full lips, kissing, biting, taunting. He chewed his way from her chin to her breast hearing gasps from her that lit his loins on fire. He kissed down her stomach and pressed a dozen kissed between her legs. Hearing her call his name he held her face and looked in her eyes. They were asking for something, that was clear. “What is it lass?”

“I want you in me for as long as possible Jaime because that’s when I feel closest to you. Can we, will you, I think I might die if you don’t.” 

Immediate penetration sounded like heaven to Jaime but it wasn’t his usual first move. He looked down at Claire’s pleading eyes and centered himself between her legs. “My sweet Sassenach.” She was so wet and slippery he glided in and felt her velvety body pull him. He felt control while his arousal grew and the intensity shook him to his core. He locked his gaze on hers and continued to hold himself for as long as possible. He heard Claire’s breathing increase and her eyes promised her body was poised to grip him. “Give it to me, mo chridhe.” He watched her intently as her mouth opened, her head fell back, and a moan escaped that lasted the entire ride. 

Jaime felt his balls squeeze painfully and suddenly had no control as he slammed into the quivering Claire several times and then pushed into her and stopped. His orgasm gripped him so hard he growled into it as it blew him apart. He dropped his forehead to her shoulder gasping for breath, trying to remember how they got to this point. He never made love this way, always holding himself back until what became a two-minute sprint to heaven before he lost control. This slow build inside her body was so sensual, and surely quadrupled the time and stroke he enjoyed with her. She was locked around him with legs and arms, struggling to breathe. Jaime dropped to the side and pulled her to him thinking about the wonder and the power he felt with this girl. 

“Ready for my proposition Sassenach?” When he saw her smile he jumped right in. “I have cleared my schedule for another five days and I want to make a new list of places to see based on anything except gettin to Boston. What do you say?”

“So back to California?” I was so happy and excited we had five more days and I would gladly follow where ever he went so I tried to calm down and let him talk.

“If we can try once more to ditch the car we could fly to New Orleans and not waste any more time drivin.”

I touched his face and laid my hand against his cheek. “I have a confession… with rules.” How else could I tell this generous and trusting man that I lied to him for Jenny’s interest? Maybe I should just swallow the truth and miss out on the most exciting five days of my life.

“Nay lass, that would rob us of a great experience .” Apparently, my sharp look at him was comical because he gripped my shoulders and laughed. “Christ Claire, I have a humble man’s request that ye stay just as ye are forever. It’s yer face, wee one, ye might as well be sayin what yer thinking because I’m seein it clear as day.” 

I felt he was just having his fun with me and tried to get up and think. He pulled me into his lap with his forehead on my shoulder until he stopped laughing. “Ye were thinkin about keepin yer secret and forgoin the alternative were ye naught? I promise lassie, if yer secret gets us to New Orleans, I promise my forgiveness in front of God. What say ye.”

“Well…” do I dare take the chance he will deem me an impossible liar and conspirator with Jenny? I held both his cheeks but I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I only pretended you couldn’t return the car. The agent…was…willing…” He didn’t push me away but he was silent. 

“Ye canna look at me when you tell me Sassenach?”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t think of a better alternative.” I could not believe I had already lied to Jaime and now he knows I lied. I wondered if I would ever have his trust after this. He lifted my chin to look at me.

“Claire, honesty is very important to me. If I ask for your promise of truth, always, will ye give it? Will ye agree?” 

I hugged him with my mouth against his ear and promised. I heard him promise the same before he kissed me.

We found a place to return the car and then flew to New Orleans with so little effort I decided it was meant to be. Jaime rented one of the Audobon cottages in the French quarter with a private patio and pool. The cottage grounds were beautiful, romantic, and a ten-minute walk to Bourbon street. It was a storybook location from which we had easy access to the famous sights, food, and incredible music a short walk away. 

We walked through the French quarter and stopped to purchase more clothes for our unexpected extended vacation. I was quick to give my credit card to the saleswoman because Jaime insisted on paying for everything. I helped him pick out three shirts and casual slacks and went into the dressing room with him to weight in on the look. When he peeled his shirt off I was stuck looking at his chest and muscular abs. He caught me staring at his chest and laughed. 

“I have to know if you like it too. You have such a beautiful chest.”

“Whatever the question Sassenach, the answer is yes.” 

I walked toward him and touched his nipple and then I put my mouth around it and sucked. I heard him gasp as he held my head to him. When I released him his eyes were steamy.

“Yes, I like that very much,” he whispered, “I believe it’s yer turn at the racks, and I’ll be comin in with ye too.”

While I looked through the casual dresses Jaime looked nearby and after five minutes he warned me I should put some of them on because there were no more hooks in the dressing room. When I walked in I was stunned with the eight dresses, two pairs of wedge shoes and a warm shawl. I looked at him in shock. “The definition of the perfect man needs a rewrite.” He liked that, I could tell.

Jaime turned up his nose at the first three which was unexpected. He started helping me in and out of each one and He was taking too much time with the out-of part. 

“Do you have any idea how hungry I am James Fraser? You haven’t had a bite to eat either, I’m surprised you’re still standing.”

“Ah, I passed out thirty minutes ago from malnutrition this must be residual energy Sassenach.”

“If you undress me a bit faster, we can eat something delicious.” 

“Fortunately, I will no have to make that choice Sassenach. You look stunning in this dress.”

He looked me up and down and stepped away from the mirror so I could see this fabulous dress. The fabric was exquisite cotton that was so soft and light it felt like nothing. The length was mid-calf with buttons up the front and yards of fabric that cinched at the waist with a wide belt. I looked at Jaime, very impressed with his taste. “I love it.” I had chosen two others so we were done. 

The saleswoman was amazing. She took Jaime’s card and handed me the sales receipt to sign. It took two minutes for Jaime to figure out what I’d done and he threw me over his shoulder as punishment for being sweet and sneaky. We stashed our clothes at the cottage and wandered through the French quarter the rest of the afternoon. 

We headed back to the cottage to shower and rest before dinner and jazz on Bourbon Street. I felt like a melted candle coming back and my eyes went wide when I saw the pool. I would have myself a proper dunk while Jaime napped. 

I laid next to Jaime on the bed and looked down at his face. 

“How can I ravish ye lass if yer in the pool?”

I kissed him and smiled, “I’ll be back in time, don’t you worry about that.”

When I hit the water my core temperature felt like it dropped instantly and I was hugely relieved. I swam laps and started daydreaming about going to Scotland as Jaime’s girlfriend. How odd would that be? Suddenly I crashed into a solid object and was booted from my fantasies. When I lifted my head I bounced off the bottom into Jaime’s arms and captured his lips.

“Sassenach, did ye swim laps the whole time I was asleep?” Jaime watched her eyebrows shoot up and shoulders shrug. “We need to have a meetin.” He pulled her legs up around his waist and walked her to the stairs. The attempt to set her down on the side of the pool was met with legs locking and arms tightening. Jaime looked her in the eye and she shook her head no. He started the meeting with an octopus girl wrapped tightly around him. 

“Now Sassenach, excessive physical fitness was invented by Americans and not enjoyed by red-blooded Scotts and I dinna want to feel ye are out fitnessing me in anything. Ye ken. She shook her head and pointed at a bowl on the patio table. “Ye want what’s in that bowl do ye?” Head nodding. Jaime walked with his octopus to the table and handed her a candy which was promptly inserted in her mouth before she pointed back to the water. 

“I was high on being in love and there seemed no limit to my energy and my desire to tease Jaime. When his meeting resumed on the steps I release my arms and lowered my upper body to the water, still wrapped around his middle. Jaime looked down at his waist and my core up against his stomach and was shocked when I threw my wet bikini top at his head. 

“Sassenach?” 

My legs released and I went to the depths quite enjoying the water on my naked breasts. I wasn’t sure if Jaime knew the other cottages were empty. Something I learned from the woman who checked us in. I thought about all the terms I now had a definition for, deliriously happy, madly in love, mind-blowing sex, soul mate, one and only… I felt the steel band of Jaime’s arm encircle my waist and pull me to him. He kissed me deeply and then picked me up and walked to the outside shower. I stood under the water and let it pull the chlorine out of my hair and when the water turned off Jaime massaged shampoo into my hair. Even his fingers on my head caused an arousal reaction and his spontaneous kisses were the kindling to a fireball that would be tended and encouraged for the rest of the night. 

We walked toward our restaurant of choice on Bourbon street. I barely kept up with Jaime’s long strides. He would slow down and mumble an apology that would make me laugh. We were starving so I didn’t blame him for covering ground. 

We both gave in to our inner teenager and ordered sample platters, followed by side dishes, and raving to the server about the delicious food. Then more side dishes, eating and raving. We had been eating for two hours and the whisky came on the regular. When I thought we were done Jaime would grab the menu and order three more treats for us to try. I was finally too full to eat another bite when I noticed the crowd suddenly moving. Like the parting of the red sea people and servers were rushing to clear a path. The smiling man who emerged was none other than Emeril Lagasse and he walked straight for us. He shook our hands and even sat with us for a minute giving us a treasured memory of our gorge-fest in New Orleans. I absolutely loved chef Lagasse and so impressed he came to meet us. 

I was having the time of my life. When we left the restaurant we were high from whisky, food, and this amazing town. I looked up at Jaime and caught him looking at me so I stopped and hugged his waist. “What is your pleasure sir? The night is yours.”

He turned me around to the other direction and stuck a toothpick in his mouth. “I will describe my pleasure in great detail Sassenach but I must talk fast or we’ll get back to the room before ye here the best part.” 

I felt the butterflies take flight in my stomach and the anticipation grow. We strolled back to the cottage as Jaime gave me the bite by bite details about what was coming. The cottage door almost crashed off its hinges as we came through it, lip locked and seeking buttons, zippers, or any alternate means of getting the other naked. Sex was a buffet of tastes and sensations to explore and we both had infinite patience for the other. But when Jaime possessed me, deep inside my body, I felt his love and it was extraordinary. He was king of my world in those moments and each minute brought me to a new level of surrender. 

I laid in Jaime’s arms and listened to his heartbeat. I wanted more than anything to pick every minute apart and put it under a microscope. Jaime doesn’t talk much about the future so I’m just worried he will move on when this week is over. Uncle Lamb used to say worry was like paying interest on a loan that wasn’t due yet. Maybe I finally understand the meaning of that expression. 

I heard my phone buzz and reached for it in my purse. I smiled at Jenny’s text;  
J: Checkin in, what’s yer number today?  
C: 11. Yours?  
J: 8 and happy for it. How does a lass get to 11?  
C: Your brother

Height has its advantages. Even leaning against the headboard Jaime towered over Claire. Giving into his insatiable need for her secrets he watched the text play out and smiled. My Sassenach, what are we to do, he thought. He heard Claire chuckle and pulled her next to him. He turned the light out to complete blackness and cuddled her while his mind worked on how to survive the cliff that was speeding toward them in four days.


	9. Chapter 9

Jaime laid quietly next to Claire who was pressed against his side in deep sleep. He stared into the dark and wondered if his memories of the past week would comfort him or torture him in the future. Despite his best efforts to the contrary, he had fallen in love with little Claire and now saw every minute with her as a gift. He saw their pairing as destined for an ending. As much as he hated that idea the alternative of living on continents a half a world apart was worse. They could feel the pain of losing each other after one week or after years of hope and work and loneliness. He would either die of loneliness or jealousy always wondering where she was, who was pursuing her, how distracted was she. Just thinking about her living so far away from him was giving him heart palpitations. I know yer gonna hurt lass and I’ll use anger so I don’t feel it. Ye deserve so much more Claire.

They had one more day together and he wanted to make her happy. He wanted to hold her to him for the entire day. He wanted to talk about being brave and getting on with her life and school. He wanted to honestly look at the distance between them and ask the tough questions. But that would make her sad and he would rather cut his own arm off. He had a plan for both of them and it required forgetting about the other. He sighed deeply and pulled her closer. Eventually, sleep took him and ended his suffering.

His first second of awareness was erotic and he was fighting his way back to conscientiousness feeling tingling pleasure. He felt small hands touch him and then the warm wetness of her mouth around him. Jaime gasped at the unexpected pleasure feeling his arousal grow and fill her mouth. He was rock hard and she was the embodiment of his favorite fantasy since he learned what fellatio was. She pulled him higher and higher until he was raising his hips to her mouth. Jaime reached for the bedside lamp and turned it on the lowest setting so he could watch her. He was panting and about to come, watching her mouth slide the length of him and when she grabbed his balls he felt the spasm deep in his groin and moaned her name. Claire swallowed until he stopped pulsing and felt him pull her into his spoon. 

“What was that for love?” 

“I just had to touch you.” 

They slept in their embrace until morning when Claire felt Jaime scoop her up and walk out to the patio as she rubbed her eyes. There on the outdoor table was fresh coffee, scones, and cookies. Claire was wide-eyed and squirming to get down and bite into a scone. 

“Mmm! Delicious Jaime!” It’s a good thing it’s our last day because I would want these every day and probably take an extra ten pounds home with me.” 

“The day belongs to the Sassenach, what would ye like to do?”

“I would like to kick back in the park, read, nap, and wait for the live music at three o’clock. Tonight, I want to wear my new dress and explore the food at our new favorite restaurant yet to be determined, followed by French quarter jazz before we pass out. Feel free to insert any preferences of your own.” I smiled at him and hoped it looked sincere. I desperately wanted to stay upbeat and happy today but my insides were churning. Those happy little butterflies had morphed into Pterodactyl causing quite an uncomfortable feeling. 

“I love a woman who knows her own mind. I have a big decision to make Sassenach and I will need all my faculties so I am heading toward the shower, care to share one?”

“Will there be a lot of discussion about your decision? I’m not awake enough for intellectual banter.”

“Not while the water is running Sassenach. It would ruin the books. Is that yer third scone? It’s laps for ye Missy.” 

Jaime headed inside and I called Jenny for a quick hello. I was nervous about how our conversations would dance around the Jaime issue that had taken over my brain. I planned on lots of questions about Ian to distract her. 

“Good timing Claire! I’m stuck in traffic with nothin to do. How do ye feel about goin home tomorrow?”

“Good, good. How is Ian?”  
“Ian will be his same beautiful self until the day he dies. The man never has a bad day. So, who leaves first tomorrow?”

“Jaime insisted I leave first and it cost me almost two hours with him. Now I’m glad because I won’t watch him walking away from me. He can handle it better than me.”

“Why is that?”

“Because he was smart enough not to fall in love.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth and into my brain I realized what the Pterodactyls were. My fear that Jaime will leave unchanged and fall back into his life without me.

“Those are bold statements about Jaime’s feelins for ye. Have ye talked about it?”

“No. We avoid the subject like the elephant in the room. It’s okay. I don’t need to hear his explanation. He promised me nothing. Seriously Jenny, I’m going to be fine once I’m back in Boston. Now, tell me about the wedding plans.” I didn’t much like hearing myself say the words I dreaded and needed to change the subject. My heart wasn’t in the conversation so I told Jenny I would call her later.

“Let me just say one thing Claire, don’t sell Jaime short. Ye’ve been left by too many people and yer heart might convince ye to turn yer back. Leave him first before he has the chance. Do ye ken what I’m talking about?”

“I do and I love you. Bye Jenny.”

I jumped in the cold water and swam like my life depended on it. Twenty four hours from now we would be catching a cab for the airport and the end of this, whatever this is. 

The afternoon was beautiful and breezy. We spread a blanket in the shade and read, kissed, and snacked on grapes and water. Jaime put his head in my lap and took a nap. It gave me a chance to put my stupid book down and gaze at nothing while I considered our parting tomorrow. Jaime had mentioned Hogmanay several times during the past week, in reference to my being in Scotland, and I hoped he would suggest staying longer than my usual ten days. Isn’t that what I would do in his shoes? But he didn’t mention it and that confused me.

I wondered if I would give up the past week and the love I felt if given the chance. No question, I would stay at the dig so I never had to know the feel of Jaime Fraser moving through me. 

I put my head back against the tree and closed my eyes. My mood was plummeting fast so I had to stop thinking. I pulled my phone out of my purse and checked the flights to Boston. 

“Sassenach”

Looking down at Jaime I smiled at his handsome face.  
[I heard that you settled down, that you found a girl and you’re married now.]

Jaime pulled me down on the blanket and pushed my hair behind my ear.  
[I heard that your dreams came true, guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you.]

“Give me yer tongue Sassenach.”

When I slipped my tongue into Jaime’s mouth he moaned into me then he pulled me to my feet and packed up our stuff. Clearly, we were leaving and Jaime looked like a man on a mission. He kissed me deeply and held my cheeks before resting his thumb on my lips.  
[Old friend, why are you so shy, Ain't like you to hold back, Or hide from the light.]

We walked back to the cottage in silence. Instead of holding my hand Jaime held me to him around my waist. Had I completely discounted what Jaime must be feeling? No, I know he will miss me and I know he will worry about my broken heart. Jaime got caught up in the moment with me and never wanted to hurt me. I will hear all these words tomorrow and they will echo through my tortured heart until the pain fades and life distracts me again.  
[I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited but I, Couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it, I had hoped you'd see my face, And that you be reminded that for me it isn't over.]

Jaime laid down on the bed and pulled me to him. His face looked almost pleading when he looked at me. I got as close as I could to him and remained silent. 

[Never mind I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best, For you too, don't forget me, I beg, I'll remember you said, Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead]

We stayed like that until the sun went down. I couldn’t stand the sadness anymore, and I wanted to run back to Boston to avoid his pep talk and wishing me well. I bolted from the bed and ran outside. I pulled my dress off and jumped in the pool. It was sometime later when I crashed into Jaime. He pulled me to a towel and then laid me on the bed. A few deep kisses, that’s all it took, for me to be like putty in his hands. I was surprised when he nudged my legs apart and entered me. It seemed like he glided in and out of me for an hour. I held his buttocks and pushed him harder, igniting the fire that always carried him away. 

I pulled away from Jaime, careful not to wake him and went outside to shower. I sat outside and wrote a note thanking him for every single thing, every laugh, and new experience. I apologized for leaving early and tried to explain the emotional cost of hearing the words he had planned for me. Then I told him I was deeply in love with him and I wasn’t afraid of distance, school, or careers, but he is, and that is that. I’ll find someone like you, I thought.

I sat in the airport waiting to be called for standby and boarded a plane to Boston at five in the morning. I felt completely numb as my body moved like a robot and my brain had gone dark. Just get me home so I can lock my door and pretend I don’t exist.

I sat on my couch and counted the minutes, then the hours, waiting for Jaime to call. I didn’t sleep much or move off the couch. I just counted. Jenny called me over and over, each time I sent a text, ‘all is well in Boston.’ and the hours passed. I don’t know when I stood up and looked out the window but I made it to the shower and shoved my suitcase into the spare room and slammed the door. 

My first peek outside after two weeks got me to a store where I bought lots of whisky and a few groceries. I slammed the first whisky and felt infinitely better. 

When school started I felt life had a purpose again and vowed to find happiness in every day. It only took two weeks to run into Frank. His face showed concern but he smiled a lot. I couldn’t remember a single thing he said an hour later.

Midterm madness was a piece of cake for me because I didn’t give a crap about my classes. I wouldn’t start the nursing program until next fall so I wondered why I was even here.

On the first Friday in November I answered my door and saw a familiar face smiling at me. “What do you need Frank?”

“I need to look after you Claire, I’m very worried. I’ve seen you at school, your eyes are vacant, you’re too thin, and your skin looks gray. Let me help you, as an old friend, please Claire.”

“Just how do you plan to do that?”

“By being present in your life. To talk to, to cry, or whatever you need to do.”

I sighed deeply at the effort this was going to take, then I pulled the door open and let him in. One more thing for me to endure, Friday chats with Frank. 

In a small country, halfway around the world Jaime stood silent, bent over the wrought iron balcony on the second floor of his building.

“Yer the only one not havin fun brother and the party is for ye.” 

“It’s nice to hear yer voice Jenny. It’s been, what, three months? Does that mean you don’t hate me anymore or ye just found an opportunity to meddle.”

Jenny flinched visibly at the verbal assault. A moment later she felt her ire, like molten magma pushing up at the surface inches from bursting through to vaporize all in its path. “Well, I don’t believe I’ve er seen such a change in a person, or heard a one. Ye need to talk to the Smithsonian or Oprah because yer sae rare.”

“Quit yer blatherin Jenny. Say sorry and go home.” His voice was so quiet she could barely hear him. 

“The only thing I’m sorry for is the way ye handled yerself with my best friend who finally answered her phone after four months. She hadna a poor word to say about ye… even though ye took what ye wanted from her and then left her. Since ye been home yer a tyrant who’s alienated his entire team. They’re gonna leave ye Jaime because yer impossible to work with. Do ye hear me brother? Yer self destructive spiral willna stop with ye, if ye dinna pull it together the business that supports Lallybroch and our family will be lost, and the purest heart I’ve known has turned to stone. Because of ye Jaime. 

Jaime was shaking with rage but he remained silent knowing Jenny had to blow before she could return to her human form. “I’ll do everyone a favor and stay here over Hogmanay.”

Jenny leveled a withering look at her brother, “Claire willna be comin for Hogmanay…she’s travelin with Frank.” Jenny turned her nose up at her brother and walked away. “they leave day after tomorrow so if yer goin, ye best hurry.”

Jaime couldn’t breathe and bent forward with his hands on his knees. He could take his sister’s wrath and employee’s quitting, and his own hollow existence, but he couldn’t take Claire falling back into Frank’s arms. “What are ye thinkin Sassenach?” He threw a punishing fist at the building and walked back to his office dripping blood from his knuckles.

By one o’clock in the morning, Jaime was mildly drunk, his hand was swollen and caked with blood, and he had done nothing but rage. His comfort zone since coming back from America. 

He had not let himself think about her. He was absolutely sure his life depended on it. It hurt too much to think of her, so he didn’t. Jaime sat back and closed his eyes seeing his past and that magical week. He could tell the holes in her jeans were earned rather than created for fashion. He remembered her taller, or maybe he was shorter then. He saw her dance the tango, so graceful and seductive. He took a deep breath. 

Jaime took his time reconstructing the beach in San Diego when she clung to him sobbing in her tiny bikini. He could feel her hands pull his head down for their first kiss while his heart rammed in his chest. His mind remembered everything they taught each other about their bodies. He saw them walking into the slave quarters on the plantation tour and holding Claire when she cried for the torment that befell them.

Jaime laughed and brought Claire’s first experience with oysters to mind. A street vendor with a great sense of humor tried to sell her fresh oysters. She wrinkled her nose and smiled at him. “I challenge you to eat two for free.” He had started breaking the shell apart, dipped the meat in a sauce and handed it to Claire who promptly swallowed it. The man was smiling brightly at her trust and chose a different sauce handing her the second one. When they got to eighteen oysters each he dropped a fifty on the man's table and pulled Claire away explaining the aphrodisiac properties of oysters and suggesting she prepare for strong reaction based on how many she ate.

It was starting to hurt, her memory. Jaime felt an acute emptiness and longing for her knowing he would never again be the man he was before she climbed into his car. 

He watched her dance with her back to him and twirling around shocked to find him standing there. That was the night he traded his moral and decent behavior for a taste of the rare and beautiful Sassenach.

“Sassenach”

He hadn’t said it in four months and now he couldn’t stop saying it. He leaned his head back seeing her everywhere in his mind. His Sassenach. He slammed his fists down on his desk. “I dinna want to be half a world away from the one I love most.”Why couldn’t you see how utterly horrible that would be Claire.”

He pulled his buzzing phone out of his shirt pocket and read Jenny’s text;  
Je: I booked you a flight to Boston leaving at three o’clock. Ye have one hour and I’ve packed your clothes already  
Ja: Don’t know what to do Jen.  
Je: Ye don’t have to stay or bring her back. Just stop Frank.  
Ja: Bring her back?  
Je: Yes brother ye and Claire will be living in Scotland at Lallybroch  
Je: But not if ye miss yer plane! 

That started Jaime’s sprint and it didn’t get easier with his connection in London coming a hair’s breadth leaving without him He pushed his seat back and gulped a whisky hoping to sleep and calm his anxiety. After another hour of seeing Claire in his memory his eyes closed and he slept.

Claire stood ironing the clothes she was taking on her trip. She would enjoy seeing Frank’s parents, they were always very kind to her. Frank, on the other hand, was making an absolute pest of himself and she resented him deeply for it. His Friday night visits to check on her went later and later into the night until she had to kick him out. Her heart to heart talks about being completely done with a relationship went unheeded as he continued to throw out innuendo and invitations for more intimate activities. She hated him and saw all of his insufferable faults that were feeling like an anchor around her neck. She reached for her buzzing phone.

J: “Are ye all packed for yer trip?”  
C: “Just about”  
J: “Ye sound like its a trip to the gallows Claire.”  
C: “It might as well be. I hate him. Better than Lallybroch. I’m sorry Jen… you know what I mean.”  
J: “I know yer heart Claire, dinna worry, I gotcha. So when do ye leave?”  
C:” Frank has a faculty Christmas party that he is obligated to attend. He should be here in a couple hours. So I’ll call you when I get back.”  
Je: “Claire, listen carefully. There’s a broken man outside ye house. He’s been flying all night to find ye.”  
C:” What?” I felt my heart rate shoot to the moon. Could she mean Jaime? I looked out the bay windows and there he was, sitting on the curb in front of my house.  
Je: “He has no friends, he’s run the business into the ground, and he lives on high octane rage, but he loves ye Claire.” 

I felt the phone drop out of my hand and I think I said bye to Jen. My eyes were glued on the handsome man outside who's face looked haunted. I pulled the front door open and the cold afternoon hit me, making it real. I saw him stand up and walk toward me. He stopped two feet from me but I kept going until we were chest to chest and my arms wrapped around his neck. 

“What took you so long?” I buried my face in his neck and felt familiar arms come around me.

I felt his mouth on my ear, “lass we’re holdin up traffic. Let’s go inside.”

I would rather not move for a week. My arms were around Jaime, the real Jaime. He smelled so incredibly good. He inched us across the street and up the steps of the brownstone. Since I wasn’t helping he picked me up and carried me inside. He looked at the historic home and whistled as he turned in a circle. 

“Well, it's not Lallybroch, but it belonged to my parents, pretty much as you see it. I was born here in a bedroom upstairs. My mother wanted the whole experience without doctors. So she used a midwife.” I could tell Jaime was listening intently and I felt my heart in my throat. 

I wiggled down and cleared my throat, “Jaime I, I let Frank come in one night and it started something really uncomfortable and very dreaded. I hate him but he will be here any minute to pick me up."

“Where might ye be goin Sassenach?”

“To his parents for the holiday. In Florida. I couldn’t face Lallybroch this year.”

Jaime saw the pain and the emotional cost she endured. She was stick thin, gaunt cheeks, dull eyes. Well Ladie, this is yer doin and ye will have to pay with love. Buckets and buckets of love.

He held my chin and looked at me closely. 

“I’m here to claim the woman I love and ne’er part from her again. With luck, I’ll learn the tango before the convention next year. We’ll be flyin directly into San Francisco and we will dance, and drink, I will get into a fight most likely, because other men are lookin at you. We’ll rent a car and drive to St. Helena. You will fall in love with the place and I will promise to buy a house where we can escape to during the long Scotland winters.” 

I was so overwhelmed at that moment all I could do is smile. “And then?”

“When I can pull ye away from St. Helena,” he pulled me to him and I could feel his lips move on my cheek. “We will motor down the beautiful oneOone and stop at our favorite beach. He kissed me and looked at me with love

…and get married. 

I could feel how wide my eyes were because they hurt. I stared at Jaime as he sank to one knee and opened a tiny box.

“It turns out I’m not the sharpest crayon in the box and I’ve made a mess of things. I’m here to make it up to you lass. I’m here to claim the only person who ever made sense to me.”

I saw his truth when I looked in his eyes and I blinked hard to clear the tears as he slipped a round cut diamond ring on my finger. "Mission accomplished soldier.” I kissed Jaime the best I could while crying tears of joy.

Jaime deepened the kiss and I felt my arousal growing especially when Jaime pushed his need against me. “I need ya lass.” Jaime’s hands were everywhere as we stumbled around the living room looking for a soft surface. The pounding on the door almost made me jump out of my skin.

“Let me take care of Frank fuck Sassenach. After that, I’m comin for the cure to what ails me. Emptiness, anger, fear, loss, regret, humility.”

The pounding was getting louder but I was locked in Jaime’s gaze and could not look away.

“Christ Frank, I’m comin.” Jaime yelled toward the door.


	10. Chapter 10

When Jaime let me go to deal with Frank I lifted my hand to the light and the sparkles shot out in all directions. Married…we are getting married…he wants to marry me…oh my God, he wants to marry me! My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard and I had so much energy I thought I might explode. I went for the sweeper, no that’s not it, wash the dishes, no, laundry, no. I wrapped my arms around my waist and smiled to myself before I climbed the stairs to my shower and new COCO gel and shampoo. 

Frank almost pounded Jaime in the head he was so bent on banging the door down. He looked utterly confused seeing Jaime coming out of Claire’s house.

“It’s the heart breaker! What in God’s name are you doing here?” Frank remained posh and Brittish on the outside but his gizzards were quivering on the inside. “Where is Claire, we need to get on the road.” He raised his arm to start pounding again but Jaime stopped him.

“You might be surprised how annoying that is if yer inside so I’ll thank ye to stop. Claire isna goin with you Frank. She is stayin so her man can apologize properly. Then I pack her up and take her to Scotland forever. Sorry Frank ye lose this one but I’m sure ye have others that might jump in ye car tonight.”

“I am not looking for a consolation date. Get her or let me in.”

I was almost quivering with need for Jaime. The amazing scent of the Gel, the hot water and seeing those beautiful eyes up close again was just too much. I threw on my shortest robe walked downstairs, opened the door and walked to Jaime pulling him inside. I said nothing to Frank. Jaime laughed at my bold behavior just before he crushed me to him.

Reunion sex is in the top ten for sure. You have to get your feels in right from the start because it is hot, passionate, and short. Jaime held me close and I listened to his heart.

“Why don’t ye ask me and we can move past this Sassenach. Whatever you ask me, I’ll give ye the truth of it.”

I lifted my head to look at him, “why did you end it, end us?”

Jaime looked at me for a long moment. “I spent hours thinkin about it. While ye swam, while ye slept, when yer back was turned. I knew I couldn’t manage seein ye twice a year, maybe three times. I knew it would break my heart and I would eventually break yers. I thought the heartache would be less after one week than after a year or more. I was so sure this was the better path to take. All the things I find endearing about you could be found in a local girl who could stay with me.”

Shop around for someone like me, as it were. I didn’t like knowing Jaime could replace me so easily. It was about a list of attributes rather than my heart and soul. I forced myself to calm down and listen.

I didna know love Sassenach, never felt it before and I underestimated its power, wasn’t prepared for the absolute emptiness. When I woke up and realized ye went out alone in the wee hours, in a city known for violence. You were so motivated to avoid my excuses ye would risk what ye did, and ye were already gone. it felt like getting hit hard in the chest. For two days I had my hand on the phone and a pain in my soul that was devourin me. So I turned my love into anger and put you in the attic of my mind and locked you in. The anger was consuming. I stayed drunk most of the time and drove my team away with explosive outbursts and poor decisions.

“How did you end up in front of my house love?”

“Jenny hasna spoken to me since I got home. She broke her silence tellin me you were goin with Frank. I spent an hour drinkin in my office and ye were there with me, waitin patiently. Every part of my life was in ruins at that moment but feelin ye made me so happy. So, for the first time in four months, I let myself remember my Sassenach, startin with the holes in yer jeans at Flagstaff airport, to dancin the tango, your kiss on the beach, and every day after that. I started runnin and didn’t stop until I was in front of yer house. I’m so sorry Claire” 

Jaime broke down and I hugged him tightly and told him how lucky we are because we are back together stronger than we ever were. 

“I know how much ye want to go to Boston University but we need a plan B that keeps us together.”

“Boston has a great program, but Edinburg is better.”

Jaime’s head shot up, “what?”

Jaime’s face would have been comical if the truth wasn’t so heartbreaking. “If you had talked to me about your feelings I would have agreed. The distance would have killed us at some point. I would have told you Edinburg would be better for me.” I didn’t want to admonish him but I needed his agreement we could move forward and not repeat this in the future.

I pulled his hand to my lips, “Jaime, I need a promise from you that you will never think for me again, or make a plan for our lives without my input. Can you make that promise?” He pulled me into a deep hug and whispered: “I promise love.”

There was more for me to reconcile but those were deeper wounds that Jaime could not fix. My first memories were of Lallybroch, a part of a loving family and Ellen and Brian were like my parents. When I was ripped away from all I had known to follow Lamb into a hellish existence I felt unworthy to stay. I came to regard Jenny and her family as better than me. This brain crippling truth invaded my every second once I got back and no word from Jaime. He would find a love more appropriate and worthy. I shook my head at the darkness invading my mind. 

“My sweet Sassenach, let me hear what’s hurtin ye so.” 

Jaime’s eyes were full of compassion and love, with a tinge of fear. The more I tried to overcome the awful feeling gripping my heart the harder it squeezed. I looked up at his face and wanted to see my future in his eyes but I didn’t. The nine-year-old that still lives in me was stabbing me with reminders. Dirty, uneducated, living like a nomad, stupid and comforted by tribal ways, scraping the dirt off your arms and face in the airport lavatory! I felt my skin burn from my brutal washing and unconsciously rubbed my arms as the tears fell.

“Claire! Love, I am here to listen and love ye back to me but ye have to let me into yer nightmare lass. I promise to pull ye out.” He lifted my chin to look at him, “until we cross that bridge together, ye willna surrender to love, to me, to our future.”

I looked at his pleading eyes and remembered Frank yawning through my story and looking relieved when I stopped talking. I expected the same from Jaime but he would not back down, even when I smiled and assured him it was nothing. It was not nothing, it was mind crushing and I realized that Jaime was right. I couldn’t let my guard down and be open to love until I dealt with this.

“I had a family once. My mother, Ellen, packed my lunch every day and took me shopping for clothes. She rocked me when I had a fever and my father, Brian, would carry me to bed. Every night I fell asleep feeling loved with the inalienable rights of a family member. Until I turned nine when Lamb materialized in our kitchen and said I had to go with him. I couldn’t believe it. Why did you and Jenny get to stay and bask in family love when I was dragged to Peru with a man I hardly knew. I laid down in my tent the first night, all alone, crying my eyes out. I waited for Brian to come in and take me to safety. I expected this because it’s all I had ever known. There was no rescue as the days turned to months. No running water, toilets, school, or anyone who knew me. The Stockholm syndrome pushed me to Lamb and I eventually bonded with him. He was dirty like me so I concluded this was my tribe and I must have been stolen and then returned. I was afraid of the people around me and sat in my tent day after day thinking of Lallybroch and my family who discarded me.”

“Jesus Christ Claire!” Jaime held me to him as my sobs came and soaked us both. He didn’t let go but he spoke to my heart, the heart of a little girl, and rocked me. “My mam and da would have intervened, I know it. When Lamb took ye, mam was sad for months and I would catch her cryin in the kitchen sometimes. I would see da holdin her and rockin her. Jesus, Claire, yer loss was felt deeply and broke their hearts, while ye felt discarded. If Lamb was alive I might kill him with my bare hands. Dinna stop, I want to hear this love.”

“When I came home from our trip I sat on the couch and waited for you to call. I didn’t sleep and exhaustion made me feel like I was back in that tent waiting for Brian to dash in and pick me up. I felt more and more dirty and uncivilized as the days passed. You discarded me because I’m unworthy and left me to die without a backward glance. I didn’t want to think it. I couldn’t blame you for it because I live in fear, always, that I will be exposed for what I am and then run out of town, or boarding school, or college. I couldn’t blame you for that.” I heard Jaime struggle stop his tears. When I looked up at his tormented face my heart broke. I placed my hand on his cheek.

“Sassenach.” 

I watched Jaime wrestle with his feelings. Each time he tried to speak he would break down. He gripped me so tightly and I could do nothing but wait for him to wrap his head around what I am, how I feel, and why. Several minutes later he took a deep breath and laid me back on a mound of pillows. He took both my hands and locked his gaze with mine. 

“I see ye and what ye felt. I left ye alone to come to conclusions that hurt ye heart like before. Abandoned again after ye gave ye heart to me. We Frasers have a knack for hurtin the most amazing lass that ever lived. My mistakes have costs ye lass and thrown ye back to a place ye dinna belong in. Ye were born right across the hall to parents that loved ye through and through. Ye had a halo above ye head that God let ye keep because ye were that special. When the world got ugly ye forgot ye were a princess. That is how I see it. Too many years alone in the mud and it’s happened again. But this time I saw ye for the princess ye are and could not live parted from ye. The opposite of unworthy Claire. I want to fix this right now but I’m afraid time will have to heal ye. When ye sleep with my arms around ye each night and wake to the man who is so excited to see ye again yer true heart will return and we will own our future together.”

This amazing man touched my face, and with his lips an inch from mine he said, “for now, ye just have to take a leap of faith mo chridhe and let me love ye back to who ye really are.” 

Jaime’s kiss was hungry and demanding. I felt consumed by his desire and let my own loose on him. His body spoke to mine, “yer mine, now and forever.” It shook me to my core and I clung to him like he was a rope to a drowning girl. His body shook with orgasm and he said “I love ye, I love ye Claire.”

What a difference a day makes. Jaime’s response to my story was proof he heard me and felt my pain. He knew me better now and still loved me. The ice around my heart had a crack in it.

Boston is known for its culinary variety and we took advantage of the foods we love brought right to the door. We went from bed, to shower, to bed, to bubble baths, to bed, and ate in between. On the third day I asked Jaime about the business and watched his face fall. He told me his once amazing team would probably be gone when we got back and he would have to pull some miracles to save the year’s whisky now confined to oak barrels. He was worried and seeking idea’s how to fix the mess he left behind. I put on my robe and handed him the phone before going downstairs to wait for the food delivery. “It starts with I’m sorry, then speak from your heart.” I left him staring at the phone.

I put the food in the microwave and looked around the brownstone wondering what to do with it. Aside from property tax and a lawn service it didn’t cost me anything to keep it. I had trouble with the concept of God but somehow I felt the spirit of my parents here. These are the books they read and the table they ate at, this is the couch they loved. I had not modernized anything and what furniture could be cleaned and restored I kept. I was not ready to let it go.

It would be an easy move. My clothes, my brain, and my love for Jaime.

J: Hello  
C: Crap! I woke you. I’m sorry!  
J: I’m still at work but yes, ye woke me. Thank ye for that by the way. Is yer heart intact lass?  
C: Yes Jenny, thanks to you. I can’t believe we will be sisters legally now.  
J: Wait, what does that mean?  
C: Jaime asked me to marry him and I said yes. I am looking at a gorgeous diamond ring on my finger.  
J: Wha…he…wow, wow Claire, this is really big news! I’m sae happy for ye and my idiot brother. Yer  
comin back with him then? Ye goin to the University at Edinburg then? Livin at Lallybroch again?  
C: Yes, yes and no. I’ll start in an apartment near campus but I will be close enough to help plan your wedding, shop for your dress, pick out invitations. I am so happy I get to be there for all this.  
J: I canna stop smiling even lookin at the boss comin at me with a scowl. Call ye later.

I could hear Jaime was still talking upstairs. I hoped that was a good sign. We hadn’t talked about our date of departure yet but I should be ready I thought and headed toward mounds of laundry I never had the energy for. As I was sorting clothes I remembered my suitcase in a room upstairs and ran up to retrieve it. It stood alone in an empty room, like I did when I returned. Seeing it brought all my pain back and I slammed the door and ran back to Jaime. He was locked in his conversation so I laid near him on the bed and waged war on my emotions. I felt Jaime’s warm palm on my stomach and then descend down my leg, and up the other leg. I relaxed as his hand traveled from one end of me to the other. It chased the sadness from me and soon I was feeling okay. I really wanted to rescue my suitcase and made a bold effort to try again. 

Opening my case transported me back to New Orleans and the most amazing week of my life. I pulled the white dress out and shook it, then the mementos I collected, a Polaroid of me and an Oyster vendor, and one of chef Lagasse with me and Jaime. I looked at our faces, pink from the sun, so happy and carefree, before the great divide. I wondered if we could ever feel that happiness and spirit of adventure again. Who’s voice was talking in my head I wondered? I ran back upstairs and laid next to Jaime who was still in conversation. Again, his warm hands pulled me back to the here and now, a bit more sexual as he grabbed my nipple and squeezed pulling a gasp out of me. 

Jaime pulled me downstairs to eat and talk. I looked at his face when he saw the white dress and I couldn’t read his expression. He talked while we ate and finally turned the speaker on and set the phone down. It sounded like there were three, maybe four people sharing a phone on the Scotland side. They asked a lot of questions about processes I had no idea about. One guy announced to his group that the old Jaime was back and they should wait with the rest until Jaime was back. They all wished each other a Merry Christmas and he finally hung up.

“We’re solid. They may not understand but they forgive me for being such a jerk. We will try to save this year with a heavy blend and hope for the best. What would the Sassenach like to do tonight?”

I am going to look for an apartment in Edinburgh that is available for immediate rental, that won’t be easy but I have a good feeling. I don’t have much to take but I will pack up the boxes of clothes and shoes and ship them tomorrow. When do we leave?

“We have two choices let me get my laptop.”

I cleaned up the mess as Jaime looked for a flight. “We can leave day after tomorrow. Will ye be ready?”

I smiled and shook my head yes.


	11. Chapter 11

There was so much more to pack than I first estimated. I shipped ten boxes to Scotland and bid a sad farewell to the rest of my belongings. Fatigue started playing tricks on my mind and I became convinced I packed the wrong things. Before I could tear into the second box Jaime pulled me to the bed and announced we could sleep for two hours before get up time. He was warm and reassuring. His kisses made me dizzy and aroused. I followed blindly, as I suspect will become my first option in life going forward. Follow Jaime blindly. 

I’m not a praying woman, having my doubts about God and all, but I made a heartfelt request for the spirit of my parents to come with me to Scotland, my new home. I twisted the key in the front door and took one last look as the taxi drove us away. 

I sat down in between strangers on the plane. I was so past exhaustion I could hardly understand Jaime telling me something about moving his seat. So I smiled at him and nodded my head, willing my eyes to stay open and focus as best I could.

Jaime looked down the aisle from his seat, trying to see Claire. She was exhausted after a whirlwind four days and picking up her roots to follow him to Scotland. He was desperate to be next to her so she could rest and escape the anxiety she surely felt. When he felt the plane leave the runway his angst lessened somewhat. At least now she could not change her mind and jump off the plane. 

Two hours later a flight attendant notified Jaime that the man next to Claire was willing to trade seats. Apparently, she kept referring to him as Jaime and the man was getting creeped out. Jaime shook his hand in passing and settled into the seat next to Claire. He lifted the armrest between them and pulled her to him. 

I smelled Jaime and all my fear went away. I melted into his body knowing all was well and I could let go of the rope, and I did. 

“Mo Chridhe, wake up, yer new home can be seen in the glittering sea.” I felt his kisses on my cheek and opened my eyes. Jaime’s strength made it possible to pull me to the window seat where I saw Scotland in the distance. My hands pressed the side of the plane as I strained to see all I could. The sun was twinkling off of every ripple in the water and the land mass looked like an emerald stuck in the middle of the sparkles. What a beautiful way to come home, I thought. 

I turned to ask Jaime about the temperature and saw his face crumple when he looked at me. “Mo gradhag, dinna cry, yer home!” I wiped an irritated hand over my cheeks and stuck my nose back on the window. My home, by declaration of James Fraser, because it’s where I belong, with him. I pinched my arm and jumped at the pain. My cheeks burned red when Jaime laughed.

It had been a year since I saw Jenny and my heart was pounding as I scanned the crowd for her. Jaime hugged me close. “I’m sorry Sassenach, but Jenny isna here. I left my car in the parking lot. We will go straight to Lallybroch. You will see her soon. 

“Claire!” I heard her voice and looked at the crowd of people waiting for arrivals. I saw an arm bobbing up over the heads of taller people and knew she was there. I looked at Jaime who rolled his eyes and promised he would follow us to Lallybroch.

I started running and caught her around the middle holding her for all I was worth. “Jenny, I’ve missed you!” Like the final piece of a jigsaw puzzle, I felt it click into my life landscape and took a deep breath. 

Jenny left work early because she couldn’t wait to see me. I thought that was so touching until I remembered, five minutes into our trip to Lallybroch, that she was a terrible driver. In her excitement, she was looking at me while merging with traffic, or an exit coming, or the lane ending. I rolled down the window hoping I could jump to safety before the impact sent me to heaven. Jaime would be so pissed I thought. For some reason it made me giggle. 

“Are ye listening Claire? This is not a giggle subject.” Her eyes were accusatory.

“Sorry Jenny, exhaustion is making me weird I think. Please go on.”

Jenny scrutinized my face as I pushed the steering wheel to keep us on the road. “Ye look like the Joker in that Batman movie Claire and it’s freakin me out.”

“Sorry”

Jenny kept up her monologue as the landscape became more rural and I could recognize landmarks of home. When she turned down the dirt road to Lallybroch the tears were falling and my heart pounded. She grabbed my hand as she swung the car to a stop in front of the house. I couldn’t stop staring. I was just here a year ago, I thought, why was it so hard to breathe? I opened the car door and filled my lungs with crisp air, and then the dam broke and my tortured soul felt the property embrace me. Welcome home it said. 

Jenny pulled me into the kitchen and poured whisky hugging me every three or four minutes. Talking about anything to stop my tears. “Claire, dinna ye want to be here? Do ye naught love Jaime?” 

I felt the control coming back into my mind and assured her my tears were because I never had to leave again. 

“Oh, ye had me worit since I had a heavy hand in ye bein here dear Claire.” She laughed and looked at me closely. “He convinced ye then?” She picked up my hand and looked at the engagement ring. “I ken my brother, dinna I then?” 

I was determined to shake off my weird sadness and enjoy the reunion. Jaime was stuck in mounting commuter traffic coming from the airport so we had more time to catch up.

“Ian is comin straight from work, although he’s a bit tender footed because Jaime has been beastly with him lately. I pushed him to come ye ken. I’ll no be havin a rift between the two men in my life.”

“They have been best friends since childhood, how bad did Jaime get?” 

I watched Jenny look toward heaven with a deep breath. “Jaime hasna been himself since he returned from his trip to America, and you. I dinna ken what happened between the two of ye but it changed him and all in his path suffered for it.” 

At that moment I would have traded years of my life to be in Jaime’s arms, holding him tightly, restoring us both. Like an answer to a prayer, the kitchen door crashed open to a smiling Jaime who swiped my whisky while he pulled me to him. 

“Ah, the best we ever made!”

” I looked at his smile and felt my insides go to the butterflies as Jaime yanked me from the kitchen. I reached for Jenny but my giggles exposed my truth. Where Jaime leads, I follow, and gratefully. 

Once upstairs Jaime picked me up and kicked his door shut. “I have seen you in this room with me a hundred times Sassenach. And now yer here.” He slid up next to me on the bed and took my breath away with his kisses and hands. I made a weak attempt to protest leaving Jenny in the kitchen but one minute later I could not remember what I had said. 

Jaime pulled me up to straddle him, encouraging my hips to feel his hardness and length. I saw his eyes burning holes into me and struggled to breathe. He flipped me under him and held my gaze. 

“I want to have my way with ye but we have company mo chridhe. He jumped off the bed and held his hand out like he was escorting me to a tea party. I looked back at his bed whimpering. 

Ian was helping Jenny get supper ready when we entered. Jaime crossed to him and gave a brotherly hug before boy bantering and passing out blinding smiles. I could see Ian relax, visibly, and his own beautiful smile made it to his face.

“My goodness, you two together must have been sheer madness for the ladies you stalked.” They both pulled themselves up and feigned a look of indignation before Jenny put the rudder in the water and announced these boys wouldna kent what to do once they had them lassies. As the chests deflated I hugged my stomach laughing at Jenny and the two of them. 

Jaime and Ian disappeared with the bottle and I stood ready to help. Jenny, remembering my cooking skills were less than proficient for more than boiling water, instructed me through each task until we had a roast in the oven surrounded by cut vegetables and a pie to cook once we sat down. I felt victorious and my demeanor must have given me away when Jenny hugged me around my waist. 

“Dinna ye have cooking classes at boarding school?”

“It was my GPA wrecker actually. I graduated with a 3.95 because of it.” 

Jenny looked perplexed like she couldn’t imagine how someone could spoil a recipe printed out right in front of them. “The lessons were in French then?”

I answered in flawless French that they were printed to the mother tongue of each student so mine were in English. It was a sore spot for me and my feelings were starting to hurt looking at the magnificent meal Jenny had prepared like it was a second thought.

“Dinna fash lass, I’ll help ye and we’ll start at the basics, ken?”

I nodded yes and looked at the ground before erupting in giggles. The atmosphere in the house tonight was not to be dissuaded and soon Jenny was lost in her own giggles and we carried food to the table with serious effort to stop laughing. Jaime followed me into the kitchen to fetch the dinner rolls and I smacked right into his chest when I turned around. 

“Sassenach, yer laughin makes me weak and I beg ye to be serious for five minutes while I fill my belly with food.” His lips were an inch from mine and his hand was inching toward my breast. He covered it and kissed me deeply. Feeling my power and happiness I pushed my tongue into his mouth and heard him breathe in sharply. He sucked my tongue and pushed against me then chased my mouth when I broke the kiss. “Sassenach.”

“I promise to be good.” I kissed the end of his nose squirming out to carry the rolls to the table. Jaime spilled gravy in his lap trying to get a fork to mouth while watching me. I was afraid half his dinner was in his lap by the time we were done and worked hard to keep from smiling. Even in the throws of teasing Jaime, I savored each bite of food, so delicious, so like I remembered. Growing up, the evening meal was always an easy pace where food was consumed for pleasure rather than necessity. No matter the stresses facing Ellen and Brian, when they sat down with their family and conversation was encouraged until we had all been excused. I thought about my meals for the past year and cringed as most were consumed on my feet. 

Jenny and I carried dishes to the kitchen and I almost collided with Jaime bringing in dishes. I noticed the cool interaction with Jenny and realized she and her brother had not spoken directly all evening. Jaime’s long arms made short work of clearing the table after which he ran each dish under water, stacking them for the dishwasher. Jenny and I put the excess food into containers and I noticed her look at her brother’s back several times. I didn’t want to interfere so I pretended not to notice and excused myself as soon as possible. I hugged Ian who had a rosy glow to his cheeks from being in love, whisky, and a glorious meal. I slipped into Jaime’s room and headed for the shower.  


I felt his presence behind me and rinsed my hair quickly as he kissed me so deep it touched my soul. Jaime twisted to let the water pour over him and I soaped my hands covering his chest and back while he kissed me. I ran the soap over his buttocks and ran soapy hands up his erection and balls hearing him gasp. Dropping to a knee I soaped both of his legs, and with his erection an inch from my mouth I looked up at him. He was staring down at me, consumed with his arousal, and I covered him with my mouth, watching his face turn rigid as he watched my lips move down him pushing him to the back of my throat. His hand grabbed my hair pushing himself into my mouth several times before he forced me up to his mouth giving me a searing kiss. He pulled me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist and pushed my tongue in his mouth hearing him groan and finish inside me. 

Jaime had taken his parents room after his da passed away. The four-poster bed was huge and not easy to get into. On my third try, I felt Jaime scoop me up and cover me with the quilt, just like he did so many years ago. The hours of packing, traveling, food, shower, and sex had all conspired to pull the shade down on my consciousness. Since critical thinking goes first, I asked Jaime why his bed was so high and asked for a stool in case I had to get back up by myself. 

“How high is it Sassenach?”

“At least five feet, maybe higher. Is it high to protect you?”

“From what?”

“Little people.”

I heard Jaime laughing as he pushed the hair behind my ear and kissed my forehead. He promised by morning the bed would seem the normal height and pulled me close stroking my hair. 

The weeks before Christmas were a mad dash as I completed my interviews at the Uni of Edinburgh, found my way around the buildings where I would attend classes, and looked for a place to live. I was able to start the nursing program with the stipulation of completing two required courses online at the same time. It was a crushing schedule but I was thrilled with this giant leap forward. I enrolled and pushed a dark line through my to-do list. 

I answered an ad for a guesthouse rental close to the school and fell in love. The owner of the home was delightful and so welcoming. Her name was Edith, a widow living alone with her four small dogs. We sat and talked about my education goals and how Jaime brought me to Scotland from Boston. Something about Edith was so comforting and the words poured out of my mouth until she heard my life story. The light version at least. I was thrilled with the price and signed a lease for six months. Another dark line on my to-do list. 

Jaime was paying a stiff price for what he called his adventures in hell. He spent at least sixty hours per week at the distillery and came home exhausted. Many nights he would hug me and eat at the same time. Because we spent so little time together I understood the importance of that first look at the end of the day. His eyes would lock with mine and as if I could hear him, ask if I was still here for him. Because my heart was saying, now and forever, I would see him smile. 

Sharing Jaime’s truck was extra pressure for him so I purchased an old Honda on the spur of the moment. The family lived relatively close and drove the car to Lallybroch where I handed over the money and took possession. We had our first fight when Jaime got home. 

“No.”

Jaime turned around and walked back into the house. I stood outside freezing watching him retreat to the warm kitchen. I was shocked and a bit angry at his heavy-handed dismissal. I handed him his coat and asked him outside to discuss his reaction. If we were going to argue, the cold would surely see a quick end to it. He pointed to the rusting undercarriage, engine wires that had been chewed by some rodent, seats that rocked sideways due to busted bolts and a constant drip of what looked to be oil. The back window rolled down and would not roll up and black smoke coughed out of the tailpipe when he started it. I hung my head and felt hot tears roll down my cheeks.

“Sassenach, let me help you find a car. We can do it tomorrow. The distillery is closed and I need Sassenach time before I lose my mind.” He opened his coat and pulled me to him. 

I agreed of course and kicked the car before running into the kitchen after Jaime. For a first fight, I decided that was just fine. It wasn’t hard to coax Jaime to bed early that night I laid in his arms and listened to him breathe. As long as that never stops my life will be wonderful I thought, even if I have to walk to the school from Lallybroch.


	12. Chapter 12

We started looking for a car early on Sunday. We had the whole day together and I was thrilled. After seeing the first two vehicles I felt discouraged because the had many of the same issues. 

“Don’t be discouraged Sassenach. Let’s look at one more and then get some coffee to warm us up, okay?”

How could I say no? Jaime was in his boyhood glory today, enjoying the time off and me apparently. The third car was a Honda Civic and I wanted to jump up and down and clap my hands but Jaime told me to look uninterested and bored in front of the sellers. I held my breath while Jaime looked the car over. When it started he saw no drips. The mileage was decent and the interior was intact. I was having trouble looking bored because I really wanted this car.

“Alright Sassenach, we’ve made a deal. Here’s your new car.”

When we finally got through the formalities and payment I didn’t hold myself back from jumping up and down. This car would be treasured. Jaime’s face was red from the cold so when he smiled it was even more blinding than usual. He handed me the keys and told me to follow him to Lallybroch. 

I saw Jaime take off and I put the key in to start the car and it lurched forward and stalled. I tried it again with a feeling of dread. There were three peddles on the floor where there should only be two. The gear shift didn’t look right either. I called Jaime but he was already coming back.

I walked to meet him and explained I couldn’t drive a stick shift. 

“I’ll teach ye mo chridhe. It’s really fun, you will enjoy it once yer used to it. Drive my truck and we’ll have a lesson at Lallybroch.” 

He still looked happy and confident so I tamped down on my concern and looked forward to my lesson. 

After a fortifying shot of whisky out, we went for what was sure to be a quick lesson. An hour later I still had not gotten the car to roll through first gear. I was so frustrated I jumped out of the damn thing and walked to the house. Jaime found me sulking on the staircase.

“Mo chridhe, dinna be so sad. I’m no a good teacher. Jenny is better and when she gets home she will teach ye. Since we’re waitin for her, maybe I could talk ye into a nap with me.”

“I don’t feel like sleeping Jaime.”

“Me neither.” 

He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his room closing the door behind me. Later, I laid in Jaime’s arms and listened to the remaining issues at the distillery and what was to be done about them. Jaime fetched whisky and glasses and I drank mine thinking I would surely get the timing of the clutch when I tried again. 

Another lesson with Jaime and he left the car rubbing his neck. Next, Jenny came to the rescue and jumped into the side seat. “Ready lass, just ease the clutch out while ye press the gas.” I did what she said, the engine revved, I let the clutch out, and the car lurched forward about five feet. Jenny jumped out and told me to stay there. She would get Ian. 

I sat in the car, freezing, and waited for my next disappointment. “Come out of the car lass. I like to start on a rock.”

I followed Ian to a large rock and sat on it with my feet down in the driver’s position. 

“My hands are yer clutch and gas peddles. Go ahead and ease into first gear. Woa! Ye canna lift yer foot off the clutch like that. Ye pull it out maybe halfway and apply a wee bit of gas, no that’s too much. When ye get close to the engagement point ye’ll start to feel the car move forward a bit and that's when ye give it a wee bit more gas. Try it again.”

When Jenny ran into the house Jaime was seated at the kitchen table. After Ian left, he asked Jenny to sit with him. 

“What’s it gonna take lass for ye to forgive me?”

Jenny was quiet and looked at her lap. When she looked at him, he was shocked to see tears in his sister’s eyes.

“Jenny, please, I’m sorry for hurtin ye, for stayin drunk, for runnin the business down, truly. Can’t ye see how hard I’m workin to fix everything?”

Jaime watched her struggle with her emotions.“Until I have bairns of my own, yer all I’ve got Jaime. I fear if I don’t run ahead of ye and look for bombs in yer way ye’ll surely step on one and blow yerself up. Now I’m fashed thinkin ye jumped the gun with Claire puttin a ring on her finger after knowin her again for a week. When am I gonna stop worryin about ye and live my own life?”

“Start now Jenny. Ye’ve done a splendid job keepin me on my feet to this point. If I promise to look for bombs in my way can ye let my safety and well bein go a bit?”

Jaime pulled his sister up from the chair and hugged her tightly. “ I’m yer only brother, yer my only sister. We have a special bond lass. Dinna fash. Ye have too much to be happy for.”

“Aye, that would be me!” Ian stood in the kitchen doorway shaking off snow. “Tis a taste of what’s comin in a few days.”

Jaime saw movement out the window and watched the Honda drive in circles and then out to the road and she was gone.

“Claire is drivin the car! Oh my God, Ian, how did ye do it?” Jaime was watching when the little Honda came back into view and finally came to a stop in the driveway. He watched her happy dance and cringed when her next step slipped in the fresh snow and sent her sprawling. 

“I landed hard on my bum. Jaime ran outside and pulled me up rubbing the point of impact. I started to giggle and before long Jaime and I both just dissolved in laughter with tears welling up in our eyes. When we got back inside I threw my arms around Ian and thanked him. Jenny and I started with supper and the continuation of my cooking lessons. I felt I had conquered the world and was spewing happiness about it. I noticed Jenny was a little quiet. If she wanted me to know about something upsetting her, she would tell me, so I let it go.

I was preparing carrots to bake with butter and herbs. I washed them and cut the ends, piled them into a pan and reached for the butter.

“What ye doin Claire? Them carrots need scrapin and cut down the middle.”

I looked at the carrots and almost cried. “That’s not how we did it last time.”

“Ah, right ye are dear Claire. Sorry. For this recipe, we must skin them, cut them, melt the butter and stir in the herbs, pour that over the carrots, and then bake for thirty minutes at 350 degrees.”

“Oh! Got it.” That seemed easy enough and I tried to memorize what she said. No problem. I was scraping the carrots carefully when Jenny suggested I go faster because it was more fun. I could not see how this could ever be fun but I sped up and noticed the bits of carrot skin flying all over the sink and counter. It was a little more interesting, in fact, I was quite proficient at shaving the carrots.

“Christ Sassenach, what have ye done to yerself?”

I twisted my head at Jaime and saw an orange skin out the corner of my eye. I reached for it pulling it off my hair. Jaime was forcing my hands under cold water and rubbing the stuck skins off. That’s when I noticed all the blood in the sink and I gasped.

“Good Lord, ye’ve taken half your skin off with the carrots!” Jenny’s eyes were round, looking at my cut hands. The bleeding stopped quickly but that did little for my embarrassment. I didn’t want any more scrutiny of my inabilities tonight so I excused myself and went to Jaime’s room. It wasn’t the end of the world, I knew I would learn, but I just had enough for today. I laid on Jaime’s pillow and breathed him in. I felt him scoop me up to sit on his lap.

“I hold my heart in my arms Sassenach. Ye are my heart and yer love for me is my soul. Yer trust in me and willingness to come to Scotland brings me to my knees lass. I fear there has not been enough time to tell ye and show ye my gratitude. I have to save the business. Please Claire, wait for me. There is a lifetime I want to share with ye and my time willna be so short after the holiday. 

Jaime pressed his forehead to mine, “tell me ye can wait just a bit longer lass,” is what I heard through my tears. I loved this man with my whole being and didn’t realize he was worried about so little time with me. I pulled his chin and sealed his mouth with my kiss and my promise not to worry. We kissed and kissed some more making it hard for me to catch my breath. Jaime twisted and covered me kissing me deeply while he pressed himself into me. I broke the kiss panting and held his face.

“Can we make a date for, let's say an hour, to meet here, naked and fed?”

“Anything for ye Sassenach. I love ye.”

My heart jumped into my throat when I looked at the love in Jaime’s eyes. I took a deep breath, a little overcome by his closeness and words. That’s when I realized how much I missed him this week and I just wanted to be close to him. We had sex mid-morning but it hadn’t reached our hearts. I decided that was frustration sex caused by my driving lesson. My list was growing.

I walked into the kitchen in time to help Jenny carry food to the table. Another glorious meal shared between the closest of friends. I squeezed Jenny’s hand and smiled. When I looked at my carrots I jumped up and pointed at them, “wow, look at the carrots, they look perfect!” 

Jenny laughed and Ian looked confused. Jaime looked like he had serious business left to do tonight making me squirm in my seat. As I chewed, my thoughts went back to my list of sex categories. First-time sex, breathless, exciting and new, focused and thrilling. Goodbye sex, painful, emotional, no release, not fun. Reunion sex, heated, brutal, hot, consuming, not for weak. Frustration sex, a release to break tension, a bit clinical and unromantic, but effective. What kind of sex feeds the heart, I wondered? It was New Orleans sex, minus the last day, when his touch was felt on my skin and my heart at the same time and his eyes spoke to a part of me so deep I wanted to weep. What if that is vacation sex? What a horrible thought, so scratch that. How do we have the kind of sex that feeds the heart? I was watching Jaime, looking at his muscular shoulders and gorgeous face. His arms, so strong and loving. I was yanked out of my daydream by Jaime jumping to his feet and grabbing as many plates as he could carry which almost cleared the table. It startled me at first and by the time I recovered, he was yanking me out of my chair, thanking Jenny for the meal, begging off dishes and promising chores of her choosing tomorrow. He said he was dead on his feet, needed to rest.

I never knew I could climb those stairs so fast, I suppose Jaime pulling me had something to do with it. I heard the bedroom door slam and Jaime’s face an inch from mine. He pulled my hand to his erection which surprised me.

“I’ve told ye about yer glass face lass, have I naught,” he hissed in my ear as he circled me. Ye’ve been in ye head throughout supper, doin things reserved for me. I watched ye Sassebach and I’m ready to bend ye over like a ruttin bull. He was behind me breathing heavy and talking in my ear as his hands traveled in every direction. I was aroused by the sound of his voice and probing hands. I wondered how hard it would be to take control of the seduction. I turned around to face him and looked him up and down and he has done to me, lingering on his crotch and the bulging denim. I circled around him and pushed him toward the bed.

“Sassenach?” It was a warning from a bull with focused attention. His eyes were drilling into me as I pushed him backward to the bed.

“I will show you, I promise. Just do as I say and lay on the bed with your hands behind your head.”

The room was getting dark fast with the setting sun so I turned on the bathroom light and closed the door to about three inches.

“Whatever yer about to do I need to see it mo chridhe.” He turned on the bedside lamp to the lowest light and looked excited and definitely focused. I was so glad I had lace panties on or I would never have attempted this. I walked to the bed, turned around to lift my boot to him, then the other. I walked five feet away and with my back to him, I pushed my jeans over my hips and bent deeply at the waist giving him the grand view of my ass. I heard his breath catch and turned around pulling my sweater off, then my thermal shirt, and only had my cotton undershirt left. I rubbed my hands up my stomach under the shirt with my gaze locked on his. 

“Finish lass.”

His voice sent shivers up my spine. I pulled the hem up and over my head. Standing in bra and panties I walked to the foot of the bed and then crawled toward him. His eyes were feasting on my breasts about to pop out of my bra and I realized this was a bonus I had not considered. Boobs look glorious and big when you bend over. Ah, how nice. I was over him on all fours when I told him it was his night to enjoy. With my mind muddled with lust, I was unprepared when he grabbed me and found myself straddling him on the edge of the bed. He looked like the wolf that had outwitted his pray and was coming in for the spoils. I tried to unbutton his shirt but he held my hands behind my back with one hand while he played with my bra and skin underneath.

Jaime wouldn’t let up and pushed me to breathless surrender when I felt the clasp of my bra release. He pulled it off and looked at me licking his lips. Several deep kisses and my arousal was shooting sparklers through my brain, then he released me.

“Continue Sassenach.”

I looked at him with an effort to rally what was left of my thinking mind. I started to unbutton his shirt but my hands were shaking and awkward. He did not offer any help except to run his hands up my thighs coming teasingly close to my core. I pushed his shirt off with a deep breath. I let myself get stuck looking at his magnificent chest and flat stomach. I twisted the button on his jeans and pulled the zipper down before he grabbed my hands.

“Ye arna done lass.”

I tried to think of what he meant by that and looking down I saw my tiny panties were still on. I walked several paces in front of him and turned my back. Clutching the sides I bent deeply from the waist and slid them to my feet hearing Jaime gasp behind me. I turned around to see Jaime struggle out of jeans in three point five seconds. He was up, pushing me toward one of the bedposts, holding my hands above my head, sending me into orbit with his mouth.

“Ye’ve a wicked little body to tease me with lassie. I’m gonna take my time.” 

And he did. With his mouth to my ear, he made promises from the heart while he pulled me higher into arousal until I begged him to release me. When he possessed me, so deeply and sweetly, I clung to him. 

I laid in Jaime’s arms, never so sure in my life that I was where I belonged. Thoughts drifted through my mind like an easy breeze. 

“I love you so much, Jaime.”

“I’m a patient man mo gradhag, I’ll give ye sixty years to prove it to me.” 

He wrapped around me and we sailed away. Not before I added strip tease sex to my list, hot, seductive, patient, promising, speaks to the heart…at least it did tonight.


	13. Chapter 13

Christmas eve at Lallybroch was the night the tree was cut. As children, the whole family would hike into the forest until the perfect tree was found and brought home. It was adorned with lights, ornaments, strings of beads and tinsel. I actually remembered many of the ornaments I hung on the tree. It was such a special night for the four of us. Christmas carols played throughout the house, eggnog and rum were consumed, and lots of kissing was enjoyed. We went to midnight mass and I watched the three of them so deep in prayer, so moved spiritually. I felt a bit jealous of their peace. 

I laid in Jaime’s arms and he told me the story of Ebenezer and the ghost of Christmas past, present, and future. It had been thirteen years since I heard Brian tell the story with all of us gathered around. As I recalled, Jenny and I were quite afraid of the story when we were really young.

“When I close my eyes Jaime, I can hear your da’s voice telling the story. You are a master storyteller, just like he was.” I saw Jaime’s face soften and he gave me a crooked smile before he attacked my neck making me shriek with laughter.

“Do ye remember cryin for Mam to sit between ye’s, each holdin one of her hands?” You two were so scared!” He tickled me making me laugh harder.

Jenny shouted from her room, “We were never that scared brother, were we Claire!” Ian was laughing in the background.

My eyes were as big as saucers. “Did you know it was that easy to hear between the walls?

Jaime laughed and touched my cheek, “that’s only when someone is listenin Sassenach.”

Ian piped up, “we havna turned our tv on since ye came dear Claire.”

“Oh, my God!”

Jenny’s laugh was enough to send me into my own ridiculous giggles to which Jaime made a short redirect of my thoughts into the realm of our special place.

I was vaguely aware of Jenny complaining “Christ, they’re at it again,” followed by giggles and shrieks, and then quiet. 

I lost myself in Jaime’s embrace and pulled the pillow over my face when the time came for me to moan and scream. My God, I thought, I might burst with happiness. But when Jaime pulled me close I just smiled and chased my dreams.

Jenny put me in charge of several of the dishes for Christmas dinner. I was so proud at her confidence in my culinary skills. It seemed we cooked all day, made longer by two of my dishes scrapped and started over. I had invited Edith to join us for dinner and was thrilled she said yes. I had yet to spend any time at the Carriage house and was excited to know her better.

It was a festive day full of love. Edith was so charming sharing her stories of life in Edinburgh when she was young and newly married. The way she talked about her husband made me realize she still loved him just as much as the day they were married. 

“You miss him terribly don’t you?” It was out of my traitorous mouth before I could stop it.

“I have my work to keep me busy in the interim. He is a patient man so I can take my time.”

Jaime smiled sincerely at Edith and squeezed her hand. “He’s a lucky man by the look of it.”

Jenny asked Edith what her work entailed.

“I’m, or I was, an executive chef for forty years, now I am one of the Dean’s at the Edinburgh Culinary Institute.

I accidentally dropped my fork onto my plate making me jump clean out of skin. “What?”

Jenny and Jaime laughed so hard I thought they might both pee their pants.

“Oh, stop it you two!”

While I berated the siblings for having a go with me, Ian patiently explained to Edith that I was learning to cook and, uh, doing quite well. “In fact, Claire made the sausages.”

“No…actually Claire made the veggie tray and pie.” Jenny corrected Ian.

Edith turned a dazzling smile toward me and announced I was invited to cook with her every Saturday if I wanted to continue my lessons. I looked at the three of them quite pleased with my good fortune. 

I walked Edith to her car in the early evening and thanked her for coming. She held my hand and I felt a strange shiver go up my spine. 

I walked into the house, exhausted from a full day. When I saw the catastrophic mess in the kitchen my heart dropped like a stone. Ian came in with whisky and glasses and we toasted Christmas before jumping into the cleanup. 

Jaime had his arms in soap bubbles up to his elbows when his cell phone started buzzing in his pocket. We all offered to grab it for him but he pressed his hip into the counter and the buzzing stopped. His face looked weird but the antics of Ian and Jenny covered the incident. I looked at my watch and it was almost eleven o’clock. I had an unsettling feeling growing in my stomach. Jaime pulled me to bed soon after and made me forget my own name and the phone call.

The week before Hogmanay was full of cooking, cleaning, and dressing the house for the party. Since I was home all day, I scrubbed floors, washed windows, and polished the banister to gleaming. I took my little car to the market and bought the ingredients for a holiday fudge I wanted to be a surprise. The first batch was so runny it would never solidify and I had my heart set on surprising Jaime. I picked up my stuff and drove to Edith’s.

She seemed thrilled to have company with a productive mission. She looked at my fudge soup and shook her head.

“Let’s start over, shall we?”

She watched me work through the recipe and touched my arm a couple of times making corrections in the mixing temperature and consistency of the fudge. I learned so much and when I saw the fudge harden I was over the moon. 

I washed the dishes and put the kitchen back to its pristine condition then I played with the dogs outside for a while. It was dark and I had not gotten through to Jaime. Where was he?

I hugged and thanked Edith and turned toward home with my prize. I wondered if Jaime was still at the distillery and turned down his road to show him my treat. I pulled into the parking lot and was thrilled to see his truck but when I was closer I saw a black BMW parked next to him. I hadn’t seen any of Jaime’s staff drive a car like that and as I turned into a parking spot my headlights illuminated the custom license plate. It said GDNSANY and I nearly threw up. 

I quickly found reverse but stalled the Honda over and over in my haste to escape. It was humiliating as I imagined Geneva laughing her ass off watching me freak out in the parking lot. I raced down the road feeling myself hyperventilate and grip the steering wheel until my knuckles were white. Is she what keeps you at work so late Jaime? Is she who called on Christmas night. Is she waiting for you when you start your day two hours before your crew? Is that why you change your clothes as soon as you get home.? Why bring me here if you were still wanting her? No wonder you didn’t answer my calls tonight. Obviously, Geneva takes priority because you let my calls go to voice mail while you entertained her. Jesus Christ, I’ve never hated anyone so much in my life. You two deserve each other!

I sent him a text message: Staying with Edith

I wanted to rant and rave at him. Seal my fate as a hateful shrew-like I did with Frank, but I couldn’t. Deep down, I wanted Jaime to be innocent even if it seemed impossible by the looks of things. I drove back and forth on Edith’s street looking for the driveway to the Carriage house. I was so upset I finally pulled over and let myself fall apart. I heard tapping on the window for several minutes before I looked up startled to see a policeman wanting to get my attention. I panicked and threw the car into first gear promptly stalling it out. At that point, my door flew open and the officer unceremoniously dragged me out of the car. He flashed a light in my eyes and asked me questions so rapidly I couldn’t think of the right answer. He was quite sure I was drunk and was very rough when he spun me around and put a restraining device on my hands. I just hung my head, knowing this night could not get any worse. The officer pushed me down on the curb and walked away from me. I could hear him in conversation and it sounded like Edith. 

The officer pulled me up with a bit more kindness and removed the strap on my hands. I want ye to pull yer car into the driveway Claire. Mrs. Fitzgibons will vouch for ye so I’m releasing ye. 

All I heard was drive the stupid car up the driveway. “I can’t.”

Clearly, the officer was done with this ridiculous incident. He walked me to Edith and then drove the hateful car and parked it in the driveway. My legs were shaking so hard it made the rest of my body quake and I prayed I would wake up from this nightmare safely buried under my covers in Boston. 

Edith pulled me inside her house and brought me a shot of whisky. She coo’ed to me about how things were not as bad as they seemed. I had yet to tell her anything about my discovery. I kissed her cheek and told her I needed to sleep, assuring her I was fine and thanking her. She watched me walk to the carriage house and fumble with a lock I wasn’t used to. 

I didn’t want the lights on because they make it impossible to pretend I’m invisible. I sat in the dark all night trying to find a way out of this for Jaime. Playing every scenario for an innocent ending but nothing could convince me my world wasn’t ending. I cried in my loneliness and heartbreak for what seemed an eternity. 

Maybe I had no more tears to shed. I sat quietly on my bed staring at the floor. My shoes were muddy and I hoped I hadn’t tracked all that into Edith’s pristine house. I looked up and realized the sun was finally coming up and I felt better for some reason. It didn’t feel like my brain was working right, probably from lack of sleep. I thought about the day ahead, facing Jaimie, hearing his excuses, or worse, his truth. One thing I was sure of, I wasn’t ready for that. 

The thought entered my mind that Jaime would be banging the door down soon and my heart rate shot up making me feel more awake. I jumped to my feet, pulled my coat on and left. A brisk walk is what I needed and I headed for the woods behind Edith’s house. 

Jaime came through the door at Lallybroch with a scowl on his face and checked himself immediately. He would tell Claire about Geneva’s visit but at least he could great her with a happier face. He shook his head like he was trying to rid himself of Geneva’s image standing in front of him and her father right next to her. “Ah diah!” He needed to purge his mind and wrap himself in one beautiful Sassenach. He plugged his phone into the charging station in the kitchen, read the note about going to Edith’s and mounted the stairs to his room. No Claire. How could he miss her walking through the house? He went in search for her calling out to Jenny.

“I’m a bit busy at the moment brother, what is it?” Jenny’s face was red and her hair was down. Jaime felt embarrassed about intruding on her private time. 

“Where is Claire?”

“She left a note about goin to Edith’s.”

“It’s nine o’clock now and I’m worried somethin happened with the car and she is stranded.” He ran his hand through his hair and raced back downstairs. He was suddenly seized with worry that she would try to call for help when his phone was dead. 

Jenny went back to Ian in her warm bed until she heard Jaime cursing a blue streak in the kitchen. She went downstairs feeling something queer in her stomach and not liking it one bit.

When Jenny looked at Jaime the alarm bells started clanging in her brain and loads of adrenalin pumped into her racing heart. She could see it Jaime’s face, something was very wrong. She waited for him to dial a number and leave the same message over and over again. 

“Do any of us know where Edith lives or have a phone number for her?”

Jenny's eyes got very big and she shook her head no. “What’s happened then?” Ian squeezed around her feeling the doom in the kitchen. He watched and waited not wanting to interrupt. 

Jaime’s body stiffened and he looked up at Jenny dropping his phone. “Impossible. No one has that kind of bad luck,” he whispered. His eyes focused on Jenny and he told her about the visit from Geneva and her father, his dead phone, and his late arrival from work. 

“Christ Jaime, if Claire came by the distillery and saw the black BMW…with her fucking name on the plate clear as day. She would think that you…”

“I have to find her, think…what did she say the address was for the Carriage house?” He couldn’t wait for answers and ran upstairs to look through Claire’s belongings for a lease, a note with the address, anything. He found nothing helpful. He knew the street it was on, he would drive slowly and look for her car. In his mind, he saw what Claire would have seen if she did come to the distillery tonight. It wasn’t good.

Jaime asked Jenny to keep her phone nearby tonight in case Claire called, then he left to look for her.

My walk through the woods was torturous because I kept seeing the BMW parked close to Jaime’s truck like it belonged there. What could he possibly want with two women? Maybe Geneva decided she wanted him back and he was willing to go. I could strangle them both at the moment. As the sun rose the day did not get much brighter. Heavy storm clouds blocked most of the light and the temperature was just right for snow. Despite my night without sleep, my legs felt good with the exercise but I had to turn around. It was time to face the destruction and get back to Boston. 

On the way back I made some rules. No excuses, no explanation of feelings, his fucking girlfriend was not to be mentioned. I wanted no input about Jaime whatsoever. He could help me get home or stay the hell out of my way. I was taking an extended break from the Frasers and that included Jenny. I looked around and recognized nothing. I kept walking.

Jaime drove up and down Edith’s road searching for Claire’s car, It was his fourth trip and he had seen all this four times already. He saw Claire running toward the waves in San Diego, turning toward him waving. He saw her tears and sad face and it nearly gutted him. Now she cries for my betrayal he thought. Please Claire, call me, tell me where ye are. 

Jaime was back at Lallybroch an hour later making a plan to find Edith. He would contact the Culinary school the minute they opened and at least get her last name. He prayed she had crawled into her bed and would sleep until he found her. For the remainder of the night, he paced.

Jenny made coffee and put it in front of her brother as the knocking started on the kitchen door. Jaime pulled the door open and there stood Edith, looking frail and quite shaken. Jaime pulled her into the warm house. She told them about Claire’s issue with the police and watching her unlock the door to the Carriage house. She gave Jaime the address and then rocked him to the core.

“I knocked on the door to check on her this morning and she didn’t answer so I looked in the window and I didn’t see her. Her purse is on the bed but she wasn’t there. I got my cell phone and called her number.” She looked up at Jaime, “it rang inside. She left without her purse, cell phone, or car.”

Jaime thanked Edith and ran for his truck breaking land speed records getting back to the city. When he pulled into Edith’s driveway, there was Claire’s Honda, parked along side the Carriage house, hidden from the road. He reached for the door and it opened filling him with dread. Jesus Christ, he thought, Claire would never leave without her purse and phone, and she would never leave her house unlocked, but she had this time. 

He walked outside and looked at the huge black clouds ready to dump their load of snow… and cover her tracks! His head shot up and he looked in all directions. There was a layer of snow on the ground and tracks all over the place. He looked out at the woods behind Edith and wondered if Claire would venture into them. “No Sassenach,” he said out loud and started running. He continued running until he saw them and fell to his knees feeling his heart might explode. “Jesus Sassenach, ye have no idea what yer walkin into.”

Jaime called Jenny and asked for her help. She had called in sick and was ready. She started writing notes as fast as she could. Police, TV news, radio stations. “Hurry Jenny, once the snow starts I’ll lose her tracks. Jaime stood up and started running. 

Edith was sitting with Jenny and heard everything. She too picked up her phone and dialed a friend who worked with search and rescue dogs. He was a favorite student of hers, now an executive chef like she had been and he had mad love for Edith. He said he was mobilizing every team available and would call other counties looking for more help. They needed to find her before the snow started. Edith’s hands shook when she clicked off the call. 

Jenny was arguing with the police about how many hours she had been gone and sounding desperate until she abruptly stopped talking and looked at her phone.

“They hung up. How can the police hang up on someone askin for help?” The local news station gave the same runaround. Once a police APB went out they would run the story. Jenny was feeling frantic. She ran outside and looked at the ominous sky. “Oh my God lass, I hope ye bundled up.”

Jenny called Jaime and gave him the bad news. She could hear him breathing heavy and knew he was running. He was optimistic. A single line of footprints, he had to be getting close.

When I saw the first hill in front of me I climbed it knowing I had nothing but flat ground all morning. I was definitely lost, but which way to go now? I saw a few snowflakes riding on the breeze and felt a bit of panic. I made an abrupt right turn. If I could find a road I would be fine. I took long strides. Toward safety or doom, I didn’t know. I looked at my watch. Three o’clock and I felt icy claws of fear wrap around my heart. I moved faster and saw a few more snowflakes. 

Jaime saw the first flakes of snow hit the ground and felt helpless. He watched the compass app on his phone and knew Claire was meandering all over the woods. “Please Claire, stop movin. Hug a tree and I will find ye.” He felt the wind pick up and his heart sank. He kept running.

The snow was falling steadily around me now. I didn’t know if I was walking in a straight line or around in circles. I was scared and dreadfully tired. I scooped snow and put it in my mouth. Then kept walking. The snow was falling so hard and my feet were freezing. I had not seen a human being since I walked into this wood and felt like I was on Mars. I had to stop and rest. It was six o’clock and I would be stuck in the woods all night during a blizzard. For trusting Jaime Fraser I could face my death tonight. I felt my blood boil and stomped a hard left and kept walking. If I get out of this I will skin you alive Fraser, I thought. The anger was helping me move and I felt a little warmer. 

When the sun set my tears flowed and my fear had almost paralyzed me. The snow was at least a foot deep and my feet were numb. I stumbled forward, lurching about three feet at a time and my foot caught something under the snow making me lose my balance. I came crashing to the ground and caught a light out in my peripheral vision. Now I’m hallucinating I thought. The snow was so heavy it was hard to see. I put up my hands and squinted at what looked like the end of the woods. Jesus Christ, I’m almost out! It took forever to reach it and I broke through with a deep breath, thank God, I made it.

Edith asked if Jenny would drive her to the Edinburgh police station. Edith wasn’t used to such activity and fear. She wanted Jenny to stay with her while she tried to help Claire. 

“Do you have a picture of Claire, a close up of her face?” Jenny went through her phone and ran to print two pictures of her friend. They left for the city. Little Edith did not walk very fast and Jenny was ready to pull her hair out. Edith raised a shaky hand clutching the picture and asked the desk Sargent to give it to the chief. To Jenny’s amazement, he said okay and disappeared with the picture. Edith pulled Jenny to some chairs along the wall and they sat down to wait. For what, Jenny didn’t know. 

“Edith, did that guy just take the picture to the chief of police?” 

Edith smiled slightly. “Yes, the chief owes me a favor. He’s my brother.”

Jenny heard the booming voice from around the corner and her eyes went wide as the man shouted orders with every step. The closer he got the more fear she felt. She saw the sergeant snap his head at the voice. The chief bellowed he wanted the cruisers packed with medical tonight. Jenny’s big eyes watched the corner, waiting for the powerful man to show himself.

“Edith? What have ye brought me dear?

“You tell him Jenny.” 

She ran down the important bullets, newly here from America, twenty-two, student, location she entered the wood and continued until the chief raised his hand.

“It’s too early for an APB.” The chief watched the snow fall outside. “Alright stay here ladies, let me see what I can do.” Back in his office, the chief looked at Claire’s face, so young and beautiful. The sun was shining above her and she was laughing. He handed the picture to his secretary with orders to put it out everywhere.

The entire Edinburgh police force was alerted that a young woman had disappeared into the wood twelve hours ago. Her picture came across the cruiser computers. Many officers were hypnotized by the image of Claire laughing in the sun. The halo of dark curls reaching down her back, her features were beautiful and focused. Many of them felt a cold resolve to find this woman before harm or the elements could take her.

Jaime ran back in the dark, using his GPS to guide him. Claire didn’t have a GPS. She must be scared to death, he thought. He bolted out of the wood toward Edith’s house and pounded the door while he called Jenny. She answered the door, phone in hand. He searched her eyes and she shook her head. No word, no Claire. Jaime looked out at the road. The city was coming to a grinding halt as people hunkered down to wait out the storm. He was despondent. Too much adrenaline and fear today, too little hope to keep him positive. It started to feel like every breath was an effort. What must Claire feel? Jaime heard the low rumble of large motors moving slowly. He looked up at Jenny and she shrugged her shoulders. He moved down the driveway to the street and saw a line of huge vehicles, bright headlights as far as he could see and they were pulling up to the curb in front of Edith’s. Jenny ran out and started screaming, waving her arms with a huge smile.

The driver’s door of the first truck popped open and loud Gallic cursing was heard making Jaime smile. A man crossed the street and embraced Jaime, Ian called us and here we are, to find little Claire.

“Rupert!” Jenny shrieked and jumped into his arms hugging him tightly.

“Hey, hey, now, dinna give it all to that fat bastard!”

“Angus, ye came. I thank ye.” Jaime was appreciative and humbled by his life long mates coming to the rescue. There were men everywhere pulling the snowmobiles off the trailers, preparing for a search and rescue. They had foghorns, torches, emergency flares, and they were ready. Jaime was so overwhelmed he could barely keep it together. He showed Angus and Rupert on the map, where she entered the wood and how far he ran. The snow was almost a whiteout. The conditions this club lived for. The twenty or so men would criss-cross this town tonight and find one small, scared, girl, named Claire. His very heart. 

Angus looked at Jaime’s white face. Dinna worry, the cavalry is here. Ian is coordinating tonight. He has the topo maps and the GPS when we call in. See ye when the sun comes up Jaime boy. Angus ran to get his little lifesaver on ski’s ready. Jaime waved his arm in the air and the men waved back as the night was cracked by the sound of engines racing away to save his love. 

Jaime leaned over his truck seat and lost it. He felt a hand on his back and turned to hold Jenny close as he cried.

“It’s a little overwhelmin when the cavalry shows up. Innit brother?”

Jaime looked up and noticed the women walking into Edith’s house. He was confused and looked at Jenny. 

“This one is for you. For your safety and Claire’s.” She shoved a rosary into his pocket and then jogged back to Edith’s door. She turned and looked at Jaime before she went inside. He knew what she wanted, find my friend.

Jaime jumped into his truck and moved down the vacant streets. 

I stood on a hill when I came out of the wood and looked down at roads and stores I had never seen before. My elation shriveled up at the ghost town before me. The shops were closed and there wasn’t a car to be seen. My first step sent me tumbling down the steep hill cushioned by the snow I found myself sitting in two feet of snow at the bottom. I forced myself up and the fatigue gripped me. I’m coming for you, it whispered in my ear, sending goosebumps across my skin. This is what terror feels like, I thought. I walked for an hour making slow progress through the deep snow. When I couldn’t put one foot in front of the other I collapsed in a recessed door of a bookshop. It would keep the snow off of me and I was visible to people of good intention and bad. It no longer mattered. I curled into a corner and hid my face in my coat before I went to black.

Deep in the night I awoke abruptly and terrified. I felt something cold and wet on my ear and a loud whooshing noise. I raised her head instantly and looked into the large brown eyes of a young Labrador retriever. The dog was wagging his tail and he attempted to crawl into my coat. My startled expression made the pup fearful and he whimpered and shook with cold, backing away. I saw the desperation and hope in his sweet eyes and started to giggle. The pup took that as an invitation to jump on me and I pulled him close and covered him with my coat. "Ok sweet pup" I was rubbing his ears to warm him and was overwhelmed at the love I saw in his eyes. We settled into my coat and slept fitfully through the night.


	14. Chapter 14

I woke slowly, curling myself tighter trying to stay warm. I came near the surface and then sank back into my dreams. When I opened my eyes my head was pounding and my limbs were stiff and cold. I felt pressure against my stomach and it was moving! 

“Jesus Christ!’ I flung my coat open and stared into the yawn of my furry friend. When he closed his mouth and saw me his tail wagged so hard I worried it would break off. He headbutted me and his whole body seemed to be wagging. “You are so cute.” The little dog stopped in his tracks when I spoke to him. He watched me, tilting his head sharply to one side and then the other. It felt like he was waiting for me to finish.

“That all.” He was still quietly watching me until I giggled and the little goofball jumped me. A wiggling mass of fur with a sloppy tongue. I was suffocating in dog love and I actually laughed. Despite the direst night of my life, I laughed. I tried to calm him down and was losing patience with his antics when I stopped moving and addressed him. “Little dog!” His butt hit the concrete. That’s better soldier.” I hugged him to me for warmth and he laid his head down obediently. “Wow, if I wasn’t going to die today from hypothermia, I would love to get to know you.” I looked around and saw the alcove we were in was half sealed by a wall of snow. That must be keeping a little warmth in here, I thought. 

“Maybe we should venture out and be careful not to disturb our wall of snow too much. Are you starving little dog? Your family must be worried sick about you.” I expected the dog to bolt for home as soon as we were free of the alcove. When I stood up I felt him on my leg and looked down at the dog pressing his head against me. “You like to headbutt people, don't you? I’ll call you headbutter for the next five minutes, before you remember home and run off.” I ran my hand down his soft back. “You're the color of butter little dog. For the next five minutes, your name is Butter!”

I carefully pushed out of the alcove and was stunned by what I saw. A thick blanket of snow laid over everything, including the trees, bushes, and cars. It was so beautiful I almost cried. The streets had been partially plowed so I pushed through the deep snow and watched poor Butter leap his way to the street. I went through my pockets looking for change to buy some food. I closed my hand around fifty-eight cents and spotted a food truck on the street ahead. I looked down at the adoring eyes of Butter and giggled. “Still with me I see.”

I lifted my fist to the man in the food truck, embarrassed by dirty shaking hands. The coins clattered when they dropped on the stainless steel counter. The man looked at me with compassionate eyes, deepening my feeling of gloom. 

“May I have fifty-eight cents worth of hot dogs please?”

The man pulled four hot dogs into buns and dropped them into a bag. “Are ye alright lass? Can I call yer family for ye?” 

I felt a hot tear roll down her cheek and rubbed it away. “I don’t have one. Thank you, sir.”

He handed me the coins back and I felt his eyes on me as we walked away wishing I was invisible.

The smell of food gripped my stomach with hunger like I have never felt. I pushed the snow off of a bench and sat down panting from the effort. Butter jumped up and shared the hot dogs enjoying the feel of warm food hit his empty stomach I imagine. I swept my eyes across the streets and empty stores but aside from the food vendor, there wasn’t a soul in sight. Still on Mars I see. 

I desperately wanted to wash my hands but I was feeling quite ill suddenly. I tried to breathe deeply but it just made the dizziness worse. My stomach was rolling and nauseous, and I felt sweat rolling down my forehead. “Butter…I need to lay down.” I lurched off the bench and made my way back to the alcove, throwing up twice, emptying my stomach of the nutrients. I laid on the freezing ground, crying and holding Butter. “I need to sleep Butter…please don’t leave me.”

I woke up several times through the day but my mind was more muddled each time. Butter would wag, wiggle and head butt me right back to sleep. I could hear Butter crying and opened my eyes with difficulty, wanting to avoid consciousness more than my next breath. I was scared senseless by a dog looming over me and I was in a strange place. Then the thing licked my face and I cried when my memory came back in excruciating detail. So, there we were, both crying. Butter because he had to pee I assumed and didn’t want to lay in it, me because I knew I was in desperate trouble.

I staggered up with difficulty and held the walls until my head stopped spinning. “Jesus, it’s getting dark already. Butter, we need to find help.” My heart was racing, so sure I was that I was on my last leg. I lurched toward the snow wall and pushed through it forgetting it had kept us from freezing for the last 24 hours. I had to find help.

The previous night, six club wives, Jenny, and Edith prayed for Claire. Jenny was concerned for Edith and moved the women to the Carriage house at ten o’clock so she could help Edith to bed. Jenny felt Edith grab her hand. 

“It’s possible, extraordinarily possible she found a way to keep safe in the storm. I spent a little time in the American desert when my husband was stationed there. There was nothing but desert as far as the eye could see. I hated it there until I heard a loud noise one morning and saw a huge dust cloud rising up off the desert. I was sitting outside at the time and felt the ground rumbling under my feet. I was petrified! Oh! What a miracle it was to see a huge herd of wild horses run past our property. It is an experience that still tops my list. They ran past me very fast but I could tell by the dust that they stopped close by. I knew they were near and got so excited when I saw a young horse watching me from behind a Manzanita tree. Well, my heart was pounding but I forced myself to stand very still and not look the young horse in the eye. I backed into the house and came out with a bunch of carrots. I pulled one lose and tossed it toward the horse. At first, it ran away but then it came back, slowly. The little thing ate the carrot! I threw three carrots out and I had one left. I Held it in my hand, outstretched and just waited. I guess it took an hour for it to come close enough to stretch its neck and take the carrot from me. 

I was able to touch its face for just a few seconds before it ran away, but what an extraordinary experience it was for me. Those few seconds meant the world to me. When I shook Claire’s hand I felt the same spirit. I know how crazy that sounds but it’s the truth. She will find a way Jenny, don’t you worry.

Jenny gave her a dazzling smile and tried to leave again when Edith spoke to her. 

Pick a liquid measurement from a teaspoon to a gallon for me Jenny.

“Um, how about a gallon?”

There are 3785 cubic centimeters, cc’s, in a gallon. Just in case you fancy thinking I’m old and demented. She chuckled like she knew the secret of the universe and then bit Jenny goodnight.

Once outside Jenny grabbed her phone and pulled up conversion tables. Feeling sad for Edith, she searched cubic centimeters and found a conversion tool in the scientific references. She plugged in one gallon and hit the calculate button. There it was, 3785 glowing bright white against the dark night.

“Wow.” Jenny was impressed. I get it Edith, yer mind is still sharp, she thought, walking to the Carriage house. She walked in to see six heads bent in prayer and felt the desperation suddenly. The night was black outside and snow continued to pound the city. How can she survive this? She canna…” oh dear God.” Jenny stared straight ahead suddenly so freaked out, so scared for Claire. The girls she had known since kindergarten moved to where she was and surrounded her one by one. They prayed.

Jaime drove every street that bordered the woods, over and over, looking ahead where the headlight illuminated, expecting to see her walk right in front of him. He was at the end of the passable roads. More plows would come out soon and help with the arduous job of removing a blanket of snow three feet deep. He looked up at the tree line thinking the drifts would be six or seven feet deep in some places and it was still snowing. She wasn’t on the roads, so she had to be in there fighting for her life. “Oh my God Claire, I know yer thinkin yer alone, that ye werna enough for me and I chose Geneva. It’s not true Sassenach, his mind screamed. “Claire!” He yelled her name over and over but the silence of snow falling was the only response.

Jaime stayed on the roads that were cleared all night. He checked in with Ian hourly and came back to Edith’s at five in the morning to help lift snowmobiles back onto flatbed trailers. The men were exhausted and beat down. No one said much because the sun was cresting on a crushing reality. She was so deep into the interior that she couldn’t hear the engines, couldn’t see the ten-foot bonfire that lit up the treetops as far as a person could see. These tough men feared brave little Claire took her last breath during the night.

Jaime pressed the heavy machine up onto Rupert’s trailer. He thanked him and hugged him tightly. Rupert had not said a word to anyone after coming back. When Jaime released him, Rupert drove his fist into the side of his truck and then went to collect his wife. 

When the snow finally stopped the search and rescue teams started arriving, along with terrain guides to help navigate potential hazards under the snow. It all started at Edith’s house and Jaime watched the dogs and handlers wait while three groups were assembled, each with a guide and a climber draped with colorful ropes for repelling. Jaime watched the groups move into the woods. My lass didna fall down a rocky cliff you bastards, she’s too smart, he thought. She found natural shelter and hunkered down to wait out the storm.

“Jaime, what's with the men and the ropes? There’s one in every group?” 

“I don’t know Jen," he lied. "What I do know is the dogs will be the hero today. Just you wait and see.”

Jamie felt like a walking earthquake ready to spit down the middle. He jogged to his truck and started driving. The roads were clearing slowly so he just drove down the passable streets. There were too many people concentrated in this area, able to cover a lot of ground and use all the tricks for rescue, so why hadn’t they found her?

Jenny got quieter as the day progressed. She watched the wood from the Carriage house waiting for Claire to stumble out or the dogs to return triumphant. She wanted to be home in Ian’s arms so he could reassure her, it was possible. Ian and Jamie were the most capable woodsmen she knew. Jaime was stuck in his need to cover ground and Ian was buried in snow at Lallybroch. 

It was a long sad night for Ian. So bolstered when twenty-three experience men rode into the night to find Claire, each hoping to be her hero tonight. The hours and fatigue chipped away at their confidence and presumption of victory. At dawn, Ian called them all in and heard twenty-three despondent voices say “roger that.” His heart broke for Jaime. He tried to put Jenny out there so he could feel Jaime’s torment but it shook him to the core. 

Jaime never stopped driving and looking. He had not slept in over forty-eight hours. He thought about Rupert putting his fist into the thick steal of his truck quarter panel. I know ye love her, ye’ve always loved her. 

Jaime reached for his phone to call Jenny and the damn thing was dead. The car charger had stopped working and he was forced back to Edith’s house. The sun was on the move and he felt his heart rate increasing. Another night…impossible. 

Jaime comforted his sister the best he could and plugged his phone into the charger. Edith and Jenny were cooking so Jaime walked to the Carriage house. The third rescue team had come out an hour ago and Claire was alone again. He leaned against the back of the house, hands in his pockets and remembered when he and Ian had spent two days and nights exploring. No one they knew had ever tried it. Most parents would sooner shoot themselves in the head before letting their progeny attempt it. Brian Fraser was not most people. He knew the boys, their abilities, limitations, and thirst for adventure. When they walked out of the wood on the third day laughing it boosted their social status into a new stratosphere at school. Like the red sea parting as they walked down the halls, they were kings for a semester. Jaime looked to the treetops and in his mind, he saw a bonfire ten feet tall in a clearing that he knew very well. Flares shot into the sky at key locations could not be missed. He ran inside and grabbed his phone hearing Ian’s tired voice.

“I’m havin a thought here Ian, can ye think of anywhere in those woods a flare wouldna light up the sky if shot from the clearing?”

Silence, “no, it would be seen. Why?”

“The boys shot off ten flares at once last night, from the clearin… she walked straight through brother. She walked straight through!”

Ian heard the phone go dead and pulled up the surrounding towns on Google Earth. He cross-checked with the areas that had direct access via a road. He looked at the satellite overview of the woods and bam, there it was. If Jaime was right, there was only one town that bordered those woods with no direct access by road. He wrote down the route Jaime would have to take to find the edge of the woods, and hopefully Claire.

Jaime raced toward the town, praying for Claire to sit down on a sidewalk and wait for him. He believed he would feel the change in the world if she died. He would feel the world break along with his heart if she ceased to breathe. He knew it, she was alive. He looked at the setting sun and prayed her strong. I’m comin for ye Sassenach, breathe.

Edith watched Jenny stare straight ahead over her plate and it hurt her heart to see the young girl give up. Edith struggled herself to stay positive. The local TV stations were running Claire’s picture four times an hour so every household in Edinburgh and neighboring towns was watching for her.

“Claire told me she was taken to Peru by her uncle when she was nine years old, Machu Pichuu if I remember correctly. I was astounded and thought what fortitude a nine-year-old would have to have to survive that. Edith watched covertly for any sign of improvement in Jenny. Nothing. Hmm, try again, she told herself.

Butter and I crashed through the snow wall that sealed us in warmth in the bookstore alcove and I lurched toward the street where walking was easier. Butter found something suitable to pee on and I waited an eternity for him to finish, knowing now why he was crying before. My dizziness was keeping me nauseous and I just wanted to lay down. It had been too long since I had anything to drink or eat that wasn’t thrown up. I sat on a bench and tried to lift my hand and stroke Butter but it was too much effort. My arm would not move. If just one person had walked by I would have called for help. This city was abandoned.

I looked at my watch, with effort, and it was ten o’clock. I must have passed out and Butter had tried to crawl into my coat apparently because he was on my lap. The temperature had dropped and the wind felt like it blew right through me. I knew I would not last the night like this. The street was lined with cars on both sides, most with a blanket of snow over them. I lurched from cat to car testing door handles. When one popped open I was shocked and we piled into the backseat. Butter wanted to lay in my coat but there wasn’t enough room. I felt worried for him so I told him about my life to distract him. I tried to pronounce the words but I was slurring badly. Butter seemed to understand me anyway. 

Later, when I was so cold I wanted to give up. Butter whimpered like he was hurt, then he got louder until I looked at him. Later still, I was startled awake by Butter barking like a big dog. I figured I kept falling asleep and he was lonely and wanted me to wake up. I started telling Butter about Jaime. His huge heart, huge muscles, huge love for me, his huge proposal. I think I might have stopped talking because Butter barked at me but I couldn’t open my eyes this time. In my mind, I laid on warm sand next to Jaime on a sunny Sunday and he took my breath away with his kisses.

Jaime had never seen such an empty town. The snow plows crisscrossed the streets but not another soul was seen. He stared straight ahead. Even with the heat on high, he was freezing. What must Claire be feeling? He watched a food truck drive slowly down the street pulling up to the plows and handing out hot coffee. Jaime suddenly shot up in his seat. He flashed his brights at the truck and ran toward the man. 

“Have you seen this woman sir?”

“Sorry son, I’ve not seen a soul outside today.” He pressed his glasses on and looked again, angling the phone for a better look. “Ah, yep, that’s her. Poor little thing tried to buy hot dogs from me. She looked pretty bad so I gave her four of them and watched her and the dog eat them.”

“Dog.”

“Yep. I have never seen eyes that color. No mistake that’s her.”

Jaime almost fainted with relief. She was here somewhere. The wind was painful and he wrapped his coat tighter against himself.

“Where were ye when ye saw her sir?” 

“Right over there. I tried to help the lass. Asked if I could call her family. She said she didn’t have one.”

Jaime drove to the one street that went through town and saw all the cars parked against the curb. He ran from car to car brushing snow away and looking in the windows, He started seeing where someone had left handprints like they were trying to get into the car! Jesus, he thought, she is here somewhere. He hunkered into his coat and continued running from car to car. He was almost back to his truck when he noticed something in a back seat. He looked again and thought it was a dog on the floor in the back. Who would leave their dog locked in a car overnight! Then he heard the thing growl, eyes open, jumping at the door with a loud bark. Jaime lunged away from the car and saw movement on the seat. His hands hit the window and he started pounding and shouting.

"Claire! Open the door! Thank Christ" he exhaled when he saw the dark curls sit up from under her coat. She was trying to shush the dog who had turned quite ferocious. "Claire its Jaime please open the door!" The ruckus caused the homeowner to turn on lights, then porch lights, and when the front door of the house opened Jaime yelled to the man to call for an ambulance. A minute later the man was running toward the car asking what had happened. 

Claire was awake and looking into the face of a stranger. The homeowner looked at her and yelled for her to open the door. Claire looked confused and laid down to cover herself with her coat. She was shaking and terrified, trying to pull the dog up to her.

Jaime looked up and asked the man to open the car. He could hear sirens coming and bit back the tears at what he was seeing. When the car was finally opened the siren was almost upon them. Jaime reached in and pulled her to him. The dog was gnashing his teeth but did not bite him. Jaime could feel Claire shaking and crying. He had about thirty seconds to tell her she was alright and loved her before the EMT's hustled him and the homeowner away. They put her on a gurney and were off toward the hospital. Jaime's tears were rolling down his cheeks. He turned toward the homeowner and shook his hand. 

"Is that the missing women on the tele?" 

Jaime shook his head looking down. "Ye might have saved the lass by not lockin your car last night," he said. "I'm grateful to ye"

At the emergency department, two nurses were explaining Claire's condition to Jaime but would not let him see her yet. 

"She is extremely dehydrated and confused but that will clear up with fluids. There is also some frostbite on her fingers and ears. The doctor believes she will keep them but its close. Mister Fraser, she keeps asking about butter and got quite hysterical about it. We gave her a sedative to calm her. We need to push fluids into her and can't have her pulling the catheter out. Do you know what she is asking?" 

"Aye, I do, tell her Jaime has Butter.” With that, he ran toward the doors and out into the dawn.


	15. Chapter 15

Jaime drove up and down the street several times but did not see the dog. How many ways could she hate him he wondered. Pulling over near the car they had slept in, he killed the motor and got out. He whistled a couple times and then sat down in the snow next to the car. Maybe he should grab some hot aromatic food for the dog. He looked down the street and saw nothing open. As he pushed himself up he saw two eyes under the car. The poor dog was pressed against the inside of a back tire shaking head down. Jaime smiled at the poor thing and got up close to the car. 

"Well then laddie. Have ye lost your mistress?" The pup whimpered but kept his head down. "I know just how empty it feels when she leaves ye. We both love her, and that is a common bond, aye?" "Come on lad you must be starvin.” The dog would not budge but started to growl. Jaime heard the footsteps of the homeowner coming from behind him. The man held out two hot dogs to Jaime.

“I was watchin from the door, this is all I could find, I thought it might help ye.” 

Jaime thanked him and suggested he might wait in the house. The man sprinted back. The hungry pup emerged from under the car keeping his head low and tail tucked under his body. 

"There ye are laddie. "Had a bit of a scare did ye? Yer mistress is fine, and I must thank ye for watchin over her. I think your adventure has earned ye a lifetime of love from her.” 

He coaxed the dog into his truck and drove straight to Edith’s house. When he parked, Edith was at the front door looking frail and scared. She could not see his face because he was reaching for something inside. Edith understood that she would be the voice of hope today as Claire’s closest friends lost theirs. She pointed at the carriage house where Jenny had paced the edge of the woods most of the night. She turned to go inside and caught the gleam of Jaime’s teeth out of the corner of her eye. It was like a beacon to a lost soul. Edith’s breath caught at the sight of Jaime Fraser’s smile. 

“Oh dear God..you found her.” 

“It is the most beautiful dawn, is it not Edith!”

“Jenny…carriage house” was all she could think to say. She closed the door and exhaled a breath she had been holding for the last three days.

Jaime had the strength of ten men as he carried the scared dog to the carriage house. He saw Jenny in the back yard through the windows, walking the borderline of the tall trees. Her eyes had dark circles and her face looked pale and thin. “Jesus, sweet Jenny.” He whispered. He put Butter inside and went out to make Jenny’s day, month, year…

She ran to him, looking hopeful, and searched his face.

“Claire has given strict orders for ye to watch butter until she comes home.”

Jenny was too exhausted to even try to conceal her confusion. Watch butter, she thought, what does that… She saw him smile and gasped, so afraid she was wrong. She looked into his eyes and shrieked, jumping up to hug him. Jaime couldn’t hold on to this human-sized wiggling fish so he let her go and she jumped around him asking fifty questions. Jaime couldn’t help the laugh coming out because she was so happy, so comical. He pulled her by the arm giving her the shortest version possible.

“I was serious Jenny,” he opened the door for her. “There’s somethin important you have to do.”

Jenny watched the door swing open, and there was Butter, with his head on Claire’s purse. Jenny loved animals and noticed the dog’s shy demeanor and frightened look. She turned her back to him and sat on the floor while Jaime took a seat. Jenny fished in her coat pocket and pulled out a half-eaten stick of jerky. She set it behind her and continued asking questions about Claire. 

Butter inched toward Jenny, sniffing the air, and ate the jerky, losing himself in the shock of flavor as he chewed on it for several minutes. Jenny knew what to do. Wait for Butter. Her questions continued as the dog got a little closer and laid down within reach of her. Jaime saw Butter look back at Claire’s purse so he grabbed it and set it down near his nose.

“I know ye need this laddie, here ye go. I think they might both have died out there if they hadna found each other. Claire hasna spoken yet, and she may never speak to me again. I just know in my heart they kept each other alive.”

Jenny looked intensely at her brother. “Ye need to practice yer story brother, ye can start with me. What are ye doin with Geneva?”

The accusatory eyes of his sister made his heart race so he took a deep breath and told her his story, leaving nothing out, as he usually would. His Jenny filter would normally provide the light version of things that were hard to hear, but he told her every detail, right down to the look on Geneva’s face as the glory filled her from toes to the cranium. 

“Ye dinna want to scare the poor dog Jenny so I need ye to breathe.” Christ she was mad. “Jenny?”

Jenny gripped her thighs and looked at the floor, clearly trying to restrain herself. “I think there’s someplace else ye need to be right now.” She didn’t look up when Jaime walked out of the house. She forced it down, the truth, she swallowed it for the sake of Butter and her friend. 

Edith knocked softly and Jenny tried to get up but her muscles just would not engage. She felt limp, like a ragdoll. “Please come in!” She stroked Butter and willed herself to lock Jaime’s reality away in her brain before it crippled her. 

Jaime sat in his truck trying to normalize his breathing and his mind. Telling Jenny what happened that night made him feel sick. He just handed his sister a secret that would spread through their town like wildfire, turning friends against each other, as they took opposite sides. He had not thought about his good family name, his integrity, his position in the community. It was all too much for him to consider at the moment. There would be fall out from this and he would deal with it later. Right now, he had to see Claire. She had to hear this from him.

As Jaime sped back to the hospital he heard Rupert’s voice say hello. He heard the love and the fear in the auditory dance of mutual destruction. 

“I found her Rupert, she’s in intensive care, but very much alive.”

“Ah! Jaime boy! Oh my God, that is excellent news! Please tell her that the wife and I wish her a speedy recovery.”

“I’ll do that Rupert. Talk soon.”

Jaime called the police station and told them Claire had been found. The bulletin came across the cruiser monitors of every cop rolling and they all felt relief. A one hundred pound girl against the storm of the century, the miracle was not lost on these seasoned officers. The cruisers pulled up the ER throughout the day as a cop ran in to check on Claire. In the interest of keeping the chaos in the ER to a minimum, the nurses penned a large sign that said ‘Claire Beauchamp-no visitors. She is doing well.’ 

There was one more phone call he had to make. Jaime felt the rage building inside and pulled over to force himself to calm down. Dunsany answered the phone with his usual cold tone and listened to the upstart give him orders to fix the catastrophe caused by the surprise visit to the distillery. Dunsany took a deep breath and quietly hung up the phone without uttering another word.

When Jaime realized he was talking to dead air he threw the phone across the truck. He stared at the road ahead feeling unparalleled anger at Dunsany and his evil spawn Geneva. He was confident an explanation and the CCTV playback would convince Claire of his innocence but he didn’t want to wait. He missed her in a part of himself not known before. A place where his soul began and grew from. That’s where she was, had always been perhaps. He needed to wrap himself around Claire on that level but he knew the only way to get there was on the wings of trust and total surrender. Her guarded eyes would destroy him and if he wept by her side would she turn those beautiful eyes away from him? 

Jaime sat as still as a statue, in his truck, on the side of an empty road, for a very long time. Fifty to sixty hours without sleep makes a brain do some strange things. He didn’t know if he was awake or asleep but he felt her soft cool hand on his cheek and her fingertips move lightly along his jawline. Her signature touch, always from above because he was so much smaller than her. He looked up at the face he adored first in the world and felt comforted. To him, she was a loving Sherman tank, willing and able to see him through the most hostile territory. His mam looked down at him and smiled. “Claire loves a good man Jaime dear.”

“Christ!” Jaime took a deep breath and looked around getting his bearings. How long had he been asleep he wondered? His Mam, in his dream, he could still smell her.

Claire was kept sedated throughout the day while the doctors attempted to restore what the storm had taken. She called for Jaime and Butter whenever she surfaced and she cried. They moved her out of intensive care mid-afternoon with orders to continue infusion, sedation, sleep, and quiet. 

I opened my eyes and saw a man standing at the foot of my bed. He stared at me but had yet to make a sound.

“Do I know you?”

“You know who I am, but we haven’t met. I’m Geneva Dunsany’s father Claire.” 

I didn’t like him one bit and wondered what he wanted with me. I tried to push myself away from him and I started to cry.

“Please, sir, leave me alone. I will leave Scotland, tomorrow, and never come back! Don’t, stop, no closer!” I put my hands out as if to block him from getting to me and saw my hands were bundles of gauze.

“Claire I did not come here to scare you child. Please, let me speak with you. I promise I will heal your heart.”

I cried and didn’t think to stop because the world was draped and dripping with sadness and this man was still in my room. “Where is Jaime?”

“He is on his way dear. Please, hear me out and let it make the world right for you and for Jaime.”

He didn’t wait for my agreement but launched into a story of an entitled family. His posh English colored a rich story of two daughters, one pure as the driven snow, the other… the opposite. His wife, so devoted to high society, never quite checked back in after the girls were born leaving him lonely and detached from life. He filled the emptiness with his flourishing business. His family label was known throughout the world for their port and spirits. A well known, titled family, a daughter who could eat souls for breakfast while the other tried to save them. I was getting the picture and knew how it must have hurt him to say it.

“Geneva pushed me into making an offer to buy the Fraser label. I am ashamed to say I wanted it, very badly, no matter the cost. I accompanied Geneva to the distillery and offered Jaime a handsome price for the business while Geneva gloated with her nose high in the air. Jaime heard me out, said no thank you, and asked us to leave.”

I felt the man touch my arm hen. “Jaime said his children would play on those floors like he and his sister had, and one of them would grow up and take over the business with his blessing. It was the only time I saw him smile that whole night. I pulled Geneva out of there and actually felt pride in Jaime. I reminded him that you two could retire and travel the world on what I offered him. He told me, it wasn’t about him.” Dunsany looked at the floor as if remembering what Jaime said. He smiled.

“When I found out who you were and what had befallen you due to our visit to the distillery I knew I had to come and tell you the truth. Because my dear, the distillery waits for the next generation and that starts with you. I am truly sorry you came to harm because of us, and I am so happy you made it to safety. Good day Claire. Thank you for hearing my story.”

I was overwhelmed and sobbing. I couldn’t wait to talk to Jaime. The nurse walked briskly into my room pulled a large needle out of her pocket and pushed the contents into my IV line before I knew what was happening. 

She looked down at me and looked a bit worried. “Look, I don’t know who that was but I have orders to let no one in but Jaime Fraiser. I have twenty patients on this floor today so its lights out for you.”

“No! I don…

The nurse walked briskly out of the room capping the needle and smiling. 

Jaime ran down the long corridors of the hospital being scolded by the nurses. He came to a skidding halt at Claire’s door and tried to slow his breathing and relax. The nurse was charting behind the desk and shushed Jaime harshly. When she looked up at him Jaime saw her eyes change like a vulture spotting carrion. She came around the desk to stand in front of him pushing her tits forward like a new recruit. Name please, she smiled at him and her lips remained open. In her mind, she was ripping Jaime’s shirt off and biting his nipple.

“Jaime Fraser.”

“Oh, I see. Well, there she is.” The nurse went back to her charting feeling her nipples burn.

Jaime closed the door and collapsed next to Claire.

“Claire I’m here, right beside ye mo chridhe.” He kissed her face and watched her try to wake up and speak. Jaime slid into the bed behind her, knowing the thing that made her feel safe and loved. He held her tight against him and couldn’t let go. Claire was unconscious from sedatives and Jaime was free to share all of the emotions he felt in the last three days. Even the darkest moments when he was helpless and scared she would die. The begging to God and the bargaining with the devil. His body shook violently, he cried and gripped her tightly. He described the line of headlights coming toward Edith’s and every friend she had ever known, now grown, raced into the woods looking for her. 

“Rupert put his fist through the quarter panel of his truck. He loves ye Sassenach, he always will.” He told her about the hundreds of volunteers that brought hot drinks and food to the dog handlers and Jenny’s question about the colorful ropes quickly changing the subject. Jaime talked for so long his throat was dry. He told her every cop in Edinburgh and nearby cities was looking for her. He described Jenny’s face, watching the woods for hours on end, pacing the backyards through the night hoping to hear her calling out. How she looked today when he found her behind the carriage house. How she looked after she heard Claire was safe. 

“It nearly stopped my heart to see her so sad Sassenach. But I turned it around telling her ye gave orders to watch Butter and her face lit up like a Roman Candle!” He cuddled Claire tighter.

Jaime was purged and completely drained. “Fifty-eight cents…kent ye were close…didna bite me…love ye so Claire”

Claire laid in Jaime’s arms. She couldn’t speak, but she could listen to every word he said. When Jaime was deep asleep she let herself rest and couldn’t wait for the chance to Kiss her love, hug Jenny for an hour straight, then Ian, and Edith…

Jaime and Claire slept through the afternoon as rescue workers, cops, and news people ran in for an update. Everyone was asking how she survived, where she was, how they found her. The good people of Edinburgh would starve themselves to help someone hungrier but now that she was safe, they wanted to eat. The hospital staff knew the pushy press would try to sneak into her room to be the first to print her story. The light scheduling at night was a security threat to their patient so they dispatched the most capable to guard her privacy and convalescence…nurse Lucy.

A large nurse with a stern demeanor pounded down the hall to relieve nurse hotpants and nodded through the debriefing with eyebrows knitted into a scowl. Grabbing Claire’s chart, the nurse moved her six-foot frame into the room as quiet as possible. She gasped audibly seeing Jaime sleeping behind the woman. “Man in the bed. In the bed with the patient,” she whispered. Her heart was ramming in her chest at this absolute breach of protocol. Nurse Lucy was utterly conflicted. She had followed the search for Claire minute by minute for the past three days. Here she was, alive and safe, with a man in her bed! She heard the woman speak and walked to the bed, averting her eyes.

Claire used all her strength to reach the nurse’s hand. Nurse Lucy felt the soft gauze bundles trying to hold her hand. Claire’s voice was so soft Lucy had to bend her ear close to hear.

“Fifty hours searched for me. My love, my life. Please… take him from me.” When Claire opened her eyes to look at the nurse Lucy almost fell on the floor.

“Praise the Saints ye have the most beautiful eyes deary,” she whispered. “I canna let him stay, tis against hospital policy, I’m sorry Claire.” The gauze bundles pressed her hand.

“Please, help me dress, I’ll be going with him.” With what felt like superhuman strength, Claire pushed the gauze balls into the mattress and pushed herself up. The room started to spin and she fell into nurse Lucy’s arms. 

“Nay, nay, lassie, twould kill ye it would.” She lowered Claire down to her pillow… and the big arms that claimed her again. “Oh good Lord,” Lucy whispered as she held Claire’s wrist and counted beats. She had never been so conflicted in her life and her eyes darted back and forth as her brain processed the least of the evils. “Dinna fash yerself deary, I’ll no let anyone see ye.” 

Lucy stood at the nurse's station, thinking about how many rules she was breaking. Claire’s eyes and her resolve to leave with Jaime, no matter what. Lucy had allowed herself one quick look at two angelic faces, deep in sleep, and deeply in love apparently. Her decision was made and she would protect them both thru the night, getting him out of the bed before her shift ended. 

Lucy knew they were coming for Claire’s story tonight. Pushy reporters wanting to be the first to print the facts and salivating over the potential byline. “Try to sneak up in the wee hours with no one to stop ye.” The big nurse straightened her name tag, “tangle with nurse Lucy will ye, hmm.”

Claire opened her eyes in the middle of the night. She could move her limbs and ached to kiss Jaime. She twisted and squirmed her way to him and finally pressed her lips against his. His arms pulled her closer and he felt rockets firing off in his mind. Claire was kissing him when he expected her wrath she gave him her lips and kissed him over and over. When he knew she was sleeping again he pressed his forehead to hers and slept.

When Lucy came the next time to check Claire’s vitals and saw the intimacy of their embrace she practically swooned. Harlequin books had not prepared her to see this! Her eyes were soft and she smiled, being extra quiet not to disturb them.

Nurse Lucy emerged from Claire’s room humming softly. Normally she might look up but she was lost in thoughts about young love and nearly ran over a man at the desk. Her grid brain kicked to life and she raised her head slowly…it was time to do the Lucy dance. 

The man was spewing ridiculous comments about looking for his cousin, “Claire Beauchamp, my.. cousin who is recovering from…”

Lucy’s arm shot out to grab the neck of a second man running from behind the desk. The man was wiggling in pain and tried to pry her fingers away. That was reasonable cause to release him and drive her elbow into his neck. The first man looked horrified and started shouting filthy comments at her receiving the other elbow crashing into his larynx. Lucy picked up the phone and dialed security while both men grabbed their throats, staring at her with bulging eyes. One of them was going to run away, she just knew these things, so she hit him, closed fist, in the solar plexus, dropping him instantly. She really wanted to do it again and watched the other man, waiting for a reason. 

“This hospital employs face recognition gentlemen.” She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and snapped a close up of two terrified would be scoopers. “Twil be criminal trespassing.” She smiled demurely, “and I’ll be notified yer here.”

When security removed the men Lucy took a deep breath and reached for a chart. This bit of fun had set her timing off and that would not do. She thought of her father, a career military man who hung the moon. She could feel the colonel’s pride, all the way from heaven.

Jaime’s internal rooster pulled him awake as the first rays touched Edinburgh. He opened his eyes to the color of fine aged whisky that blinked. 

“Sassenach,” he diverted his gaze and his eyes welled with tears when he looked back. “I didna ken if I would say that again.” He kissed her softly. “Before they force me to leave ye I must tell ye what happened at the Distillery.” Jaime seemed frantic suddenly like this was his one chance to save himself from her banishment.

“I already know love. Mister Dunsany told me everything, yesterday, he came to my room.”

“Does yer heart still belong to me Claire?” He had to ask before his own heart stopped.

“Since I was ten years old when you lit a fire in your room and slept next to me. And I never want it back.” 

Claire reached for Jaime’s face and poked both of his eyes with her gauze balls. Jaime rubbed his eyes and chuckled.

“If ye put yer weapons down lass I’ll be wantin to kiss ye,” he said softly, seeing the gauze balls disappear like white streaks. He searched her eyes and moved his thumb across her soft cheek.“Do ye trust and surrender to the man who loves ye more than life itself?” 

“Yes,” she whispered.

“The kiss was soft and unhurried, Jaime breathed her into that space deep inside him where her vacancy almost crippled him. The kiss was restorative and they both felt the armor of true love wrap around them, together, come what may.


	16. Chapter 16

Nurse Lucy looked at the clock. Her relief would be here in thirty minutes. It was time to wake the big man with Claire and send him home. She walked into Claire’s room and saw they were still sleeping. How should she do this? Wiggle his foot, poke his ribs, thump his head? 

“I suppose it’s time for me to go then?”

Lucy almost jumped at his voice. “Oh!, yes, against hospital policy. You must go at once!”

Jaime got up and looked at his angel Claire, back into her dreams of chasing Butter, riding unicorns, or sailing the high seas. He hoped it was such and not snow freezing her fingers and toes. He shook his head. 

“Do ye know when the lass might be released nurse? Our estate is three miles packed in snow so I’ll have to find a way to get her home.”

Lucy mentioned a few days at least and told him it depended on her fingers healing. Good day mister Fraser. She left to give them some privacy. 

Jenny was cooking breakfast for Edith when Jaime came back and she was happy for the extra in the pan. Butter trotted up to Jaime with four tiny dogs in tow. He was their leader now and they paid him great respect. 

“What are ye doin in the big house laddie? Yer mistress will be cross with me for spoiling ye. So, I plan to tell her it’s Jenny’s fault. If ye’d back me up on that I’ll find a bone for ye.”

Jenny rolled her eyes and Edith giggled. 

When Jaime sat down, Butter pressed his nose into his jeans and shirt and remained very still, taking deep smells, finding Claire among them. He raised his eyes to Jaime looking satisfied and moved his court of little dogs to the living room where they could wrestle.

Jaime filled Jenny and Edit in on the medical news with Claire, her spirits, her complete acceptance of Dunsany’s explanation. 

Jenny had a face almost as glass as Claire’s with template expressions for happiness, boredom, busy, don’t test me, and let’s argue. Jaime was looking at the argue face and he wasn’t in the mood. 

“Folks will be up in arms about Dunsany’s attempt take over of our business. How will ye be handlin it Jaime?”

“There’s nothin to handle. I said no.” Jamie didn’t have the energy or the time to waste with a non-issue this morning. He moved quickly out the door before Jenny could work up a lather about the subject. He had to find a men’s store open and buy some clothes for work. He had been wearing the same clothes for four days now. 

Back at the carriage house, he was pleasantly surprised at the custom upgrades they had used to restore the building. The full sized bathroom, shower/tub was usually a standing stall with plastic doors. Easy to topple for someone his size. He raced to the distillery hoping the roads were clear all the way in. The city of Edinburgh was kind to the merchants and manufacturers and always kept those roads clear for them. Jaime pulled into his usual spot and saw the black BMW. He was irritated at this unexpected visit and wanted Geneva to vaporize before she caused any more trouble. He sat thinking about the confrontation, started his truck, and drove away. He looked at Geneva standing in the middle of the parking lot. 

Jaime called his assistant and apologized for not being there. He explained Geneva’s presence this morning was cause for a restraining order. He was on his way to get one. He was done with this game and felt better with the action taken to rid his life of this family.

Claire was trying to negotiate her lunch with no hands. The nurse showed her how to hold a large spoon for her soup but it was not working for her. To make matters worse, she was starving. The next attempt flipped the spoon full of soup through the air and landed on her legs. She was very frustrated. 

The bark made the hair on her arms stand-up and she looked at the window and felt her heart leap into her throat. There they were, her two boys. She ran to the window and waved at Jaime to come in. He shook his head. Claire pressed her hands against the window and wished she could just melt through and touch them both. Jaime was through watching this girl suffer and decided to take his chances. Claire watched him walk away and almost cried.

That morning, nurse Lucy snuck Jaime out an employee door that was within ten feet of Claire’s room. He noticed the handle did not click snug into the wall, probably due to pressure on the inside of the building. It was worth a try. He tied Butter to the outside door when he saw it was not locked and ran in to check for people. This was the only time he would celebrate the reduction of the nursing staff due to the economy. He grabbed Butter and quickly slipped into Claire’s room. She was still at the window and turned around in time to see Butter sliding right for her. 

“Poor baby, not used to these slippery floors are you?” Butter was not to be contained. He was quite out of control at seeing her. Claire stood above him, “Alright soldier, come to attention.” Her voice was stern and Butter was on his butt, quiet and listening. Claire sat in a chair and stroked him with gauze hands. “I have missed you, little friend.”

Butter laid on Claire’s legs while she finally told Jaime about how she got lost, where she came out of the woods, where she found Butter, the snow wall at the alcove, sleeping all day, vomiting the hot dogs and the car that was opened. 

“Claire, why didne ye knock on someone’s door? Or break the window of the bookshop to stay warm inside?”

“It never occurred to me quite frankly. I think my brain was impaired early on and then just got worse. I prayed for someone to walk by us on the street, or a car to drive by so I could yell for help. All that time there were people and telephones in the houses behind me. If you had not found us I…”

Jaime grabbed her face and kissed her a dozen times. “Dinna cry mo chridhe. It’s over and yer safe. We dinna need more talk of this.” He hugged her to him. He heard the door opening to her room and grabbed the leash. Jaime and Butter were a blur to the startled nurse.

Jaime couldn’t get his mind off Claire’s story. He headed for the small town so he could see it for himself. He walked the border of the trees and found where she came out based on what she could see from the top of the hill. He found the benches they sat on and the bookstore. He stood staring at the tiny alcove that had kept her alive. When he had seen enough he walked back to his truck taking notice of signs that were taped to the outside of the storefronts. “Christ, my poor Sassenach.”

He was looking at a picture of Butter on a lost dog sign. He punched the number into his phone and exhaled a long sad breath.

Jaime parked and walked toward the house where butter lives and was shocked to see the town spread out below it. The house was visible from the bookstore so Butter chose to stay with Claire, he was never lost. A very nice couple who looked to be in their fifties were warm and friendly and at least a dozen dogs who looked exactly like Butter came to sniff him. They were breeders and keen to hear the details of how their dog played his part.

“He kept her alive, I’m sure of it. She loves him with all her heart now, kindred souls they are. I would like to pay ye for him. I just canna take him from her, the lass has suffered enough.”

“Well, that pup was behind me when I opened the door about eight o’clock. I was goin out to check the snow buildup on the roof and he shot out and ran hell bent for leather he did. Never saw a dog do such a strange thing, especially in the middle of a storm. With the snow comin down I lost sight of him runnin down the hill toward town. That sounds like solid gold advertisement material, what ye say Angie?” His wife was teary-eyed and nodded her head yes. 

Jaime was given Butter’s AKC registration, shot history, hip scans, puppy vitamins, a special kind of puppy chow and his leash. He tried several more times to pay them for the dog but they said he was a gift for Claire if they could tell buyers about what he did for her. They had no idea how much their breeding business would prosper because of Butter and Claire.

My fingers have hurt since I arrived here and started warming up, but this was a new level of pain and I didn’t think I could take it much longer. If I complain, that weird nurse will put me to sleep again and I don’t want that. Something about her makes my skin crawl. She started asking me questions about where I got lost, how I got through the storm. Her questions would not stop and I was glad when she left. If it doesn’t let up soon I’ll have to say something. I held my hands up and rocked back and forth.

Through the afternoon it got worse until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I held the gauze balls up and cried. My doctor breezed in and looked at me with concern and compassion. When I told him about nurse knock-out he assured me they had medicine to help the pain without putting me to sleep. 

When he unwrapped the balls he studied my fingers. 

“Claire, in this case, you need to happy for the pain because it means the nerve and skin on your fingers are healing. If you were going to lose them, they wouldn’t hurt like this.”

He gave instructions to the medical technician who would redress my hands. He checked my ears and pulled the dressing away. 

“Let’s leave your ears alone, no dressing needed, but, if you hit them with a comb or brush the pain will send you to the roof. Just be careful.”

Once the tech had my hands wrapped in gauze again the knock-out nurse came in and handed me two pills and some water. She seemed different now, antsy and anxious to leave. What a weird girl, I thought. Twenty minutes later I was in an alternate universe that was euphoric, pain-free, and lovely to float around in.

“You look a bit worse for the wear Claire.” 

I had to pry my eyes open but it was so worth the effort because Jenny was next to me and Edith was on my other side. I was so happy to see them and I hugged Jenny awkwardly due to my hands. I told her how much they were hurting but now they didn’t hurt anymore. 

“She’s high as a kite, isnae she Edith?” They both laughed and I looked from one to the other smiling. We chatted, well, I talked, and they laughed for some reason. I was so happy to see them. When visiting hours were over I asked Jenny to turn on the news for me. I was anxious to see Jaime and TV would help pass the time. I laid back enjoying my pain-free existence until I heard my name on the television. My eyes slammed open.

“We have an update on Claire Beauchamp, the young American lost in the storm for forty-eight hours. Leslie Monahan has the story.” 

“Miss Beauchamp took her dog on an early morning walk and got lost as the storm was closing in. With the snowfall nearly whiteout conditions, she became disoriented coming out of the woods in an unfamiliar town. ……stole food from a street vendor…..broke into a vehicle…..discovered by the owner who called the authorities……some concern about the woman’s mental capacity at the time of her disappearance.” 

I stared at the reporter's face and I couldn’t believe what she was saying. It was ridiculous. Laughable. Slanderous. Jaime walked into my room and all I could do is point at the TV. I tried to remember what was said and suddenly doubted what I thought I heard. The medication made me loopy so I decided to wait and watch it again on the next broadcast. 

“Let’s wait for the next news, they run them back to back. For now, kissing sounds like a great idea.” Jaime’s face softened when he looked at me. He touched my cheek and kissed me.

“I have somethin I need to tell ye about mo chridhe.”

Jaime explained getting the order of protection against the Dunsany family. I felt relief there would be no more surprises to derail us. His energy changed as he fished a folded paper from his coat pocket and set in on my legs. I looked down at the sweet face of Butter and saw the title…Missing Puppy. My eyes filled with tears before I could rally and I held the picture to my chest like I was hugging Butter.

“My intention was not to upset ye Sassenach, please forgive me. He belongs to ye now. I went to see the family. Nice people they were. He’s a gift to ye, although I think the gift was all his the way he took off after ye in the storm. His house is visible from the Bookstore my angel. He was never lost.”

Hearing my name on the television, Jaime jerked his head toward it and stood rooted to the ground watching the reporter tell a fabricated story that made me look like a villain. He stared at me for a moment before asking who took my story because he was going to hurt that person. I have never seen Jaime so angry.

“I told no one.”

“Someone asked ye enough questions to get part of it right and I need ye to think Sassenach. Who was askin ye questions?

“No one came to my room Jaime.” I was feeling afraid for some reason. 

“Hospital staff. They might come in to check ye and ask pointed questions about the ordeal. Think sweetheart.”

The mean nurse that knocked me out yesterday. She asked lots of questions this morning but I didn’t think she would go to the news and then lie about it.

Jaime sat on the edge of my bed and punched a contact, then he put the speaker on.

“Hello Jaime.”

“Hi Ned, ye sound well so I’ll skip the bla-bla if ye dinna mind…”

I listened to Jaime describe the slanderous broadcast, still a little high from the medicine I had a difficult time staying focused and found myself daydreaming about happy things. That was soon to change as Jaime’s words were nothing short of a hard slap at my face. Now I understood. Now I was scared.

“She starts nursing school in a week. It’s highly competitive and the broadcast made insinuations about her mental health Ned.”

“Alright, alright, I see the immediate need to notify the station and demand a correction, tonight is almost too late. Let me make some calls. Someone has slipped on a moral banana either at the news station or at the hospital. I am on this and will keep you posted. Keep your phone nearby please.”

“Sassenach, calm yerself. Ned is da’s oldest and best friend and has a reputation for bein ruthless in the courtroom. I image the station manager will shit his pants when Ned’s call comes in. Let’s hope its in time. Now, tell me what ye remember about the nurse asking ye the questions.” 

Jaime checked the nurse's station hoping Lucy was on duty tonight. He trusted her for some reason and wanted her to weigh in on the nurse. He saw her emerge from a patients room and walked to meet her in the hall. He gave her an overview of what happened and watched her face remain serene throughout the story. Maybe she couldn’t help, he thought. 

“It’s time for me to look in on the bonnie Claire. Off she went leaving Jaime to follow her.”

“There, there lassie, dinna cry. Fashin will give ye wrinkles, ken? Claire, tell me about the medication the nurse gave ye yesterday when ye got to this room. Aha, oh, hmmm. I will need to look at the orders on ye chart. I dinna think full sedation was ordered. Ah, look at ye pretty face as white as these sheets. Ye have friends in high places lamb… and by that I mean me.” Lucy’s eyes had turned menacing. She looked at Jaime, “I'll be havin a word with the nurse first of the morning. I canna imagine what would possess a lass to do such a thing. I’ll be knowin this, make no mistake.”

Lucy seemed like she was on my side but her sing-song voice just seemed forced tonight. I couldn’t hope to understand why I thought that. There was too much screaming going on in my head. Jaime answered his phone and turned the speaker on. Lucy was still taking my blood pressure and Jaime didn’t seem to mind her overhearing so I didn’t either.

“I need to make this quick. You have a phone call coming from the station manager who will offer a full interview with the actual anchor and he will be present in the room, as will you. They are on a very tight schedule to get this by broadcast time and I expect it will feel like an invasion if they come. Ah, Jaime, am I on speaker and can Claire hear me?”

“Yes sir, thank you for helping me.”

“I look forward to meeting you under better circumstances my dear. Be direct in your answers, let the woman know what you were feeling, and how you found a car that was unlocked. Just be yourself and give honest answers. It will be fine Claire. Good luck with the interview.

Jaime picked up another call and looked at me with a strange expression. “They’re on the way Sassenach. Nurse Lucy is gift shop open? I will be right back. 

From the moment I heard the voices in the hall until the interview was over, it was controlled chaos. The team preceding the cameras and news anchor pinned up my hair and actually made it look nice. Jaime squeezed in and handed me a bed jacket that was simple and lovely. A makeup artist was there to help the camera see the real me, she said. I giggled at that. Next came the technicians with bundles of cables, cords, and lights being set up all around me. I realized I could not get out of this bed if the room was on fire. 

A man in a three-piece suit shook my hand and introduced himself as the station manager. He apologized profusely for the error in the earlier broadcast. He promised to make it right so my position at school would not be threatened. I could do nothing but nod my head and remember to close my mouth. 

When the news anchor came in I was star struck. She shook my hand and told me any question I didn’t like I could just say pass and they would edit that out. The interview was so much easier than I thought it would be. She asked questions that were easy to answer and made me remember things like how I felt when Butter surprised me and tried to crawl in my coat. How I clung to him and begged him not to run away while I slept. The wall of snow against the alcove and finding fifty-eight cents in my coat pocket to buy hot dogs. She repeated key points like I didn’t own a dog when I walked into the woods, the vendor did me a kindness with four hot dogs and Butter was never lost because he could see the house his owners lived in.

Your fiance had looked for you over 48 hours straight, the snow rescue club could not find you, three teams of k-9 search and rescue could not find you. What was happening to you the last night when it was near zero outside with freezing wind. 

“We were in the alcove behind the snow wall and it was so cold. I had trouble staying conscious and it scared me all of sudden. Until then I hadn’t thought I could die out there. The sun was going down and I panicked and got to the street with my weird lurching. We got to a bench and I sat down while Butter tried to get into my coat. I felt so scared for him because he was shaking so hard from the cold. The cold in my hands was moving up my arms and I was so scared I was freezing an inch at a time." She was teasing out the memories that I had not dealt with since Jaime rescued me. But now I was back on that bench fearing every breath was my last.”

"I knew it was too cold to make it until morning so we found a car that was unlocked and jumped in the back. It was still so cold and I felt despair that it wasn’t enough to keep us alive. I felt panic for a while but soon I just felt calm. I knew I was dying and so did Butter. As long as I was talking he was calm but I kept passing out making him cry really loud and bark if I didn’t wake up. I tried to tell him this wasn't supposed to happen. I just got lost on the worse possible day. I was so sad I had to leave him alone and wanted him to know how great he was. Then I couldn’t talk anymore and Butter kept crying but I couldn’t open my eyes anymore.

When I finished, it was quiet in my room. She was so good at asking me things I said too much I feared. The anchor’s eyes were wide and staring and I was feeling embarrassed and exhausted to the point of not caring. Still, evaporation would have been perfect right about now. The anchor shook her head and spoke into her microphone about the Station manager and network CEO wishing Claire a speedy recovery and thanked the people who pulled together in this loving community to find a lost girl. The quiet continued as the group broke the equipment down and carried it out. Almost everyone touched my arm or my shoulder as they left. Maybe I didn’t make a fool of myself. I couldn’t think anymore. 

"Your story, your courage, that dog protecting you, how you felt knowing…what you did, will bring the tears to our viewers. They will feel sadness, joy, relief, and admiration, while they watch the interview. The best kind of story and I am honored you shared it with me. Two of our crews picked up interviews from the street vendor and the puppy’s owners so be sure and watch at ten o’clock.

“Thank you Claire, speedy recovery, I hear you start nursing school this semester. That’s awesome.” She let go of my gauze hand and left.

Jaime struggled through the interview and then stumbled out of the room to lose it in private. Nurse Lucy literally pushed him into the back room and gave him privacy. She prided herself on being a good judge of character and knew that whatever he heard in there took him to the brink of losing the one he loved. 

It was so much more than that to Jaime. As Claire came to grips with her own death, she was alone, again, and thought he had chosen Geneva. Her final thoughts were of his betrayal with Geneva and he felt himself coming apart. 

My heart nearly broke looking at Jaime’s face, his eyes so lost in their sorrow. He held my hands and said I was the bravest person he knew. He asked if I thought about him choosing Geneva and leaving me that last night. I nodded yes and was lost in my tears for a minute. He pulled me into his lap and told me over and over that he chooses me, always, and he was so sorry I faced what I did alone.

“If I hadna pulled ye off that dig in Arizona…”

I just threw myself at him and shushed him with my best kiss. “No regrets Jaime. We are together forever, please don’t say you wished I never came with you. That I could not take.”

“No lass, I could never say that.”

Nurse Lucy came in and looked at the ceiling while I scrambled out of Jaime’s lap. She took my vitals and said it was much too late for Jaime to be seen in the halls. 

“I could lose my job ye know and that is worrisome to me. Ye’ll have to stay until mornin I’m afraid.

She must have seen me cuddling my hands because she came back with two pills and water and then turned the overhead lights off.

“Lay back on the pillows and rest a bit. You look done in lass.” 

I felt done in, completely. So much energy spent in the last several hours. I felt like it was an effort just to breathe. Jaime held me in front of him between his knees and flicked on the TV. 

“Claire Beauchamp wants to set the record straight and gave me a personal interview that knocked my socks off.” It cut to our interview here in the room and I was happy with the way I answered the questions. I didn’t sound foolish and I had nothing to be embarrassed about, thank God. Next, it cut to an interview with the street vendor, a bit later was a short interview with the breeders who described the special attributes of the breed and how Butter tore out the door mid-storm to find Claire. The interview ended with a voice-over of the anchor talking about my aspiration of nursing and how she thought I had a long and rewarding career to look forward to. It was overwhelming. 

Jaime answered call after call and handed me the phone to speak with Jenny, Rupert, Angus, and Ned. Each time I laid down and looked up at Jaime feeling peaceful and hopeful. Jaime turned the television off and slid in behind me, holding me close. I could feel his need and noticed he was keen on keeping it away from me. Sweet man, I thought. I need to get home to Lollybroch, or the carriage house. It really didn’t matter as long as I was alone with Jaime. 

The night passed so softly. No dreams or wake-ups or even shifting position. The next moment I was aware, it was morning, Jaime was gone and the doctor was coming in to look at my fingers. 

“I caught the news last night and saw your interview. Quite remarkable. I hope you can do your rotations here, I look forward to working with you. Have you chosen an area field of interest?” 

“What do you mean?”

“Nurses can specialize their training to a degree. It gives you a foot in the door if you have the extra course work. General nursing is great too. I was just wondering. You would be a good trauma nurse.”

“How could you possibly know that doctor?”

“Because you’re brave. You also get to go home today.”

I nearly launched off the bed and then gripped the sidebars with my hands to steady myself. I looked at my fingers for the first time. They looked sick and discolored.

“Don’t you worry Claire. Those are the colors of health on your fingers.”

He checked my ears and told me it would be around noon when I could go home. The nurses would keep me informed. 

“Thank you, doctor Abernathy.”

I called Jaime who was tying groceries to a neighbors saddle after filling the saddlebags on both horses. Jenny was winded when she grabbed his phone. I could hear the excitement in her voice. She missed Ian. Jaime was back on the phone saying goodbye to Jenny. 

Ah, Sassenach. Now that Jenny is gone I have no one to argue with. I will surely die of happiness. The way he said it made me laugh. His breathing was labored so I knew he was stepping through deep snow going back to his truck. “Tell me you love me Sassenach.”

“I love you Jaime.” 

“Tell me somethin so close to yer heart it will warm me all the back to the distillery.”

“I need a ride home around noon.”

“Really! Oh Sassenach, that is the best news. Hold on a minute.”

I heard the phone hit something hard. Then I heard Jaime grunt a bit, silence, and he was back. 

“I sent ye a love letter mo chridhe. I will see you soon. I have young whisky impatient for a barrel and a rest. I love ye.”

I flipped over to the text message which was a picture of two snow angels holding hands. There was a J above one and an S above the other with a giant heart surrounding them. “So romantic,” I breathed. 

I was thrilled to have my hands back and when lunch came I was over the moon because I could eat. Holding the spoon was harder than I expected and when my bowl of soup was empty my hands throbbed with pain. I held them close to me and rocked with tears streaming down my face. If I complained they might make me stay. I was not going to let that happen. 

A nurse came in with a stack of papers to sign and briefly explained each document pointing to a signature line. Taking the pen was just too much and I clutched my hands together rocking with the pain. She brought me two pills and water and told me to rest. I was despondent with grief. I so wanted to go home. I laid back and closed my eyes.

I felt his hand on my cheek and turned into it saying his name. He was my love, my life, and he was taking me to a carnival. Wait…what? I opened my eyes to the most beautiful blue.

“If ye can sign the release papers yer free to go mo chridhe.”

I pushed myself up and noticed my fingers didn’t hurt. That was a true miracle. 

“Bring them on. I need to get out of here.”


	17. Chapter 17

By my recollection, I had spent a mere three days in the hospital. Why did it seem like I hadn’t been outside in months, I wondered. Jaime had a permanent smile ever since we rolled away from the hospital. 

“Does it hurt ye to walk mo chridhe?”

“No”

Does the sun bother ye eyes, Claire?”

“No”

“Are ye cold?”

“No”

“The carriage house has lots of windows, will ye be alright with that?”

“Yes, I will. I love the view. It’s what I noticed first when I saw it. Jaime, stop worrying. I’ve already bundled up that whole experience and put it away. I want you to do the same.” 

It’s a bit harder for me, he thought. Ye almost died, alone, thinkin the worst of me. I wish I could hide from such a truth.

“We’re here! Butter!” I dropped to the ground the second the truck stopped and ran for the carriage house. Halfway there I heard a familiar bark and turned around to see a butter-colored blur coming at me. I sat down in the snow and held my arms out for the incoming missile. I held his wiggling body tightly and stroked his back until he gained control over his enthusiasm. 

“Attention soldier!”

Butter sat and looked into the eyes he loved so dearly.

“You are the best boy! What is this?” Behind Butter, four little dogs sat at attention. 

Jaime scooped me up from the snow and explained the devotion the little dogs had to Butter. “Thankfully, when their mistress calls, they are happy to return to her.”

I was laughing when I looked up at Edith. I gave her a big hug and invited everyone into the house. Edith had a casserole and salad made for our dinner and after a bit of welcome home, she and her dogs went home leaving the three of us alone. 

I felt shy and out of place suddenly. I didn’t know what to do with myself so I just sat down at the table. Jaime made coffee and talked a bit about the distillery. He mentioned Hogmanay and my head shot up. 

“First time in many generations the party is canceled because they’re snowed in three miles," Jaime was saying. I felt so bad for Jenny having to cancel the event of the year at Lallybroch. 

“I have a bit of good news for ye Sassenach. Yer wee boxes are at a warehouse here in Edinburgh and we can fetch them if ye like.”

I was thrilled and would have jumped up but lacked the energy for such exuberance at the moment. “Yes, please. I would love to get my boxes back here. Don’t you have to get back to work today?” 

“Nah, I have to get ten wee boxes first for the one I love most.” 

Jaime pulled me up and kissed me softly, wrapping his arms around me. Several kisses later I was quite undone when he held my coat out for me. 

Seeing the boxes stacking up in the living room made me want to dive in all of them at once. It seemed like forever since I could see my own things around me and I was so happy taking each item out and finding a place for it. I pushed Jaime out the door so he could at least get a few hours in at work and when the door closed behind him I ran for the couch rubbing my hands together. God they hurt. Butter snuggled against me and whimpered looking at my hands. 

“It’s okay Butter. From our adventure in the snowstorm.” I took two of the pills and laid down with the softest cuddle bug on the planet. I dug my fingers into his soft fur and rocked with the pain until I felt it let up and the drowsy euphoria take over. 

I felt Jaime pull me into his arms and carry me to bed. He asked if I was hungry or thirsty then laid me down and curled up behind me. I was so tired and vaguely remembered planning some hot lovemaking when I was alone with Jaime. Right now, the thought seemed an impossibility so I curled deeper into his arms and sighed. 

“I love ye mo chridhe and so happy yer home.”

“Jaime, I’m so tired. I’m sorry.”

“Dinna be sorry Sassenach. Doctor Abernathy told me the cells in our body store food, like tiny batteries, that we use when needed. When ye were outside in the storm ye used all yer's up and now ye have nothin stored for fuel. Sleep love, every day will get better, I promise.”

His voice was like silk on air coming into my ear. The voice of someone who loves me, someone big to protect me, someone who is my family. Tonight it is the voice of authority and I surrendered to my exhaustion. 

Nurse Lucy waited impatiently for her relief to show up and was annoyed when a different nurse came in. 

“Where might Kathy be today?”

The new nurse explained Kathy had requested they swap floors for a few days and let her know she wanted her floor back when she called her the night before.

“What floor did she trade with ye?”

“Third floor, post-surgical, and let me tell ye, it’s hell on wheels down there.” She smiled and looked up but Lucy was already gone. 

The elevator door opened and Lucy could see Kathy was behind the counter at the nurse's station as she approached. Kathy looked up and tried to launch out of her chair when Lucy’s hand came down on her shoulder. She pushed her into the prep room up against a counter. 

“Are ye fuckin crazy? Let go of me!”

“Nah, ye have a story to tell me first, and I’ll have ye know I’m a human lie detector. Why did ye trade floors while Claire Beauchamp was here?”

“Who? God, get away from me or I’ll call security ye bitch.”

“Ye might keep yer career intact if ye tell me the truth of it, and maybe not. I suggest ye try.”  


The younger nurse looked at the grip Lucy had on her arm and felt her heart sink. She would not be walking away from this unscathed, that was clear. 

“Alright! A good friend of mine asked me to get transferred to Beauchamp’s floor so I could find out what happened to her and watch the boyfriend, whatshisname. I asked Claire how she got lost, what was happening to make her go into the woods, where she was all that time, and how she was found. I told my friend what she said and how often the guy was with her. That’s it. Happy?”

“A name if ye please.”

“For Christ sake, like ye would know Geneva Dunsany. Not very likely. Now let me go, ye cow.”

Lucy straightened up and rode the elevator to the main floor where she filled out an incident report, spoke to the head of nursing, then the HR director, and finally Chief Medical Officer of the hospital. When she walked through the parking lot she was exhausted but had one more thing to do. She dialed Jaime Fraser. 

My eyes opened to a new day. The sun was up, Jaime was already gone, and butter was licking my face. I was warm, had shelter, all the food I could eat, but I felt miles away from Jaime. Cellular energy or not, I had to bridge this distance between us. I couldn’t remember the last time we made love, it was that long ago. 

Jaime showered and drove to work with a small portion of his brain actually watching the road. The rest was touching her, grinding into her, tasting her, making her scream for him. His body was a nonstop reminder of his need and her pressing against him all night was a fireball to a dried forest. He would do anything for Claire. Not touching her, or taking what he needed from her, was proving to be his biggest challenge. He pressed his horn when the driver in front of him didn’t crank the gas at the first sign of green. Jesus, he thought, calm the hell down. He reached for his buzzing cell phone and listened to Lucy. He thanked her through a clenched jaw and pulled over to box the steering wheel. Just as he was about to turn around and head for the Dunsany house he remembered the order of protection. It went both ways and he would be breaking the law if he intentionally went to them. He called Ned and left a message. This was shaping up to be a day from hell. 

Claire went through her boxes and touched her belongings, so happy to be surrounded by her beloved objects again. She pulled out her dress from the San Francisco tasting party and smiled. That was the beginning of the end, she mused. Her thoughts drifted to Jaime that night. How he looked, how he moved, how he tempted her with his body and compliments. “Good thing yer gorgeous with a mouth like that,” she whispered out loud. This dress had a mission. She knew it the moment she put it on in the shop. The mission was to seduce Jaime Fraser. It was time to see that to fruition.

Some days are better than others. Jaime was short-tempered and irritable all day and his crew was edgy because of it. He spent the afternoon in his office, door closed, fantasizing about Claire. At six o’clock he started his truck and headed for the carriage house, wondering how he would keep his hands off of her tonight. Pulling his truck up to the curb he saw Edith waving him into her house and felt his heart rate shoot up. After looking through the third room for the spider Edith proclaimed the house free of the arachnid saying she must have scared it back outside. 

“Thank you dear for looking. I’ve obviously scared the thing back outdoors.”

Jaime walked back to the carriage house and noticed the lights were not on. Another night to carry her to bed. He smiled at the thought of touching her close to him for the thirty-second walk to the bed. When he opened the door he saw candles lit everywhere, heard Enya singing her Gaelic melodies, and smelled the amazing aroma of garlic and Italian herbs. Claire was in the kitchen and he almost swallowed his tongue at the sight of her. Exactly like she looked the night of the tasting party. Her hair was straightened, her spike heels made her legs look a mile long. She turned around and smiled at him. 

“Hungry?”

“Ye have no idea mo chridhe.”

I removed his coat and smiled at him. “Do you need a shower before the tasting?”

“Tasting?”

“Yes, I have two fine whiskys to taste. You look tense love, some hot water is just what you need. Hurry, please.”

Jaime vaporized in front of me and I heard him grunt as he stepped into the water before it was hot. I stood behind my makeshift tasting bar, ready to pour. Jaime’s eyes were sparkling with fun when he looked at my little flute glasses and covers. 

“This is very fancy mo chridhe, even have covers for the glasses?”

“Well, Edith has two pictures that lay face down in her living room until the tasting is over. Are you ready?” 

“Ready.” 

I poured the first bottle, we swirled, waited and sniffed. “Tell me what you think.” 

“You look so bonnie in that dress Sassenach. I just want to watch ye walk in it, or dance. Can ye just twirl by yerself so I can see?”

“I meant the whisky love. I taste cinnamon, and vanilla I think.” Jamie’s eyes were smoldering and I didn’t think we would make it through dinner so I came around the bar to his side. I pressed against him. “What do you taste love.”

He lowered his face to within an inch of mine. My body was reacting to his smell, his look, and what I guessed was his growing need. I looked up at his eyes. “Tell me.”

He stared at me a long time, making my heart race and my breathing quicken. I felt his warm hand on my thigh slowly moving up to play with the lace at the top of my stockings. He ran his finger around underneath the lace and then moved higher.

“Tis a single malt with a glorious peat aroma and I too taste the cinnamon. A fine whisky it is but it’s young, is it nae?”

He brought his mouth down on mine so softly with teasing kisses. 

“I am trying not to touch ye but I’m not strong enough to resist Sassenach.”

I pulled his other hand to my breast and his kisses became more urgent and needy. He reached behind my neck and twisted the button that held the dress on then pushed it over my hips. I unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off of him and we were skin to skin. He was so warm and strong and smelled like heaven. 

“I will turn the oven off, be right back.” Stepping away from his warmth made me walk fast and when I walked back he watched me closely. 

“You are beautiful Claire, from your hair to your toes. I’ve got to have ye before I explode from the visual.” 

Jaime carried me to the bed and kissed me deeply while he touched my heat and knew I was very ready for him. 

He moved between my legs and watched me closely as he entered me. I locked my gaze on his and felt overwhelming love between us. It was slow and hot. When he pushed me into my orgasm he chased me and we floated together for what seemed an eternity. When my head cleared I felt like I was in someone else’s body because I could barely feel my legs and my arms shook. It was embarrassing to have so little control over my limbs. Jaime pulled me into his embrace. 

“It won’t be forever Sassenach. Another week of food and lots of rest and ye willna feel so exhausted. I promise. Are ye hungry? We can eat right here.”

Jaime bounced off the bed and came back with two bowls of lasagne. “It smells delicious Sassenach.”

“It’s from the deli,” I giggled. It was delicious. We ate an entire loaf of garlic bread and two bowls of lasagne each. I was struggling to keep my eyes open but tried to get up. I had to get Butter from Edith’s before it got too late. Jaime offered to retrieve one furry puppy if I would stay right where I was.

He sat on the side of the bed and touched my cheek. “I knew I loved ye Sassenach, but I never knew how much. I do now, and I’m the luckiest man alive mo ghraidh." In my sleep, I was vaguely aware of Butter, and boxes being moved, water in the kitchen, and Jaime’s arms around me pulling me to him. It was the warmest and safest hug I have ever felt. 

Jaime had emptied all the boxes and hung up my clothing. He put towels in the bathroom, trinkets on the counters, and stacked my folded shirts and sweaters on the dresser. The boxes were broken down and removed to the dumpster. He cleaned up the dishes and put the kitchen in order. He would have pulled a star right from the night sky if I asked him for it. Who was the lucky one?

The first day of classes was finally here and I parked as close as I could to my buildings and kept my backpack as light as possible. It was still a struggle and by the end of the day, I was barely able to get back to my car. It was very cold and the car was quite reluctant to start. I could feel the bile in my stomach and my hands shake. When I tried the third time it started and I let out a long breath, thank God. I grabbed my phone and spoke to my to-do list, “get car tuned up.” It certainly wouldn’t hurt.

The days went by in a blur. I was in classes all morning, labs in the afternoon, and my internet courses in the evening. Jaime remained the perfect partner, always looking out for my energy level, making love every day, and being brave when I cooked something. Jaime called my little house the love shack and we spent happy days together. 

“It’s warmin up next week finally Sassenach. Let’s have a talk about where we spend our free time.”

My eyebrows shot up trying to decide what he was talking about. 

“Once the snow melts will ye spend some time with me at Lallybroch? Ian and Jenny are doing all the chores that I used to do and…”

“And it’s your home.” I straddled his lap and kissed him. “Of course love, I always expected it to be that way. As long as Butter can come. I’ll bet you are looking forward to your king size bed too.”

“A small bed has some advantages Sassenach. Come, let me show ye what I mean.”


	18. Chapter 18

I can feel Butter on my feet. He wants to tell me something important but I am locked on my laptop, noise canceling headphones on, enjoying my calculus problems in peace.

“Butter. Why are you stepping on my feet?” I can usually gauge his level of happiness by the percentage of body that is wagging along with his tail. This wag starts at his shoulders. He is very happy indeed.

“Well, what are you so happy about?” For a spooky second, I almost heard him tell me to open the door because his groupies were here. Now, more for my own sake, I pulled the door open to Edith and four little Butter lovers. Hmm… nah. 

“Jaime said you would be hiking into Lallybroch today so I made you lunch that you can eat like a picnic in the snow. There’s some light food that you will like and then Jaime’s favorites. My fresh made pickles, a fruit pizza, and some odds and ends.”

“Edith, how did we get so lucky to find you!”

“That goes both ways lass. Jaime has cleared out my old washer already and made way for the new one coming today. He deserves to eat.”

Looking down at Butter covered in growling, playing, almost-dogs, I decided to finish my calculus problems before packing up the laptop. Thirty minutes later I was packed and ready to go. Jaime was thumbs down about taking two cars and promised to drop us at the carriage house early Monday. Once I had everything in the truck I went in search of Jaime.

I didn’t mind living near campus, and the convenience of grocery stores, cinema, restaurants, the library, and a quick replacement for whatever broke, was very nice. As we made our way toward the country and home, I was reminded of how easy it is to forget the breathtaking landscape of the highlands, no matter the season. I studied Jaime’s face and noticed the tension in his jaw and between his eyebrows was noticeably better. He will never be parted with Lallybroch so it’s a good thing I feel the same. 

“Sassenach, why are staring at me?”

“Because you are gorgeous and I can’t help myself.” He looked at me and smiled slightly. 

“Prove it, lass.”

“Ok, you asked for it.” I threw my leg over his and straddled him keeping my upper body to the side so he could see the road. Then I kissed him deeply pulling a moaning growl from the depths. His free hand was under my sweater pinching my nipples and holding me to him. He pushed my sweater up to my chin and latched onto my nipple making me arch my back toward him. I pulled my sweater off and I was naked to the waist. I felt the truck pull onto a rougher road and looked around. We were in the thick of the woods that bordered Lallybroch. The truck came to a halt and Jaime feasted on my skin. 

We were both panting and very cramped. I didn’t care, as long as he would end my torture, and soon. 

“Come Sassenach, there’s a perfect smooth rock for our picnic just ahead. I’ll grab the food.”

I threw my sweater back on and grabbed the blanket from the back of the truck. It was a perfect spot for a picnic although the snow was still drifting up to three feet in places. It wouldn’t last long with the warm temperature. I took out my phone and snapped dozens of pictures because it was so beautiful. 

Edith was not one to skimp on food and she outdid herself with this feast. Jaime was in heaven having so many choices and delighting in them all. When I couldn’t eat another bite I took a deep breath and laid back on the blanket looking up at the treetops. I was more than a little anxious to get back to our activities in the truck. 

“Ye look like the cat that ate the canary Sassenach.” Jaime was giggling and ran a hand under my sweater. “Ye look hot in that thick sweater, poor lass, maybe ye should remove it.”

I smiled at Jaime and pulled the heavy sweater over my head watching his eyes grow very interested. 

“You look very hot too Jaime.” Off came his sweater and undershirt. It was a bit more than I could take seeing him naked from the waist up and I lunged at him, all hands, lips, and tongue. If the rock had been between us I would have smashed it to get to him. The more I kissed, the more I wanted to kiss. The more I felt, the more I wanted to feel. He watched me, his eyes were smoldering and he seemed very aware of my heightened desire. Everywhere he touched me brought me higher until my heat was pounding in my jeans. I felt my boots come off, then my pants. I was trying to grab the button and zipper on Jaime’s jeans but they fell away like magic and he covered me. 

My hips were pushing up toward his seeking much-needed friction when I remember with a shock that I had a surprise for Jaime and he was about to find it. Christ, how could I forget that I wondered? Jaime was moving down my body with kisses and I almost counted down 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…. 

“Sweet Jesus lass, what have ye done?” He was inches from my new racing stripe, barely an inch wide and stopped just above my bud, the rest was hairless. “So soft, so beautiful.” He was touching me so much I almost lost it. “Open yer legs Sassenach.”

After my second orgasm, he pushed between my legs and held my pelvis up before he slammed into me. He went perfectly still, breathing deeply with his eyes closed. When he moved it took my breath away as he pounded me until I was on the edge again. 

“Ye’ve bewitched me lass, I’ll no stop thinking about your beautiful pussy for the rest of the weekend.” That did it. I arched deeply and he obliged me by slamming into my heat several times sending me careening into the winds of orgasm and chasing me with his own. I held him so tightly and panted for breath. When I could see his face I kissed it at least a dozen times with “I love you’s” in between. He laid beside me exposing my skin to the air and I was suddenly very cold. Jaime laughed and handed me my sweater, putting his own on. 

Neither of us seemed inclined to leave our peaceful rock. Jaime told me stories about exploring these woods with his gang and the various tests of manhood they would devise. 

“Name one,” I asked between bites of salad. 

“Sleeping over there, near the stream, without a tent, all night. The animals come to drink when it’s dark and they might walk right into us as we slept. It was all very scary to a ten-year-old, ye see.”

“And did you do it?”

“Aye, so did Ian, and Angus. Rupert developed a sore throat just before dark and went home.” 

“Did you sleep?”

“Well, it started out a peaceful night with half a moon to give some light. We all felt safe enough. But just before I dropped off I heard somethin or someone movin through the water in the stream. Like a man walking through the water. We all heard it and we were all silent, hoping it would move away, whatever it was. When I hadn’t heard anything in several minutes I figured it was gone until there was splashin of water and a thud. Sounded like he caught a fish and hit it on a rock to kill it.”

The story was actually starting to scare me and I moved closer to Jaime, watching his face as he continued.  


“Nah, none of us slept that night. Whatever was in the water ate the fish raw. We found the bones, skin, and innards beside the stream the next day. How does somethin catch a fish when it’s dark, I wondered. We looked around for other clues to its identity but found nothin. Told da about it later and he thought it could have been a mountain man wanderin through. We never figured it out, nor did we use that test of manhood again. Ever.”

“I wish we could stay here forever but it’s getting rather cold. Should we pack up and head home?”

“Aye, I imagine Ian has a list of things need doin once I’m back.”

He kissed me deeply and then carried me to the truck so I didn’t have to fight the deep snow. As we drove Jaime pointed out places where the fencing had collapsed and the last half mile was a single lane plowed to get into and out of Lallybroch. I was so excited to see Jenny I was out the truck and running for the house when the kitchen door opened. 

“Jenny!” Ian squeezed past our hug and walked toward Jaime pointing up at the barn roof. Apparently, the old structure collapsed under the weight of the snow. They both walked toward the barn and Jenny pulled me inside for some girl talk. 

“What are we making for dinner? That better not be a grimace on your face Jenny. I’ll have you know my cooking has improved with Edith’s help.” 

Jenny laughed and shook her head. “Some of us were ne’er meant to cook lass. Yer one of em. Anyway, we’re having bangers and mash tonight. It’s one of Jaime’s favorites and very easy. Come over here ye silly pooch, give yer aunt Jenny a wag.” 

She held her arms open for Butter who was more than happy to oblige. We sat on the floor in front of the fire and chatted while Butter went from one to other of us. It was so easy existing with Jenny. Talking, cooking, or just playing with the puppy. She was easy for me. When Jaime came in to wash up he gave us the weirdest look, and it lingered longer than it should. That was odd I thought. When he came back in he scooped me off of the floor and sat me on his lap while he talked with Jenny. When I tried to get up he held me firmly to him. Well, this was just strange. 

I looked deep into Jaime’s eyes looking for weirdness. Knowing what we had just done I was a bit surprised to see arousal in his gaze back at me. I leaned against him so he would relax. Later when we started preparing dinner Jaime was making his presence known by getting between Jenny and me, pulling me into hugs, and whispering things he would be doing to me soon. All the attention was fun, but still a bit odd. 

Four friends together again for the evening meal. A great bottle of whisky and more storytelling. I told Ian about the man in the water story Jaime told me earlier. His face actually looked a little pale all of a sudden. 

“I was so close to the thing that when he hit the fish to kill it I got wet from the water splashin. I was never so scarit in my life as I was that night. We need another round.”

Ian poured another drink for us while we laughed at little boys getting scared in the dark. When I glanced at Jaime my breath caught. He was needing more of me tonight, that much was clear, and I sensed an urgency that made me tingle. I looked away before I lost myself in his sexy eyes. When I walked by his chair clearing plates he ran his hand up my inner thigh and I almost dropped the stack I was holding. 

Once in the kitchen I settled down and got lost in washing dishes, gossiping, and planning the wedding while we worked. Jenny and I were leaning over the table in the kitchen looking at a large binder with sample invitations. We stood close to each other but not uncomfortably so. Jaime threw me over his shoulder, made apologies to Jenny and climbed the stairs to his room while I pounded his back whispering to let me go.  
“Nah lass. Ye’ll no be leavin this room tonight. I’ve a mind full of yer sexy pussy and want to look at it…all night if ye dinna mind.”

I couldn’t help giggling. So that’s what made him so weird all evening. I guess he approves of my racing stripe. I took a hot shower while Jaime built a fire against the cold night. Jenny was not one to run the heat at night when warm bodies were buried under quilts. I reached for my robe remembering what Jaime said about an almost naked woman could make men weak. I left the robe open and grabbed my comb.

“I will make it warm enough for ye to lie naked on the bed and let me look at ye Sassenach.” 

With the fire burning bright Jaime took a shower and I scooted up on the bed. I looked down at my robe and it naturally hung open about an inch so I left it that way and reached for my book. I sensed something different in Jaime tonight and it had me on edge, in a good way. I tried to read but my mind was making mad love to that gorgeous man. 

“What are ye readin Sassenach?”

“It’s Winston Churchill’s unauthorized biography. I love the unauthorized versions, they’re so much juicier, don’t you think?” He was staring at the inch opening in my robe and slid his hand across my stomach pushing it open. “Yer a vision lass and I fear I’ll not have use of my mind again until I am accustomed to the new look. He opened my robe to lay to my sides leaving me naked against the headboard. I pretended to read and stole quick glances at Jaime who just stared at my core licking his lips. 

“You remind me of a predator when you do that. Watch me and lick your lips. It gives me goosebumps Jaime.” 

“I’m sorry lass, but I’ll be takin what I need from ye tonight and it won’t be gentle. If you protest, I may lose my mind completely.”

He never took his eyes from me, from my core. I was getting quite heated and shimmied out of the robe. I laid back on my pillows and propped the book on a raised knee. Jaime was quiet and watching. After fifteen minutes he ran his flat palm up my leg and touched me so lightly. I could actually feel my arousal dripping out of me and wondered when he would touch me. He lightly brushed one finger against my fold and I heard his breath catch. 

“Christ almighty, certain things canna be hid from me lass.” 

He pushed two fingers deep into me and I lost it. My book fell to the floor and I rocked his fingers while he watched. I felt his thumb rub against my bud and lost my mind.

“Sassenach, look at me…oh my God those eyes, they undo me lass.”

Jaime brought me to an exquisite organism and pushed into me while I was still quite high. He was on his knees holding me up to him. His gaze never left our joining. It was intensely erotic watching him watch me and I was already heading for another orgasm when he stopped. 

I was feeling quite out of control at the moment. I needed him to pound without mercy. He did say it would not be gentle tonight so why was he stopping. “Why! Sorry, why did you stop?” Doing my best to regulate my voice when I wanted to shout the question at him. He pulled me up against the headboard and laid down pulling one leg over so his mouth was millimeters from my heat. He just looked at me for the longest time. I couldn’t move a muscle. I was so focused on his mouth and wanting it to invade me. When he did, it was soft and loving and still I watched him lick me making my arousal feel out of control.

“Please Jaime, I need you.”  


He looked up at me when he pushed his tongue into me. I could hear the moan coming from deep within me and I ground my pelvis against his mouth. My orgasm gripped me deep inside and shook me from head to toe. It seemed like forever I rode the waves of euphoria, my fingers buried deep in Jaime’s har. I was barely aware he was moving me until I felt his invasion. My eyes flew open to Jaime standing next to the bed holding my legs open and thrusting into me. He pushed so deep it almost hurt and I knew he wouldn’t stop even if he heard and could comprehend such a request. He held my legs open and watched as he rammed into me. At least a dozen thrusts and he slammed into my cervix and held still while his body shook and pulsed with his own flight. I reached for him, not liking the distance between us. He came to me and collapsed at my side as I wrapped myself around him. 

“This one goes into my diary Jaime. You were intense and over the top sexy,” I whispered. 

“Are ye alright lass?”

“Yes love, more than alright.”

Jaime pulled me into the bed and covered us before wrapping me in his cocoon. I was so happy in his arms and could not remember a single day I cried. Not Peru, New Orleans, Geneva, or the snow storm. He chased the sadness away and promised a life of love in its place. I struggled to stay awake and enjoy every second of this feeling. In my head I shot back in time to when I was sixteen, lying next to Jaime in his bed, listening to him breathe. I would have given ten years of my life to touch him that night and here I am with an open invitation from the man himself, to touch him whenever and where ever I want. Life may not ever be what we expect. I suppose that means I should keep a weathered eye on our horizon. So I can see all the blessing coming to us. 

Someone is seeking my attention.I’m not sure I want to give it. I am feeling stubborn at the moment, wanting to stay in my warm blankets. Oh yes. That warm body pushed up against mine, like a furnace with skin it is absolutely lovely. Now, where was I, oh yes, drifting back to sleep in my warm… what is this? Oh… oh yes… that is nice, just… Jesus that is warm and wet, pulling my legs apart, oooh, this is heaven. God! I feel like I’m suffocating with all these blankets, get them off! Holy Christ… I’m coming!

I look down at Jaime’s boyish smiling face. “Care to return the favor handsome?” Jaime slid up to me and put his thumb into my mouth making me squirm.

“Ye have a lovely mouth mo chridhe, to be sure. I want to look at ye, next to me. Yer body has me in a spin since the rock yesterday. But his will fix it. Just once more and my thirst will be slicked. Sassenach, let me in.”

He glided into my wetness and locked his gaze with mine while my body stoked his arousal. 

“I fear ye’ve crippled me with what ye’ve done to yerself. It is so much more beautiful than I ever imagined. Promise me, ye won’t change anything, please.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

Jaime pulled himself above me and pounded into me until he went rigid, gulping air, trying to steady himself. When he collapsed behind me I had to smile to myself. Cosmopolitan magazine was worth every cent. 

I finally emerged from our room, showered and ready for this perfect Saturday. Jenny and I were going into town to order her invitations and look at flowers. I wanted to stop by the bridal shop to see the dress if there was time. We had our usual debate about who would drive and I won when I flatly refused to risk my life in the passenger seat of her little car. Jenny could be a gracious loser when she wanted to be. On the way to Edinburgh, I dropped hints about my surprise for Jaime. 

It was taking too long for her to grasp my deficient clues and I got bored so I just blurted it out. “I went hairless and Jaime is panting for it!”

Jenny’s eyes were round and she dropped her gaze to my lap.

“Ye mean…”

“Yes, that is exactly what I mean. I didn’t know if he would like it so I was nervous. And it’s weird because he’s your brother. But I had to tell you, it’s God damned insane what happened to him.”

I could see her brain working as she watched the road ahead. “Everything Claire?” 

I explained the racing stripe and the importance of shaving everything else. I also explained how to be extra careful shaving the most intimate parts so there is nothing to get between you and him. I had pushed my luck up to that point and let the matter rest. The rest of our day was fun and exciting as we made decisions for Jenny’s big day. 

We returned to Lallybroch like two soldiers returning from war. I could not remember the last time I was this tired and dropped onto the couch to watch the fire. It was warm and soothing me into a hypnotic trance when someone pushed a glass in my hand and Ian’s beautiful smile was above me. 

“The lass will wear ye out if yer not careful Claire.” 

“Too late.. she had her way with me and I am exhausted.”

“If ye took a wee nap would ye be interested in Italian food in Edinburgh tonight.”

“Hell yes! A nap… and whatever else you just said.” I counted down the remaining steps willing myself to the top where a bed was waiting for me. Where did Jenny run off to, I wondered. I dropped into Jaime’s bed and smiled at the luxury of being alone to sleep the afternoon away.

I was well into my first dream when I heard rapid knocking and Jenny’s startled voice calling my name. The door flew open and Jenny grabbed my hand patting it to wake me up. 

“Claire, wake up. I messed it up somethin awful, please wake up.” Her face was a study in guilty shock which concerned me enough to fully wake up.

“What happened?”

“Well…I was done and very careful, but at the end, somethin happened. My hand swiped to the side with the razer and I took the middle out by accident.”

Jenny’s face was crimson and she looked ready to cry. I had to reach deep before I understood what she was describing. “Your…racing stripe? Accidentally shaved across the middle?”

“Looked like black lines on the highway Claire.”

“Looked?”

She just looked at me with those big brown eyes and shook her head yes.

“So….did you go commando?”

“If that means everything off, then yes Claire. Ian is going to shit when he sees this. I’ll be lucky to get laid until it grows back… and how long will that take?”

Jenny was almost hysterical so I did my best to calm her. “Jenny, before you send yourself to the gallows, please, Lure Ian into bed and let him see you. Jenny, have faith. Men have this weird need to see stuff. You might be pleasantly surprised. I could tell she wasn’t buying it but agreed to show Ian and left me to my nap. Just before I fell asleep again, I pulled my clothes off and put on my robe, beltless. 

I had been on this dig for so long. Pot after pot was dug up until my fingers were bleeding. Lamb shook his head and I was crushed. Why? What’s wrong with it I wailed. Lamb just shook his head and pointed at the dirt. “Keep digging.” 

“Sassenach.”

My eyes flew open and I looked up at Jaime’s face above me. 

“Mo Chridhe, you have been sleeping all afternoon. How do you feel?”

I yawned and stretched. “I feel fabulous, actually. Oh! Time for Italian food in the city? Ian told me we were going tonight.”

“Well, that was the plan but Ian has locked himself in the bedroom with Jenny and willna come out. They must be havin a spat.” He gave me the knowing eye and I nodded dumbly. 

“Yes, that must be it. Would you like to go without them or maybe I can cook? Let’s see. I can make you a meatloaf, it's an American favorite!”

“I really had my heart set on Italian mo gradhag. We will go without them, aye?”

I made short work of a shower and clean clothes. I pulled thick stockings up my legs, a very short skirt, and my boots. Jaime poked his head around the corner with his shaver to his face and got stuck there watching me dress. I pulled a thick cable sweater over my head and grabbed my purse. Ready.

The food was delicious but as we ate Jaime got quieter and didn’t seem to be listening to me. The waiter set a lovely glass or Drambuie in front of me and I leveled my gaze at Jaime.

“Already bored with me and not even married yet. Is that what’s happening here?” I expected Jaime to come unglued denying and reassuring so when he said nothing I was surprised.

“Jaime!”

“Check please!” Jaime raised his hand at the waitress and stood behind me pulling my chair out. Before I could say another word he was pulling me out of the restaurant. When he jumped into the truck he pulled me to him and crushed my lips. He pulled my hand to his lap and I was shocked to find his erection the size of Rhode Island. 

“Ye’ve ruined me lass. Now yer gonna pay.”

When he released me I was breathless and all over him as he tried to drive. He pulled into Edith’s driveway and we crashed into the carriage house. It was dark except for the moonlight that came through the windows, and that was plenty to see clearly. 

I tried to walk toward him but he pushed me back. “Take yer sweater off Sassenach.” 

I removed my sweater and he looked at my lace bra like he might eat it. “Skirt, please.” I dropped my skirt to the floor as he was pulling off his shirt. His eyes were burning holes in my skin and I was ready to self combust. “Bra and panties next.” When they hit the floor Jaime looked at me like a starving man looks at a meal. “Come here.”


	19. Chapter 19

We drove into the slushy road making our way back to Edinburgh Monday morning. My communication with Jenny had been by text message only, and it appeared she and Ian were in no great hurry to get to work as the dawn kissed the fields around the estate. It was all I could do to keep Butter semi-dry getting into the truck. It seems all he wants to do is run through the slush and try to eat what fly’s up from the ground. 

I didn’t want to leave Lallybroch today, wishing for another Sunday that I knew was impossible. I finally resigned myself to getting on with the day. 

Monday and Wednesday afternoons would be reserved for Anatomy and Physiology lab for the remainder of the semester. The professor walked in and pointed to each of us calling out a letter, A or B. Then he told the A’s to look to their left and say hello to their new lab partner for the semester. I shook hands with Garrett McKinney and smiled. He’s a rather nice looking man, clean cut and seems eager to get on with the lab exercise for today. We exchanged numbers and chatted a bit about our hopes and dreams with the nursing school before getting down to work. 

Something felt good about having a lab partner. The long halls in the science building didn’t seem so lonely because now there was a face I was looking for. Someone here knew me. We were a good match, Garrett and me. The same level of ambition, the same intense desire to excel. I spoke of Jaime constantly and as we approached midterms I finally asked Garrett if he was dating anyone. 

“A passing fancy, nothing more.”

“Oh, well I hope it turns out exactly as you want it to Garrett. Since it’s nothing serious will you come to Lallybroch this weekend, at least for dinner Saturday night?”

“Sorry wee Claire. I have plans already. One of these weekends I will meet the handsome Jaime. I promise.”

I didn’t want to pressure Garrett but Jaime was getting a little irritable about this phantom lab partner that called my phone, left text messages, but was never around to meet him. Even I started to feel weird about it but what could I do?

With our midterm practical only days away Garrett and I spread our books, charts, and diagrams out on a conference table in the library and settled in for an intense four hours that seemed like fifteen minutes. The midterm would be one half of our final grade and heavily influence our rotation schedule next year. My brain had its own bouncer who would not allow passage of noncritical information. Two hundred and six bones in the human body and eight hundred and forty muscles took up a lot of room and resources. 

When I would see Jaime it was when I was pacing and naming bone or muscled groups, or when I was debating with Garrett over the phone about most likely test questions. Edith was our savior because she would bring dinner or pull Jaime to the big house to eat with her. 

The night before the exam I was coiled like a spring, sure I was going to fail, and ready to crawl out of my skin. Garrett called over and over again until Jaime had enough and left. My heart nearly fell on the floor. Suddenly the two weeks of studying, the sleep deprivation, late nights at the library, and single-minded determination to memorize every bone and muscle was paid for by Jaime. I stood in the center of my living room and stared at the front door he had walked out of and did not know what to do. 

Suddenly I missed Jaime with an intensity that threatened to break my spine. How could I be so selfish? How could I push him away for two weeks and do nothing but study? How could I spend more time with Garrett than Jaime this past week? Oh my God…what have I done? With shaking hands I sent him a text from the heart. 

‘I am sorry. I love you more than life itself Jaime. Please forgive me for being so selfish. I love you.’  
Jaime did not respond so I took a shower and got into bed. I was miserable and feeling worse with each passing minute. I sent a text to Jenny and told her what happened. 

Jaime pulled into the closest tavern and sat in his truck thinking. Why am I feeling so out of control all of a sudden? This beautiful girl is in love with me, she agreed to marry me, she comes alive when she’s near me. Why am I so threatened? How can I ever be a father if I can’t share her with the world? I feel like I’m talking to a stranger in my own head. He looked out the window and shook his head, “It’s cause I’m usually talkin to you Sassenach,” he whispered. He looked at his buzzing phone.

“Hi, Jenny.”

“What’s wrong brother?”

“I think I’m jealous of a mid=term exam.”

“Ah…well, ye remember how she carried on when ye first brought her from Boston when ye were workin from five AM until ten every night. Ye can just give that right back to her Jaime.”

“She never said a word, did she?”

“It was the same old harangue night after night… welcome home, I love ye, sit and eat. I swear ye deserve a metal for puttin up wi it.”

“Your point is well made Jen. Thank you for the clarity.”

“Ye best give Claire some clarity so she doesna blow her exam in the morning. I know ye love me, I love ye too, goodbye.”

Jaime shook his head and laughed as he stepped out of the truck. He emerged from the tavern five minutes later with a prized bottle of whisky and a gift set of fancy glasses. He looked at his watch, it was nine o’clock. His mission was simple, take away her fear, make her feel loved more than any woman alive, and coax her to sleep without betraying his crippling need for her body. I can do this.

Jaime came in so quietly I didn’t hear him at first but I felt Butter’s tail wagging under the quilt. I let him up on the bed tonight because I needed his comfort. But the king of my world was back touching my face, pushing my hair behind my ears, speaking softly. I looked up at him and felt a hot tear roll from the corner of my eye. It was clear to me, nothing was more important than Jaime, not even nursing school and I would pull out if he asked me to. 

“Dinna cry Sassenach. Please forgive my jealousy and selfishness. I did a terrible thing walking out of here tonight and I am so sorry. I acted like a spoiled adolescent and you must be wondering how you  
will get through the program with me acting this way.” He smiled at me with some sadness in his eyes. “It won’t happen again mo chridhe, please don’t worry or expect a replay. I may act stupid from time to time but I learn my lessons well, love.”

Jaime pulled his clothes off and climbed into bed next to me. He held me in my favorite position that spooned me quickly to dreamland. I almost felt drugged from all the work, little sleep, and the emotional train wreck of earlier tonight. My eyes closed.

What felt like a few seconds later my alarm went off and I jerked awake. Jaime was gone already but left a note that he had walked Butter this morning and would meet me back here mid-afternoon. I didn’t want to waste precious minutes on a shower and hair so I put on a ball cap and headed toward campus. The practicum was long and difficult so I was happy I had spent the time preparing. Two hundred answers and I wasn’t sure about only three of them. I had done very well. 

Our professor had explained that this midterm would cut about fifteen percent of the students, the final another fifteen to twenty percent. This course was essential, it was also the eliminator of students who were not suited to the program. I held nothing back on this midterm and I would be in the upper five percent until the final.

Jaime leaned back in his big desk chair and smiled at Claire’s excited voice. He asked if they could meet at the carriage house before heading to Lallybroch and told her about the bottle of whisky he brought home last night. “Will ye open it please?”

“Now? I can wait for you.”

“I’m quite sure ye can Sassenach. Indulge me. Pour a glass and tell me what ye taste.” 

“Mmmmm…exquisite. I want another so please hurry back. I love you.” I felt warm from the whisky and filled the tub with bubbles to renew all my smooth surfaces. This was luxury bathing and I owed myself a treat after ten days of cramming. When I emerged from the bathroom I felt invigorated and excited to see Jaime. 

Whoops…what is that…it’s fleeting and awful…stronger here…oh my God, what is that smell? I looked down at Butter sleeping peacefully and dropped my nose to him. Yes, absolutely, it’s Butter that smells like that. “What in God’s name have you gotten into Butter? Come on, time for you to get acquainted with the shower because bathing outside is too cold. Come on”

Butter is always up for anything, he is so much fun. He happily trotted into the bathroom and jumped into the tub. I followed him and closed the curtain, then I turned on the water, forgetting a particular love of water shared by this breed. Butter did not know what to make of it at first but then he opened his mouth and felt the water on his tongue. The rest is a blurry memory that includes Butter leaping at the shower head and hitting the caddie throwing bottles of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, sponges, razors, and every other shower essential I need into the air and falling at our feet. I was regretting this idea in the biggest way and just wanted it over with so I was speed washing. I pulled the shower head off its holder to aim more water at Butter. He grabbed the hose attachment and bit a hole in it shooting a pressurized stream of water into my eye. I grabbed my eye with soapy hands and screamed from the burning. I dropped the soap and Butter promptly ate it. “No!”

Jaime was smiling to himself for getting away from the distillery by three o’clock. They could drink whisky and make love and still get to Lallybroch for a late dinner. When he heard Claire scream his feet were moving before his brain fully registered the alarm. While he looked for the key he heard her scream No! When he bolted through the door he ran for the bathroom. He wondered if there were three people fighting in there and pulled the shower curtain away, fists up, ready to save the Sassenach. Butter was so happy to see Jaime and be all wet, he jumped out and shook his body letting what looked like a gallon of water rain down and soak him. Jaime growled at the dog and grabbed a towel but before he could wipe his face, Butter joyfully latched onto the towel and went bounding out of the bathroom slipping on the wood floors and crashing into something loud. 

My eye was stinging badly so I just kept a low flow of water on it while Butter finished his massacre on Jaime. I had scratches on my arms from pulling Butter off the shampoo bottles. There were bubbles everywhere from a bubble bath container that opened. 

I could have stayed mildly annoyed at the loss of expensive products and the destruction of my bathroom but seeing Butter steal Jaime’s towel was so funny, I started laughing and scolding myself at the same time. That was even funnier. When I heard the crash, I let go and laughed until there were tears streaming down my cheeks. Jaime was trying to remain irritated and pulled his clothes off to climb into the shower with me. 

“As long as I’m already wet, might as well grab a shower.” He pulled me to him and waited for my laughing to stop. “Can ye turn on the water lass, I can suds up while ye compose yerself. 

I couldn’t take anymore, I would never stop laughing at this rate. I handed Jaime the shower head where the water just dribbled out due to the tooth hole in the hose that shot high pressured water out stinging flesh like a weapon. I could not look at his face because I would drop a kidney or something from laughing more so I slipped out amid a long string of Gaelic profanity no doubt and went to find my dog. 

Butter was laying on the rug with the towel over his head wagging his tail like the ridiculous dog he was. I took a picture with my phone. To be used to relieve my blue moods for the rest of my life I thought. I pulled the towel off and looked at Butter twice because I thought he was actually smiling. I sat on the floor with him and brushed his soft fur, using a second towel to rid him of the excess water. 

Jaime handed me a whisky and sat down to close his eyes for a few minutes. I was straddling a slippery dog who didn’t want his nails clipped. “Attention soldier!” I kept my face stern and looked Butter in the eyes. We have a mission, to cut your nails, and you will straighten up and fly right! Butter looked miserably compliant and hardly wiggled while I finished all four paws.

Jaime watched the sweetness play out on the floor in front of him with his eyes half closed. It was such a treat to watch her when she was unguarded and unaware. She was beautiful, intoxicating he thought to himself. Ye don’t know that yer puttin on a show for me, making me crazy hot for ye. He knew just where to touch her, how long to hold her, how much to tease with his lips to ignite her interest. She was so sensual when aroused and he relished in the stages of her desire.

Stage one, her mouth opens and she breathes out audibly. Jaime thought to himself when I hear it my erection crashes into something, usually denim or a zipper. I know what’s coming, I know where it leads, yet when it happens my erection jumps to attention. 

Stage two is pivotal. Distractions are too easy at this stage because the world presses on us both. I play with her mouth until I feel her wee tongue against her teeth. She wants to invade me but it always feels weird to her. I coax her tongue toward me like coaxing a fish out of the shadows. Slowly. No sudden moves. Sometimes I ask for it “taste me Sassenach.” 

Stage two begins when I can remove an article of clothing, best achieved if started while her tongue is in my mouth and she is distracted. I love this stage because there are so many ways to play it. I am deeply affected by her striptease or just strip obedience. When I order her to remove a piece of clothing and watch her do it, I can feel my balls swell and get hot and heavy. She derives pleasure out of this performance as well although I don’t know why. She has a secret weapon when she stands before me and she has not discovered it yet. I think when she does it will be my undoing. When I fantasize about her touching herself it’s like a hot blade slices my brain in two. Half sees the most erotic action on earth, half wants to fight because she touches what’s mine. 

I feel excited at this stage because I am still in control with a healthy, aroused, sexual being wanting me. How many hours I have fantasized about taking her, do I need to dominate her and hold her down or will I let her lead and take what she wants from me? Her own level of need and aggression will play out here and I become the lover her mood inspires. 

Her open trust and acceptance of my actions on her body almost undid me the first time we made love. Too much push back, too much stimulation from one so beautiful, too god damn much thinking in the days leading up to touching her. I struggled with uncivilized desires that were erotic but completely unacceptable. I’ve come to regard those impulses as ancient DNA shouting to me. Embedded code inherited by the men who came before me. I can exert my will over the versions of me I don’t like. I will struggle with that tonight because our glutenous diet of sex has been turned off for ten days. I need ye lass and I will behave I promise. 

The Sassenach has a healthy and responsive sexual appetite making me the luckiest man in the world. She needs to orgasm in stage two, sometimes twice if her arousal cannot be sated. Watching her orgasm under my ministrations lights the torch that slams my mind closed to all thought other than my prize and I need her obedient and willing as we enter stage three.

My body and mind have full knowledge of imminent orgasm and I have no desire nor ability to change course, location, position, or tempo. I enter her body as deeply as I can and let the exquisite sensation wash over me. My wee love is spinning in the lusty orbit of her orgasm giving me three, four, or five thrusts to take from her greedily. When she opens her eyes I am her slave again and the range of intellect is focused on our mutual pleasure. I may start slowly if I still have a choice but she beckons me with her mouth, tongue, and eyes, opening her body to me. 

The passage from stage three to stage four is a shift in my brain when every cell in my body shares the prime directive; seek the exquisite pleasure of her depths until I explode. I clasp her buttocks to hold her position or wrap my hands around her shoulders to pull her toward me as I thrust. Every muscle from my neck to my feet is locked to provide the greatest energy toward this task. 

What feels like an electric current deep inside me spreads to my balls and up my spine and I feel pressure that increases rapidly and will determine the strength of my orgasm. My balls that had grown so heavy and hot pull up toward my body and start pulsing. For just a few seconds I know my orgasm has started, my balls constrict painfully until ejaculation starts and the excruciating sensitivity of my cock is warm and protected in her body while I ride the ecstasy. I literally cannot move for several seconds and feel close to cardiac arrest from the exertion. 

The first thing I become aware of is how far away she is from me. I want to hold her more than take my next breath and every ounce of energy I have left becomes dedicated to that endeavor. I pull her to me and feel so humbled by her love for me I canna speak. What she does in the next few minutes will stay in my head all through the next day. She might press her face into my neck and just breathe me in, or tell me how wonderful it was for her and I will hear her words and feel her body all the next day at the distillery. 

We repeat the stages every day to some degree. Her sexuality fascinates me and I want to know everything about it. When she is in the mood to communicate about such things I gorge on her answers feeling a bit closer to her reality. Some truths were so unexpected and seemingly impossible to understand that I prayed for the wisdom and eventually accepted what she said as gospel. I never expected the differences between us. For me, desire starts in my head, always. I can think of sex on the malting floor when I am knee deep in germinating barley. This doesna happen to the wee one. Without a man to stimulate her thoughts she doesna think them. I now believe that men find love from their crippling desire and women feel desire from crippling love. 

I prayed for understanding. For days I prayed for enlightenment on why men and women were finding desire so differently. No answers came to me and I felt let down. The next day when I mentally spun Claire into numerous positions as I shoveled barley I reached for my cell phone to call her. I told her how cute she looked that morning asleep in my arms and how my hand followed the curve of her sexy arse until my fingers were wet on her fold. When I walked into the carriage house that night she was sitting on the counter, reading a textbook and stirring soup. She called me to taste it and I discovered a wet, aroused, and naked Sassenach under her large sweater. She was needy and demanding, and I had discovered something remarkable. Claire’s desire was a response to me whereas my own started in my head and needed no one. 

She looks victorious kneeling over Butter. I believe she has completed her task. It is time for another round of this fine whisky and her skin on mine. Her lips where ever she puts them, her moans of ecstasy to ring in my ears tomorrow. She has her big fluffy robe on that comes nearly to her feet and it is cinched tight at her waist. 

I felt Jaime’s arm come around my waist and pull me down on the rug. His beautiful blue eyes were sparkling with desire that made my thighs squeeze together. He pushed my robe with his chin and latched onto my nipple sending electric shocks to my feet. I felt his mouth and hands everywhere and just kissed him back letting my arousal snap to attention. He was needy and his intensity was lighting me up. I had an explosive orgasm and wanted more. Jaime flipped me over and caressed my arse like it was a prized possession. I begged him to take me and felt his thighs press against the back of mine. When he invaded me I thought I would explode. He pushed my shoulders down and held my hips up to ravish me. I screamed with my orgasm and felt Jaime hold me still and push into me to the hilt. He coughed out a moan and I could feel him spasm inside me. It was intense, it was quick, and I realized it was just an appetizer for the main course. My love had a powerful need tonight and maybe we would stay here at the carriage house where we had plenty of room, no one to hear us, and both willing, He dropped us into a spoon position, pressed up against me, breathing like his life depended on it. 

“Sassenach, maybe we just stay here tonight, aye?”


	20. Chapter 20

Spring smells like worms. How, I wondered, would I know such a thing and why did it make me so happy? I remember having the giddy feeling in my stomach when I still lived at Lallybroch as a child. For me, Spring was a promise that summer would follow and an end to cold weather and snow for a blessed few months. 

It was around noon and I was done for the day. I planned to pick up Butter and drive to Lallybroch for the weekend. Maybe get the vegetable garden started that Jenny and I had been planning. I will find something productive to do where I can be outside all day. I could barely contain my excitement.

Edith left a note to take the cookies on the dining room table and I laughed at the mounds of assorted cookies, all hand made and delicious. Maybe I should drop them at the distillery on my way out. Yes, fantastic idea. Once I was packed up we took off for a weekend in the country.

I dragged the cookies into the distillery and put the tray on the bar then went to find Jaime. This place looks deserted but Jaime’s truck is in the parking lot, I’ll keep looking. Jamie had a large window in his office that looked down at the malting floor. As I turned toward the door of his office I saw movement in my peripheral vision and a second later I knew I did not want to see it. What the fuck? Jaime was pressed up against the back of a woman and running his hand down her arm! The woman was talking to him the whole time and he hung on her every word. 

My heart was beating so fast I thought I might stroke out, right there on Jaime’s floor. I could not take my eyes off of Jaime who still held the woman, now looking into her eyes. She ran her hand down his chest and he grabbed her to him. Then suddenly, they broke apart and talked some more. Then the woman turned and pushed a button on a portable cd player, turning back to Jaime, they posed. The Tango music was unmistakable and they started dancing. I felt hot tears running down my cheeks watching him dance with her. He was quite good and she talked non stop correcting his form, making suggestions, and encouraging him. I backed out as quietly as possible, holding onto Butter for dear life. 

Once outside I ran for the car and tore out of there. I didn’t want to ruin Jaime’s surprise. My ridiculous crying was not to be contained and Butter was nearly frantic with worry. He tried to crawl in my lap and then pressed his head against my cheek crying. We drove down the road, both of us crying, with our heads pressed together. 

“Cmon Butter. Mine are happy tears. Yours are ridiculous and have no explanation so stop your crying because it’s time to run. I opened his door and watched the hind end of a yellow dog run with delight across the field. I brought my stuff into Jaime’s room and remembered him dancing with the instructor. “You are the most incredible man Jaime Fraser and we will dance the seductive Tango together, just as you envisioned it. 

I decided gardening would suit my fancy today and pulled on my worn jeans, a couple of shirts, boots, and a soft flannel shirt and headed for outside. Jenny and I pounded steaks at the four corners of our garden. It looked so big now. How would I get all the grass off the top I wondered? I found a shovel in the barn and tried to shovel the grass away but quickly realized I would have to dig it out. I stuck the pointy end of the shovel into the grass and jumped on it but nothing happened. I tried to ram the shovel into the grass but it didn’t penetrate. I brought a large carving knife from the kitchen and drove it into the grass. It worked! Then I pushed the blade along cutting through about three inches of dirt and roots. I had a straight line about a foot long so I shoved the pointed end of the shovel in so it was deep and then pressed the handle of the shovel to the ground hearing the tearing of roots and dirt. 

I was very excited. I found a way to cut into the thick grass so I could start removing it. I had cleared a patch that was one foot on each side and felt triumphant. I was panting for breath and had to sit down for a minute. I looked at my watch and three hours had gone by. That’s okay, I thought, look at all I’ve accomplished! 

Jenny was first home and I showed her what I had done. She looked at my patch, then she looked at the steaks, then she looked at me and shook her head, then she walked away. “Jenny, aren’t you excited to plant the garden we talked about?” 

“With the first harvest still four maybe five years in the future, I’m not feelin it yet lass.” She disappeared. 

I looked in the barn for things that would help me loosen those tight roots. I grabbed a pole and a huge hammer and went back to the garden with determination. I shoved the pole under an edge of what I had dug out and used the hammer to pound it in. It was working great and I got very excited. When I had tapped the pole in about a foot I lifted it upward expecting it to pull a huge piece of earth away. Instead, it made a pole-sized scar in the grass and that was about it. I sat down feeling completely worn out and bested. 

I heard the racing motors and looked up at two vehicles coming fast and side by side. Those idiots are racing in mud, are they crazy? I stood up expecting to see the vehicles start sliding toward each other and end up in a tangled mess. They both slammed the brake making the vehicle slide sideways at the end of the driveway. Jaime jumped on his gas and beat Ian to the parking area. Both men emerged slapping the shoulder of the other and laughing. 

They both stopped by my garden of grass and looked at the pole, hammer, shovel, and patch of cleared grass. Jaime hugged me and took my shovel. He bent toward my ear and whispered for me to get the second shovel from the barn. I returned in a few minutes and handed Ian the shovel. They were chatting already about business and what was happening with their jobs. Ian took the shovel like an afterthought and the two of them started digging.

I saw large patches of grass, four inches thick get chucked onto a pile as they cleared more and more of the garden. They chatted throughout and I wondered if they even knew what they were doing. I decided I should help so I pulled the wheelbarrow to the pile and loaded the grass sections into it. I would wheel it behind the barn where the sun and rain would melt it back into the earth. When the wheelbarrow was full I lifted it with great effort and put all my weight into it. It moved! Awesome! I was halfway to the barn and ready to die from exertion when the terrain dropped slightly and I was suddenly carried forward like the thing had its own power. I couldn’t believe how it nearly got away from me and was running to keep up with it. The front wheel dug into a path of some kind and it lurched to the left, directly in front of me. 

I was coughing dirt out of my mouth but still covered by it. I thought I would suffocate under all those layers of dirt until I heard Jaime laughing, then Ian laughing. Finally, I saw sunlight. They were digging me out and saving my life. Jaime pulled me up and held me to him…but they were still laughing. I pushed on Jaime and ran to the house. Almost to the kitchen door, I looked at the new garden patch. Cleared of grass, six inches turned. Nearly ready for planing. I ran in the house, needing to hide my embarrassment, hearing Jenny shouting at me to take the back stairs when I was so filthy. 

I pulled my dirty clothes off and looked at my dirty face while the water warmed up. I thought about how the three of them had jobs around the estate that they were very good at. I didn’t. I got shipped off to Peru with a stranger while they got to grow up in their home. Now, I was still an outcast and wasn’t good at anything. A tear ran down my dirty cheek and I stepped into the shower and watched the brown river slide down the drain. It seemed I couldn’t get enough soap on me so I kept lathering and shampooing. When I felt him step in behind me I was completely blinded by soap. I froze, feeling for the water. 

Jaime’s hand came around me and guided me to the water. He tilted my head back to rinse my hair and stayed my hand when I reached for more shampoo. When all the soap was off he kissed me. 

“Are ye hurt anywhere Claire?”

I shook my head no. He wouldn’t let me go.

“Stay with me Sassenach, please.” 

I reached for the body wash and spread it over a sponge that I scrubbed his back with it. I could hear myself breathing hard because he was magnificent, he was my lover and my life, he could take this pain from me. We wrapped up in towels and laid on the bed. Jaime watched me apply lotion to my legs and arms.

“I need to go help Jenny with dinner.”

“I would rather ye stayed with me mo chridhe. I want to talk to you about what yer heart is feelin.”

“My heart is fine.” I smiled at him and he watched the sides of my mouth with concern in his eyes. 

Jaime had a teasing smile on his face and wrapped his hand around my bicep muscle. He could touch his middle finger and thumb while completely encircling my upper arm. “Flex for me Sassenach, I want to feel yer muscle.”

I flexed my upper arm but it made little difference and his hand remained. 

“Now its yer turn, ye might have to use two hands.”

Even using both of my hands I could not touch my fingers, his arm was too big. When he flexed his muscles my eyes nearly popped out of my head. His arm grew huge and bulging, red with blood. I touched his skin and the hard muscle underneath and was in awe. 

“Ian has two just like this, maybe a wee bit smaller. I would hate to think ye were comparin yer wee self with us because that wouldna be fair lass.” He pulled me down to the mattress and leaned over me, his face only an inch from mine. 

“Yer gonna heal people because ye have the brain for it. And do ye know where ye got that brain my love?”

Jaime was stroking my legs and stomach while he talked, doing a bang up job of raising my heat. I shook my head no.

“It started in Peru, and then Switzerland, then America. Even the four months I left ye to suffer alone in Boston added to it. Every place ye lived, every person in yer life, every gain, every sorrow, and every heartbreak, made ye the amazing person ye are today.” 

He kissed me and ran his hand up my body nudging my legs open. I felt like I was melting under his hand and in his eyes.

“I am jealous of the whole world when it comes to ye Sassenach. Other men will want you for their own and they will be cunning, very cunning. Ye must resist those who would take ye from me and remember that I am the one who loves ye. I am the one who makes ye feel like this.”

Jaime had teased my heat while he talked and right before I exploded he pushed me into the ecstasy. I barely heard the last sentence because of my moaning. Later when he dropped down beside me I kissed him over and over again. His neck, cheeks, arms, and lips were my target, to say thank you, for turning my nightmare into my attribute. Thank you for knowing me and recognizing my triggers. Thank you for hiring a private Tango instructor so we can dance at the tasting in July. Thank you for being my hero, Jaime Fraser.

I heard Jaime giggle softly and pull me down next to him. “Thirty minutes to sleep Sassenach and then we eat or I will surely perish in the night love.”  


Jenny and Ian had eaten early and gone to visit friends. Jenny left ample food for us as she always did and we sat in the dark at the kitchen table. Jaime’s head jerked up and he looked startled. 

“Claire, can we live here together, the four of us, raisin our families and such?”

“What’s to stop us?”

“Women… want… a home of their own, aye?”

“No. Women are all different and want different things. This woman will make her home where you are, if you leave she will follow, always and forever. I love Jenny second only to you. There has not been a hair on end or a frayed nerve over our domestic cohabitation. So stop paying interest on a loan that’s not due. Stop worrying. I don’t think you’ll have to choose between us. 

Jaime poured two whisky’s and we sat on the couch in front of the fire. I laid in his lap while he played with my hair. 

“I would really like some chickens. Do you think that would be alright? There’s a corner in the barn that would be perfect to build their nests. The eggs are free of chemicals passed by the mother and they are delicious. I am surprised you guys don’t have any animals here. I thought you would have horses still.”

“Well, losin her horse a few years ago broke Jenny’s heart. She never wanted another one. Never had a use for any other kind of animal. I think chickens are a very good idea Sassenach. Let’s get them tomorrow. After we run it by Jenny and Ian.”

Jaime banked the fire and climbed into bed smelling like mint toothpaste. I snuggle up to him and smile to myself in the dark. This is a most extraordinary life I thought. Being in love, living at Lallybroch, going to university. Extraordinary.

“Jaime? One time when Rupert was teasing us from the hallway, you pulled him away by his shoulder. Do you remember that?” 

“Only because he reminds me of it about every other year.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Same reason I pulled ye in my room when ye were cold, refused to give Rupert yer number, always the one to find ye at the airport, fixed ye bed when it collapsed, watched ye at school to make sure ye safe. I thought you belonged to me somehow. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with ye…but ye were mine. Wow, I never said that out loud before, but it’s true.”

“Sassenach”

“Yes.”

“I figured out what I’m supposed to do with ye… wanna see?”

Jaime grabbed me and tickled me until I was breathless. He was so strong that I was helpless to stop him. When he looked away I threw my pillow at him but my aim is not so good and the table lamp next to the bed came crashing to the floor. 

“Yer in trouble now Claire,” he said giggling

“Let go of me this instant James Fraser.” I tried to get away from him and was almost off the bed when he scooped me up like an afterthought. “No, I can’t take anymore,” I pleaded through my panting. Jaime pulled me into his spoon and finally stopped laughing after another five minutes and two jabs of my elbow. We settled in and went to dreamland for the night.

That damn rooster. I wonder what it would take to poison him? My brain was groggy, my body was sore from digging, and I hated that rooster and he knew it. I smile in my sleep and forced my eyes open. 

Halfway down the stairs I smelled coffee and quickened my pace. I was dying for it. “Jenny, you are some kind of robot who never sleeps, right?” 

She smiled at me and turned back to her work spread out on the kitchen table. “We were home early.”

“You…what?” Did she say they were home early? I didn’t see them come in, nor did I hear them. It was one o’clock in the morning before Jaime released me. Nah, no one is that quiet.

“I almost came in a couple times when I heard a crash. Then the begging for Jaime to let go of you, then Jaime tellin you to hold still and stop fightin him. I’ve not seen that shade of purple on yer face before lass.” 

Jenny could not hold her laughter in anymore and soon had tears running down her face. 

“It’s a good thing you’re my best friend because I could kill you right now! Oh God, that is embarrassing and for the record, we were not having sex. Why didn’t you make some noise?”

“It’s a bonus for us. It’s a turn on Claire, and we fuck like little bunnies until morning.” She was laughing at my crimson face. “Seriously lass, ye look like ye gonna have a stroke.” I shook my head and guzzled coffee.

We talked about the reception and looked at lists for food, flowers, guests, and so many other details. Jenny was moving around the kitchen while we talked. She grabbed the organic waste bag from under the sink, still talking, she walked outside and turned the bag upside down over the garden patch. A whole bag of coffee grounds, orange peels, potato skins, and assorted food scraped from plates was laying in a mound on the dirt. 

“What are you doing?!” Coming to an abrupt halt looking at the garbage.

“I know I should put it in the compost box for a couple months but this way just skips a step. Ye remember mam throwing coffee grounds on the garden do ye not?”

I did remember that and Ellen had a very productive garden and flower beds. “You know best Jenny, just tell me what to do.”

First, get ye ass inside because it’s freezin out here. I’m goin to bed for a few hours. Later we have a fittin at the bridal shop, three o’clock. She spun on her heels and disappeared up the stairs.

I looked around for mister gorgeous and followed the banging into the barn. I stood rooted to the ground staring at a half-built chicken condo of nesting boxes. The ever-present tear that stings my eyes and then rolls down my face. 

“What are you doing handsome?”

I ran the idea by Jenny and Ian this morning and they said ye have to get the chicks now, in the spring, so they’ll be fully feathered for winter. So, I’m building their home so the Sassenach can collect organic eggs. I just like sayin that. Makes me feel healthy without even eaten em.” 

There’s the boyish smile…on the sweetest man who ever lived. I knelt next to Jaime, “I have got some serious hero worship happening here.” I gave him a good morning hug and kiss before I was launched back to my feet and pulled to the back of the house. 

“This is the perfect room to grow them in for the first four months.” He opened the door to a square room with a dirt floor and stairs that led into the house I assumed. I never even knew it was there.

“They live inside for four months?”

“Not all of them, only those you want to live.” He looked at my questioning face. “Let’s say ye buy forty chicks but ye only wanted twenty chicks. Ye leave twenty of em outside.”

“What?”

Jaime laughed and pulled me into a hug. “I’m only kiddin Sassenach. Ye sure are fun to tease lass.”

We drove to the feed store where I purchased feeders, water containers, food for babies, and a warming pad because the nights were still quite cold. Oh, and twenty day-old Rhode Island Red chicks. They were seriously adorable and Jaime just held one of them all the way home. 

Ian installed a light in the little square room and I got busy pouring food and filling water pans. I opened the box and turned it on its side. Slowly the chirping fluff balls wandered out and started pecking at the dirt. 

Jaime pulled a handful of crumble out and looked it. He rubbed it between his two hands and spread it around on the dirt by tossing it into the air. 

I was fascinated by them but glancing at my watch we had to leave for our fitting. I grabbed a chick and ran to get Jenny up. I peeked into her room and she was still asleep so I put the chick in front of her face and let the chirping begin. I sat in her rocking chair and watched her eyes fly open and then focus on the noise in front of her face. 

“Ahhh…aren’t ye the sweetest thing!”

“Jenny, we have to leave right now, or be late for the fitting.”

“What!? Sweet Christ, let’s go, they willna wait for late folks. I ran the chick back to her mates and we piled in the car and headed for Edinburgh.

The shop owner gave us a cold shoulder for being five minutes late and I nervously waited to see Jenny in her dress. I wasn’t prepared. I couldn’t have been. I’ve never seen a bride up close. Jenny looked stunning, and her dress was so beautiful. I was full on crying and didn’t even know it. I didn’t dare touch the dress so I touched her arm and cried. 

Jenny squeezed my hand and laughed. “I have to decide about the veil. Here’s the first one. This is the second.”

I pointed to the second and nodded my head. It was traditional but exquisitely created with what had to be hand stitching. She had already picked out her corset, stockings, and shoes. I had to touch everything. In my head, I saw Jaime and me, in bikini and trunks, saying I do on a California beach. Maybe I’m not alright with that. This trip was a reality check and I had much to think about.


	21. Chapter 21

Jenny and I stopped at a lovely sidewalk cafe for some nourishment. We had to be back at the bridal shop for my fitting in an hour. A tempting plate of scones was set down between us and I heard Jenny giggle.

“What’s come over ye lass? Ye’ve hardly spoken since we left the shop.”

“Marriage is traditional, based in faith, vows are made like promises I think. It’s too important to be done at the beach with no one we know to witness it, I think.” 

Jenny was mute but she kicked her leg like she does when she’s thinking, or excited. I looked her in the eye and saw a twinkle.

“I want to be married in a church, Jenny. I want to say my vows in the presence of someone, or something, bigger than Jaime or me. God should hear it.”

“The two of ye been gettin along lately have ye?”

“Me and …”

“God, Claire. Did ye cry when father Bain baptized ye? I bet ye did, such a crier. What do ye think of confession? I’ll bet ye cooked father Bain’s brain with that didnya lass.” 

Jenny was giggling but she wasn’t smiling. She watched me intensely while she fired questions at me until I finally put my hand up to stop her. “I don’t know what all those things are Jenny. The thought came to me at the bridal shop. I’m confused, very confused.”

“Catholicism is tradition, ritual, a fear-based God, being controlled to win our immortal soul. Life of a sinner rather than the life of one saved. Claire, we were in Sunday school together, dinn’ye remember any of it?

Aside from a vague recollection of wearing our best dress and then running to Ellen and Brian when it was over, wait…. who is that? I went back in time in my memory and saw Jaime holding hands with two little girls. He released us to our Sunday school room and he gives me a half smile before Angus jumps him from behind. Jaime chases after Angus.

In my memory, I see Jaime pressed against the door frame to our room looking for us. I watch him and he smiles at me, then he points at Jenny. When we walk out of the room Jaime takes our hands again, leading us to Ellen and Brian. I felt so safe in that memory. I knew of nothing to fear, I knew of nothing that could steal me away from my home. 

“Every Sunday for four years and ye remember nothin?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I remember my bed collapsing.” I didn’t, but Jaime had mentioned it.

“Thank God for Jaime, right lass? If he hadn’t fixed it Da would surely guess we were breakin the rules and jumpin on it like a trampoline. I think I wet myself over that one.”

We both laughed at the memory that I pretended to have as I felt my heart grow bigger. I would need a bigger heart to house all the love I felt for Jaime. Suddenly I missed him terribly.

“I know that look lass. Let’s get to ye fittin before I find ye runnin back to Lallybroch.”

Jenny’s little car bumped along the potholes and ruts in the road on the way back to Lallybroch. She complained loudly about losing a kidney on the last pothole and I had to agree they were bad.

Home at last, we found Ian asleep on the sofa in front of the fire but no Jaime. I wandered around the yard looking for him and reached frantically for my phone to snap some pictures. He sat on the grass watching the sunset with twenty chicks in his lap. I snapped at least a dozen pictures before he turned his head and greeted me. Mo chridhe you’ve been missed by yer chicks…and me.” 

I knelt next to him and kissed him deeply. He pressed his forehead against mine and announced dinner was prepared and he and Ian would be cooking in the fire pit whenever we were ready. I gazed in his eyes that looked a brand new blue in the setting sun. 

“Ye have a choice, the way I see it. Ye can stop lookin at me that way, or march upstairs and let me have my way with ye.”

I kissed him one more time, long and sweet, while I gently pushed the chicks off his lap. “Can I have dinner and you after?”

“Yer a smart lass. Ye’ll need some calories to keep up with me tonight mo chridhe. Ian and I spent the better part of Saturday without our lasses. Ye two have some makin up to do so we bought paper everything. He stood up and lifted me to him. 

“Not sure I understand.”

“When dinner is eaten ye throw yer plate in the fire and hightail it upstairs.” He kissed me and smacked my behind before heading to the front of the house to cook. I plugged the extension cord into the warming mat and threw more crumble into the dirt. The chicks seemed happy and calm when they were pecking food from the ground. One of the old barn cats wandered in for a pet and laid down on the warm mat. Within minutes all the chicks were in contact with the cat who seemed not to notice. I didn’t understand why the cat was allowing this but my stomach was growling so I left them to figure it out.

The man I love, my two closest friends, Ribeye steak, corn on the cob, baked potato, salad, and whisky. Butter laid at my feet chewing on a bone Jaime got him from the meat seller. I smiled and shook my head.

Ian chased Jenny upstairs and Jaime and I watched the sunset. “Let’s walk.” He held my hand and we walked through the fields avoiding those newly planted. My legs felt good, the whisky made me warm, and there wasn’t a thing I needed at the moment. Well, other than mister gorgeous pulling me into a hug. 

Sometime later we walked through the living room and Jenny started laughing and pointing to my hair. Ian shook his head smiling. “Good thing they don’t bite, lass.” I gave Jaime the “is there a bug in my hair” look and he pulled me to a large wall mirror but I could not see the back of my head. Jenny pressed a small mirror in my hand and I couldn’t believe my eyes. There were lights blinking in my hair from three fireflies. 

“It’s bad luck to kill em mo chridhe so come outside. I turned my head upside down while Jaime freed the poor little things. They flew off blinking madly. Jaime turned to walk back to the house and I screamed, “Jaime stop!” I reached down and scooped up a very cold baby chick. “What are you doing out here little one?”

Jaime steered me quickly into the house for a quick warm up. He looked concerned when he and Ian left the house and returned with flashlights. A feeling of dread washed over me. 

“Did they all get out? I left the door open for the cat.”

“No, there are three left, still with the cat. Let’s go.”

We threw on coats and started combing the property. One by one someone would call out they got one. Jenny brought out a clothes bin so we could keep a count, and keep them in one place. After an hour we had sixteen chicks. One still evaded us and the search was called off until tomorrow. We buttoned the chicks up in their room and prepared for bed. Jaime made sweet love to me and despite my mood and guilt, brought me to the zone, twice. I heard him breathing deeply and stared into the dark. That poor little chick. When I could stand it no longer I slipped out of bed, dressed, and went outside to look some more. 

Jaime’s arms were empty when he pulled her to him. He looked around but the Sassenach was gone. He pulled on his clothes and said a prayer she would find it alive. It was a very dark night and Jaime moved quietly until he heard a crash in the barn, a scream, a cat screaming and running out of the barn, followed by a shovel flying through the air after it. Butter came running out of the barn after the cat and chased it a good distance away. Jaime hesitated, waiting for some other missile to follow the shovel. Instead, Claire emerged holding the chick against her face, crying because it was so cold. 

“Come mo chridhe, let’s warm it up and get it back to the others.” 

Butter sat at attention watching the humans fuss over the annoying ball of soft feathers that made too much noise. He didn’t like the chicks because the chirping hurt his ears. But she loved them so he would keep them safe and make her happy. 

When the door was opened to the chick nursery, Jaime laughed at the cat sprawled out on the mat cuddling nineteen chicks. The little lost one was set next to the cat and promptly turned around and started walking toward the door. The old cat reached out and pulled him back. Three attempts at freedom were thwarted by the cat before the chick burrowed into warm fur and went to sleep. 

I was so fascinated I didn’t notice Jaime had disappeared. He came back with cat food, water, and a pan that he set in the corner under the stairs. The door was closed and locked and we headed back to bed. 

I spent the next day studying in the morning and cooking with Jenny later in the afternoon. Next week were finals and I felt like I was getting a late start preparing. I was feeling a little freaked out with the added obligation of the chicks and all the wedding arrangements. 

“Jaime, I have finals in a week and haven’t started getting ready for them yet, I’m feeling panic. I need to study to the exclusion of all else for the rest of the week. Can we talk about how that will happen without you suffering.”

“Sassenach. I could tell ye to do what you must and not worry about me. I don’t think ye will be successful. I distract you, do I nae?” 

I tried to answer but my brain was frozen by Jaime’s touch and tongue. I was trying to rally and come around for this important conversation but then he placed kisses in my most sensitive locations and I felt my back arch and moaned. He went slowly and held my gaze until he soared away from me for his release. 

“I have a plan love. I say you and Butter spend the week at the carriage house while I drive my sister and Ian crazy with my needy self.” 

He could tell I didn’t like the idea and held my hands to his lips. “If I can come over on Wednesday and Saturday night, I think I will get through finals just fine. What say ye about it?”

James Fraser could not be in the room without my being aware of his every breath. Maybe this would be easier, kinder to both of us. I hugged Jaime and sighed deeply.

“Tis a ripple in our lives lass.” 

I kissed Jaime at the door of the carriage house the next morning feeling empty inside. The week ahead looked gloomy and even Butter seemed sad. I filled my backpack and headed to school. 

I felt much better by Wednesday afternoon coming home after labs. I was so excited to see Jaime I was ready to jump out of my skin. He texted he was bringing Chinese for dinner and to keep my nose in a book until he got there. I have a better idea, I decided. Once home it started to pour outside. The lights flickered a couple times so I ran a hot bath before the power went out. The aromatherapy bath filled the house with a delicious scent and I made myself presentable to the best man that ever lived. Keeping Butter out of the bath water had become a problem after the episode with the shower so I couldn’t close my eyes and soak as I wanted. Add thunder and he was a quivering mass of scared shitless trying over and over to join me. I pulled the plug and pushed him out of the bathroom while I washed my hair and rinsed off. 

I lit candles all over and kept the lights low. Butter was so scared I sat on the floor with him and pulled him into my lap. “It’s just noise Butter, it can’t hurt you. I promise.” I noticed his tail pounding on the floor but he wouldn’t lift his head. I looked up at Jaime, food in hand, and a radiant smile. He disappeared to put the food down and I jumped into his arms on the way back. I circled his waist with my legs and he ran his hands up my thighs and under my skirt. He murmured how soft my angora leggings were until he found the tops and his eyes shot open. 

“Knit stockins Sassenach? Verra sexy too. Ye aim to cripple me before dinner?” 

We kissed and kissed while the rain pounded Edinburgh and the lightning flashed with its thunderous partner close behind. 

“How is it I can miss ye so much? For two days I have just thought about tonight. There is somethin wrong with me Sassenach.”

“What on earth do you mean?”

He set me down near the kitchen table so we could eat. The food smelled incredible and I was starving. We ate in silence for a while before Jaime picked up his subject again. 

“I know I’ll always wantcha Claire, but every day, for so long, with no end in sight? I don’t think it’s normal. And ye, wee temptress, sometimes I think ye wear certain clothes so I will lose my mind and ravish ye.”

I almost choked on that statement. I gave him an innocent look like me? I wouldn’t do that! Seriously Jaime? I stood up and opened a lower cabinet looking for nothing but knowing his eyes would find my short skirt exposing the stocking tops. I felt his arm come around my middle and pull me into his lap. He looked deadly serious making my heart pound. His hand felt the soft angora up my thigh to the tops and beyond. When he touched the angora panties his eyes closed and he moaned. “Christ lass, this was no accident.” He kissed me deeply. Actually, I had to special order the stockings and panties and thought whoever thought of them deserved a metal or a raise at least. We tabled the discussion for later because Jaime had lost his mind, just as I hoped he would. 

Jaime built a fire and brought pillows to the floor. “Drop the skirt Sassenach.” I kicked it away. “Sit.” He handed me a whisky and ran his hand up and down my angora legs. “Finish it.” I threw it back as he pushed me down to investigate the panties. 

Late in the night, I felt Butter lay down next to me. I rolled over and held him close to ease his shaking. The storm was raging and he was clearly scared out of his mind. I felt Jaime spoon me from behind and the two of us calmed Butter. 

I kissed Jaime goodbye Thursday morning dreading the next two days without him. 

Jaime looked at the puddles in the street, some went all the way across. A couple of cars slammed into them due to sleepy or stupid drivers. He turned around.

“Sassenach!” He saw her run out from the bedroom wide-eyed. “You have a ride to school if ye hurry. I don’t think your low car will handle the lakes in the streets.” He smiled as she zoomed around the house literally running for the door within three minutes. 

Jaime pulled me into his embrace and pulled my hair back lifting my face to him. Dropping his head to mine he spoke into my ear, “Do ye have everythin ye need love?”

“I…yeeeeesss.”

Jaime congratulated himself on being an idiot to turn her on just to release her to a full campus of men who would sell their own mother just to… 

“Jaime?” She was under her umbrella standing outside waiting for him. He looked at her and felt his stomach flip over. “ Ye look like yer fifteen or so with yer bulky sweater and skirt, black tights and boots.” How does a lass look so good without makeup on, he wondered. 

Jaime got Claire into the truck then ran back to the house. He came around the corner with Butter in his arms and sat him next to Claire.

“Butter stays with me today, aye?”

“Of course. I love you and your good heart.” I buried my face in Butter to keep my eyes from stinging. Jenny was right, I am a hopeless crier.

Jaime looked at his watch, “c’mere laddie, let me hold ye through the turns cause I canna slow down, I'm late for a meetin . Just then a ferociously loud crack of lightning hit the road sign in front of him and he barely dodged the debris and oncoming traffic. “Shaping up to a fine day lad, but ye canna sit in my lap, so move over a bit.”

Butter cheered up when he saw the distillery. All the guys played with him and there was so much to explore when they got too busy. He bounded into the building and lost his footing on the smooth floor. He slid clear across the tasting room and banged into the other side. A female voice was startled then sympathetic. Jaime looked around the corner and saw a stunning woman kneeling on the floor, helping Butter up. She popped up instantly when she saw him.

Jaime crossed the room and stuck his hand out, “James Fraser.” As he got closer he looked at her porcelain perfect skin, sparkling blue eyes, and jet black hair. She smiled a mouthful of bright white teeth when she shook his hand. 

“Are ye Robert from the distributors. Strange name for a lass.”

Her laugh was musical he thought, and genuine. Because I’m funny and she is paying attention.

“No, my name is Stormy and I’m here for an interview.”

“Are ye now. What position are ye lookin to fill? Who recommended ye?” Jaime was doing his best not to laugh. Only he could open a new position so this girl was taking a shot in the dark. 

“I brought her boss.”

Jaime looked up at his assistant, John Gray, and his eyebrows shot up in question. When John moved closer to Stormy he saw her posture change and her cheeks get pink. They are in love, he thought. From what he heard about this girl, she graduated the same program he did, she wanted a career making whisky. How was that supposed to work when he was the master blender?

John pulled Jaime away and walked with him to his office. 

“What are ye thinkin John. I would love to help ye but we canna have two blenders.”

John closed the door and sat across from Jaime. Maybe you could just interview her, learn her skills, and then think about how we could use her at the distillery. She would be perfect behind the bar and we might look at the retail prospects again. 

Jaime was having a hard time connecting the dots. A retail bar would be great but launching that venture to create a job for someone was putting the cart before the horse. “There’s a key detail missin John, I ken it. What might that be?”

John’s face pulled into a rare smile and he blushed, “she’s pregnant Jaime. It wasn’t expected and we are trying to keep her in the whisky business in some capacity. She loves whisky, like you do, like I do, and now she’s a mother to be. She was born to have a family, I feel it in my bones. If she is willing to populate the world with my children, the least I can do is keep her in the business she loves.” 

“You British plan when to have plannin meetins, how in God’s name did ye let this happen?” 

“Failure of a birth control device is what the OB-GYN told us.” John waited and watched Jaime ponder his answer. 

Jaime could see the first floor from a large window in his office, just like the window on the opposite wall that looked down on the malting floor. He walked to the window and looked down at Stormy with Butter sitting at attention watching her. Pregnant or not, she was strikingly beautiful, so a job here would serve a dual purpose because the team would protect her from would-be suitors. 

“Tis a curse to love a beautiful woman John.”

“So you’re cursed then.”

Jaime smiled, “send her up and please watch for the distribution rep, he is late for a meetin.”

Jaime talked to Stormy for over an hour. They had much in common because they graduated from the same program at University. Her pregnancy and children were not mentioned but he too decided she was born to motherhood. What was God thinkin when he gave ye such beauty and a maternal nature? His gasp was audible. Stormy heard it and looked up sharply at Jaime’s round eyes. 

“Is something wrong?”

“Nae, sorry. I will study the finances and figure out how to absorb another salary if ye can give me a week?”

Stormy’s eyes lit up as she jumped to her feet to shake his hand. “Thank you mister Fraser!” 

“Jaime. Please.”

When the door closed behind her, Jaime grabbed his head and paced the office. Did I really think that?... question that? I must be a neanderthal. Is that all women are to me…sex objects? How can that be? He forced himself to sit and call stormy to mind. She was beautiful, she was hot, every inch of her was a feast for the eyes of men. She was pregnant and in love with John, no longer available to men. There it was again! In his stomach, he felt the absurdity of such a rare woman, in her prime, out of circulation. “God Damnit!” I’m no better than all the other posers out there pretendin to be evolved, renascence men. I still think of women as objects to be owned, coveted, traded, and conquered, he thought. 

His self flagging was interrupted by a knock at the door. John poked his head in and announced his distributor rep was here. 

“If Stormy is still here will ye ask her to join us please.”

John ushered in a woman who looked to be in her fifties, apparently just mauled by wild animals, or overslept and forgot to comb her hair. Ugh! How much can I hate myself today, he wondered.

The woman was disheveled from a car accident in the pouring rain. She was shaken and befuddled. Jaime jumped to his feet and helped her to a seat. He poured her coffee and dropped two sugars into it as she asked. She started to relax visibly and pulled out her file that was protected from the rain inside her briefcase. 

Stormy slipped into a seat and smiled at the woman while Jaime introduced them. For the next hour, they listened to the presentation of a large distribution operation and Jaime felt the fluttering of excitement in his stomach. Stormy asked the questions he should have and the meeting was beneficial with her help. After the rep left, Jaime and Stormy discussed the expansion and Jaime had a solid list of questions to consider before Stormy left. 

Jaime tried to concentrate. He should be bouncing off the walls at the potential that was just discussed but he was locked in his head. Why, for God’s sake, was this so earth-shattering to him? It’s because he believed he was a better man. He shot out of his office and told John he needed some air. Once on the road, he felt better and he drove aimlessly, or so it seemed until Lallybroch loomed in the distance. 

He grabbed some food and set out to walk his thoughts away. He pressed his back against the fence where his da had delivered numerous lashings for bad behavior. Jaime tried to feel his father’s spirit but he was alone with thoughts that were disturbing. He walked the fields and woods for an hour before heading back to work. He solved nothing. He needed the counsel of his best friend and life mate but this was not the time to derail her with his issue. He would have to wait. 

The wind had replaced the rain by mid-afternoon making outdoor time miserable. He wrapped his coat around him and ran for his truck cranking up the heat. Butter pressed against him seeking warmth and they were off to fetch the one they loved. Jaime could see her hunched down into her coat with her hood up around her face. She turned toward the wind to look for him and a beautiful smile broke out in the darkness under the hood. Jaime breath caught at the sight of it. She scrambled in pushing past Butter to get to Jaime and kissed him with her heart and soul. She looked in his eyes, past the mask, and saw a troubled soul. 

I could not read his mind, but I sure saw the issue in his eyes. My poor Jaime, what terrible thing has stolen your joy today? Let him tell me in his own time I decided, and curled into his side for the ride home. When we turned into the driveway Butter was barking at the window. I looked up to Edith struggling against the nasty wind and the four Butter lovers running for the truck. I quickly opened the door and slipped out with Butter to help Edith get back into the house.

“Thank you my dear, ah! that wind!” 

I put the mail on her table and asked if she needed anything. “I’m studying for finals all day and night so if you need anything at all just call me. Butter was covered in little gnawing growlers and turned a pleading eye on me. Edith insisted he stay and play so I left him. 

My heart sank when I saw Jaime in the truck. He jumped out and hugged me tightly. I looked at his face and saw the hurt in him was bigger than I first thought. 

“Can’t you stay for a little bit Jaime?”

“I would love to but it’s against the rules we made Sassenach.”

When he turned toward his truck I almost yelled his name, unintentionally. I ran to hug him again feeling quite worried for some reason. 

“Well, for better or worse, I feel what you feel and right now that is confusion, self-doubt, or is that self-hatred?” The last two words came slowly as my mind scrambled to think of what could be making his eyes look like that. My face was so cold I could barely form words as I looked at him.

“What’s happened?” 

Jaime pulled me into the house and built a fire that was full blaze in minutes. We sat on the couch and I waited for him to verbalize the war within him. 

“Sassenach, I have a problem with me, no one else, however, describin the discovery of this issue has the potential to hurt ye. Ye are my life mate, I must discuss this with ye. Do I have permission to speak the truth about it?”

“Of course, always.”

I was uncomfortable hearing the details about Stormy’s beauty. She had captured his mind for a few moments and I was jealous of that. I felt calmer hearing she was pregnant and in love with John and it seemed the story was over. I watched Jaime wrestle with the rest. 

“When John said she was pregnant and happy about it I thought what a waste for such a beauty to be locked away raisin bairns. Like it was a crime to remove her from the pool of singles and connect her to only one man for the rest of her life.”

I waited for the other shoe. Surely that is where the hurt would be because I was, to that point, unaffected by his thoughts. I continued to stare at Jaime…waiting. “And then…?”

He looked at me disbelieving like I hadn’t heard him. “Those are the thoughts of a tool Sassenach. Someone who sees women as sexual objects. A beautiful woman who is removed from the dating pool is not a crime against men, but it felt like it was.”

I pulled my binder out of my backpack. Finding a clean piece of paper I drew a line the length of the paper. Let’s say humans have lived for ten thousand years, no one knows for sure. This line is ten thousand years long. Three hundred years ago, women were still considered chattel. Owned by their fathers until married, then owned by their husbands. They could not own land, or money, or have a say in who they married most times. The role of a woman was to be compliant in bed, run the household, and bear children. I drew a dissecting line. Women could vote here, the ERA tried to change everything here. Look at this line Jaime. I pointed to three dissecting lines at the very end of my timeline. Are you still surprised you have a throwback thought now and then?

He still looked miserable. Well, here goes, I thought.

I drew a dissecting line near the beginning of my timeline. Somewhere in our evolution women existed in harems. One male and a bunch of women, like twenty, maybe more. The prime directive that is hardwired into man throughout the ages is to inseminate as many females as possible thereby spreading his DNA. When pregnant, women would emit a scent that was an attractant to the male. This continued for four years, about the time the offspring gets off the hip and walks under its own power. It kept her under his protection during her most vulnerable time. Makes sense but why do we still emit the scent for the first four years of a child’s life? We are still influenced by these subconscious directives. Intellect has become the driver for change in our species. The prime directive is still leading the brain of men to spread his seed but society says absolutely not. It’s why many men cheat, even when they love their wife. It’s the theory that makes the most sense to me. 

He still had his head down but he nodded a couple of times. “Where did ye learn all that Sassenach?”

“Oh, probably a combination of my courses in genetics, psych, and gender development. I am fascinated by the primordial influences that are still present in our lives. This is just the tip of the ice burg love. Do you feel better?”

He looked at me with all the love he felt and touched my cheek. “What about independent women that are partners rather than sex objects?”

“Am I sexy to you Jaime?” I ran both hands up his thighs to his core. He sucked air and grabbed my hands away. I softened my face, am I your partner Jaime?”

“Yes, of course.”

I pushed him to sit up straight while I crawled across his lap and straddled him. “Forgive the intrusion, I can’t hear you from way over there.” Jaime looked at where I was sitting but his interest soon changed to the movement on his lap. I felt him grow under me and kept up moving against him while I popped his button and lowered his zipper. I was panting for him and kissed him deeply. He lifted me slightly and pushed his jeans lower. As he set me down I pushed my panties to the side and moaned when he entered me. I used my tongue in his mouth to drive him crazy and my hips slid him in and out of me. A well-placed thumb brought me crashing into my release followed by Jaime taking control of my hips until he held me down panting for air. 

“Thank you, Sassenach. Yer smart and beautiful. It’s my honor to take you off the market. Do ye love me less?” 

“Quite the opposite. I know you have those feelings, we all do, but you trusted me enough to talk about them and that is huge to me."

I made Jaime a sandwich and kissed him out the door. I sat down with my biochemistry book and started daydreaming out the window. I felt a long chain of carbon atoms knocking me in the head with a bunch of hydrogen and oxygen atoms pestering me to build the particular fat I would have to identify. I built the molecule quickly in my head and then checked the book. Nailed it!

Later when I switched to A & P my thoughts turned to Garrett. He never returned to school after midterms and he never called. I sent him a text but it was blocked and sent back. I did better studying on my own but I did wonder what became of him.

I ran up to Edith’s to retrieve my retriever and she handed me dinner, wrapped up in cellophane. 

“I will keep you fed this week, don’t you worry.”

Suddenly I was starving and couldn’t wait to consume what was on the plate. I kissed Edith’s cheek and noticed the micro dogs were all asleep in Butter’s big bed. “You are so good to me Edith.” She chased me out the door and I barely hung onto the plate as the wind almost pulled it out of my hand. 

Jaime crept into the carriage house as dawn peeked at Edinburgh. He looked at Claire asleep on top of open books and binders. He cringed at how uncomfortable it looked. He placed a crystal vase with twenty-four red roses on the kitchen table and propped a card up against it. He looked one more time and noticed Butter’s tail wagging under the blanket. He closed the door before it woke her up.


	22. Chapter 22

My alarm buzzed me awake at six o’clock but the room was dark, like the middle of the night. I put my hand on Butter and recognized the quake of a scared dog. Damn, another stormy day. I pushed myself to rise and make coffee. These long hours in a book were wearing me down. Thankfully, today was a short day and then I was off to Lallybroch. Wait, that’s not right. Back here to study some more. I hate this. I turned on the kitchen light and froze mid-yawn. Twenty four long stem roses and a card brought early by Jaime. How incredibly sweet he was! My eyes stung when I read the card;

It is three o’clock in the morning and my pencil has pressed paper all night. I have tried every word in the English language to write a poem about ye but to no avail. So it will be my life’s work to write a short poem about the woman in the rain that took my breath away today. She brings the sunshine, her mystery beckons me, she gives me the strength of ten men and brings me to my knees. It will take me many years to describe the woman in the rain, but I am working on it. 

I ran to my phone to send a text with twenty-four colorful hearts. I took large gulps of coffee as I walked to the shower and closed myself in the bathroom to avoid a pestering Butter. Poor baby. I wonder if I could leave him with Edith today. 

Once I was packed for school I grabbed my umbrella and walked outside. The street in front of Edith’s house usually had a curb on each side. Today it was solid water. I walked to the end of the driveway and saw no change, the street was flooded. Edith called from her front door, still in her robe. I walked in and asked if Butter could stay for the morning so he didn’t quake his liver out.

“On second thought, I can miss calculus today. It’s just review anyway. We’ll be fine Edith. She was in the kitchen talking on her phone and clicked off. “Go get Butter, your ride is almost here. My brother owes me a favor.” She started laughing. 

“Your brother is picking me up, Edith?”

“No, I’m sure he will send one of the underlings.”

Wow, what a weird day this was turning into. Butter ran into Edith’s house with glee and I grabbed my backpack as a giant black Humvee pulled into the driveway. I waved to Edith and ran to get in. I opened the passenger door and almost fainted. There was a command center inside or so it seemed. The driver was in full camo and a giant dog was barking at me. 

“Are you hiding drugs on you young lady?”

“Drugs?” I looked up at the man, still not sure what he was.

“I’m only kidding, get up here Claire, I’ll get you to school.”

“What do you do if I may ask?”

“Me? I am in the K-9 unit and work mainly at the airport with my partner.” 

He shook his thumb at the back seat. He said I could pet his dog and we chatted away toward school. He said he would pick me up and I told him the time I would be done. I got some really strange looks from other students when I jumped down from the vehicle. 

I sent Jaime a text about my crazy ride to school and got to class in time to practice for ten minutes. 

Friday is always a thrill for me because I am on my way home in an hour. Walking toward the parking lot I saw the massive vehicle and jogged to it. I thanked the officer profusely and waved as he drove away from Edith’s. 

The rain created a productive study environment and I plowed through my work. I spoke to Jaime when he got home and wished him goodnight.

My alarm buzzed at six o’clock and I groaned when I opened my eyes. Does the rain ever stop around here? It was Saturday so I kept my pajamas on, drank copious amounts of coffee, and opened a book. At one in the afternoon, I had enough of studying and peeked out the front door. The water had drained from the street, even though it continued to drizzle. “Let’s go to Lallybroch Butter!” He showed definite signs of agreement and I was thrilled with my decision. An hour later I packed the car, waved to Edith, and set out to surprise Jaime. It was really cold and the wind was blowing again. I thought about my chickens and hoped they were alright. 

I could see Lallybroch approaching when the steering wheel suddenly jerked out of my hand. The right wheels were locked into a rut that I could not steer out of so I was stuck. 

“Oh well. Ready to run Butter?” At least the rain had stopped. We piled out of the car and cut across the fields heading toward the house. My feet were sinking six inches into the mud making progress very slow. The wind was going right through my coat and I was miserable. I finally called Jaime and told him I needed help because my feet were stuck in the mud. I thought I would see his truck approaching but he was walking! I wanted to stomp my feet and cry because that meant I had to keep walking and I didn’t want to anymore. 

It’s hard to miss that handsome smile I thought as he approached. He spread his arms and wrapped me up.

“I’m so happy to see you Sassenach, what a great surprise! I brought the mud sled for ye.”

He pulled my feet out of the mud and knocked big chunks off my boots. I sat in the sled and Jaime pulled me home. Butter walked alongside the sled with the rope in his mouth like he was pulling too. I laughed for an acre at that. We put the sled in the barn and ran for the house because the rain picked up again. I pulled my boots off outside and felt the warm interior wrap around me. Jaime pulled me to the couch and built up the fire until it was roaring. He handed me a whisky and we shivered.

“What’s all this?” I was looking at papers laying in a semi-circle.

“I was lookin at the numbers again for opening a retail bar at the distillery. I promised John I would try to help Stormy stay in whisky during her pregnancy.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“She loves the whisky business. Graduated the same program as me. We have the same credentials minus bein raised at a distillery.”

“What?” What does the bar have to do with that? Would she give up blending to run a retail bar?”

“John says she would. I asked her to sit in on a meeting yesterday and she made it quite productive. I might have just blown it off with too much on my plate at the time and now we are lookin at goin with a major distributor.”

I was astounded at the changes Jaime was considering for the business. A retail bar would be a huge risk and could pay big or be a costly mistake. 

“Jaime…this is huge. I remember when you told me about the blending process but you never have the time to do it right. Just you and the whisky, even if it takes a week to get it right but there is never enough time. Those were Your words. If Stormy was on board you might have the time to enjoy the creative process. 

Jaime laughed. “So, ye were payin attention” he blushed. “I suppose there should be a reward for that.” 

He picked me up and turned toward the stairs. In my mind, we had so much more to discuss. This was big. Instead, he wants to distract me with sex.

“Stop, Jaime, please stop!”

I pushed him off and ran downstairs. I looked again at the piles of paper on the floor. Something was screaming in my head but I couldn’t tell what it was. All I knew is I wasn’t comfortable with being distracted like I didn’t belong in this part of his life.

“These are big changes you’re considering and I want to be a part of the process. Our children will be supported by that business. Were you going to have me weigh in on any of this, Eventually?” He grabbed me and pulled me into his lap and buried his face in my neck.

“I will weigh ye in right now Sassenach but yer clothes are much too heavy and should come off first.” His hands were under my sweater doing absolutely nothing for me. He used all the moves that usually rocked me but at the moment I wasn’t feeling sexual. I was feeling left out of the biggest part of Jaime’s life. Jaime shifted us so we were laying on the couch looking at each other. 

“I’ve upset ye talkin about work. I’m sorry Sassenach. Let me hold ye close and make ye forget everything but me.”

I stopped him and received a confused look on his handsome face. “Jaime, I see great potential in Stormy and would love to discuss this with you. The retail bar and her salary will definitely affect your income for a while and I would think you would include me in those decisions.”

“Don’t ye trust me Sassenach, to do the right thing, protect our future, and my ability to support ye?”

“I’ve been looking at the nurse practitioner program but its a big decision. I would stay in school another two years after completion of the nursing program before I ever draw a paycheck. At what point in that process would you expect or want to be appraised of the changes I’m considering?”

“Now works.”

“Hmm, ordinarily I would agree but you are constructing this relationship to be autonomous which means we don’t include the other in big career decisions. You may find yourself obligated to an additional fifty thousand in student loan debt because we’re married. And vis a vas for me.”

“Why talk such Claire, it is making me angry. Of course I would expect ye to include me in those decisions. I want to have a say in the debt I carry.”

“Okay, then you must see why I would expect to be included in your decisions about the bar and Stormy’s salary.”

“Big difference mo chridhe, I willna be takin on debt. If the numbers don’t work, I’ll no be doin it.” 

Jaime had missed my point and I had to see the reality that we were on very different pages regarding our life together going forward.

“I need ye lass. Why do ye want to fight with me?” 

I laid in Jaime’s arms while my mind was grinding out my new reality. When I heard the shift in his breathing I left, loaded Butter into his truck, and went home.

It was a very cold afternoon so I built up the fire and snuggled with Butter watching the flames. I tried to fit Jaime’s reality into my fantasy of the perfect marriage but it just didn’t fit. Until there were children, marriage seemed unnecessary. The big question was could I be happy with Jaime living financially autonomous from me. That was yet to be seen.

I knew he would be calling. I scrambled to think the issue through completely before I heard his voice again. I don’t want to punish Jaime for keeping his work decisions private. So what is left? The man I love rocks my world, I want him always, his idea of marriage is different from mine but I still love him. 

Jaime sent a text he was in the driveway. I laughed and opened the door for Butter to greet him. They both came plowing in and Jaime swept me off my feet with his kiss. While I tried to recover he looked into my eyes as if searching for someone. I smiled at him and kissed him, feeling the difference between us. I remained very affectionate toward Jaime because it felt organic. We made love and I curled into him like I always do to feel his warmth. 

I slept fitfully all night because Jaime kept turning me, and pulling me this way or that. When I saw the gray tones that come with dawn Jaime was behind me and I could feel his need. He wrapped an arm around me that felt like a steel band, the other hand grabbed my jaw. I was locked into him when he pushed himself into me. He pulled my mouth to my shoulder so he could kiss me and bite my lips with his thrusting. I was completely immobilized and Jaime’s finish was quite rough. Despite my mood, I went crashing into my orgasm pulling Jaime with me.

I didn’t offer breakfast or anything else for that matter. I had another day of studying ahead so I kissed Jaime at the front door and re-wrapped his scarf for better warmth. 

With his face very close to mine he said “I fear to show the tool I am by askin what’s happened to ye Claire. At some point yesterday everything changed. Well, you changed. Please lass, tell me what’s happened.”

“I made assumptions that we would be like other married couples and I was wrong. I just need time to get used to the truth of us. Jenny invited Edith and me to dinner tonight, so I’ll see you then. Maybe she can cook a little extra for John and Stormy and you can have a meeting afterward..”

Jaime nodded a couple times while I was talking. I could not take any more of the deer in the headlight look that Jaime was wearing. You’re a big boy. If it means anything to you maybe you can figure it out, I thought. 

“See ya.”

I was surrounded by books and lab journals, Butter chewed a new bone that Jaime brought, and I restarted a chapter so many times I finally slammed the book shut and got up to start getting ready.

I straightened my hair while I memorized the layers of the spine, ventricles of the brain, and sections of the brain. What is typically a hateful job went rather quickly and I looked like a retro Cher Bono, like always. I tried using a huge curling iron the way Jenny did to build the sweeping bangs over my eye. Presto. I went from Cher to Jessica Rabbit and giggled at the thought. I pulled out my power suit. The clothes that boost my confidence and make me feel gorgeous. High-end leggings, heeled boots, cashmere sweater and a fitted jacket with a pleated butt cover. Almost out the door, I ran back for my chain mail belt. I walked to Edith’s blowing the bangs out of my eyes. Oh my God, I’m such a poser.

“Butter! Stop mauling Edith this instant. Sit down and behave!”

“It’s alright dear, Snowflake is looking between the seats and goading him from my lap, that’s all.”

I looked at the solid-black pug in her lap and started laughing. I couldn’t stop and finally choked out, “why did you name him Snowflake?”

“Well, it just seemed to suit him. Why did you name the big guy Butter?”

“Because it actually does suit him.” I had tears streaming down my face from laughing and wiped them away as we pulled into the driveway. Butter shot out of the car and almost collided with Jaime coming out of the barn. Snowflake ran after him and did collide with Jaime. I flashed Jaime a smile and helped Edith into the house where we were greeted with the aromas of Scottish cooking. 

“John and Stormy are in the living room with Ian. Go say hello, Edith can help me with the rest of dinner lass.”

I towered over Jenny in heels and tried to exert my height advantage by glowering at her. Yep, that didn’t work so I was unceremoniously pushed out of the kitchen. 

They all stood up and I was momentarily stuck on John Grey’s Hollywood handsome face. He and Ian kissed my cheek and I held out my hand to Stormy pulling her into a hug. “You are family now so get used to hugs. Dear God what beautiful skin you have Stormy.”

“I miss this.” She briefly patted my stomach and looked sad.

We heard a crash in the kitchen followed by Jenny yelling to get out. Seconds later two dogs run out of the kitchen and resume their mortal combat. I tried to pull Snowflake off of Butter but it was useless, “attention soldier.” Butter dropped the pug in his mouth and sat down looking up at me. The pug looked at Butter’s butt, then at me, and eventually sat beside him and looked up at me triumphantly. I could hear Edith giggling from the kitchen. It was a giggle-worthy moment.

“Maybe these will help.” Jaime stepped forward and led the dogs outside with a new bone for each of them. When he came back he hugged me and then passed out glasses for whisky. Ian called to Jenny and Edith and we all toasted to good friends. Jenny, always thoughtful, poured juice into Stormy’s glass. 

“Yer presence is requested in the nursery lass, you must come and say hello.” He held out his hand and I jumped up to go check the chickens. The kitchen door closed and I was pushed, lovingly, into the side of the house, where Jaime knocked my socks off with a deep kiss. I hadn’t opened my eyes yet but felt him pulling me along. He looked back at me and stopped, smiling.

“Yer gonna drive me insane with that look on yer face.” He touched my cheek and snapped me out of my post-kiss haze. 

“Jesus Christ! What happened to them? They grew up already?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. It had only been a few days, well a week actually, since I last saw the chicks and they were huge. “Oh! Any eggs yet?”

“Have ye actually seen a chicken before lass? Never mind mo chridhe, I just saw yer life play out on yer face and there were no chickens in it.”

“Not true. I have experience with that horrible rooster of yours….he hates me.”

“He hates everybody. To our great fortune, he ran away a few days ago.” Jaime thought about the chicken dinner Jenny served that night. Poor tasty rooster. It had to be done. You can’t raise hens in the presence of a rooster. It’s why folks purchase twenty-one chicks, so they have an even twenty when one of em starts to crow. That part of Claire’s chicken education was left out. The first cock-a-doodle-doo out of one of them meant another chicken dinner. 

We chatted after dinner and the conversation was lively and fun. I noticed how both Stormy and John would blush a bit whenever they looked at each other. Jenny would smile spontaneously when her eyes met Ian’s. There was a lot of love at this table and I hoped we would all be friends forever.   
Jaime glanced at his watch for the third time and I wondered what that was all about, and then it hit me. He was waiting for me to leave because they had a meeting planned for tonight. I looked up at Jaime. He looked distracted and uncomfortable. 

I jumped to my feet looking at my watch. “I’m sorry everybody, I have a meeting I forgot about. School stuff. Edith, we have to go. Butter!” I felt flushed and knew I had to get out of there this minute. I kissed Jenny’s cheek and walked toward my car. Jaime pulled my arm so I turned around to look at him. He searched my face, looking for the secret to my hasty exit. 

“You have a meeting to get to and I’m excluded. Why would I ever expect anything more from you people?” He tried to pull me to him but I pushed him away. A thought came into my head that threatened to choke the life out of me. “Jenny and Ian will attend this meeting?”

“Sassenach, please.” 

“Leave me alone you hurtful bastard. I have tried to work through this exclusion from your business but this is too much. Here we are again. The worthy people are inside the house and I am sent away. Even when we’re married I’ll have to have my own house so there’s somewhere for me to go when you want me to go away!” I looked at him standing there mute and actually felt my heart break. I forced myself to be calm and speak quietly, “I will let you know if I want anything more to do with you or your family.” I got into the car and drove away, leaving Jaime standing there watching. I was crying so hard Edith insisted I pull over so she could drive home. I choked out bits and pieces of being excluded from the business side of Jaime’s life. He would not include me in major decisions. This family saw no value in me beyond Jaime’s entertainment. They gave me to a stranger who took me away and they got to stay. It will always be this way.

Edith guided me into her house and made me some tea. I felt awkward and wanted to be in my house with the lights off so I could cry and think. I tried to leave but she stopped me.

“I don’t pry into the lives of others, but I do protect those I love, and that includes you. So hear me out Claire as your voice of reason, a stand-in for your mother, for the moment.”

That got my attention and I looked up at Edith. 

“I want your attention for five minutes and your promise to just listen.” I shook my head and Edith sipped her tea and then put it down. 

“You were a victim of childhood trauma the extent to which I cannot imagine. You have never healed from it so you feel the pain of that abandonment every time things get rough with Jaime. I wonder if your attraction to him isn’t a subconscious need to fix the wounded ten-year old that still lives in you. When he takes you in his arms he rescues you and it’s like salve to a burn but it doesn’t heal you. Only you can do that and it’s time for you to rescue yourself. Until you feel worthy of Jaime’s love you won’t be. Until you can approach him as his equal you won’t be treated as such. Two things I am sure of, Jaime loves you, and you are locked in the mind of a traumatized ten-year-old.”

Edith picked up her tea and sipped it while I tried desperately to pull myself together. I had to show her I was not a traumatized ten year old. Good God, what was she thinking? Is she trying to excuse Jaime’s behavior? I was very confused by what she said and feeling defiant. 

“You have work to do dear Claire. Before you see Jaime again before that hurt little girl says or does things that cannot be forgiven.”

“Edith, I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Well, the day you got lost in the storm. You could have walked the streets of Edinburgh for hours to think things through but you chose to enter a rather foreboding wood and throw caution to the wind.

“You were shocked and hurt by something you saw and the ten-year-old took control. It’s the ten-year old I worry about. She is full of hurt, anger, and abandonment. She places blame on the wrong people and wants to hurt them back at times, even if that takes the form of self-harm.”

Edith handed me the card of a psychiatrist specializing in hypnosis it said. I wanted to go home in the worst way so I looked at her hoping she would wrap this up. 

“He is my dearest friend and he is here in Edinburgh. I will call him on your behalf if you want me to. He turned away from his MD when he decided modern therapy was akin to snake oil. He found a therapeutic modality that goes directly to the problem. The patient does the work at home under his guidance. People have been waiting for a year or more for an appointment because he is very good at healing trauma. If you decide to rescue yourself you could not go wrong with him.”

“Thank you, Claire, for hearing me out. Let me help you home.”

I was beyond speaking anything intelligible so I nodded when Edith said goodnight and took a deep breath when I locked myself inside the carriage house. I wanted and needed to over analyze what happened with Jaime tonight. Sit in the dark and pick every sentence apart to find all the reasons this has happened. But Edith’s words were crashing my pity party where I was the only guest and no one argued with me. Self-rescue… what on earth does that mean? My inner ten-year-old was in control…not even close. I’d like to see a ten-year-old ace the A&P final. Edith had a good heart but she is a chef, not a counselor.

I didn’t look at my phone. I hated Jaime right now and wanted to be done with him. I curled up with Butter and let my mind do its usual damage. When the sun came up and I had not slept I looked at the business card again. Feeling utterly defeated by everything I called the number.


	23. Chapter 23

Claire! I am so happy you called. Edith has filled me in to a degree and I understand an event of some kind has brought a trauma to the surface. I can’t say this strong enough, find a way to see me at four o’clock. It only takes an hour. What could it hurt?”

I said okay before really thinking it through. The rest of the day I dreaded my hasty decision. At four o’clock I was being made comfortable on doctor Lu’s couch. There was scarce little discussion before the lights were dimmed and the doctor sat behind me, like a disembodied voice going into my ears. His voice was soothing and I was exhausted. I didn’t try to fight sleep or even pay attention, I was fulfilling an obligation nothing more.

I dreamed of Ellen guiding me to the kitchen where I saw a large man sitting at the table. He smiles at me and says I now live with him. I am afraid of him and clutch Ellen for safety. I want to get away from the kitchen. Then, I’m walking through the ruins of Machu Picchu following the man. I am planning my escape and wonder how far away Lallybroch is. In my dream, I warp forward and backward in time as certain memories clarify like I am living them again. This is the longest dream I have ever had I decide. I wonder what that doctor is doing while I sleep?

I opened my eyes and the lights were turned up. Doctor Lu sat in a chair across from me and smiled. You did really great Claire, I’m proud of you! But, that was the easy part. The rest is done in your home where you will meditate for one hour each day, at the same time of day, on each of five subjects. He handed me a paper with the five subjects and a DVD for meditation. 

“I have already booked your appointment to come back next Wednesday.” He looked right at me, “Claire, you are the one who does the work with this therapy. You face the trauma alone and some people decide it's not for them. I will respect your decision.”

I had not talked to Jaime. I couldn’t talk to Jamie because I couldn’t find my phone. I suppose I could look for it in the car but that would take more effort than I could muster at the moment. I studied until late and took my A&P final on three hours of sleep. For the next three days, I studied, slept, and took a test. I was on autopilot but a small part of my brain felt victorious because I made it another day without Jaime and I didn’t die. 

I went back to see doctor Lu who breezed in with a smile and asked how the meditation went. I didn’t have much to say. He stood up and gestured to the door.

“Claire, you cannot participate in therapy if you don’t do the meditation. I understand it’s not for everybody. If you ever make another appointment I will know you have completed the work. Good day.”

What the hell is happening? Before I could blink I was outside the office walking to my car. It didn’t feel good to be summarily dismissed and added fuel to my crap mood. This is ridiculous and a fool’s errand. When I got home I looked through the items doctor Lu handed me on my first visit when I slept for almost an hour. There was a DVD titled “Meditation.” Another with my name on it. I was curious so I popped it into the player and spent the next forty-minutes in hell. Doctor Lu is asking me general questions like my name, the date, the president. Then he asks me to go back in time to when Lamb first showed up at Lallybroch. He tells me not to fear because I’m grown up now. He leads me through the trauma and I describe my life at Machu Picchu. 

When it was over I felt I had reached the bottom of my grief, my anger, and my abandonment. Edith is right. It’s as fresh and bloody as when it happened. I felt despair like nothing could fix me, I would never live the life I was meant to. I knew I could call Jaime and he would come right away and hold me until my crying stopped. He would say all the right words to soothe me. But when he left I would be alone with me again.

I picked up the other DVD and popped it in, then I looked at my meditation subjects. Who does the ten-year-old blame? I almost cried at the senseless exercise but I laid down, closed my eyes and let the DVD induce me. It was really boring down there, inside my head. Who does the ten-year-old blame? That’s easy. The people that let it happen. I remembered Jaime saying his mam cried for months after I left. The whole family would come to the airport to pick me up. When I saw them all I was so happy and so relieved. I blamed Brian for not saving me but the Fraser’s had no legal hold on me. They were very kind to open their home to me but they could not stop Lamb. That is who I should blame…uncle Lamb who was charged with my upbringing because he was the only living relative of my parents. I remembered him speaking slowly to me and being befuddled a lot trying to understand me through my sobbing. I remembered when he held me on his lap in the middle of the night when I was hysterical. He moved his body side to side and told me stories about my parents. Things they had done together, mostly funny things. 

I started to relax and let the memories flow as the DVD instructed. I could see my feet walking in the dirt and I looked up at one of the few trees on this property that was uprooted from days of rain. It basically fell over and I could see the root ball and what looked like a large empty pocket deep in the earth. And a bowl. I felt my heart ramming staring at the artifact. I climbed down into the hole and never took my eyes off the bowl. I had to hold onto roots of the tree and stretch my arm until I finally got a hold of it. It was half a bowl and I started running yelling for Lamb. I held the bowl above my head as I ran into camp. Lamb called the senior assistants to us and placed the bowl in front of them. They were all yelling and they picked me up to ride on their shoulders. 

When Lamb was granted permission to move the dig the whole camp was moved and a preliminary investigation was underway. I remember Lamb getting so excited as baskets full of shards were brought for reassembling. It wasn’t until the following year this sight was cleared enough to make out a plaza and building foundations, all because I noticed a bowl in the dirt. Lamb said I had earned a place at the dig but I had to stay close to a trusted assistant. I guess every day at Machu Picchu wasn’t horrible. 

I remember waking up late at night and found Lamb next to the fire just staring into it. His face was grim and sad. I told him a joke and he pretended to laugh. When I asked him why he was sad he actually told me, they were yet to find anything that resembled the art or craftsmanship of the Inca from South America. He said he failed and it would be the end of his career. I looked at the drawings on the table and pointed to one, we have that I told him. He didn’t respond. I explained I had seen it, very huge, in the tall trees. Whenever someone went up to the top of the mountain I would go along and look through the binoculars at the miles that surrounded us. The great snake was there in the tall trees. Lamb sat up and held the picture. He asked me when I had seen it, to describe it, what of the markings on the head? He was getting happy again, very happy. I told him I will show him when it was light. Lamb could not make the trip to the mountain top so I took four members of the dig team and pointed in the direction. It took twenty minutes but one of them started yelling that he saw it, and it's huge! 

The DVD was saying I had five more minutes. Time to summarize my subject. Who does a ten-year-old blame? There was no one to blame. Just a bunch of adults doing their best to provide for me after the tragic loss of my parents. I held Butter and cried. He cried too and finally barked at me jerking me out of my memories. 

We walked the neighborhood and I decided meditation wasn’t completely horrible. In fact, I felt a little better. I will do it again tomorrow and see what happens. And so I did, for the next four days, I meditated on the next subject. What do I want to say to Lamb, How do I forgive my parents, Where is home, and the last subject, What is the opposite of the damsel in distress. The last subject was the hardest to do because I couldn’t see myself as a damsel or distressed. With only five minutes left of the DVD I saw Jaime driving me to school, building the chicken condo, carrying me, dealing with Frank, pulling me off the stairs and into his warm room, getting my car out of the mud, searching for me. I jumped up and called doctor Lu, the fact that he answered the phone was completely lost on me. 

“How are you, Claire?”

“Fine, fine. I need to do one of the subjects again. I couldn’t think of anything and then I did and the meditation was over. I think this one is very important so I need to do it again.”

“Hmmm…alright, you can do it again but not today. Wait until tomorrow at your regular time. Let’s meet the day after tomorrow at four o’clock.

Jaime sat on the ground in the chicken room and all of the chickens had jumped up on his legs. He watched them in a haze he was getting used to. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a clear thought about anything. He was tired of being lonely and missing Claire. If she loved him she would have responded by now but he heard not a word in two weeks. 

Ian came around the corner and looked into the room, “there ye are, I’ve been lookin high and low for ye. I found this buried in the mud out front. Is it yers?

“No, its Claire’s phone. I’ll take care of it, thanks Ian.”

“A load is lighter when carried by two Jaime. Maybe I can help if ye tell me what happened.”

“She came over on a Saturday when I was workin on stuff for work. She was askin me all about the project. I told her a bit but then I was done talkin about it. She wanted to fight and then her attitude changed toward me. I was waiting for her to leave the night of the dinner party because I wanted to meet with John and Stormy that night. She blew up and accused me of thinkin she wasn't worthy and a bunch of other stuff. I haven’t heard from her.”

Ian loved Claire like a sister and her devotion to Jaime was unquestionable. Ian could feel his heart pounding and felt his face flush. Jaime looked up at his best friend since childhood and wondered what had come over Ian.

“You sanctimonious son of a bitch. Ye need to find a dumb woman to marry so she puts up with your rules. Good luck with that.” Ian could not get out of there fast enough and covered the kitchen in three strides.  
Jenny stood still in the kitchen, her eyes wide as saucers. She heard Ian’s boots hit the floor of their bedroom and went after him. She slipped through the door and Ian extended his hand to her.

“Come here, Dove.”

Jenny laid next to her favorite man in the world and snuggled him. She said nothing which was very hard for her. It took about ten minutes.

“It’s yer brother. He’s actin like a demigod tellin Claire she’ll have no say in his business or finances. He got a little cranky sounds like when he wanted to have a meetin with John and Stormy the night of the dinner party and Claire didn’t leave early enough.”

“I know this is upsettin to ye, I’m sorry Dove.”

Jenny was moving off the bed, “no, no, dinna fash yerself.” She patted his shoulder and missed by about ten inches. She patted Ian in the face and left the room. 

“Time for the demigod to get his ass kicked,” Ian closed his eyes. 

When Ian walked out of the chicken room Jaime felt like he had been kicked in the chest. Suddenly his well-ordered life was unraveling, he was losing his love, and lost the respect of his best friend. It felt like he was losing his mind so he got into his truck and drove into town.

Jaime left the motor running when he walked to the carriage house and left a box on Claire’s window sill. He wandered through the quiet distillery and sat in his office for hours looking out the window, seeing Claire and the chasm between them. 

I started the DVD and thought about my last subject. What is the opposite of a damsel in distress? The soothing voice took me deeper into relaxation and I closed my eyes. One by one the memories of Jaime doing things for me, taking care of problems, driving me to school when he had an early meeting. It always made me happy when he took care of me when he put me ahead of everything else…when he rescued me. My eyes slammed open and I squeezed them closed quickly. When he rescued me…when he rescued me. I was having Jaime rescue me all the time. I didn’t realize I was doing it but Christ I could see it clearly now. Consciously or not, Jaime was feeding my insatiable need to be rescued. What is the opposite of the damsel in distress? A happy damsel who calls UBER for a ride to school, picks up her own take out food, unpacks her own boxes, jumps her own car, and gets it out of the mud, I should have printed a DIY chicken condo from the internet and purchased all the supplies I would need and built it myself, hired the neighbors son to dig the grass up in the garden. It went on and on. 

In my meditation I took ownership of the challenges I will face going forward and I called Jaime’s image to mind. I cupped his cheek and told him I was sorry. 

I opened my eyes and looked at Butter sitting next to my bed with his leash in his mouth. “I could rent you out as comic relief for the broken heart, you goofball. Let’s go.”

Coming back to the carriage house I saw the box on my window sill. I picked it up and opened it in the house. It was a brand new iPhone with all the bells and whistles. I plugged it in and checked settings. It was my old number. I looked at messages and there was just one. ‘I love you, I’m sorry, please let me fix this.’ “I’m pretty sure that would take both of us.”

Later, I heard a notification jingle on my phone and read a text from Jenny.

J: Meet me for scones in the morning. I’ll help ye get away, get back, get alone, or get what er ye need. I am in yer corner lass. Meet me. 

I pulled up to our favorite cafe and saw my friend sipping coffee at an outdoor table. Jenny tried for a bright smile but I could see the dark circles under her eyes, quite sure they matched my own. I reached for her hand. 

“Why don’t you and Ian have catastrophic issues that threaten your souls, or your life?”

“Maybe because we have a million small fights that make us yell and carry on, and throw cold water on sex for a night. You and Jaime dinna do that. It’s like ye save it up for somethin huge that derails ye. The sad thing is, my brother is an idiot, he canna fix this. I think he will die broken-hearted, and so will ye.”

“What?” 

“I hope to Christ I’m wrong Claire because I love ye and want ye to be happy. But there is somethin special between the two of ye, it sparkles like a diamond, and it’s always been there.”

I was very surprised to see Jenny crying. “Don’t think that way Jenny, there isn’t one single person in the world that will complete your life and make you happy, and by you I mean me. If there is no way to fix this than Jaime and I are through. But I kind of knew that already. I’m going home because I’ve held it together as long as possible. It’s time for me to fall apart. I love you, I will be your maid of honor come hell or high water.” 

I leaned over and kissed Jenny as I pushed my engagement ring into her palm.

I barely made it into Edith’s driveway without running into something. I built a fire and sat on the floor with Butter. Night came and I continued to stare at the blaze.

I heard, that you’re settled down  
That you found a girl and you’re married now.

I heard, that your dreams came true  
I guess she gave you things  
I didn’t give to you

Old friend, why are you so shy  
Ain’t like you to hold back  
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited but I  
Couldn’t stay away I couldn’t fight it  
I hoped you’d see my face  
And that you be reminded that for me it isn’t over

Never mind I’ll find someone like you  
I wish nothing but the best for you too  
Don’t forget me I beg  
I’ll remember you said  
Sometimes it lasts in love  
But sometimes it hurts instead

I looked at Butter and held him close. “We can’t stay here Butter. I can’t watch Jaime move on, date other people, marry someday, have children with someone else. Even if I hold my ears closed I’ll know when he gives his heart to someone else and it will kill me. It’s okay, Boston is nice. Well, you’ll hate it but with time you will forget Scotland just like me.

Jenny cried all the way home and her eyes were red and swollen when she walked into the house. Jaime was standing in the kitchen and she leveled her eyes at him. “I have been lookin for ye since yesterday brother. Ye will not leave this kitchen until ye’ve heard me.” She expected defiance from him and an attempt at escape but she was ready for it. Jaime fell into a chair at the table. 

“Do yer worst,” he whispered.

Jenny was primed and ready to pull his skin off and roast it while he watched. Evisceration would come next, followed by cranial evacuation and then ripping the spinal column completely out of his body. She watched her brother and felt the depth of his pain. “Why Jaime?”

Jaime leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked at the ground. He needed Jenny to beat him up and tell him how terrible he was. 

“I asked you a question goddamnit, I want an answer!” She shook the rafters with her volume and decided it wasn’t enough. So help me God I will….”

“It’s what Da taught me! He was very explicit about it!”

Jenny almost fell off her chair. “Da taught ye how to ruin yer chances with any wife by keepin them away from the business? Not likely brother, try again!”

Jaime grabbed Jenny’s hand and looked pleadingly at her. “Do ye remember when our parents had a big fight? It was only time I remember seein them fight and it raged for hours, all over the house. Mam threw him out of their bedroom and I heard her cryin for days after. Do ye remember what they were fightin about?”

Jenny searched her memory. She was very young and scared half to death. Her eyes jerked up to Jaime’s. “Da changed the production volume so he could … I dinna ken beyond that. Mam was furious because…”

Jaime watched his sister piece her memory together and try to deal with the truth of it. “He told her it wasn’t her place. He moved out of the house right?”

“After a month of Mam not speaking to him, he left. That is how firmly he believed in keeping wife and family members out of his decisions. He chose the distillery over Mam, over us. He beat that into my brain at the distillery. He convinced me that my wife, and you, did not have a place, or a voice. Anyone who still had fingerprints did not get an opinion.” He looked at Jenny’s questioning face. “From toastin barrels for years ye burn your fingertips until there’s no fingerprint left.”

Jaime took his father’s watch off his wrist and ran his fingers over the soft gold band. “I love him like a hero Jenny. I always will. But I canna live without Claire. So what do I do?”

Jenny came closer to Jaime and forced him to look at her. “Ye admit that Da was human. Just a man who probably learned that bullshit from his father. You go speak to Ned Gowen and listen to what he tells ye.”

“Thank you, Jenny.”

“Ahh, we have the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night and I dinna think Claire can handle seein you. She is so heartbroken, she loves ye so much. I want her in the wedding so either you or she will have to miss the rehearsal dinner. It’s gonna break her heart all over again to see ye.” Jenny pushed Claire’s ring into Jaime’s palm. “I’m sorry brother.”

Jaime looked at the ring in his hand and as his tears flowed he shot out of the chair and went outside.

We had a rehearsal dinner and practiced the ceremony at the church. Rupert stood in for Jaime who was not joining us. I was grateful to him for his consideration. I only had the wedding to get through now. 

On the eve of Jenny’s wedding, I rocked in my new chair, purchased at a garage sale I found during one of my walks. It was calming. It’s been almost four weeks since I last saw Jaime. He sent me a text thanking me for being in the wedding and said he would stay away from Lallybroch that morning so I could help Jenny get ready. It hurts even when they are trying to be helpful, I thought.

The ride to Lallybroch seemed to be taking a long time this morning. I looked at the 25 mph I was doing.”Well, at least I’m not going backward.” I parked my car in the barn to make more room in the driveway for the other maids. My hands are shaking, I think my dress is quaking and I need a whisky. I walked in. 

“Claire! Come and have some juice and champagne! There is lots of food to nibble as well. How do you feel lass?”

“Good.” I smiled brightly. Jenny will not suffer my broken heart. I actually felt better as the morning wore on and hoped I was ready to stand next to Jaime. 

“Seriously Jenny?! A zig-zag? What?” I was dissolving in giggles but had to admit it looked pretty cool.

“Well, it’s my special day and Ian has seen the stripe for a long time. This will surprise him.”

“Did you get a couple piercings too?”

“Piercing? Ye can pierce it? Where?” Her eyes were round.

“No, you can’t pierce it.” Why not just keep my mouth shut I thought.

Jenny hustled me into a seat and started straightening sections of my hair. She was so good at it and always pulled a section over my eye, to look sultry she would say.

“I didn’a realize it had gotten so long, I’m worried I won’t finish in time.”

Another bride’s maid came in and grabbed her flat iron to help. It seemed every word spoken caused hysterical laughter from all of us. Jenny looked happy and relaxed, thank God. The girls stepped away from me and I was stunned. My hair was almost to my waist and it moved freely with a deep shine. It looked striking against my deep purple dress. I put waterproof mascara on my lashes just to be safe and eyeliner to enhance the natural almond shape. One of the maids, named Candy, asked if she could add some dimension to my eyes. 

“That would be very sweet of you, of course.” She did an excellent job and I wondered if Jaime would like it.

“Oh no! Oh God! Don’t ….please don’t cry, Claire.” Jenny grabbed tissues and dapped my eyes and cheeks. “The lass just got somethin in her eye. It’s fine now.”

We waited in a line outside the sanctuary. First the maids, then me, then Jenny on Rupert’s arm. I turned and winked at both of them and blew a kiss to Jenny. The door opened to a small room on the side and Angus walked forward and offered his arm to the first maid. The second maid left with a groomsman and my heart was threatening to rupture in my chest. I could see his arm being offered to me. When I looked in his crystal blue eyes my knees went weak and he quickly held me up for a moment. It was time to walk down the aisle so I looked away.

His eyes never left me during the ceremony. I was hyper-aware of his every breath and movement. I couldn’t look at him, his pull on my heart was too strong. I had done my duty to Jenny and would blast out of here at my first opportunity. I knew the ceremony was almost over so I allowed my eyes to seek his and lost myself in them. He walked toward me and pulled my hand into the crux of his arm and we walked down the aisle. I peeled away from him in the chaos of guests moving down the bridal line before leaving for the reception. Jaime had vanished and I exhaled the breath I was holding.


	24. Chapter 24

It was my job to gather the flowers from the wedding and take them home. I carried armfuls into the room we used to freshen up before the ceremony. On my last trip, I noticed most of the people were gone and I started to relax and breath normally. I placed the last flower arrangement with the others and turned to take one last look. 

“Jesus Christ Jaime, you scared the shit out of me.” He raked his eyes over me and looked at my hair and then my face. I tried for bravado but felt almost out of control. 

“It’s been four weeks since I’ve felt my heart. I’m not complete without it.”

I closed my mouth and looked at the floor. My resolve to feel nothing for him was cracking under the pressure of his gaze and the silky promise of his voice. I kept my head down and saw his shoes stop in front of me before walking in a circle around me close enough to feel his heat.

“What are ye planning to do with my heart now Sassenach?”

I heard the emotional catch in his voice followed quickly by a cough to clear his throat. 

“I’ve ne’er been so afraid of another human being in my life, as I am you Sassenach. I trusted ye and ye lied to me so now I fear what else yer capable of.”

“I never lie Jaime.” My voice was barely more than a whisper, a shaky one no less. I kept my eyes down wishing he would yell and get it over with so I could leave. 

“Ye said I was yer everything and promised to be my wife but ye lied about those things did ye nae?”

I shook my head and felt a tear roll down my cheek. Jaime caught it and continued walking a tight circle around me. 

“Ye promised to wait until I finished yer poem, even if it took me thirty more years but ye lied about that as well lass.

I felt Jaime touch my arm, light as a feather, I felt his tremendous energy very close to me. 

“I am appealing yer decision to leave me Sassenach. Ye dinna have a mean bone in yer body so I have hope I’ll be successful.” His hand moved under my hair and softly dragged across my back as he continued to circle. “I see ye, Claire. I see the love ye have inside ye. Yer bursting with it and it belongs to me mo chridhe. It’s mine and ye mean to take it from me.”

I felt a whisper touch on my hand, my back, my cheek, my hair, my hip, and my heart crashed into my ribs like a runaway train. I let out a ragged breath. 

“The Sassenach is mute. She does not care to defend her decision. I just have one more thing to ask of ye lass. Before ye walk away forever, will ye kiss me one last time. I want to be kissed by the Claire on the beach in San Diego before I hurt ye when ye still believed in miracles when yer heart was fierce and unguarded. When you wanted a kiss from me more than anythin else. Please, let it be her that kisses me.

My head was reeling from his soft voice and words. Like a hypnotist, he pulled me back in time to the beach where I kissed him with my heart and soul. His mouth covered mine and he pulled me to him. The kiss was light and tentative. I pressed into Jaime and turned my head I had to breathe but I didn’t want it to stop yet so I opened my mouth and took a breath as his arm came around me. He pulled my arms up around his neck and the kiss suddenly got serious. He was pushing me carefully, like a dance. I heard a door close and realized we were in a small closet in the pitch dark. 

“One more Sassenach, to last the rest of my lonely life without ye.”

He pressed me into the wall seeking contact and his hands followed the lines of my body from my neck to my core. I was panting his name and he was whispering in my ear. He lifted me up and my feet found the back wall where I braced myself.

“Tell me ye love me, Claire, please God, say it Sassenach.”

“I love you, Jaime.” 

“Again.”

“I love you, Jaime.”

I felt him shove my panties aside and enter me with force. “Yer mine, now and forever. I felt him push the ring back on my finger. I was losing my mind and he skillfully brought me to the Precipice and stopped all movement. I moaned his name like I was dying. 

“Say it again Claire.”

“I love you so.”

I felt my orgasm grip my soul and every spasm released more of the heartbreak suffered in the last three weeks. Jaime let it go at the same time and he gripped me while he shuttered. We held each other panting for breath and Jaime covered my face with kisses. 

“I have a request of ye Sassenach.” He opened the door and we saw each other again. “Will ye dance with me tonight?”

Jaime’s face radiated love and his smile was blinding. I stopped and shook my head. “This changes nothing” and I started to cry.

“Wait, my darling Sassenach. I want to show you something. Very important. Promise ye willna cry so I can show ye everything. Sit, please.” He pulled a chair to the middle of the room. There was a chalkboard that ran the length of the room, used in Sunday school. He picked up the chalk and took a deep breath.

“The year Da died, and I took over, we produced 700 cases of single malt whisky under two labels. I tripled production the first week I was the boss. We launched the production of spirits and added a label my second year. We tripled our productive barrels, the majority of which are aged three years, but also have six and twelve year label by the third year. I won whisky entrepreneur of the year and the distillery won all kinds of stuff. All, every last one of my father’s staff quit in the first six months because I was a risk-taker that would see them all on the unemployment line, so they left early I guess. The guys that make up my team are the new whisky men. I can pull them off the malting floor, put them in a suit and they can sell our whiskey at a convention. They just really love whisky.”

So, I agree I pushed the envelope in the first three years, but it worked, so we stay at this production volume for three years and take another look. You would be the best person to help me with this because you have a brain and most everyone that works for me doesn’t. So we kick it for a few years and I will try to find more space so I can double it again in the future.

“Oh Sassenach, no, no, ye promised me lass, the best part is still to come. Jaime ran up to me and kneeled at my feet. He took my hands and kissed them, then me. Then he pulled me up and hugged me. “I’ll be holdin on to ye till ye stop shakin sae hard. Is that from findin out I’m not rich?” 

He pulled away from me so he could see my eyes. “Will ye marry me lass, and be my partner in everything?”

I was so emotional I could not stop crying through my smile. I felt like a stay of execution where I go from utter despair to the highest I’ve ever been in the span of five minutes.

“I have no idea how ye got here today but yer leavin with me and we’ll figure the rest out later.”

I fixed my make up and combed my hair on the way to the reception. The Grand Ballroom was full of friends, neighbors, and business associates. We entered the room hand in hand and I searched the crowd for Jenny who was beaming a smile at me that was magical. Ian took Jaime away promising to bring him right back. 

Geneva Dunsany sat and rolled her eyes at the slobbering ape she came with. When she heard Jaime was on the market again she was determined to be here, no matter the cost. She watched the door constantly trying to ignore the sweaty pimple face beside her. When Jaime walked in holding hands with someone she kicked her date in the leg and hissed “who is that with Jaime.”

“Owe, what is yer problem lass? That woman issssss, Claire Beauchamp.”

“What?!”

I moved toward Jenny and felt someone seize from behind. It was Jaime, bent forward looking in my eyes. “Love and trust Claire, love and trust. Geneva Dunsany got into the reception as someone’s date. Angus and Rupert will see her home as soon as they find her.” He looked into my eyes like he was waiting for a bomb to explode. I laughed again and saw him visibly relax. 

I was almost to the head table when I felt someone grab my arm. I turned around to see the beautiful face of Geneva Dunsaney.

“Claire, it's so good to see you again. How many years has it been.”

I looked at her smug face and wanted to punch it. “I’m sorry, do I know you?” Geneva’s nose shot into the air about three inches and she eyed me for duplicity.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Geneva Dunsany. I am Jaime’s ex-lover.”

“Oh! How nice of you to come! He hasn’t mentioned you but I’m sure he would love to say hello. Let’s go find him for you.” I took Geneva’s elbow and felt her jerk it back.

If I’m not mistaken, my last visit to Jaime at the distillery was discovered by you and you were so upset you walked off into a storm and got lost. I took her hand and patted it like I was dealing with a lunatic.

“I’m sorry miss but I have no idea what you are talking about but thank you for the introduction, you will have to join us for our wedding next month. Be sure to sign the guest book so I know where to find you.” I gave my sweetest smile and made my way to Jenny and the warmest hug.

“Sisters again are we?”

I opened my mouth to speak and heard my name announced. “What the hell?”

We have a special request for Claire Beauchamp to meet her groom to be on the dance floor. 

I smiled at Jenny and moved to the dance floor and the most awesome man watching me approach. He pulled me close and ran his thumb across my cheek. When he didn’t pose us I looked away from him like I was bored. When the music started I moved away from him hoping to feel him segway into the dance. It worked. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into him. Our faces were almost touching and I opened my mouth as if to kiss him. The tempo changed and Jaime gave me the dance of a lifetime. He was really good and I managed to avoid his balls with my rapid leg kicks. When the music slowed down he stopped and pulled my lead hand to the back of his neck and then ran the back of his knuckles seductively down the side of my body while he dropped his head to my shoulder. A quick peek at the crowd showed all eyes on Jaime’s hand. He pulled me into a tight spin and gave me time and distance to run through the traditional leg kicks of the tango. The last spin I felt the pressure of his hand guiding me to the floor for a classic tango pose as he bent to my face and kissed me.

I was breathing hard and looked at Jaime smiling and shaking my head. Jenny, Ian, the maids, and groomsmen were on their feet clapping and I laughed because it was the best dance of my life. Geneva was still where I left her like her feet were glued to the floor. 

“That is the sexiest god damn dance I have er seen! Where did ye learn it brother?”

Ian kissed my cheek and held his hand out to Jenny. “I think I got it, Dove, let’s try it!” Jenny stood smiling and looked at her brother.

“uh oh. I know that look. Me and Ian will be on our honeymoon at a castle for the next four days. I hope ye can pass the time without us.” She hugged us both and whispered in my ear it was fashionable to leave early. Then Ian whisked her to the dance floor. 

“Mo chridhe, I need ye. Will ye come home with me tonight?”

“Yes.”

He grabbed my hand, “tonight starts now… let’s go.”

We stopped by the kitchen and Jaime picked up bags and boxes of food. Compliments of Ian.

“It looks like half the table of food in those containers, should we feel guilty?” 

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Nah…it will keep us alive until I’m ready to let ye go.”

I saw Edith approaching with her plus one and I blinked several times and then smiled at doctor Lu. Edith looked radiant, almost like she was glowing from the inside. I hugged her and thanked her for her everything. "I'm doing the work, Edith and I have you and doctor Lu to thank for it." 

“I think I have some questions about doctor Lu and yer work but right now I just want to kiss ye.”

He dropped the food into the bed of the truck and pulled me to him for a long loving kiss that I felt to my toes. 

“Claire, I am your man, there is no other for you but me. I treated ye badly and I am so sorry lass. I’m not going to ask for your trust tonight, but I am gonna earn it back. Let’s go home lass.”


	25. Chapter 25

As we barreled down the road I pressed into Jaime with a smile on my face. We headed for the carriage house to pick up Butter and my clothes. On the way, Jaime explained his father’s training and directive about allowing outsiders to influence the whisky. His voice shook a bit talking about this great man who would forever be his hero but who had walked away from the family to protect his right to dictate the distillery. He didn’t say it, but I wondered how much he would battle himself for his decision. 

“Do you think it was the right thing to do Jaime. If I was willing to live as your mam did you could have kept your promise. Will this be a resentment toward me in the future?” 

Jaime made a quick turn into a parking lot and twisted toward me putting his forehead on mine. “I can tell ye it’s a lonely career full of worry and trepidation. Havin no one to talk to about my vision or bounce idea’s off of. I hated that part. I have no second thoughts love, not one. We will have so much fun runnin this business, Claire. I have things I was to discuss with ye already but not tonight.” He cupped my cheek, “I canna describe my loneliness without ye lass, it’s too big. I don’t think I will be right in the head until I have ye all over me again. So please be patient with me.”

“What does it mean to have me all over you Jaime?” 

“When ye speak, yer words stick to me, your smile sticks to me, watchin ye with Butter sticks to me, with the chickens, the way yer eyes look when you taste good whisky, seein ye standin in the rain, touchin you in the mornn, holdin ye after a day of fantasy, leave twenty chicks outside, it’s endless, and it all fell off over the last four weeks. I’m sae happy yer here, I will not be normal until I have ye all over me again. Do ye understand Sassenach?”

“Not a lick of it, but it sounds like I am very important to you, and that is all I need to know.” I kissed him hard, wanting to devour him, wanting to climb inside him, wanting to feel his possession. “Jaime...I want you…I’ve missed you…want to feel you…please.” I heard him growl and push me down on the seat before diving under my dress. I was seconds away from Jaime Fraser’s specialty and I thought I would lose my mind. Then a thought came to me, I screamed, I pushed away from him, I told him we had to go immediately. 

Jaime looked up at me in confusion. I stammered we had to go because a cop was coming toward us. He laughed and sat up. "Where did the bloke go, I see no one." 

“He, he must have gotten a call…or something.” Jesus Christ, what am I going to do with the mess between my legs. I have not clipped or shaped my lovely thatch in a month and Jaime isn’t likely to leave me alone for a long bath tonight. What am I going to do? The dome light came on and I looked up to see the carriage house. I ran around grabbing clothes for a week while Jaime played with Butter who was losing his mind with happiness at seeing his buddy again. I had to think faster because he will start removing my clothes when we turn onto Lallybroch street. I will be trapped. I snuck a peek in the bathroom mirror and it was worse than I thought. Oh crap! Jaime spends too much time staring at this part of my body and he doesn’t like to be rushed. He’s gonna want to look at it for some time tonight. “Shit!”

“Sassenach?”

“Coming!”

When I came out of the bathroom Jaime had put all my stuff in the bed of the truck. He grabbed a bag and dropped my whole shower caddie into it. He opened drawers and pulled out brushes, combs, flat iron, and dropped my makeup kit inside. He pulled my favorite towel off the rack and my short robe from the closet. Seeing my hiking boots he threw them in too. 

He steered me out the door with a smile on his face. “My love ye look gorgeous in that dress, but I mean to have it off ye at my first opportunity.”

Back on the road to Lallybroch, I pushed into Jaime so he would slow down. I dropped my face to his lap and breathed through the light fabric. To have him right up against my mouth but not accessible was too much. I started to pull his zipper down and he stayed my hand.

“Sassenach. I will take it slow with ye tonight. I want to look at ye, taste ye, remind myself of your curves and plump ass. Yer beautiful pussy.”

“Okay, I have a problem with that…. ah…Jaime. And I already lied to you about this problem and that is being a bad girlfriend. What if I needed to take care of something…personal…tonight before we make love?”

“The Sassenach misses her chicks! So cute. No.”

“What? No, not the chickens. I want a nice hot bath first.” 

Jaime leered at me, “done Sassenach.”

“Just me actually.”

“No.”

Butter was being quite rude stepping all over me and wagging his tail into my face and I realized we were at Lallybroch. I know that images can be erotic and some images are completely the opposite. I wasn’t going to cripple Jaime with the not so erotic. So I will refuse him until I can have a bath. Alone.

I grabbed a bunch of my things and followed Jaime inside where he tackled me, very nicely, and laid me on the couch. It was the moment of truth because he was looking for a zipper or buttons, or he might just rip it off the way his face was looking at me. 

“Jaime, Jaime love, please take a breath and listen for just a minute. I felt deflated and miserable. There was no way out but the truth. I took a deep breath.

“I want to tear your clothes off and get reacquainted with your magnificent ass, soft balls, chiseled chest, and thighs. I love to watch your face when you let it go. But it's not going to happen, I am so sorry about that. Until I can take a bath… alone.”

Jaime stared at me like he forgot English suddenly and then the corners of his mouth curled up and he moved toward me. He held my hands behind my back and licked from my collar bone to my mouth. He bit my lip and I squirmed pushing my hips toward him. Jaime was running down the list of things girls do in the bath as fast as he could. Play with bubbles, lay still, shave legs, wash everything, shave armpits, ahhhh, that’s it! 

Most men would release a girl to her bath at the mere thought of it, but Jaime was not most men. The thought of doing this to Claire lit a firecracker under his growing lust and threatened to choke him out before he could start. He kissed her deeply and seductively. Nuzzling her neck, he asked her quietly if she will let him.

“Please let me Sassenach, I will pout for eternity if ye dinna let me. I will be so gentle and careful, I won’t lick it until it’s done, I promise. I know what ye need to do mo chridhe.” He pulled my hand to his erection and my eyes slammed open. Did he just say… he wants to what? “The thought of doin that to ye has me ready to explode. You stay here with some whisky and I will get everything ready.”

He was so excited, like a kid on Christmas morning. He pressed a whisky into my hand and then ran upstairs taking two at a time. I heard the bath running upstairs and saw Jaime race outside and run back in with one of my bags and up the stairs he went. If he was planning to do what I think he is planning, I need more than one of these. I threw my whisky back and then another. I smiled at the warmth growing in my stomach. What the hell, I threw back a third and grabbed the bottle and another glass. 

Reaching the top of the stairs I realized Jaime was in Jenny’s bathroom. The room itself was almost as big as a bedroom, with a large clawfoot bathtub. There were bubbles coming out of the bathroom and I was concerned so I peeked in and saw two candles lit with a third on the window sill next to the tub, a large stack of towels, a tub full of bubbles, and three new razors. Jaime pulled me in smiling. “The water is perfect mo chridhe.” He pushed the light switch down and the room was bathed in romantic candlelight. 

“You first.” Jaime was naked and in the water in less than five seconds. I would take a bit longer. I poured two glasses of whisky and handed him one. I sipped mine as I was well buzzed on the first three. I reached behind me and unzipped my dress, saying a silent thank you to myself for having decent underwear on and the gorgeous stockings Jenny gave me. I let it fall to the floor and my bra followed. I sat on the chair and rolled off my stockings then I turned my back on Jaime and dropped the panties. I walked backward to the tub and was happily in the water while Jaime was lighting the third candle.

“Come love, you can lay on my legs.” He pulled me onto his submerged legs and I laid back as his hands caressed me. He pushed a large towel under me and my feet on either side of him. So far, still sexy, not like an OB-GYN exam. I felt a razer pull across my most delicate skin, so softly. 

“Does the lady have a preference?”

“It’s the gentleman’s choice.”

I could tell he was very thorough and I was getting very turned on. He pushed my legs open and I tried to breathe normally. His fingers held my fold down as the razor scraped carefully on both sides. Then he splashed water on me and touched my bud. My back arched and I gasped. 

“Sassenach, you must lay perfectly still now. Yer beautiful, stunning actually. This last part is very close to what makes me happy and ye canna move.”

He pushed my legs open and then pulled one leg over the side of the tub. I was wide open three inches from his mouth and ready to explode. He pressed me open and held my skin taught as he moved the razor up both sides. I wanted to hold my breath but I was already panting. I felt Jaime's warm tongue on the newly shaved skin and was having great difficulty keeping my sanity. I felt his fingers invade me and my hips jerked toward his mouth. His tongue found my heat and I was out of control. I looked down and saw his tongue licking rapidly and I let it go with a moan that lasted my entire trip.

Jaime jumped out of the tub and pulled me out like a ragdoll and wrapped me in a fluffy towel. He reached to snuff out the tub candle and the others on our way to his bedroom. He was quiet, restrained, I could see the stress from holding back on his face. 

“It’s the gentleman’s choice all night.” 

He kissed me hard stealing what little oxygen I had left in my lungs. Pulling the pillows together, he pushed me into them and laid sideways on the bed with his head at my hip. He pushed my legs open and laid his head on my thigh. 

“Yer beautiful Sassenach. I want to go slow but I fear I am passed that point. So I won’t, he whispered.”

When Jaime’s love gets rough, he stops about every eleven seconds to ask if I’m alright. The third time he stopped I did my best to look bored and looked up at him like I forgot he was there. “Why wouldn’t I be, ye fuck like a girl.” 

I’ve always wondered what the matador thinks when he realizes his mistake and looks into the crazed eyes of the bull before it gores him. Well, now I know, and I doubt the matador enjoyed it as much as I did. 

Jaime dropped to my side panting and holding his chest. “Oh Sassenach, God! Yer so much fun!”

I cuddled him and felt his arm come around me and give me a squeeze. Later, with Jaime’s head propped up on his elbow, he traced my eyes, nose, and mouth with his finger.

“If God took me to heaven and allowed me to build any girl I wanted I would look through the bins and pull out long slender arms.” He ran his hand down my arm. “Then, long thin legs that were shapely and straight, a beautiful face and eyes the color of young whisky, pillow lips, pretty white teeth for smilin, lovely cover-girl boobs…” He caressed each body part he mentioned.

“What are cover-girl boobs, Jaime?”

“Ahh, just perfect they are. I would make her waist very tiny with just enough hip to for safe childbirth, a lovely plump ass, a breathtaking pussy that I could stare at as long as I wanted. I would build ye Sassenach.”

“You forgot her hair.”

“Ah yes. I would give her a mass of hair that curled into soft coils down her back…and blonde.”

“What?!” I hit his arm as he was rolling away laughing. “Where are you going?”

“I need to bring in the food but I’ll bring yer clothes if ye want so ye can help me eat some of it.”

“Great idea, I am starving.”

Butter followed Jaime in and out of the kitchen five times and then up the stairs to deliver clothes and then back down to the kitchen. Every time Jaime turned around, there he was, looking at him.

When I walked into the kitchen I found Jaime and Butter looking at each other and could not help giggling. 

Jaime did not take his eyes off Butter, “he wants something from me.”

“He wants dinner.” I popped a Swedish meatball in my mouth and grabbed his food from the freezer and set the microwave. I smiled at Butter who was licking his lips in full knowledge of what I had done. Jaime was still staring at him. I piled food on a plate and handed it to Jaime. Pulled Butter’s dinner out and put it in his bowl.”

Jaime wrapped me up and whispered in my ear, “what kind of dog food is that?”

“It is chicken, peas, carrots, brown rice, and possibly some leftover Halibut chunks. I make it for him and he eats it without making fun of me about how bad it tastes. Sit love, and eat.”

We enjoyed quiet companionship to gorge on all the finger food. I asked Jaime how Jenny could afford such a lovely wedding. He said his father had set aside money for the occasion.

“Thankfully I still have some of my inheritance left.”

“I will pay for our wedding mo chridhe and that includes a new white bikini for you.”

“Oh, well, yes that sounds nice.” Not tonight I told myself. We need a week of sleep, love, and food. Once Jenny and Ian are back we can tackle the tough issues. “I am dying to check the chicks, they must be huge by now. I’m scared of the dark so you have to come with me.” 

“I will protect ye Sassenach. Your boots are right outside the door and it is a balmy sixty degrees outside.”

“I’ll grab my hoody, it will be one minute.”

“Wait.”

Jamie grabbed me before I could get out of my chair. He blushed a bit and promised to keep me warm so the three of us went to play with the chicks.

“Jesus, they're huge! Jaime, tell me you're not feeding them growth hormone. There are only nineteen. Oh God, did one of the crow?

“No hormones mo chridhe and no one has crowed but one of them is retarded because it wanders off until it hits a wall or corner and then it just stands there. It makes her easy to find at least.”

I glanced at Jaime while he was talking and caught him staring at my breasts. I looked down at my white cotton muscle shirt that was rather transparent. So that’s why the aversion to the hoody. He pulled one chicken out of the corner as the cat sauntered in and flopped down on the mat. The chicks ran to her and snuggled. Jaime put the chicken next to the cat and it promptly walked away. 

“I’ve started spreading crumble all the way to the wall. Maybe the lass will figure it out soon.”

Jaime sat on the ground with his back against the wall and one by one the chickens walked to him and jumped on his outstretched legs. Five of them cuddled against his hips because they wouldn’t fit. I grabbed my phone and took several pictures. 

“That is remarkable! Why do they do that?”

“They just got used to it when it was colder, I think they like my heat. I spent a lot of time out here last month.”

“Why?”

“For some reason, I felt ye out here, more than anywhere else.”

I watched is eyes cloud over and didn’t want our separation to cause any more pain. I walked over to him on my knees and he watched my breasts bounce and licked his lips. He gently pushed the hens off his legs and I straddled him. “You mentioned keeping me warm.”

We kissed and kissed some more. He put his hand on my breast and whispered they were perfect. I was feeling his interest under me and thought the house might be a wiser choice because the hens were pecking my legs in protest. Then, in half of a heartbeat, the darkness outside allowed something deadly to sneak up. Butter jumped up barking, snarling and showing his teeth. He rammed his body into door three times before Jaime could get to him. I was scared to death and I noticed all of the chickens were gone and so was the cat.

“Jaime, what’s happening, what is out there?”

He put his finger to his lips and pulled Butter to me. “Hold him tightly, do not let him go,” he whispered. I put my hand under his collar and wrapped my fingers tightly. My heart was pounding as I watched Jaime reach above his head and pull down a rifle. He whispered, “don’t be afraid, I will take care of it, just a neighbor’s dog. I am turning the light off just for a minute. Stay quiet.” He reached up and loosened the bulb and suddenly it was absolutely black in there. I heard Jaime cock the rifle, then the door open, two minutes, then the pop, pop, pop and a screaming animal that was running away. Jaime pulled the door open and twisted the light back on. He was laughing and reached for me. “Don’t let go of Butter! He ran his hand across my breast and down my stomach. “I have important matters to attend to. Don’t want to be chasing Butter across two counties.” His kisses were deep, his free hand was busy. 

“Counties?” 

“Mo gradhag, yer face is giving me explicit instructions, it’s like watching porn,” he was giggling and looking at my face. He counted the chickens who had returned to the mat along with the cat. I felt his hand slip under Butters collar so I pulled mine out. We left the light on to warn off the dogs. Jaime walked out with Butter who promptly tried to pull away barking and snarling. I ran up and wrapped my arms around Jaime’s waist and he walked us back to the kitchen. I pulled my boots off, opened the door just enough and threw them outside, slamming the door again. 

Come, sweet lass, enough outside adventure, I am taking a quick shower to wash the hens off of me and then it’s story time if yer a good girl and get into bed. When Jaime was in the shower I realized that Butter’s bed was in the back of the truck. I walked around in a circle wringing my hands. “Jaime is not going to rescue me this time. I was very scared and grabbed a golf club for protection. I swung it in the air to get used to the weight of it, practiced on a confused Butter to gauge the height of a dog. I opened the bedroom door a few inches and stuck the club out waving it around.

“What in Gods name are you doin Sassenach?”

He startled me and I looked at him with wild eyes. “Um…um….going outside to get Butter’s bed.” He put his arm around me and gently took the club and put it back. “I will get the bed for our heroic dog and be right back. And yer not in bed so no story for you tonight. He laughed all the way out the kitchen door. I could hear him laughing outside. I stepped into the shower, “this is the last rescue, I swear it.”

When I walked into the bedroom Jaime was laying on his stomach opening mail. He wasn’t paying attention to me so I could look at his magnificent ass and thick thighs and the ripples down his back. I went to the other side and sat against the headboard pulling a comb through my hair. I was looking at his butt again and quickly looked out the window. 

“Butter is happy, thank you for getting the bed.” Back on his butt. I didn’t expect Jaime to turn and look at me and got startled because he caught me. I just looked straight ahead at a blank wall. I can imagine what it looks like when he picks up heavy stuff. It must bulge like his arms. That is all muscle with some skin on it. Not fat like girls. I want to touch it. I thought Jaime was watching me and panicked, grabbing my book off the side table. I opened my book and within a few minutes was stuck on his ass again. I reached for it and ran my hand up the back of his leg following the gorgeous curve and then up his back. “So pretty,” I whispered. I ran my hand down the other side going very slowly over his butt. There was a flurry of mail falling to the ground and a pop as my book joined it. Jaime pulled me down and loomed over me grabbing my nipple.

Yer a wee temptress gazing at my butt like that. I’ve been watchin ye do it for ten minutes. What are ye lookin at Sassenach? Never mind lass, yer face just answered for ye.” 

For some reason, brain function and my arousal are mutually exclusive so I was glad something gave him an answer. His tongue swept into my mouth and he was king of my world. He was kissing my neck and heading lower when I stopped him. I was breathing hard but managed to tell him we switched to ladies choice so no foreplay. “Please love.” My king obliged me and slowly worked up to an earth-shattering release. 

Jaime spooned me and I was the happiest girl alive. Back at Lallybroch, soon to marry Jaime and we were solid. What a difference a day makes. I closed my tired eyes.

“Sassenach, I love ye, and my godfather is comin the day Jenny and Ian get back.” He was talking slowly as he was sinking into his dreams. “He’s the only one I know that still sends letters. We still have three days alone. Did I tell ye that I love ye lass?” Before I could open my mouth to answer I heard his breathing deepen and smiled in the dark.


	26. Chapter 26

When Jenny and I were little, we used to tell each other stories about our life with prince charming. He was always called that, for both of us. We would live in castles, have servants, big parties and beautiful gowns. We were breathtaking and he was… well, perfect. As I grew up, the fantasy became more detailed and colorful. My perfect life fantasy would fill my head when I was relaxed, like floating on my back or sitting in the sun. It always made me happy to dream about my future in love, but I learned from Jaime, it was just fantasy. Nothing could have prepared me for the truth of it. To love this deeply, have this much faith in the one who holds your heart, to leave your heart completely unguarded and love him without limits is sublime. We spent hours hiking the property, listening to music, we took turns reading Lord of the Rings on a blanket, in a field with no one in sight for thirty acres. When Jaime buried his face in my neck the book fell to the blanket and I loved him fiercely as he did me. We spend a lot of time naked the first two days. Jaime looked like a bronzed god and I had bright red headlights and tail lights that he lavished with burn cream. 

Jaime’s trust and confidence was laid at the feet of John Grey. “Just make sure there is still a distillery with my name on it and I will be very happy.” And that was the end of it. It was like Jaime was released from the tight bindings of his father and now allowed himself to lead like he was born to. I was so proud of him and at times it almost choked me as tears came springing out. Jaime would freeze and look me over for a wound or bug bite until I shook my head and smiled at him. What happened next is another whole volume of love and compassion and gratitude. 

We finally pulled ourselves out of the love haze on the third day. Jaime went to the distillery for a few hours and I went into town to pick up supplies. We had finished the food from the wedding so I needed to buy something I knew I could cook. I called Edith and she guided me around the store, thank goodness. She said most Scots love American meatloaf and mashed potatoes with gravy. Sounded like a good place to start.

Next, I stopped by the auto parts store and handed my list to the man at the counter. He brought up oil and a filter, gallons of two fluids, car wax, and a funnel. He suggested a catch container for the oil so I bought that also. I was feeling insecure so I added the mechanics manual for my Honda. I went back into the store and purchased mechanics overalls because there wasn’t a single piece of clothing I was willing to sacrifice. I stopped at the nursery and bought ten tomato plants, seeds for several vegetables, and some peat moss the seeds could germinate under.

When I got back Jaime wasn’t home so I made the meatloaf just as Edith told me to, formed it in a pan and stuck it in the oven. I peeled potatoes and put them in a pan to boil. Then I went outside. It was a beautiful June day in the middle of the afternoon and I was in paradise. What a glorious day. I reached for my buzzing phone so Edith could ask if I turned the oven on. I went back inside to turn the oven on. 

When I dug the holes for the tomato plants I found the garbage Jenny had dumped in the garden only now it was covered with insects and worms. I didn’t want to put my hands in the hole and I paced for a bit and decided this was not a problem. On my hands and knees, I could see more clearly into the hole and shot back to my feet. Crap, now what. 

Jaime pulled in when I was on the other side of the garden putting seeds into the dirt. I only had to poke them in, no digging up garbage and bugs. I jumped into Jaime’s arms and kissed him. When he passed the garden he mentioned the tomato plant that was withering in a hole and questioned the little holes that were everywhere. He said he would put the tomato’s in for three kisses and I nearly dragged him inside for a fourth but really wanted to plant the tomatoes. 

“Is that food I smell cookin Sassenach?”

“Oh God, I have to go in.” Fortunately, the food was cooking fine, the potatoes were soft and I pulled the drippings off the meatloaf to make the gravy. When it fell out on the counter it broke in two pieces but I just shoved them together in the pan and put them back in the oven. 

I looked out the window at the straight row of tomato plants Jaime was watering. “This is absolutely the last time he rescues me.”

Jaime came in to wash up and nuzzled my neck asking where I put Butter. “It’s strange not to see him. I hope he isn’t playing dog vigilante.”

My head jerked up when I understood the meaning of vigilante and I ran out of the kitchen to look for him. When I ran to the back, there was butter laying down with chickens all around him, well, three hens were standing on him. I gently pushed the hens off and urged him to stand up and come to the house. I gave him lots of hugs while his dinner warmed up. 

Jaime walked by me with his hair still wet from the shower, heading out to put the tools away.

“Wait!” I walked toward him slowly, following my nose. Right up to his neck I breathed him in and felt the world tilt a bit. That smell. I kept breathing him in and held his collar to help me reach him. “What is that smell.”

“Versage for men mo chridhe. Jenny gave it to me for my vacation to America but I left it at home. You like it.”

“I’m a slave to it.” 

He grabbed my hair and pulled me away from his neck to kiss me. “I need ye lass, I need food first. Ye must open yer eyes mo gradhag.”

I did, reluctantly, and released the delicious Jaime to put dinner on the table. Jaime was over the moon with the meatloaf and praised me over and over again saying it was so good. I was thrilled he liked it but I couldn’t eat much. I watched him eat and spun my fork on my plate absentmindedly.

“Sassenach?”

“Hmm”

“Tis our last night alone. What would ye like to do.?” 

I brought whisky to the table and poured. I put my hand on his shoulder, “one more bath in that glorious tub, a little manhandling, and thou.” Jaime stood up and held me close.

“I will take care of clean up so you can lose yerself to the bubbles.”

“It’s a glorious feeling sinking into hot, aromatic, water with ten inches of bubbles floating on top. I will miss this luxury when Jenny gets back. I pulled the plug and washed my hair rinsing out the tub when I was done. I put on my short robe and went downstairs to find Jaime. The fire was roaring, there was a blanket on the floor in front of the fire along with the whisky and two glasses. I pulled the couch pillows to the floor and poured the whisky. 

Jaime watched Claire pour the whisky. My sweet little Sassenach, he thought, something in you has changed. Ye seem less troubled, more free with your need, more comfortable in yer own skin. The uninhibited Claire is intoxicating and energizing. But yer still my prey, wee one, and I hunt ye all day in my fantasy. I hope this erotic tension and need never leave us. I don’t see how it could when ye look like that. 

“This is lovely Jaime, what a beautiful fire.” When I saw Jaime’s eyes my heart started ramming in my chest. He was coming for me, already aroused and needy. It wouldn’t be enough tonight. I wanted more. We kissed as I pushed him down to the pillows and kissed him from nipples to navel. He was up on an elbow watching me. I got between his legs and played with him, sticking my tongue out I teased him and watched his face cloud over with lust. I pushed my mouth over him pushing down until he rammed my throat. I know what drives him crazy and I did it all. When he pulled me to him I purred it was ladies choice tonight. I pushed myself back to my task of stealing his sanity. I felt him pull my hips around and bury his tongue between my legs. My climax was explosive and loud. It sent Jaime into his own mindless chase and he pushed himself into my throat until he shuttered. He pulled me to him, panting for his life and covered my face in kisses. 

We laid in each other's arms and talked about our future, life at Lallybroch, the shack we found high up on the property, how things will change with children running through the house. It was such a lovely evening to sip whisky and talk. I laid my head on his thigh and touched him lightly. “So gorgeous.” I wondered if two hours was enough to tempt him with more. I pressed him against my cheek and teased him opening my mouth. I started a new subject and kissed him where he was soft. He watched me intently. I kept up the conversation and kissing him until he was rock hard again and at my mercy.

“What is the lady’s choice?”

I leaned back on my elbows and opened my legs, “I think you know.”

“Aye.”

Jaime gave a new definition to the slow grind and he pulled me into different positions reaching depths in me that made time and space fall away. He held my legs open and pushed deeper while I moaned for him. I felt my pelvis tighten up and quiver inside and a second later I pitched into the vortex and heard Jaime growl, “Jesus lass.” I could feel Jaime slam into me and shudder but only vaguely aware of much else. He collapsed at my side and we held each other closely. Time passed, I think.

Sometime in the night, Jaime carried me to bed and I lay shivering until he climbed in and pulled me close. I tried to have a thought but his warmth made that impossible. I didn’t dream, or move, or hear Jaime get up. When I opened my eyes the room was full of sunlight and I felt very well-rested. I spent an hour getting the house spit-shined, watered the garden, and then read my mechanic book. I was going to start by changing the fluids because it was easy and needed to be done the most often according to the youtube video I watched. I opened the hood of the Honda and using the picture in the book, found everything very easily. The washer fluid, the radiator, and overflow tank, the oil dip stick. Piece of cake.

I pushed the round rubber oil catcher under the car and searched for what the picture showed as the drain thing on the oil pan. I was really psyched when I found it exactly where the book said it would be. I twisted it open and felt heavy oil pour out on my hand as I dropped the plug. I moved my hand out of the flow and scooted out from under the car. I was wiping my hand and arm with a towel and decided it was time to put the mechanic suit on so I ran for the house. 

When I came back outside I looked around for Butter, not used to him being away from me for any length of time. I walked back to the chick room and there he was laying in the grass with chickens all around him. I laid in the grass and played with him, hugged him, and told him he was the best dog ever.

When I returned to the car the oil was down to a trickle. I felt victorious. No need to rescue me now. I poured a gallon of window wash in the reservoir and capped it. That’s done. I grabbed the oil and funnel and carefully poured the first quart of oil, followed by the second, and then the third. That should do it. I read the mechanics manual and pulled the dip stick to check the level. “What the hell?” It looked like there was no oil in the car. I compared the dip stick to the pictures and it definitely looked different. Hmmm. I heard Jaime’s truck pull into the driveway and went rigid. Sweet Jesus, I forgot Murtagh got in today! Holy shit, I am really dirty! 

Jaime was bringing Murtagh up to speed on the distillery, Jenny’s wedding, Claire’s near-death in the snow, her glorious grades, the carriage house, and Butter. As he pulled around the driveway he just stared at what lay ahead. 

“Yer mechanic has a nice ass, Jaime.”

He looked at Claire’s ass hanging over the side of the car and he wondered where the rest of her was. 

“Ye didna tell me the lass is a mechanic!”

“She isnae.”

I was desperately trying to wipe my hands off when I heard them approaching.

“Sassenach?”

I dropped the rag and straightened up but hit my head, hard, on the raised hood. My hand pressed my head and Jaime ran to me.

“Jesus lass, are ye alright?”

I was actually seeing stars and felt a trickle of something warm running across my scalp. I knew my only way out of this mess is to act confident like this was just a chore that needed to be done.

“I’m almost done here, I’m sorry, it took longer than I planned. I’m just changing the fluids.” I walked to Murtagh with my hand out, “do you remember me, Claire Beauchamp?” 

Murtagh was smiling and then started laughing when he saw my outstretched hand and arm were stained black with oil. The river of blood had made its way behind my ear and was dripping onto my shoulder. My hair, well, it is a magnet for everything and had trapped oil, twigs, and dirt from laying under the car, and now drying blood. Murtagh offered me his left hand to shake. I was failing at covering this up and wanted to vanish in embarrassment. 

Jaime asked me how far into the process I was and if he could help.

“No, I got it! I’m pretty much done, just can’t get the oil to read on the dip stick.” 

Jaime pulled the dip stick and told me there was no oil in the engine at all. Murtagh had finally stopped laughing but when I told Jaime I put three quarts in he dropped down and looked under the car at the oil overflowing the container. 

“Did ye put the plug back in lass?” Murtagh’s face was purple from holding in his laughter. 

“Murtagh…“ suddenly every single thing on the planet was funny, hysterical, and I bent over holding my stomach and my head. I walked back to Jaime and sighed. “This is not my thing I guess. I hope I didn’t ruin the car.”

Jaime was looking at me like I was an alien. “Sassenach, we need to tend to yer head. Let’s go inside and I’ll fix this for ye.”

Well, okay, I thought, but this is positively the last time you rescue me, James Fraser.

Jamie told Murtagh to meet us inside and then pulled me to the chicken room and up the back stairs of the house. We emerged on the second floor through a door I always thought was a linen closet. Jaime pulled me to the bathroom and helped me get my mechanics uniform off without spreading the wet oil and blood on anything. He took it straight outside and returned with dish soap and a nylon scrubber. 

“Jamie it’s not coming off! I saw him hand me the detergent and scrubber and looked at the walls of the shower. This was a strange time to scrub the shower walls but I poured the detergent onto the scrubber and reached for the wall. 

“No! That’s for yer skin Sassenach.”

“I have to wash with this? What do I do with the scrubber?” Jamie took it from me and scrubbed the detergent into my skin. It was starting to sting but the oil was coming off. This was torture and I was not enjoying this at all. It got even worse when the hot water hit the gash on my head. I held my breath and asked Jaime to hurry while I gripped his arms. My body was rigid with pain when he turned the water off. He buried me in towels and pulled me to the bed. I laid down because my head was throbbing. Jaime dressed and ran for an ice pack. After five minutes he pulled it away and carefully moved my hair until he could see it. He was quiet. Very quiet.

“Can you see it?”

“Aye, lass. It’s a bit more than we should attend to. Let’s go.”

“Where?”

“Hospital Sassenach.” 

I stood up and felt myself pitch forward but couldn’t stop myself. Strong arms pulled me up and dropped a sundress over my head, pulled up panties, put my arms through a jean jacket and pushed sandals on my feet. My next conscious thought was pulling into the ER where I was welcomed by nurses and orderlies who remembered me from the storm. Then I was in a wheelchair feeling frightfully nauseous. A nurse helped me to the bathroom where I threw up. 

“Jesus lass, yer white as snow.” 

The nurse took my blood pressure and Jaime looked so scared. Looking at Jaime look at me was making me fearful and I wanted to freak out a little until I felt cool fingers wrap into mine and a familiar voice. “I’ve missed taking care of you, Claire.”

I turned my head and smiled at doctor Abernathy. He looked at my fingers and smiled. “Wow, the healing power of youth. How in the world did you gash your head so bad?”

I wondered where to start and just closed my mouth feeling my chin quiver. My tears rolled down the side of my face. 

“Yer alright sweetheart, I am going to stitch you up and we’ll get Jaime back in here to hold her hand. You’re fine honey, no need to cry.” 

When the doctor left I felt Jaime touch my cheek and turned my head to see him. “Dinna cry my lassie, yer breaking my heart.” 

Doctor Abernathy talked through the numbing and stitches and made another pitch for me to pursue trauma nursing. It took eighteen stitches and minimal hair cutting and I was done. A nurse gave me a shot in my but and then rubbed it hard before I passed out. Then a tetanus shot in my arm but that one couldn’t be rubbed, it hurt too bloody much. The nurse came in with a hypodermic needle and joyfully said “one more Claire.” It was in my arm before she finished her sentence. 

“You might feel a bit woozy from the morphine but it should help with the pain.”

I was floating along corridors in a wheelchair saying hi to people and telling Jaime it was very beautiful here. The truck made my head hurt a couple of times but Jaime held my hand and made me feel better. Walking to the house I heard Jenny’s voice.

“Jenny!’

The kitchen was so full of people and my head was pounding. Is that Edith, and doctor Lu? This was some trip I was on. Then I heard Jenny’s voice near my ear and her cool hands took mine.   
We were walking until Jaime picked me up. Jenny was here and I was happy about that. She spoke to Jaime and he left. I was feeling sick again but Jenny brought a wet towel and dabbed my face. That helped. 

Jenny talked to me and smiled a lot but I was too tired to hear. The next time I opened my eyes Edith was looking in on me. The next time I saw Jenny again pulling the quilt up on me. I snuggled into it, so warm. I felt Jaime slip in behind me and gently hold me. I wanted to tell him I was fine but I was feeling the tug of sleep. 

I woke up deep in the night and my head was pounding but definitely clearing up from the fog I was in. I saw a glass of water and Tylenol on the side table so I took three of then and felt Jaime pull me to him. 

“Yer alright lass?”

“Yes, feeling better. Still a damsel, unfortunately.”

“I dinna ken a damsel but yer the prettiest one I’ve er seen.” 

We slept again until I felt Jaime get up and looked up at him. “You are magnificent.”

“That earns ye a kiss.”

I stretched and smiled at him. “I had a thought, that maybe I’m accident-prone, or trouble-prone.”

“Did ye now?”

“Nah, that can’t be right. I never even needed a bandage all those years in Peru.” 

I was walking around the bed when Jaime pulled me into his lap. 

“Claire…there was a time, not so long ago, when you would have accepted the burden of being accident-prone and carried it, quietly, for the rest of your days. Now, you just throw it back if it doesna fit. I remember how angry and hurt ye were when ye got buried in dirt and grass but yesterday ye truly laughed at yerself and announced auto mechanics is not your thing.”

I was listening and watching his pretty eyes but so far the meaning was lost on me. 

“Ye have more confidence, yer happier, and ye leave yer eyes on mine longer than ye used to so I hear yer heart talkin to me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complainin. Just the opposite, I am so happy for you. I have to know Claire, what brought about these changes? Was it bein without me?”

Jaime realized too late that he might not be ready to hear her answer. He took a deep breath and looked into the eyes that held his happy future.


	27. Chapter 27

Jaime held me on his lap and asked if my improved disposition was due to time away from him. I saw the stark terror in his eyes and my heart melted. 

“No love. Nothing good can ever come from our being apart. Nothing, ever.” I hugged Jaime and buried my face in his neck. “ Maybe it’s because I went to therapy and doctor Lu hypnotized me.”

Silence…“he what?”

“It’s part of his therapy program. After that, I do meditation on five subjects at home, once a day. I hope to start again and get more subjects because I loved how meditation made me feel. Maybe that’s all it is.”

“As ye say Sassenach, I am goin to work and I need a kiss that will last me all day mo gradhag.”

The kiss lasted five minutes and Jaime had a painful looking gait when he left. I took more Tylenol and got dressed. Warm summer days were rare in the highlands so I didn’t want to miss it. Even if I just laid in the back with the chickens. 

Jaime pressed the gas. He was fuming and wanted to question Edith before he lost his mind. Young women should never agree to hypnosis unless someone is there to protect them. Who knows what happens when yer hypnotized? 

Edith saw Jaime’s truck pull up to her curb and she was so happy to see him. She had grown used to Claire and Jaime being around and she missed them both. She saw the trouble in his eyes as he sat down and accepted coffee from her. Edith waited.

“Claire is different Edith. Little things in her behavior but generally happier, more connected, relaxed, more…of some other things. I asked her this mornin how she made these changes and found out she was hypnotized, by a man, when she was alone. I am not comfortable with that.”

Edith patted Jaime’s arm and felt bubbling excitement in her stomach for Claire. “I am happy to hear of the change in her but I also understand your worry. Maybe you should speak to doctor Lu about it.”

“I intend to,” was said through his teeth.

“Let me see if he is awake. He has a bit of a cold so he is playing hooky today.”

Jaime watched Edith walk out of the kitchen and his mind was grasping at each of her words. Is the doctor here? Sleeping? How is that possible? He suddenly felt like he was in the twilight zone and expected Rod Serling to come out of a corner.

“Lu is awake and would love to speak with you Jaime, he won’t be but five minutes.”

“Edith, why is there a man sleeping in yer house?”

Edith laughed, “he is more than a man. He is my husband now. We were married the same day as Jenny and Ian, at the courthouse.” 

Jaime was stunned by that disclosure and stared at Edith wanting to pull her out of the house and ask if she was okay. 

“It’s a long story but our paths crossed again when he returned to Edinburgh and we discovered we had unfinished business. It’s how I got Claire in to see him so fast.”

Jaime was caught up with the new sparkle in Edith’s eyes and realized love is transforming at any age.

“Hello, Mr. Fraser.” Doctor Lu walked into the kitchen and kissed Edith on the cheek. His smile was warm and sincere when he shook Jaime’s hand. He sat down and let Edith fuss over him with food, coffee, juice. Lu put his hand up and looked at Edith with unbridled love in his eyes. “Sit darling, I have all I need.”

He listened to Jaime describe the changes in Claire and smiled throughout.

“Jaime, I am bound by oath to protect the confidentiality of my patients. You have made me extremely happy but I cannot say why, you have testified to the quality of Claire’s mental health, but I cannot say why you have highlighted a path for Claire’s recovery and I cannot speak of it. I am humbled by this experience, I am thankful for your information, and I am mute about Claire. I am sorry. What I can tell you is I tape all my sessions and hand the DVD right to the patient before they leave. It is a policy that has served me well over the years.” He put his hand on Jaime’s arm, “ask Claire.”

Lu put his arms around Edith, “I have held the world at bay as long as I can my darling. It’s time for us to return to the world. He walked out of the kitchen and Edith was on her feet. “Jaime dear, I hate to rush you but I have an appointment somewhere.”

Jaime drove to the distillery focused on that session DVD. He could walk into the carriage house and take it, then he would know everything. But if Claire was truly his partner, he should be able to ask for it and accept her refusal if she gave it. 

He heard her sweet voice on the phone and felt infinitely better. He teased her with news of Edith, like gossip. There was stunned silence when he told her straight out she had married Lu. 

“What? Oh my God, she’s knocked up isn’t she.” Claire heard Jaime laugh and giggled with him. “Well, I can’t wait to have some girl talk with her. Wait, you’re not breathing heavy…why aren’t you slinging barley?”

“I’m sorry Sassenach. I need to reconstruct an hour of your life when you were hypnotized so I know nothin happened to ye.”

“Like what? Ahh, give out my bank account and credit card numbers? I never thought of that.”

“Aye… something like that.”

Jamie admitted to confronting Lu and explained how Lu protected her confidentiality. “He would not discuss the session so I am still walkin around with anxiety and it’s gettin worse Claire. I need to hear the DVD sweetheart.”

“Jaime I…it’s probably not something you want to hear. I have learned so much since then. Maybe we can hear the next one together?”

“My Sassenach, I am with you until the wheels fall off. You will never have a braver champion. Part of that bravery is hearin your first session. I wish there was another way but there isnae lass. Ye are young and pretty and ye let a strange man hypnotize ye. I am afraid of what he might have done. The only way to move past this is to check the timing on the DVD and hear what happened. God help him if there is missing time. I am heading back to the carriage house. I give ye my word I will not touch the DVD until you hand it to me if you even decide to. I have bad thoughts in my head about an innocent girl and a strange man and I might kill him on principle. God, Sassenach, I need yer help with this before I go crazy. Please save me, love.”

I searched my mind as I clicked off the call. Trying to remember if there was anything that would hurt Jaime. I was panicking. I drew the shades in the room, laid down on Jaime’s pillow and cleared my mind. I made up my own subject; what happens when Jaime hears the DVD. Ten minutes later I was on my way to the carriage house, feeling centered, and determined. 

I walked into the carriage house and kissed Jaime sweetly pushing him toward my bed. I made sure he was comfortable and smiled at him but said nothing. He was so tense it almost made me cry. I put the DVD into the player and started it. I kissed him deeply. 

“Do you feel my love, Jaime?”

“Aye love.”

“Please relax Jaime.” He reached and touched my cheek. If Lu hiccups wrong I’ll be writing his obituary before Jaime gets his truck started, I thought.

I laid next to him and listened, to him mostly. I could feel his tension and see it in his eyes, shoulders, face, everywhere. I was fearful he would learn things that turned him off or made him love me less. In my meditation at Lallybroch, I realized the person being hypnotized was Jaime’s partner for eternity. Shame on me for keeping my truth from him. Still, I was on edge about him hearing my session. 

When I was describing my youth at Lallybroch and all the times he pulled me into his room. Jaime held my hand. As doctor Lu led me through time he asked one question after another.

“Very good Claire. You are fourteen now and coming to Scotland for the holiday. Tell me what is happening to you.”   
“Tell me how it feels to see Scotland from the air. You’re almost home.”  
“What do you feel when you see Ellen. Brian, Jenny, Jaime?”  
“You are sixteen, at Lallybroch, and Lamb has died. Tell me what you remember”  
“What is the most vivid memory you kept with you about that trip ?”  
“Why Jamie?”  
“What happened in Jamie’s bed that night.”  
“Very good Claire, that is a nice memory to take away from that trip.”

I felt like a third party who was listening to someone else's life. What on earth made me hear the session so differently this time?

When we heard doctor Lu bring me out of hypnosis Jaime looked at his watch. I could see his face crease from a wide smile and his chest expanded with a deep breath. 

“He went eight minutes over so he couldna stopped the recording to… “ Jaime stopped himself from saying more. Claire mentioned bank accounts but no molestation. Why put the idea in her head if nothing happened. “Everything is fine mo chridhe.”

I saw the tension drain from Jaime immediately and the boyish smile made me jump on him.

“Ah, thank God, and thank ye Sassenach! I am free and in love and I want to play doctor.” Jaime was giggling so much he barely got his sentences out. He pressed his forehead to mine, “Sassenach, our world gets brighter and less compromising every day.”

Jaime held my arms above my head and kissed me deeply. “There is no one around to hear ye scream mo chridhe and I guarantee ye will scream,” he whispered. 

Jaime pressed into me as he whispered in my ear. I was panting so hard I could barely hear him. One more kiss and he rose from the bed holding his hand out.

“Yer a wee temptress, but I have barley sproutin and it’s time for peat to put them to sleep. Come. It’s time for ye to meet them.”

“Meet…them.”

“Aye lass. Follow me to the distillery, it’s a crucial day in the process and time to get yer hands dirty.”

I was so excited I was tripping over my own feet getting to the door. I thought about seeing Edith first but didn’t want to miss a second of the distillery. Jaime closed my door and walked to his truck while I gorged myself on watching his body move under his clothes.

Jaime held my hand and gave me a proper tour of the distillery. Each room was dedicated to a different part of the process. When we walked onto the malting floor Jaime scooped a handful of barley and showed me how the grain splits open when it germinates and converts starch that has been stored inside the grain to sugar that will be fermented. 

“It’s time to stop them before they use up all the sugar tryin to become a plant. We do this by drying the barley quickly and my father always used a peat fire under the drying floor. Come let's go downstairs and I’ll show ye.” I put a few grains of sprouting barley in my pocket and followed Jaime. 

We climbed down ancient stairs and I could feel the temperature rising and smelled the pungent odor of the peat. There were concrete fireboxes in a long row and mountains of peat ready to be shoveled into the fire. 

“What is above us?”

“That is the dryin floor where the barley will be spread out. It will all be moved and spread thin, the fires will be loaded with peat and the heat collects and comes up right under the barley. It’s an intense couple of hours and takes all of us to do it right. Everyone is here, just waiting for a nod from me to get started.”

I was fascinated by the labor-intensive processes that went into preparing the barley. Jaime explained the barley would be crushed up and then very hot water would pull the sugars out of the grains. I could see he was getting distracted and I told him my head was throbbing because it actually was.

“Ye look pale mo chridhe, we will continue this when ye feel better. Let me walk ye to the car.”

Jaime hugged me for over a minute. He thanked me for trusting him to hear the session and told me it absolutely cured him of fear. I looked into his intense blue eyes and felt so happy inside. On the way back to Lallybroch I couldn’t wait for Jenny to get home to tell her about Edith’s marriage. I had been avoiding too much thought about my own wedding and the whisky convention was three weeks away. The marriage Jaime expected on the sands of our San Diego beach would be that same weekend. I needed to talk with Jaime, at the carriage house with no distractions. 

When I pulled into the driveway I saw Butter running at me from the fields. What was he doing out there I wondered. He collided with me and knocked me to the ground licking my face three times before I could get my wits about me to make him stop. I saw Murtagh repairing one of the fences where Butter had come from. “So, you used your poor puppy eyes and got Murtagh to spring you from the house this afternoon. You’re a cunning pup.” The chickens were running for Butter and he sniffed each one knocking them over in the process but they came right back. 

Jenny’s car was in the driveway and I was aching to tell her about Edith. I ran past the garden and felt guilty I had not watered today. When the dirt patch and tomatoes were thoroughly watered I ran inside and found Jenny in the kitchen. I teased her until she was ready to strike me with the frying pan and I laughed while telling her Edith got married. I laughed again at the look on her face.

“Well, with a man livin there now it’s not likely we will get any private girl talk. Let’s invite her for scones on Saturday, early, about eight o’clock.”

We agreed and laughed some more until Jenny put her hand on my forehead looking concerned suddenly. “Lass yer white as snow, are ye feelin sick?”

“No, my head is throbbing but that’s all. I should lay down for a bit, do you mind if I don’t help with dinner?”

“I will never mind that, Claire.”

I scowled at her and made my way upstairs to fall into Jaime’s bed completely exhausted. I took more Tylenol because the throbbing was turning into a monster headache. I closed my eyes and heard Jenny come in and lower the shades. Then she put a wet towel over my forehead and eyes and told me to rest.

“Jenny, what will you do with the zigzag?”

“Ian had me promise on a bible not to change it so I’m stuck with it for now.”

“I’ve been trying to decide something new and fun for when we get married. I thought about a saying, like, marriage is great.”

Jenny laughed at me, “maybe ye bumped yer head harder than I thought. How about a heart?”

“Oh! I love that idea! Thank you, Jenny.” 

I heard the door close softly and drifted off to sleep. It was sometime later because the room was darker. Jaime laid beside me and kissed my temple. “Are ye hungry love?”

I told him I was starving and got up for dinner. I kept looking at Jenny while we ate. She looked different like she had a secret. I finally asked her, “Jenny you look like the cat who ate the canary. What’s up?” When she turned her head I looked in her eyes and knew her secret. I gasped and she gave me a knowing smile. I looked from her to Jaime to Ian and back waiting for her to say her truth.

“Well, I am pregnant if ye must know. Ian and I are expecting our first child.” Her face was beaming.

I jumped up and hugged her and then Ian and Jaime was right behind me. I was ready to pop with excitement. A baby! Oh, how our lives would change now I thought, and I felt my heart wrap around the bairn in Jenny. There will be no shortage of love for this child. I saw Jaime and Ian exchange worried looks and I giggled. “Come on you two. Having a baby is not a health threat. Jenny will have the best of care and she’ll do fine.”

I couldn’t stop watching Jenny for the rest of the evening. She had a baby inside her and I found that a pure miracle. For days after the three of us ran interception so Jenny could sit and rest. Ian and Jaime drew a line at cooking which infuriated me. If Jenny would reach for something someone would grab it for her. After a week she had enough and called a halt to the extra care. 

“Ye three are drivin me nuts, ye ken. I am not an invalid and I’ll let ye know when I need help. Until then stay out of my way.”

With two weeks before the tasting, I turned my thoughts to my dress and talking to Jaime about the wedding. I spent hours in the shops of Edinburgh fighting the hopelessness when nothing looked right. At home, I did a google search and looked through hundreds of dresses. To my delight, the dress jumped off my computer screen and I was so excited. With fingers crossed I placed the order to rush and was promised delivery next week. I saved the picture to show Jenny. Once the dress arrived I would buy shoes to match or compliment. I scratched the dress off my list. 

The next Friday I called Jaime at work and asked him to have dinner with me at the carriage house. I prepared all afternoon, with a long bath, gathering candles, pulling on my shortest and lowest cut off shorts and a deep plunging halter top. It was very warm outside as July made its entrance into the world. I had spent so much time outside in the garden. When Murtagh was gone I put on my bikini and got busy pulling weeds, thinning the vegetable plants and watching the tomatoes ripen on the vine. My skin had a healthy tanned glow that made Jaime come apart. I loved it. I tied the halter and applied mascara, then I looked at the finished product. Nope, this would not do. I went through my drawers again and pulled out a fitted lace top, deeply plunging and tight around my ribs leaving my stomach and back exposed. Nothing left to the imagination as my bra-less nipples were clearly seen. When I pulled it on I started laughing. That boy doesn’t stand a chance!

I covered up when Edith and doctor Lu brought dinner for us. Edith insisted on cooking for the evening when I told her what I was going to do. They were out of the house in five minutes. I set the table and lit the candles. I purchased a fine malt whisky to have tonight and set it out with two glasses. 

“Sassenach.”

I looked up at the love of my life and smiled. He stood rooted to the floor staring at me so I broke the ice with a soft kiss. I unbuttoned his shirt while gently pushing him backwards to the bathroom. I had his clothes laid out and a pile of fluffy towels. I pushed him in and closed the door to avoid a Butter surprise. A five-minute shower and he emerged smiling.

“So far I am having a great time mo gradhag.” 

He was staring at my breasts under the lace and I handed him a whisky wanting to slow his interest down a bit. Too late, he was in the zone and would not come out. If I got too close he would grab me and touch me through the lace. Well, this shirt was not a good choice for having a serious talk. I told him to sit and relax and went to my room for a cover-up. 

“Sassenach, if ye were cold ye should have said so. I can warm ye.”

“Let’s eat. I have something to discuss with you.” I looked in his eyes hoping to find a sober Jaime but he was still in erotic land.

We ate in silence for a while. Jaime seemed to settle down a bit until he was full then he came after me. Mo chridhe yer stitches come out tomorrow that means yer all but healed. Come lass, I need ye, I’ve been good with ye and I want a reward. I giggled at his puppy dog eyes and kissed him soundly. It was true. The ten days since my head injury we had made love only twice. We were both hungry and I felt Jaime unbuttoning my shirt and he pushed it off my shoulders. 

We kissed and kissed and kissed until I was breathless. I laid on the bed and held my hand up to Jaime to make him stop.

“Jaime, take off yer shirt, no, stay there and take your shirt off.” 

I laid on the bed and watched him.

“Turn around and flex your muscles.” I couldn’t help the gasp that came out of my mouth. Jaime turned his head and smiled. 

“Pants, take them off. Boxers off. Oh my God.” I slipped my hands into my thighs at the sight of him. My fingers rubbed against my core as I watched him flex. “Holy Christ.” 

Jaime pulled me off the bed and looked at my hands and my core. “Maybe someday Sassenach but not today.” 

My free will was momentarily suspended as Jaime had his way with me. His desire was over the top and I followed suit watching him devour me. I heard Butter cry a few times. Poor baby was probably wondering if he should stop the torture and attack Jaime. Making love could sound much like a brutal attack I suppose. I shushed him and told him everything was fine. When Jaime collapsed next to me Butter was sticking his nose in my neck whimpering. I turned toward him and rubbed his ears smiling. He was satisfied and went back to his bed and curled up. 

“Yer dog thinks I’m maulin ye lass. Well, he is a smart dog, and ye are a wee temptress.” He grabbed me making me shriek. “Let's have a look at yer clothes this evening. Shorts that displayed the lower portion of yer glorious ass and so low they barely covered the top of yer racing stripe. That alone would paralyze me but ye went further with a see-through lace top that barely covered yer chest and let yer nipples poke out. God Sassenach, ye dress like that on purpose! Ye mean to make me ravish ye, I know it.” 

I couldn’t help giggling at his accusations and his look of indignation turned giggles into uncontrolled laughter. He smiled at me and told me to admit to seducing him with my clothes. I held his face and kissed him. 

“Of course I do love. I put a lot of thought into it with one goal, to make you lose your mind. I’m sorry.”

“Dinna be sorry lass, I’m flattered. But, now that I know, it willna work again. I’m afraid the spell is broken. He kissed me soundly and I thought, we’ll see about that mister Fraser. 

“It’s a rare and beautiful night lass, and you have much to discuss. What say we walk the streets of Edinburgh and enjoy the weather while we have it. If ye have a bit more to put on that is.”

We walked arm in arm through Edinburgh and talked about every topic imaginable. After an hour of walking, Jaime pulled me onto a bench and held my hands.

“Yer mind Is full Sassenach, I can tell. I want ye to be brave, take a deep breath, and say what’s on yer mind.”

Here goes, I thought. “Jaime, we will all have experiences throughout our lives that pile up in our memory. Some more important than others. When we met again, when we first kissed, the storm, childbirth, starting kindergarten, our kid's graduation, empty nest, and a million others.” I looked up into his beautiful eyes, “for me, marrying you will always be on top, second to none, until I die.” Jaime was looking at me with love in his eyes but waiting for the rest. “I don’t want to do it in a bikini.” 

Jaime's eyes looked questioning at first and then he pulled me into his side and wrapped his arms around me. “What did ye have in mind Sassenach?” He kissed the top of my head and ran his hand down my arm.

“Small ceremony, with Jenny and Ian standing with us, and just our closest friends. In a church…”

“A church ye say. Any church in particular?”

“The most special church there ever was. But I haven’t found it yet.” I want to say my vows before God, but you know I don’t agree with organized religion. In my mind, its a beautiful small church in the woods that belongs to no denomination where people can speak and pray to God without the imposed ritual and rules. I want to find a place like that.”

I pressed my cheek into Jaime’s chest hoping for a positive response. 

“I would pull a star from the sky if ye asked me to and lay the world at yer feet love. The Sassenach has a small request that feels right in my heart. Of course love, we’ll do it just as ye say.”

I let out the breath I was holding and wrapped my arms around his waist. I was so grateful and so in love. I crawled into his lap and kissed him. “Thank you, Jaime.”


	28. Chapter 28

It was a lovely flight to San Francisco. I was happy to be alone with Jaime and we talked, sipped whisky, and napped. A taxi was taking us to the hotel and when I saw it I was flooded with the emotion I felt here one year ago. I had not given that weekend much thought since moving to Scotland but now I was remembering. 

“How did you get the same room we had last year?”

Jaime blushed slightly, “I booked it when I checked us out. Last year.”

I wanted to ask him more about his motivation to book the same room but felt now was not the time. The convention started in the morning so we had tonight to explore this historic city. We walked until we were exhausted. Jaime was very disappointed there was no surf where the city met the ocean. Due to the bay, the water was calm. We found an awesome restaurant for fresh-caught seafood and gorged ourselves. It reminded me of New Orleans. 

After dinner, we walked back to the hotel and Jaime pulled me into a hug, leaning against a building. I wanted to climb inside him, become a part of him, never part or walk alone. I chased his mouth and held him so tightly. 

“Are ye well Sassenach?”

“No, I am overwhelmed with memories of last year. I was falling in love with you, unsure of myself, not wanting time with you to end.”

“I know what will set ye right Sassenach. Make passionate love to me tonight and tomorrow we dance and drink and mix with others like ourselves. We own our slice of the world. As long as you love me, life will pour blessings on us. Do ye love me, Claire?”

“More than my next breath.”

“It’s a good thing we are close to our hotel mo gradhag. I am ready to take ye like the neanderthal I am. Let’s get back while I can still walk.”

When the door to our room slammed Jaime was pulling my clothes off, whispering his intentions, making me quake with need. I remembered teasing him in a dark hallway last year, acting like a vamp, and pushing my lips to his neck, I was naked now and brought that moment to mind so I could live through the scenario and the finish I had fantasized about. When Jaime pushed into me and shuttered I came back to earth from my release and settled into his arms. I knew we were both sidelined by the emotions we left in this very room one year ago. Sweet memories of stealing looks at each other, waking up with Jaime’s arm on my hip, wishing and hoping, while falling in love. 

I remembered the rental car, being shy around Jaime, the party and Jaime being overprotective of me. Walking in the middle of the night so heartbroken over Frank and crushing on Jaime. Our year since then included four months of heartbreak, a proposal, moving to Scotland, the storm, a semester of school, Jenny’s wedding, my walking away, Jaime’s compromise, and a thousand details in between. I was overwhelmed with how much my life had changed. I cuddled into Jaime and slept.

Jaime was showered and ready to attend his workshop when he snuggled up next to me, kissing my shoulder. He was saying goodbye for the day and I was suddenly excited about the night ahead. A long kiss goodbye and I was alone for the day. I had a hair appointment in the early afternoon so I left the hotel in search of the perfect shoes, sexy stockings, and anything else I fancied. 

There is something to be said for exploring alone. If you don’t pay attention to where you are it’s easy to get lost. I had walked about a mile through neighborhoods and thought the street would open up to the retail part of town. I kept walking until I saw a row of bushes, like a hedge. I looked down at the bush I boxed last year in frustration. I recognized some of the houses and the tree I sat under crying my heart out in the middle of the night. Why would I come back to this place where my heart was breaking. It was upsetting and I turned around and walked very fast to get out of the neighborhood.

I saw the hotel and walked even faster. I sat on a couch in the ornate lobby and tried to slow my breathing. What the fuck was happening to me? I felt out of control like someone was chasing me. It was turning into a full-blown panic attack. I looked at my watch, it was early evening in Scotland. I had to speak with doctor Lu. I burst into our room and felt dread, overwhelming dread. My hand shook when I pulled out my phone and struggled to see the screen through my tears. 

“Edith!” I forced myself to breathe and tried again. “Hi, Edith…. I am having a panic attack. I feel like I’m going to die. I am super sad and scared because I took a walk and saw all the places where I fell apart last year.”

“Claire, take a deep breath for me. You are a healthy young adult and in no danger. You need to speak with Lu, will you do that for me?”

Doctor Lu’s voice had a strange effect on me over the phone. It made me want to close my eyes and I laid down holding the phone to my ear. He told me to turn the speaker of the phone on, hands to my sides, deep breath, I felt myself spinning into a deep black hole and lost consciousness. 

“Claire….3…2…1, open your eyes. Take a deep happy breath and stretch because it’s what your body wants to do. How do you feel?” 

I felt good. Not afraid anymore, and not confused. I told him so. 

“Claire. Hypnosis is a powerful tool and not well understood. You ran into yourself today and wanted to flee from her. I just induced you and I want you to remember what you did. This is important my dear.”

I searched my memory of the last hour and suddenly I saw myself back on that sidewalk calling my own name. Now I was peeking around a tree looking at a stronger version of myself. I was separate but felt like I was both people. I remember looking around the tree, seeing myself, arms outstretched, asking me to come into my hug. I remember Lu saying when our heart shatters we leave a piece of us in that place and I had to rescue her, she needed me. Then I saw myself hug me from last year. One of us was confident and of us was barely hanging on. “Wow.” Doctor Lu chuckled quietly into the phone. 

“You did very well Claire, you are very brave. When you get home, please resume your therapy. It is important. Do you feel calm?”

“I feel like a hero.”

Lu chuckled quietly. “That is indeed what you are Claire.” 

I heard Edith saying “I love you Claire” in the background and then Lu said goodbye. I threw my legs over the side of the bed and took a deep breath. What a trip that was, I thought. I bounced out of the room to make my hair appointment. 

The hair salon was an exceptional experience. A very expressive, nice looking man reached out for my hand and introduced himself as Stefon, my stylist. He was very interested in my coils and asked a bunch of questions about the evening, the style goal, my dress. We finally got around to dancing and I mentioned Jaime had learned to tango just for tonight. Stefon lit up and looked skyward as he shouted out names and men came running. I was surrounded by stylists who dried my hair straight with a round brush while they planned my coiffure. Stefan was very excited and promised to make a spectacular show during the tango. I was totally lost and just smiled at him. As long as it was straight I could always undo it and wear it down my back. The other stylists drifted back as Stefon was pulling all the sections together. They were all guiding him as he slid a stick of some kind into all the sections and pushed it firmly in. 

“Shake your head dearest.”

I shook my head and Stefon smiled. “Oh my God, it’s perfect. Where is Rudy?!” 

A handsome dark-haired man came forward and took my hand. He smiled and pulled me out of the chair. He spoke Italian, I think and smiled a lot. I heard tango music start and he spun me into the dance. He was a magnificent dancer, so smooth. He would spin me to him and his face laid against mine. His hand came up and caressed my cheek and then he pulled the stick out of my hair and I felt the weight of my locks tumble down and cover half my face. Stefon was jumping up and down with delight and several stylists were yelling approval. Rudy kissed my hand and disappeared out the salon door. 

“Claire, we like the dramatic in this shop. You are going to knock his socks off and everybody watching your dance. When he presses his face to yours, tell him to pull the stick and you look down and sexy. Not at the beginning of the dance, not at the end. That glorious hair must be seen!”

I hired the make up artist to do my make up so I looked great but different. I was getting into the dramatic thing and was super excited when I looked at my face later. Stefon walked up behind me and said “exotic… wow” and walked back to his station. I agreed. My face looked better than ever but very exotic. I took a taxi back, feeling like I was made up for Halloween or something. Once in the room, I took a refreshing bath and dressed. 

When I pulled my dress to me my smile was huge. It was sheer silver over a black base. The hem was shredded halfway up my thighs with light weights sewn into each piece so it would bounce with a life of its own. Backless, thin straps and a close fit without a waist. It looked like a flapper dress from the 1920s made with high-quality fabric and very tasteful. Stockings, stilleto straps, and a glittery silver shawl finished me off. I sat in the same chair I used last year and Jaime came storming in the same way he did last year. When he looked up at me I heard him gasp and he stood rooted looking at me. 

I could feel my blush from his stare and I looked to my side wanting to break the tension. Good heavens, he needed to say something because I was starting to feel like a clown. He dropped to his knees and looked up at me. He touched my shoes, stockings and felt the dress. He searched my eyes and seemed to get lost in them.

“Jaime, you are freaking me out. You need to say something.” 

It will take some time for me to describe the woman who sits in front of me, I’m a bit overwhelmed. Awestruck is how I feel, so proud yer comin with me, I canna look away from yer eyes lass, but I must take a shower. He stood up and held a hand out to me so I would stand. “Jesus Sassenach. I canna wait to dance with ye in my arms.”

“That works Jaime.” I smiled at him, “get in the shower because it’s time to drink whisky.” 

We stepped into the ballroom and I felt like a Christmas present everyone wanted to open and Jaime was staying very close to me. We stopped at three tasting bars and spoke at length to the blender. 

Jaime watched the men in Claire’s orbit blush like fourteen-year-old boys and then get lost in her amazing eyes. She was relaxed, unpretentious, happy and conversational, and always kept a hand on him somewhere. 

I watched the women in the room, young and old, watch Jaime like stalkers. He was Robert Redford handsome and they couldn’t help themselves. I kept my hand in his arm and smiled to myself, girls…if you could see him naked you would explode like fembots. I giggled unexpectedly and Jaime looked in my eyes as he handed me another whisky to taste. I was very buzzed and looked up at him with barely contained desire. Jaime looked at me and did a double-take with a slight smile softening his face. 

“My Sassenach is the bell of the ball and very buzzed.” he looked out at the dance floor as a new song started. “My love, will ye waltz with me?” He pulled the shawl from my elbows and handed it to the barman to watch. I felt him lead me to the dance floor where he executed a waltz that was both athletic and smooth. He looked into my eyes when he dipped me and I felt myself falling even deeper in love. Jaime had been very busy with his dance lessons and I was surprised and very grateful he learned to waltz as well.

We piled food on plates and sat with a group of young successful blenders with great personalities. Whisky men at the top of their game, each held the others in the highest esteem. The compliments in Jaime’s direction suggested Fraser Distillery was getting noticed even in America. I was ready to pop with pride. 

Jaime put a tall glass of water in front of me and promised there was a treat if I finished it. I was parched and made quick work of the water. 

“It’s time to tango love.” He offered his hand and I stood up to take it. Minutes later we were center floor in a very sexy pose. Jaime took liberties touching me heightening the sexual drive of the dance. My kicks were halted by Jaime body pressing against me as his face came within a half-inch of mine. He held the pose, lips a millimeter from mine. I opened my mouth and tilted my head as Jaime’s hand caressed up my stomach and breast. His fingers closed around the stick and pulled in free as his lips brushed mine. 

I felt the stick pull out and Jaime’s kiss which is taboo for this dance of sexual suggestion. I felt my hair tumble down and cover my one eye and I pressed away from him. He grabbed my leading hand to spin me five times before pulling my back to his chest and holding me still while his head dropped to my shoulder and the song ended. 

As we walked through the crowd, people were touching my hands and arms, smiling at me. I looked and Jaime was getting the same reception. The men at our table were on their feet smiling and they invited us to join them for three more tasting bars. It was great fun because all the men were respectful and made Jaime laugh. I excused myself and pointed to the ladies room behind the bar. I kissed Jaime’s neck and floated over there. I fluffed my hair in the mirror and bit my lips, all four of them. 

When I walked out I bumped into a man who seemed very drunk as did his two friends. I apologized and moved in the other direction until he grabbed my hand and spun me to him. “It’s the dancer fella’s!” He had a fist full of my hair and was pulling savagely.

I remained calm and looked him in the eye. “Let go of me you fat bastard or pay the price.” He roared with laughter. I saw men getting closer out of the corner of my watering eye and I felt a meaty hand grope my stomach. “You out there dancing sexy what did you think was going to happen.” He dragged me toward an exit door. I felt his body jolt and then he dropped straight down taking me with him. Jaime gently pulled the man’s fingers off my hair. 

“Sassenach, look closely at those men, do ye recognize any of them?”

While she turned her back Jaime laced his fingers with the drunk and viciously jerked them down breaking four fingers. He heard the drunk gasp and drove his elbow into his temple sending him back to the black. 

Our new friends were holding the other men and security took all three of them away. Jaime pulled me to him. “Are ye alright Sassenach?” He spoke quietly but I could feel his hands shaking. I looked him in the eye and smiled. 

“I warned the big bastard but he wouldn’t listen.” 

I heard Jaime exhale and our friends were laughing behind us. Jaime begged off for the rest of the evening and kept his gorilla hold on me while he shook their hands. I tried to shake too but could not break free of the steel bands around me. I waved as we collected my shawl and made our way to the elevator. Once inside he bent forward and looked at my face. 

“Are ye sure….. Christ Claire what is happening to your cheek?”

I knew it was swelling and hoped it would not be noticeable. Now I prepared for the worst. He let out a string of Gaelic profanity, I assume, and gripped me again. He asked the young man in the elevator where the ice machine was. When the doors opened the boy was pressed into the corner with wide eyes. I recognized him from last year. 

Jaime practically lifted me off my feet and carried me to the room. This was not making my face feel better but he had morphed into a very angry scot, so I tried not to wiggle. He laid me on the bed and looked at my cheek with horror. Do not open the door. I have the key. Do not get up. 

“I promise Jaime. It doesn’t hurt.” I smiled at him to show I was fine. He vaporized with the ice bucket.  
“Nice going you retarded nimrod asshole. You ruined my night.” I was pissed. It would have been a perfect evening without the drunk and now I was sure I wouldn’t get laid. Christ! Without thinking I got up and took two steps before I launched my body back onto the bed as the door opened. Jaime filled a small towel with ice and turned the lights down. He pressed it to my face and I held it there. 

“Jaime?”

“Yes, love.”

“I think you’re the greatest man that ever lived. He gave me a fake smile. You dance like a pro and you did that for me. I had so much fun tonight. He had to hear the sincerity in my voice because I really did have the best time. “Wow, it’s been quite a day.” Jaime was looking at the floor like he wanted to murder it. “Let’s see I went for a walk, found myself in the same neighborhood that I fell apart in last year. The one you followed me to. The hedge has recovered nicely. Then I had a panic attack and raced back here to call Edith. Doctor Lu hypnotized me and made me go back and get myself and that was dramatic. Then the salon was full of crazy people who all worked on my hair at the same time, brought a tango dancer into the shop to see if my hair would fall out right. Then the insane makeup job. Then the way you looked at me when I was dressed. What a fabulous day.”

“You were attacked mo chridhe, by a drunk man.” 

“I wasn’t scared.” Jaime looked at me like I was daft. “I will never be scared when you can save me. I tried to tell him he was going to regret it. But I wasn’t scared for a single second.” I was up on my elbow trying to get Jaime to look at me rather than scare the floor to death. 

“Lay back mo gradhag.” He pushed me gently but I resisted saying my dress was too tight and it was uncomfortable. “I’ll loosen it for ye.” I leaned to the side and felt the zipper slide down. I hoped he would see my silver thong but he pressed me back to the pillows. 

Someone knocked loudly on the door. Jaime opened the door and stepped back for two officers to come into the room. They both nodded at me, “ma’am.” They said the man was pressing charges for assault because four of his fingers were broken, an eye orbital was broken, and a nasty hematoma on his head. 

“This is my fiance, Claire Beauchamp. That man grabbed her by the hair and tried to drag her to the exit. He was plannin to rape the lass. I stopped his progress toward that goal with a solid punch to his face. He dropped instantly. I don’t know what all the other stuff is about but I’m sure I could have cracked his eye orbital. Jaime walked to the bed and gently pulled the ice from Claire’s face and then looked at the officers. I have been concerned for Claire’s well being so I have not acted on this yet. Now that yer here, please accompany me to the ballroom so I can point out the people that witnessed his attack. I want him arrested for attempted rape and his two friends who stood by and watched. Let’s go gentlemen.”

If I hadn’t been laying down I might have swooned watching Jaime take command and turn the tables on the drunks. 

“Will ye lay here and not move until I get back Sassenach?”

“I promise I will.”

They left and I ran to the bathroom mirror to check my face. Jesus Christ! I look like I went three rounds with a prizefighter. Shit. Jaime will stay in a funk all weekend because he has to look at it constantly. I pulled off my bra and laid down again.

Jaime was happy to see the blenders that helped hold the other men. They were acting sober so the police took their statements. Other people and employees offered their testimony when they saw Jaime with the police.   
“It was a brutal attack.”  
“He was dragging her by her hair. I ran for help.”  
“She is a tiny thing and he just grabbed her coming out of the ladies room.”   
And about a dozen more all saying the same thing. The officer asked Jaime if they could send someone to the room for just five minutes to take photos of Claire’s face. He agreed. 

“We are going to arrest this gentleman for attempted rape and battery. His friends for aiding in the commission of a sex felony. In short, they will live out their days on the sex offender registry and that never goes away. So, we are going to his room to ruin his life basically." The officer laughed. “He was such an asshole. Had us convinced you attacked him without provocation.”Jaime shook hands with the officers and shot back to Claire before the third officer was pounding on their door. 

Jaime came in and looked at me, looked at my bra on the bed, and said an officer was coming to take my picture. He helped me sit up and handed me my bra. I shook my head no. He pulled my dress down and put my arms through the straps and tried to get it clasped in back. I didn’t want it on so I refused to help. Jaime ran out for more ice and I pulled the hateful bra off and pushed it under the bed. 

I heard Jaime and a woman’s voice in the hall, and when the door opened two additional officers came in with Jaime. I sat up and they took a dozen pictures of my face, tape-recorded my statement, and asked me at least fifty questions about specific details. Once that was done, the female officer said she was a trauma officer and I could call her if I needed to. I rolled my eyes when Jaime walked them out to the hall. My chances of seducing the handsome Jaime tonight looked bleak. My heart was sinking. I have been dressed up like this, in this room, twice in my life, both times it knocked Jaime's socks off, both times there was no sex. This isn’t fair. I got up and pulled my dress off, my shoes and stockings and put on my robe. I laid on the other side of the bed with my back to the door. Please just let this stupid affair be over. 

Jaime handed me a new ice pack. I took it without saying a word. If Jaime asked me something I gave him a one-word answer. I felt sad, mad, frustrated, and I wanted to go home.

By the next morning, my cheek was very swollen and three colors of red and black. I looked at it in disgust. Jaime checked out and I walked outside, directly into an ambush.

Some woman was yelling my name calling me a homewrecker, a liar, and a whore. There were two other women with her also slinging insults. I stopped and listened for two more minutes, then I released hells fire on the trio. I spun and walked directly for the nasty one and when I was one foot from her I pulled my sunglasses off. 

“You ignorant piece of shit! He did this to me when he was dragging me out of the ballroom to rape me! Does it look like he did nothing to me? He was going to rape me!! If you want that animal in your bed every night, a father to your children, then you are as sick as he is! And you two, your pathetic worthless husbands laughed while he dragged me to an exit door BY MY HAIR! Before you take one more mother fucking phone call from jail, act like you have a brain and get the police report. There were more than a dozen witnesses to his brutality!” Now all three women were silent, looking at my face and I was yelling at the top of my lungs about an inch from her face. “Your piece of shit husband ruined a vacation I’ve been planning for a year asshole!” I took a breath and walked in circles. I saw Jaime looking white-faced about ten paces behind me, he just stood there waiting. I turned on them again. You three ignorant women are now married to a sexual deviant and your lives are in the shitter because they will be added to the registry. You will never get a mortgage, you can’t rent a house or apartment, and if you do, the entire neighborhood will be warned that a sexual predator is moving in. You are utterly screwed by what they did. So FUCK OFF!!

I walked to Jaime and put my sunglasses back on. 

“So, Sassenach, do ye feel a bit better then?”

“I’m starting to.” 

In the taxi, Jaime called the hotel and asked for the manager. “My girlfriend was attacked last night by three men during the tasting party. When she walked outside this morning she was verbally attacked by the three wives. There is only one way they would know who she was, one of yer employees pointed her out to them. I will give ye my cell number and ask that you call me when that employee has been dealt with. 

During the long flight back to Scotland I didn’t have much to say to Jaime. I felt mad at him for not trying harder to salvage our wonderful night. He almost acted like it was my fault. I tried so hard to pull him out of his funk and he didn’t try at all. I turned my back to him, which I have never done, and he said nothing. I know my face will heal and I’ll get over my anger, but for now, it was all just too much. I finally fell asleep for the last six hours and woke up as we approached Edinburgh airport. I tugged on Jaime’s arm and told him we were home. 

We didn’t leave a car at the airport because of recent vandalism so Jenny and Ian would pick us up. We walked away from the baggage carousel heading for the arrival curb. I heard running behind me and Jenny’s voice as she grabbed my face with wide horrified eyes. "I could see it from across the airport lass. What’s happened to ye!" I gave her a quick version and then Ian pulled up staring at me through the windshield. I just wanted to disappear.

I went to bed as soon as we got home. A quick shower and I laid in Jaime’s bed alone. I tried to sleep but my timing was mixed up from the time change and sleeping so much on the plane so I laid there until I nearly lost my mind. I must have dozed off for a short time and when I woke up Jaime was looking out the window. He stood and stared and I wondered how long he had been standing there. 

“Jaime?”

“Can ye ever forgive me, Claire?”

I felt something wasn’t right, he was too upset and I was just miffed. “For what?”

“Yer face lass.” He turned to look at me and my heart broke at the sadness in his eyes. 

“This was not your fault.” My mind was racing trying to understand what he was thinking. He walked slowly to me.

“Tis. When I hit that idiot he dropped and pulled ye down with him. Ye must have slammed into his head with yer cheek. God, I am so sorry Claire and I’ve been beatin myself up about it since I looked at ye in the elevator.”

“Oh my God, you sweet man. You were my hero last night and you stopped him in the very best way. You couldn’t know my hair was tangled in his fingers. Things could have gone much worse and you stopped it.” I got up on my knees so I could hug him. I kissed his cheek, his forehead, his neck, and shoulder and told him I love him for what he did and I would never be afraid when he was near me. I just kept kissing his face. I sat back on my heels and looked at him. He raised a finger to his other cheek, “ye…ye missed this spot Sassenach.” I kissed that cheek. He pointed to his neck, “and.. here too.” I kissed it twice. He put his finger on his lips. I kissed his lips and he pulled me to him, deepening the kiss. 

“I just want yer sweet kisses tonight. Can you stop by the hospital tomorrow and have doctor Abernathy look at yer cheek?”

“Yes, of course. Kiss please?”


	29. Chapter 29

Life returned to normal after our trip to San Francisco. Jenny and Ian were happily married and aside from occasional morning sickness, Jenny took to pregnancy like a duck to water. I was so excited about the baby but it seemed to be taking forever to see any change in Jenny’s body. I started to wonder if her doctor was wrong. 

I had one more blissful month before school started again and decided to knock out two more prerequisite courses that were available online. During the day I would either help Jaime at the distillery, clean house, visit with Edith, or take long walks with Butter. I wanted to find the perfect church for our wedding but I didn’t know where to start. I talked to Ian about it and he suggested one of the old restored chapels that were scattered all over the highlands. I decided Ian was brilliant.

I was able to download a list of restored chapels and kirks, the latter being the presbyterian faith. I spent most of my search time driving around looking for the buildings as most were accessible by unnamed dirt roads. It took me three days to find the first restored church. I guess I came in from the back because I discovered a nice paved road in front of the building that brought sightseers by the dozens. There were two tour buses parked in a huge parking lot and it was crowded with tourists. The whole thing was highly commercialized with a bleached ambiance. Pass.

I took a break from searching to help Edith clean out her basement. The Butter lovers were overjoyed to see their king and followed him around the junk piles we were going through. When doctor Lu got home I bid them goodbye and dragged my tired dog back to Lallybroch. 

Pulling up in the driveway I saw plumes of smoke coming from the fire pit and smelled the most delicious food cooking. Jaime and Ian were standing beside the pit turning the food and drinking beer. I got a warm beer tasting kiss from Jaime and almost collided with Jenny coming out of the kitchen. I told her to sit and let me bring everything out to the table for dinner. She gratefully accepted and I made several trips with plates, no plates, take those back, silverware, no silverware, took that back. I finally asked her what I should bring out and she suggested whisky and three glasses while choking on her laughter. Well, this was confusing. I ran for a quick shower and change of clothes because I was filthy from Edith’s basement. 

Before dinner, I went to feed the chickens and look for Golfarb, the wandering chick that would keep walking until it found a wall.. The name came from the fictional football star who once ran for a 95-yard touchdown in the wrong direction, scoring for the other team. The chicks were getting big, like adult chickens, and I thought it was time to move them to the barn. My roommates agreed and Ian suggested picking up their food to entice them to the new area. I pulled the feeder away and was scolded by hens who chased me away. 

When the men finished cooking we had corn on the cob, chicken, and pears, on paper plates. We consumed all the food, even the pears, and threw the plates into the fire. I giggled when I realized there was no cleanup or storing leftovers to do. These guys did it just right. That meant it was chicken time. Jaime and I tried to shoo them toward the front of the house but they didn’t get it. I showed them the feeder and walked toward the front keeping it low so they would follow me. They didn’t. Now there were nineteen thoroughly pissed off hens walking in circles and clucking like crazy. Jaime and I grabbed two of the hens and brought them to the front where the food was and then went back for nine more trips. Butter was pushing the hens with his nose but they would just circle back. Jaime found Golfarb behind piled bags of chicken feed with her beak against the wall. He carried Golfarb to the front and dropped her at the feeder. She turned around and started walking until I couldn’t see her anymore. The barn was at least four times bigger than the nursery so finding that chicken would be a bit harder in the future. 

“Sassenach, I have two things to tell ye, lass.”

“Ok.”

“I really need a kiss. Hold yer arms out straight, palms up.”

He kissed me softly and slowly making me moan. Then I felt him put something in my hand. “An egg! Holy shit! Wait until Jenny sees this!” I ran into the house and found Jenny and Ian watching TV on the couch. I just barged in and put the egg in Jenny’s hand. 

“Yer first egg! Well, that must feel good after the work ye’ve had to do just to grow em. It’s big and brown?”

"Rhode Island Reds lay brown eggs and I am going to cook it." I spun toward the kitchen and saw Jaime leaning against the door frame smiling. He watched me walk toward him and it was clear the egg would not be cooked tonight. Jaime had other plans and reached for my hand suggesting a walk. The weather was beautiful in late July and we often walked at night. He closed the chicks in for the night and we walked toward the fields. About ten acres from the house he steered me to the right and there was a blanket spread on the ground with a bottle of whisky, two glasses, a lantern, and his kindle. His Kindle? I looked up at him and he could see I was game, for whatever this game was. It wasn’t dark yet so we laid on the blanket and watched the sunset while Jaime searched his Kindle for an audiobook he wanted to hear. The whisky felt warm and relaxing in my stomach and I welcomed the night. 

"Lay with me Sassenach." He lit the lantern and started the audiobook. I laid against Jaime and heard the title, Narnia, The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe, by C.S. Lewis. Jaime poured another whisky for us and by chapter four I was hooked on the story. Jaime reached around and unbuttoned my shirt, about a button every five minutes. I felt slightly intoxicated after the third whisky, stimulated by the story, and aroused my Jaime’s slow hand against my skin. I let him set the pace for sex until a multitude of touches through my jeans brought my arousal to an almost painful high. I could not stand it any longer. I sat up and removed my shirt and unclasped bra and then laid down facing him. I slowly unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it out of his jeans pushing it off his shoulder. I flicked and sucked his nipples pulling him against me to feel his need. 

“One more chapter love.”

He pulled my arms up over my head and kissed my skin and sucked on my nipples until I was ready to crawl out of my skin. The Kindle was turned off, our jeans removed, and our amazing lovemaking commenced. When we were blissful and sated we listened to two more chapters, naked and free. It was beautiful. We took our time getting back to the house with both our hands full. I wondered how Jaime got all this stuff out here. 

We showered and cuddled each other to sleep. I dreamed I found the perfect old kirk in Narnia, led there by the majestic Lion, Aslan. The fairies, and dwarfs, fauns, and giants were all over the forest we walked through. They all bowed to the great Aslan who didn’t say much until I heard him ask if I liked it. I looked up at a very old, small rock building. There were beautiful flowers everywhere outside. A modest alter and seats on the inside. I felt the earth move suddenly and looked up at Jaime’s back as he got out of bed. I tried desperately to get back to my dream but only succeeded in falling into the blackness of sleep. 

I got through my chores as quickly as possible so I could continue my search. Now I had a picture in my head of the perfect little church. I found two more structures still being restored and not open to the public. Don’t panic, still, have three weeks until school starts. I gave up for the day. My searching was too time-consuming so I asked Jaime if he would go with me on Saturday to which he agreed. 

I focused on my course work and looking for eggs for the rest of the week. I also spent time lifting the chickens into the cubbies Jaime built to get them used to being off the ground. I went to find Golfarb mid-afternoon and she was beak to the wall with another egg next to her. I jumped up and down and then carried her to the feeder and watched her walk away. I proudly showed Jenny my newest egg and stuck it in the frig with the other one. I decided I would wait until I had a dozen and then make breakfast for everyone.

Jaime was excited on Saturday morning. I packed sandwiches, chips, and a cooler with beer and soda. I kissed Butter and felt guilty leaving him behind and when I piled into Jaime’s truck he asked where Butter was. Two minutes later, Butter jumped in looking very happy and I squeezed between him and Jaime. We drove for about ten minutes before Jaime pulled over to engage the four-wheel drive then he turned right and we left the road behind. We raced across the miles of green rolling terrain and I could see the excitement on Jaime’s face. It was fun and I laughed when the undulations would launch Butter into the air. He didn’t seem to like it so I held him down against me when it got rough. I looked in all directions and only saw rolling green hills. I wondered if Jaime was actually going somewhere or just driving for the thrill. It took five minutes before an old church was coming up in the distance.

I was amazed at the ancient structure with stone benches inside and a stone altar. It was very small and very old. Jaime explained it was built sometime in the seventeen hundreds and showed me the date carved into a stone above the entrance. I asked, why build a kirk in the middle of nowhere, too far from any population that would attend. He said there were houses here once and when we got back in the truck he pointed out several collapsed chimneys and foundations that once provided a home for highlanders. I was fascinated. It was time to zoom across the fields again pulling giggles out of me and Jaime but poor Butter was miserable and started salivating sheets from his mouth. 

“Jaime, stop! Butter is going to be sick!”

Just in time. Butter jumped down and proceeded to vomit his breakfast. The poor baby looked green if that was possible for a yellow dog. I ran my hand down his back and went to open his door to jump back in. He looked at me with sad eyes and then he ran away. I stood watching his back end get smaller and smaller and could not believe he would take off like that. I looked at Jaime who was undaunted, hauling the basket from the truck bed. I spread a blanket and pulled out the whisky and food. Jaime had brought the Kindle and we settled down to eat and listen to more of the story. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm, so we laid back and listened. 

After a few chapters I started to worry about my dog and it made me fidget. I tried to scan the field but the hills obscured a long view.

“He’s alright mo chridhe and he’ll come back when the memory fades, his stomach starts to growl, and he misses us. I would wager another half hour or so. Kiss me and tell me how much you love me.”

What happens when we are alone, with plenty of room, and no one to hear? I was laying naked while Jaime brought me once again to a fever pitch and then drove himself into me. I felt a moderate fear of being caught and that pulled the lid off my arousal making me shout his name when I shattered. Jaime collapsed beside me and our panting almost blocked the sound of barking somewhere far away. I smiled knowing Butter was close by and hadn’t run back to Lallybroch. We napped until Butter’s fur against my leg woke me up. 

When my eyes opened Butter cuddled my head and wagged his tail. I giggled but could not see anything but yellow fur until I coaxed him to lay down next to me. In the distance, I could see the sky was changing. Large swollen clouds were gathering and I kissed Jaime awake. 

“There is a storm coming, my love. We should go. Will you open your gorgeous eyes for me?”

“A kiss for each eye lass.”

I kissed each eyelid and then his mouth with “I love you’s” in-between. He looked skyward and became very interested in leaving before the rain came. We were packed and ready in a few minutes. Something in my head told me to hold onto Butter and when the doors opened he was ready to run away again. Many tries to coax him in convinced Jaime to pick him up and place him on the seat where I hung onto him again. We slowed the pace and avoided the hills where we could and Butter settled down. Jaime wanted to show me one more Chapel that was close by and we headed that way and away from the storm. 

“There it is Sassenach.” 

I looked at a lovely old church nestled in the tall trees. It had glass in the windows and looked like someone maintained the grounds. I was enchanted and hoped we could go inside. I snapped the leash on Butter and we piled out to look around. When we walked around the side of the building we saw a gardener loading tools into the back of a pickup truck. He shook our hand and we chatted a bit about why we were here. He wanted to let us in to have a look. He was very nice and said dogs were welcome in this house of God. 

I took a deep breath when we stepped in. The church was rock up to about ten feet and wood replaced the top of the structure that had crumbled with time. I felt the souls of people who had come before us and thought it was magical. I moved through the one-room church like I was floating and closed my eyes when I felt emotional. I pressed my lids and commanded my eyes not to cry because that was ridiculous. I loved the feeling I had here although I don’t know why,it just felt peaceful. I looked at the alter and my mind saw Jaime holding my hands as we said our vows. 

When I joined Jaime and the gardener again I listened to their conversation for a while and found myself drifting to the alter so I could touch it. Butter pressed into my leg but I couldn’t rally the brainpower to wonder why. 

The gardener watched Jaime watch Claire and he smiled. The love and pride in his eyes were telling the gardener a story of true love, much like his own story. 

“Oh, ye have it bad for the lass, laddie. Maybe she wants to get married here?”

“It looks like she has found a home for our wedding. Do you know who we can contact about renting it?” 

“Nah, no rentals, I’m afraid the almighty would not favor such a thing. Ye can just ask the pastor and maybe he will do it for ye. No rental though.”

“Who is the pastor?” 

“Well, he is a man of God, in love with the scriptures, callin his flock to a new congregation, delivers the message he was called to give. He’s not much of a gardener though.”

“Jaime turned to look at the pastor and smiled. I think my wife-to-be is in love with this place. May I make a formal request to be wed here, sir?”

We spent another hour with the gardener who was actually the new pastor of this church soon to open for public worship. He spent ten years as a priest of the catholic church, sidelined by love for a special woman that could not be denied. He joined the growing number of priests who chose marriage over the vow of chastity and he celebrated love in every way he could. Mid-sentence the clap of thunder sounded like an explosion overhead with lighting that was almost blinding. We exchanged numbers quickly and ran for our vehicles as the rain pelted us. Jaime had to lift Butter into the truck again and was soaked through by the time we followed the pastors truck to the road. The distance to a four-lane road was equal to a city block and my smile got bigger. 

“What an extraordinary Saturday Jaime. Thank you.”

Jaime pulled over as the rain came down in sheets and the thunder rolled fiercely.

“I watched yer face nighean bhreagha as ye fell in love with the place, so beautiful it was. I am so honored to help ye find your perfect place for the weddin and I canna wait to make ye my wife. Lance says he has requirements for performing the service. One hour meetin with each of us, one hour together. Oh, and a workbook.”

He pressed his forehead against mine. “Will ye do it mo chridhe?”

“Of course I will.” I kissed him deeply and the world, the traffic, the storm, even Butter disappeared for the duration. When Jaime looked at the road again he turned off the truck and put his flashers on, pulled out his Kindle and turned it on. He pressed me into his lap and Butter laid down. We returned to Narnia to continue the adventure for the next hour until the rain let up enough to drive. 

Over the next two weeks, I made lists of guests, outlined the reception, listed my dress requirements, Jenny’s, and who might give me away. Every single thing I could think of as a preplanner for a small ceremony. I showed my wedding planner to Edith who made several crucial suggestions for food and refreshment at the reception. She suggested I buy all the bride magazines available to assist with fine-tuning my plan. Edith was sent from heaven to be my stand-in mother I decided.

I finished my online courses and turned my attention to the coming semester. I met with the dean of the nursing college and she signed off on several more courses I had taken in the U.S. She told me I was three semesters from a bachelor degree in nursing if I was willing to take a full load and kept my GPA above 3.5 out of 4. I was ecstatic at being so close and asked about placement for clinical practice. She listed the hospitals that participated in the clinical portion of my studies and promised to do her best to get me placed at Edinburgh hospital. I decided my honors elective would be ER training to which she raised her eyebrows. 

“I’ve given it much thought and decided when given a choice I want to train for ER nursing.”

“Did you volunteer at a hospital at some point?”

“No ma’am, I was a patient that started in critical care and watched the staff work on people day and night. That is the level of care I want to specialize in.”

After the meeting, the dean looked through Claire’s file and was astounded. The girl who faced the storm of the century and survived was in her nursing program and wanted to be an ER nurse. She remembered seeing the news broadcast where Claire shared her experience with the world. She was impressed then, now she was bowled over. She would run interference for this girl and make sure she got the best placement. She dialed Edinburgh hospital to check in with the teaching staff.

“Doctor Abernathy.”

“Hello Joe, it’s Lidia. I have a nursing student that needs to be scheduled for an ER clinical this semester and I was wondering what your student load was so far. She is a special girl and I want to make sure she trains with the best ER doctor.”

“We have one student fully committed, so two slots left. Your extern director has been calling me on the regular about students wanting ER training. I’m afraid the slots will be taken quickly. What is the student’s name?”

“Claire Beauchamp.”

Abernathy exhaled the breath he was holding. He wanted to mentor Claire and feared that chance would soon pass. “Does she have other departments to consider?” 

“Actually no, she wants ER and that is it. I’m ready to commit her to the hospital now so she doesn’t lose the spot. Are you okay with that?”

“Put her in. Sounds like a dedicated learner. Just the kind I like. Thanks, Lidia.”

Lydia hung up and shook her head. “God saved ye for somethin little girl, let’s hope it was trauma nursing.”

I was excited about the first day of classes and checked the mail daily for my placement for clinicals. Jaime walked the campus with me to find my rooms. He was astounded at the size of the campus and the level of difficulty finding my room numbers. 

“Sassenach, I’ve lived here all my life and this is the first time I have walked the campus. Yer so small and this is so big. I worry for ye here alone.”

I laughed and hugged his arm. “Always the protector. I made it through a whole semester already, this is my turf now, so fear not.”

When we got back to Lallybroch I raced for the mailbox and pulled out a letter from the university. I couldn’t do it and handed it to Jaime to open. He scanned the letter and looked up at me.

“It says yer assigned to the Edinburgh nursing home for elderly studies.”

“What?” I snatched the letter and read quickly feeling a surge of excitement. Jaime was smug as I read my appointment to Edinburgh hospital under the direction of doctor Joseph Abernathy. 

“Thank God.” My excitement and nerves were growing. I was going to train with doctor Abernathy. Here we go, I thought. 

I sat in a large classroom waiting for the clinical director to start our first class. He would explain the rules, a typical day, and who we would report to. We would spend most of the semester training with the nurse in charge of clinical training and gradually ease into working alongside the doctor toward the end. During the break, I heard the upperclassmen warn us away from Edinburgh hospital or transfer out as soon as possible. The clinical program was run by a tyrannical nurse who failed more students than she passed. It worried me but to train with Abernathy I would take the chance. 

A week later I parked in a familiar parking lot and found my way to the classrooms at the hospital. The two other students were looking scared and said they could not transfer out of this hospital until the end of the semester. They looked very pale and my heart started to pound too. How could the head nurse be so bad? I looked at the clock when I heard footsteps getting closer to us. The two next to me let out a gasp and I looked up at the person I would have to win over this semester. My mouth fell open as my lips curled into a smile. The huge body and blonde hair could belong to only one person, nurse Lucy. I tried not to smile but I couldn’t help it. So many months had passed since I last saw her. It was all I could do not to throw my arms around her. 

Nurse Lucy was covering the whiteboards with her contact information, requirements for just about everything, including our responsibility to prepare ourselves when classes did not keep up with clinical practice. She turned around and I almost cried when I saw her face.

“So, when you are scheduled for prep and triage assist but that has not been covered in class yet…” She finally landed her gaze on me and I smiled at her. She stopped mid sentence and her face changed completely. Her eyes went wide and she blushed and smiled. Once composed again, she continued. 

“ye will have to read the chapters and do the reviews before reporting for clinical. Failure to do so will result in termination from clinical at this hospital. Give me your best ladies and I will work tirelessly to help ye. Slack off and start prayin I let ye finish.”

“Any questions?”

The other two students literally flew out of the classroom. I thought my face would break from smiling as I walked to the front where Lucy was. I hugged her with all my might and we chatted quickly. I am aware Lucy has a job to do with me this semester but gave in to my delight in seeing her this one time. Going forward I will maintain a respectful distance from her and let her do her job. I felt my smile all the way back to the carriage house. 

Jaime was planning to stay with me in the city for a few days but I was too crazy-high to sit in this small house today. I wanted to hunt for eggs and let the land pull me back to normal. I called Jaime to say I was going Lallybroch for the night. A hug for Butter, a kiss for Edith, and we were homeward bound. A thought popped in my head that I should help Jenny more with kitchen duty. I pulled over to send her a text.  
C: Hey! Do you want me to pick up groceries or start dinner?  
J: Not on yer life lass.  
C: That hurts  
J: I love ye to the bone lassie, sorry, boss is startin to piss me off and he’s about to meet the evil me.  
C: Do you need something from the store?  
J: Smith and Wesson  
C: Afraid not. See you at home. Oh, I am cooking breakfast on Saturday for everybody, that includes you. You sit, eat, say yummm, and smile. Understood?  
J: Yea, I got it, sister. As long as ye don’t cook those weird brown eggs. Here comes the asshole. See ye tonight.

I just stared at my phone. She couldn’t be serious. She could not think my eggs were too weird to eat. That would make the last four months raising the hens quite the time waster if no one will eat them. Impossible I decided. She better be brave come Saturday morning or the asshole at work will seem like an angel. I could not wait and by the time I pulled into Lallybroch, I had completely changed my mind. No cooking. 

There were chickens all over the yard, front, back, and towards the fields. Butter cried and looked up at me like, “what do we do now?” I felt a little panic wondering if they would all walk away and take my future eggs with them. I dropped crumble into the feeder and the distinctive sound brought them running from every direction. They looked so funny running I couldn’t stop laughing and finally fell on my butt panting for air. Butter pushed each of them with his nose and I snapped some pictures with my phone. I watched them eat feeling my stress evaporate. I decided we needed chairs, rocking chairs, to sit and watch the chickens. I would add it to my list. 

When I got up to look for eggs I felt the same excitement I always feel in my stomach. I don’t know why but it sure is fun to search for eggs. I found ten eggs in the cubbies today and I had not found Golfarb yet. I used an old basket in the barn and loaded it with eggs, found Golfarb and her egg and was leaving the barn when I spotted an egg in the tall grass against the barn. I stooped to pick it up and saw another one. I transferred the eggs to a large bowl in the refrigerator. Thirteen eggs today, that is amazing! Something was nagging in my head. Just a strange feeling I could not put my finger on. Not for today, I decided, a bath sounded far more tempting.


	30. Chapter 30

“Claire Beauchamp! Ye get ye wee arse into the kitchen. Now!”  
   
That doesn’t sound good, I thought. My trip downstairs was slower than a man walking with two broken legs. I could see Jenny’s hands on her hips, shaking her head and several bags of groceries on the counter. I knew this was coming.  
   
“Lass, what is happening with all these eggs? They are stuffin the refrigerator and there is no room for anythin else. I don’t know what yer to do with them all but I need to get them out of the frig.”  
   
Ian and Jaime came in midway through Jenny rant and both looked at me with barely contained humor.  
   
“I didn’t know there would be so many eggs. Do you guys know how often chickens lay eggs? Me neither. I thought once a month maybe but they are all laying an egg every day. Look at them all.”  
   
Every large bowl in the house was filled with eggs and I hadn’t gathered the new ones yet. It used to be so fun to find eggs but now it was a reminder of my whopping mistake buying twenty chicks when we only needed three or four. I pulled the eggs into a section of the counter and figured there were almost four hundred eggs after two weeks of all the hens laying. One hundred and forty eggs per week. What was I going to do? Might as well go get some more.  
   
When I walked into the kitchen I looked at Jenny and heard sirens go off in my head. She was hiding her face and fighting tears. She was moody every day this week and I don’t think it’s the pregnancy.  
   
“Jenny I have a plan and I need your assistance right now.” I scooped her around the waist and guided her outside and away from the house. “What’s happened this week Jenny. What’s got you so upset?”  
   
“Everything is fine lass.”  
   
“I have evidence to the contrary. You want to hear it?”  
   
“Not particularly.”  
   
“Okay, fine, I’ll tell you. First, every day when I talk to you or text you there is some kind of issue with your boss. He is new, how can he have a problem with you already? No, don’t answer, I have more. Every night you come home in a weird kind of bad mood. You were late leaving for work three days this week. Wow, now that I lay it out like that a blind man could see there’s big trouble at work. What the hell is going on?”  
   
She didn’t answer for several minutes so we walked in silence until she was ready.  
   
“My new boss, who I share an office with, has decided he wants sex from me, expects sex from me, and will find a reason to fire me if I don’t. It is eight hours in a pressure cooker with that bastard leering at me, crossin the days off his wall calendar, and sendin me porn through the company email. I can’t stand it anymore, he’s drivin me crazy.”  
   
I was dumbstruck. Nothing could have prepared me for what she said and I felt furious at this big idiot that was imposing himself on my friend. Jenny looked so sad it broke my heart.  
   
“There are laws that prevent such harassment Jenny, why not go to human resources and tell them, ask for help.”  
   
“Scotland is just startin to recognize sexual harassment in the workplace, we’re light-years from your laws in America. I did go to my friend in human resources and told her exactly what was happening. She told me I’m oversensitive from the pregnancy and I could get in trouble sayin such things about him. No one there will ever help. I am lookin for another job but tryin to do it without Ian seein is hard.”  
   
“Why can’t Ian see?” I thought about what Jaime would do in his shoe’s. “Never mind, I got it.” We walked back toward the house and I was trying to think of some way to help her. “Jenny I will spend every spare moment on the internet and find you some places to interview. I know your CV, I’ll find you a good job.”  
   
“Yer forgettin I have medical with my employer and don’t know if the baby will qualify with a new company. It took me five years to get full benefits with my job. That’s the biggest reason I am not quittin tomorrow. A couple of lasses I know say they will pay on medical bills for childbirth for the rest of their lives. No, I need to find a way to stay there until the baby is born and not get raped.”  
   
I grabbed her arms and looked at her. “Jenny, do you feel physically threatened by him?”  
   
“No, I leave with the other girls and our door is always open. I’ll be fine. The worse part for me is what it’s doin to sex with Ian. That fucker makes me feel so dirty all day long that when I get home I don’t want to be touched. What a mess.”  
   
My stomach felt like hot magma was about to shoot out and burn everything it touched. How dare some horny fuck take Jenny’s joy away. And she is protecting Ian by not telling him, and staying at that job for the insurance. Something had to be done.  
   
The guys found steaks to cook and pulled a bag full of corn on the cob from the ripe stalks in the fields. I guess it was technically stealing because the corn belonged to the man who rented the acreage. Oh well, he had so much he wouldn’t even miss it. Jaime came out of the kitchen with his arms full of cobs in foil and went back in for potatoes in foil that he dropped right into the fire. Jenny sat at the table and stared at the ground. She looked like she just wanted to disappear and my heart broke more.  
   
“Sassenach.”  
   
Jaime was whispering in my ear making goosebumps race down my arms. “What is it, love?”  
   
“Those idiots who say women are the weaker sex are perpetuatin a falsehood. I know this because night after night yer wee nose is in yer books and I am determined to stay awake so I can have my way with ye. I havna done so yet. I’m not workin anymore. No, I sit in my office and fantasize about turnin ye this way and that, bendin ye forward and comin up behind ye, watching yer wee mouth on me, makin me shudder, and…”  
   
“Okay!” I didn’t mean to shout but Jaime’s explanation would take my apatite in about one more minute. I stood and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him down for a soft, suggestive kiss. “It’s been almost two weeks since we went to Narnia. I’m in the mood for a blanket, some whisky, and your Kindle. What do you say handsome?”  
   
“Aye, let’s go.”  
   
I pulled him back and whispered what I needed from him tonight. “tongues and fingers, slow hands and rough needy penetration. I want the neanderthal and all that comes with him. But if you don’t eat, he won’t come. So let’s eat first.” I kissed him again and he sucked my tongue into his mouth as his breathing got deeper. I broke the kiss and looked into eyes that smoldered and promised all that I asked for and more.   
   
We all sat and toasted the day with whisky, except Jenny, while Jaime tried to grab everything on his plate and shove it into his mouth only to burn his fingers repeatedly. He was scowling at his food. When at long last we were finished with supper, Jenny and I put food away while the plates burned up in the fire. Jaime packed a basket with all of our necessities and held his hand out to me. I kissed Jenny’s cheek and joined Jaime to walk toward the fields. A slight breeze blew through my hair with puffs that were cooler making me think the weather was gearing up for a change. I will miss all the time we’ve had outside this summer.  
   
The closer we got to our great spot the more anticipation I was feeling. I tried to relax and breathe but we had gone too long without sex for that. The thoughts that filled my head were sexual and stimulating and I felt the telltale pulse of my body already. I spread the blanket and breathed out willing myself to relax. Jaime looked at me as he crouched in front of the basket.  
   
“What is it Sassenach?” He saw it, my hunger for him and he stood and pulled me into his arms crushing his mouth to mine. He was all over me and the sensation and heat were skyrocketing. Jaime had me stripped naked in under two minutes. I laid on my back and watched him strip. There was no brake between us, just raw need. I need to control you Sassenach. He growled at me to spread my legs and I felt the power of this man when he is beyond stopping. I felt him pulse deep inside me as we panted our way back to life.  
   
Once the sexual pressure released Jaime poured whisky and turned on the Kindle. It was such a beautiful night and the fields swayed around us as we melted back into Narnia. In my mind, I saw the fauns and beavers…and Jenny. Then I saw the witch riding her mighty beast and jenny was behind her. I shook my head and was fidgeting apparently because the Kindle was turned off.  
   
“I know ye love this story mo gradhe. What’s got ye wiggling so.”  
   
What does a woman do when she is being sexually harassed by someone above her? The world turned into a blur as Jaime grabbed me sitting up and pulling me to him. He held my face in front of his, his eyes burning with something fierce I had never seen.  
   
“Tell me Claire, who is trying to hurt ye! Where do I find him, tomorrow, where Claire?” He scared me. Not for my safety but for the catastrophic outcome of Jaime’s remedy. It was clear as day on his face, he would remove said harasser to the detriment of himself, our future, and the distillery. I understood why Jenny was keeping Ian from the truth. She was all alone.  
   
“Jaime love, Jaime, Jaime. It’s not me sweetheart, I swear, it is just a girl at school. I’m sorry I scared you, I am fine. My sweet man.” He held me to him and took deep breaths I assume to slow his heart rate. I kissed him all over his face, neck, shoulders and ran my fingers through his hair. I kept kissing him and saying I love you until he kissed me back with a mounting sexual fury that was all neanderthal. Then just as suddenly he stopped and pulled me into a spoon and turned the Kindle back on. I could feel his heart ramming in his chest and he clutched me to him. I was confused and feeling terrible for saying something that made him feel that way.  
   
“Why did you stop?” He took a deep breath and stroked my arm.  
   
“I dinna want to hurt ye lass, I need more control.”  
   
I wanted to kiss him and touch him, make sure he was alright. I twisted toward him and he stopped me. I twisted again and fought him until he let me face him. I took his face in my hands and kissed so softly. I ran my hands over his flesh slowly to help him calm down. I just kept kissing him everywhere I could reach until he grabbed my hair and pulled my head back. “Give me yer tongue lass.” His tongue danced with mine and he sucked it softly driving me crazy.  
   
“I want you, Jaime.” I thought I might explode if he didn’t touch me soon. He got between my legs and pulled my legs over his shoulders. I felt his invasion and moaned my exhale when he went still. I watched him fight for control and then slip out of my body. I sat up so I could reach his nipples with my mouth and stroked him the way he likes it. “I need a brute tonight Jaime so don’t hold back. He pushed me down on the blanket and dropped his head to my heat spinning me into an upper stratosphere and pushing me over the edge. He kissed and sucked my neck with need so I fought my way back.  
   
He said, “Let me in lass,” and the neanderthal rocked me to the core.  
   
“I want to keep ye here on our blanket bubble mo chridhe, safe with me.” He pushed his nose into my hair and breathed me in.  
   
“Can I be naked? I do love being naked and free outside.”  
   
I heard Jaime chuckle and the Kindle resumed the story. With Jaime’s arms around me and my exhausted body, we listened until we could no longer hear. We had escaped into our dreams wrapped around each other.  
   
I felt a cold breeze on the front of my body and toasty warm on the backside. I realized a giant Scot was warming me where ever our skin touched. It wasn’t enough skin and I was shivering. Jaime ran his hand up my arm and pulled me to him.  
   
“My love, we need to get dressed and back to the house, the sun is coming up.” Jaime pulled me tighter against him and growled in my ear. I waited to give him a few more minutes of sleep. I must have dozed too because when I next open my eyes it was morning with the sun high in the sky.  
   
“Oh my God Jaime, we have to get up! I’ll be late for class!” Like a cartoon fire drill, we jumped into clothes grabbing and stuffing into the basket and jogged back to the house. Jaime pushed me toward the shower so I wouldn’t be late. When he joined me I kissed him goodbye. I felt him grab my arm and turned to see his pleading eyes.  
   
“It isn’t me love, my world is right as rain.”  
   
To my horror, I realized that Jaime was still reeling from a small teaser, a mere mention, of something wicked and though I convinced him it was someone else, the thought was now in his head. Jenny and I were in over our heads. I agreed with her decision not to tell Ian but that left her alone to face her abuser. It isn’t right I raged in my head. Women are the victims of the abuse and keep themselves in the line of fire to protect their husband, their job, or insurance. Where was her protection, she is pregnant for Christ’s sake? Every mile closer to school my anger was growing. I had to reel it in. Today was a big day.  
   
When I walked into the classroom at the hospital the other two students were complaining that today’s lab was not covered in class yet. They both looked at me like I was spoiled meat. I heard one of them say “she doesn’t have to worry about it.” What the hell did that mean I wondered.  
   
Lucy started class and explained our lab then she let us get started. I usually worked alone due to the dynamic duo shunning me. I didn’t mind. I got a lot more done on my own. Lucy walked by me and looked at my documents for assessment and viewed some of my answers for the worksheet. She drifted over to the hateful two and watched them flounder with the worksheet and search their books for a clue to what was going on.  
   
“Ye arnae prepared for this lab today. Ye both can leave.”  
   
That started an eruption of complaints about I was her favorite and material was not covered yet. Lucy watched the two of them pull every excuse and accuse me of getting Lucy’s favor. Lucy regarded them both and took a deep breath. She held her hand out to me and asked for my practice book where each of our labs was reviewed with questions to test for understanding. She laid my book open and motioned to the girls, snapping her fingers for them to hand over their books as well. All three books were open and Lucy looked at incomplete answers to the practice questions, most were blank. Before ye open yer mouth again, I want ye girls to see what a good student does to prepare. Every question was answered at length with diagrams and flow charts. The margins were packed with information and questions for me to find the answer to.  
   
The two students looked at my practice answers and a load of information crammed into that page. They were quiet, waiting for the boom.  
   
There is a difference between ye two and Claire. Ye can go. The next clinical practice ye will be prepared or ye done for the semester.  
   
“Come, Claire, let’s observe the ER and surgical theater of critical care.” Lucy walked out of the classroom and I ran after her without a backward glance. For the next two hours, I was stuck to Lucy’s side as we observed the life-saving technique of the ER and watched a bypass procedure on a heart attack victim. Lucy would offer quick explanations about complicated tests ordered or treatments, otherwise, I just watched. And fell in love with trauma.  
   
My hospital days were short and I was pulling in the driveway by early afternoon. I looked at Jenny’s car in the drive wondering why she was still here. I could hear her crying from the stairs and gasped at the sound, taking two stairs at a time. I opened her door and she was sitting on the side of the bed with both arms around her stomach, bent over, and sobbing.  
   
“Jesus Christ! What’s happened, Jenny? I ran to her and dropped to my knees so I could see her face. “Please Jenny, tell me what happened. Did he hurt you?” I stood up and threw my arms around her holding her tight and promising to fix this. I waited. She sat up straight and told me he would have raped her if an employee had not burst into the room.  
   
“He had me pinned Claire. He was touchin me and reachin for my buttons with one hand, the other over my mouth, his knee and full weight on my chest. He said the most disgustin things to me. I hugged her so tight and almost missed the squeaking of a door opening. Like slow motion, I looked toward the door as it swung open and saw Ian on the other side.  
   
I was frozen with fear of what would happen next. What was he doing here in the middle of the day and what was he about to do. He stood stock-still and stared into Jenny’s crying eyes. I almost didn’t recognize him.  
   
“Name Jenny.” He didn’t move. “Name!” He shouted. Jenny told him the name.  
   
Ian turned on his heel and bounded down the stairs three at a time.  
   
Jenny grabbed me, crying hysterically, saying Ian would kill the guy. Pulling her phone out She punched her speed dial for Jaime as my heart crashed into my stomach. The scale of this catastrophic event was starting to seep into my consciousness. Jenny shrieked into the phone and then threw it at the wall and screamed. I was rigid, sitting on the side of the bed, I hardly heard anything after that. I had gone inside where it was safe, where Jaime wouldn’t hate me, where my life would not be over.  
   
Jaime raced across town thirty miles over the speed limit and running two red lights. He slammed his truck against a curb parking in front of Jenny’s building and hit the concrete running. He knew his friend had murder on his mind and he had to stop him. Jaime had no idea how far this bastard was able to violate his sister but it didn’t matter to Ian. The man was soon to a bloody pulp on his office floor if Jaime didn’t intercept Ian. He walked to the security counter and pushed the young man into the back room.  
   
“One of yer managers just tried to rape my sister in his office. Her husband is almost there. Turn off the cameras lad.” The kid turned around pushed three buttons. All the monitors went black.  
   
“That’s a good lad. I need a witness, yer comin with me.” He yanked the kid forward by his collar and threw him into the elevator. They approached the office quickly but quietly. Jaime heard the tone of Ian’s voice and felt the hair on his neck stand up. There had to be a way out of this, he thought. He pushed the office door open and saw Ian leaning against the wall, as calm as could be, staring at the human vomit standing in front of him, fists clenched, spewing lies about Jenny being a whore. Ian was deadly quiet and he stared at the man. He might look like he was listening but he was actually going through all the ways to kill this fuck and hadn’t made up his mind yet.  
   
“I want to see the porn ye sent my wife.”  
   
Jaime circled the desk watching Ian. When the man spewed that she was a liar Jaime sent him flying to the floor and opened his email sent folder clicking open the emails he sent to Jenny. Jaime felt his stomach turn at the images of bestiality, S&M, and what looked like forensic murder scenes. He gripped the desk to keep himself steady. He turned his head to look at the predator.  
   
“I don’t have a beef with you, it wasn’t your wife. Let that douch bag fight me. Ye have no fucking business here.,” he nearly shrieked. Jaime looked at Ian and shrugged his shoulders. “Fine.”  
   
“C'mon you pansy mother fucker,” the man taunted Ian and Jaime groaned inside. “Ye know what I’m gonna do to yer wife? Huh, asshole?” He stuck his tongue out and licked the air, I am gonna lick her and split her.”  
   
Ian walked toward the man until he was within an inch of his face. “No, yer not gonna do that. Yer gonna hang upside down out the window until we let you fall. Yer head will split open on the concrete like a ripe watermelon. Ye will piss and shit yerself and scream like a girl. Ye will bargain for your life, Just like a lass would do before ye raped her. The man was visibly shaking looking from Jaime to Ian on either side of him. They seized him and held his ankles as they stuffed him out the window and held him aloft. The man was screaming with every ounce of his being. Ian regarded him and Jaime knew he was waging war with himself not to kill this man.  
   
Jaime kept his eyes on Ian, willing him to surrender the man to live the remainder of his life a coward.  
   
“Ye’ll be leavin this company today, without notice, without a mention to anyone. He will disappear from this town today. Run home and cram what ye can into yer car then get in and drive as far away as ye can get. If ye even breathe on this building, in this town, or to anyone here I will kill ye.” With that Ian let go of the man’s ankle and walked away leaving Jaime to struggle with a screaming, wiggling, hysterical man.

”Get going before I kill ye myself.” Jaime had never seen a face as white as that man’s. He pushed him viciously toward the door then followed him home and waited in the driveway until he came out with an arm full of his belongings he couldn’t leave without. Jaime had him parked in so he walked slowly to the driver's window and leaned in.  
   
“I can track ye now until ye dinna move anymore, in other words yer dead. I can find ye in the dead of night and snuff out yer life before ye wake up. Ye need to keep drivin until yer as far from here as a person could be. I’ll be around, always, prayin ye make a mistake so I can end yer miserable life. Ye’ll beg me to end ya. I promise.  
   
Jaime followed the man to the highway that lead to the farthest reaches of Scotland and watched his vehicle become smaller and smaller until it was gone. Deep in his bones, he knew that would be the easy part of this ordeal. Risking his life or even ending a life would be child’s play compared to the Sassenach’s lies. When he realized she lied to his face, naked, in his arms, with her heart open it felt like his life as Jaime Fraser ended. She was his soul, his life, and she betrayed him. He drove to Lallybroch and grabbed his bug-out bag from the barn. Then he was gone.  
   
I heard Jaime’s truck pull in and my heart started to ram in my chest. I desperately hoped that he would understand and forgive me. I watched him from the window. Then he sped away, from home, from the truth, and from me. I broke his heart, I was the enemy, he had to get away from me.  
   
I could hear Ian yelling at Jenny and prayed her strong. It would get quiet for a while until Jenny started crying again. I could hear her talking to Ian, pleading her case. It was obvious Ian was stonewalling her. She wanted forgiveness, absolution, and he was not giving it. If I had the energy I would walk in there and slap Ian hard enough to make him stop. Jenny is a hero you prick. Walk in her shoes for a day and tell me how it feels.  
   
Jenny came into my room the next day. She brought food and a drink but I didn’t want it. She held my hands and said she was deeply sorry. I looked at her and shook my head. I said if loving her husband and wanting to protect him was a crime she would have something to apologize for. She said Ian was cool toward her and I felt myself burn with anger.  
   
I sat on Jaime’s bed with my hands in my lap the entire night. I was sure he would come back and I wanted to talk about why I lied. He didn’t come back. All the next day I sat in the same place and he didn’t come back. I laid down on his pillow and slept waking up after dark.  
   
I looked around at the empty room and realized that Jaime did not want to see me. Not to argue, not to yell, and not to try working through this. I was such poison to him he just stayed away from me. The sobs that gripped my throat were choking me and I kept the quilt against my mouth to stay quiet.  
I felt the vomit erupting from my stomach and held a hand over my mouth until I reached the toilet. I retched and sobbed until I was exhausted. I fell into bed with a shaking stomach, so weak, and so shattered, that I just laid there and let my tears soak the blanket. When tires rolled onto the rocks in the driveway I didn’t move fearing I would fling myself out the window when I didn’t see his truck.  
   
When I heard his truck door slam my eyes flew open and I wondered if I imagined it. I walked to the window and looked down at the picnic table. There sat Jaime Fraser. My whole life, my love, my home, my future. I started walking and didn’t stop until I was in front of him. He looked up at me and I climbed into his lap and pressed against him. This is the only place I care about, the only place I want to be. Even if he physically carries me to the airport and drops me into a seat back to Boston I will be true to my feelings every step of the way. I breathed him in and felt strength returning. He was pushing my hair out of my face and I wanted time to stop so I could just touch him a little longer.  
   
“I’m sorry lass. I’m sorry I left ye. I’m sorry I couldn’t wrap my head around ye lyin to me. I still can’t and I am lost. The treachery of women is a damnable thing. But we canna live without ye,”  
   
Just like that my brain slapped me hard across the face and snapped back to grid. As I crawled out of Jaime’s lap I was filling my lungs with indignation. I had one purpose in life at that moment, to be my own champion.   
   
“Just one God damn minute Jaime Fraser. At the risk of shredding your sensibilities, your understanding of a woman’s plight is flawed. You think we grow up cute and pampered until adulthood and then become treacherous. Here’s the truth of it, a lifetime of ducking and dodging or flat running away from the men who want to exploit us, forever guarded because someone bigger and stronger wants to take something from us. You are ignorant of our lifetime feeling like prey. You said we were treacherous, that’s funny, I didn’t know the definition of treacherous was a woman protecting her husband and her family finances. Ha, I always thought it meant something bad. Jenny has a new boss who is a monster and she is forced to share an office with him. If she tells Ian he will kill said monster, if she quits she loses her insurance coverage for the baby. She has every right to work in peace, see her husband safe and enjoy the benefits of five years of service to the company."  
  
"What would Ian have done if you hadn’t shown up?” I watched Jaime struggle with the truth and when he spole I felt the first speck of hope.  
   
“Beat him to a bloody pulp and thrown him out the window,” he said softly and slowly. “Husband gone, insurance gone, alone to raise a bairn while Ian rots in jail.”  
   
"Ian is lucky to be loved that much…” I was gasping for breath after my tirade. I looked at Jaime still looking at the ground with hands in the pockets of his coat. “And so are you.”  
   
Ian was standing around the corner of the house after coming home from two hours of walking. Every word from Claire felt like a pin pushed into his heart. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks for the first time since he was a boy. He slipped into the house bounding up the stairs taking three at a time. He came through the bedroom door like an explosion and pulled Jenny out of bed holding her as tightly as he dared. He kept repeating he was sorry, he loved his brave wife, he thanked her for saving him and Jenny sobbed with relief and clung to him. He held her at arm's length and looked at her tired eyes.  
   
“Tell me I haven’t ruined ye perfect love, please Dove.”  
   
Jenny wiped her eyes and looked up at him smiling. “Yer a flawed idiot Ian Murray, but I love ye just the same.”  
   
Ian picked her up and laid her carefully in bed. Laying next to her he struggled with his truth. He dropped the man while holding him upside down from the three-story window. If not for Jaime’s heroic strength it would all be over and his fault. He shuddered and held his wife tighter.  
   
“Christ Jenny, ye married a fool. Ye know me so well lass. I almost ruined everything and then I have the nerve to judge ye. He leaned on his elbow and blinked hard so he could see her beautiful face. “I have promises to make ye Dove. Will ye listen to them?” When he saw her nod he pulled her close to him and started talking, every word healing the wounds between them and he had much to say.  
   
I staggered into the house on rubber legs and climbed the stairs with effort. I wasn’t going to watch Jaime stare at the ground and make no effort to speak to me. I wouldn’t stand for him judging me like I conspired against him, I wouldn’t… what for Christ’s sake? I sat on the bed and took a deep breath. I wouldn’t ever stop loving him, I wouldn’t ever stop wanting him. I reached for my purse and car keys and walked back outside.  
   
‘Butter, c’ mon we’re going home. I bent to unlock my door as Jaime put his shoulder to my hips and threw me over.  
   
“Like hell ye are. We have work to do, tonight. I have apologies to make, it will take all night. We have plans to make and trust to give, and forgiveness will be requested. He grabbed the whisky and kept walking. I’m no perfect, I have issues that ye keep fallin into because you love me, I mean to stop that or at least get ye some padding so it doesna hurt so much. The way I see it Sassenach, we will come out of tonight different people, especially me. More aware, more tolerant, more honest about my feelings for ye.”  
   
The bedroom door slammed and I was unceremoniously dropped onto the bed. He could have said a million different things but the words he chose, the words he said were a testament to his understanding. I looked up at him.  
   
“So, you have not been honest with me about your feelings?”  
   
“Not to you lass, to me. It’s a loathsome characteristic men have that is protective. I think. We speak the words to the one we love but we never say it to ourselves. It’s enough that you believe it and I reap the benefits of love and maintain a protective… deafness.”  
   
“Why? What would make you hide from what you say to me?” He sat next to me and pushed my hair behind my ear.  
   
“Because men are insecure and fearful of somethin so powerful and we never learn to trust another person. I have to say it to myself, and I want to. I believe that most men die with a heart full of love they never acknowledged because it was bigger than them and under someone else's control.”  
   
“I love her because she gives me the strength of ten men and I canna live without that anymore. She is my love, my one and only, she is the only one that makes me feel this way, my future happiness lies in her hands. She’s the wind in the trees, the happiness I feel when it snows, she put the magic in the sunsets, her power is huge yet when my fingers touch her skin she quakes and shows me her need. I see and feel the miracle of being alive because of Claire.”  
   
The raw emotion rocked my soul and I watched his face brighten with happiness and sincerity, I was astounded by how different his face looked. I felt myself fall in love with this man. This facet of Jaime.   
   
My tears exposed my honesty as well. How terrified I am of living without him. The green bountiful garden of our lives together and wasteland I would inhabit without him. He saw it all. I stuck out my hand and said: “it’s nice to meet you.” Before my next breath, I was pulled to my feet and kissed with exuberance. He pressed his forehead to mine “I promise to be honest with myself about my feelins.”  
   
“Claire, are ye tired, we must wake ye up because there is more to discuss.” He looked in my eyes and made me giggle. “I must talk fast because there is a promised problem in our future and we need a plan. He pushed me to the bed and paced in front of me. “I dinna bring glasses and ye are not allowed off the bed so watch me.” He took a healthy swig from the bottle and handed it to me.  
   
He looked at me like he was trying to visualize me in a clown suit or something. I watched him and the gears going around in his head. He exhaled with frustration and sat next to me again. He ran his hand down my bare legs and shook his head side to side. Long and thin, matching arms, he looked at my chest and held his hands to my breasts, he pulled me up and put his hands on my ass, then he spun away from me in frustration and raked a hand through his hair.  
   
“What happened to Jenny will happen to ye Sassenach, to some degree. Right! What will ye do when someone targets ye?”  
   
He waited, silently, while I imagined myself in a harassment situation where I felt threatened. After several minutes I looked at Jaime, “I would fall into the same trap Jenny did for the same reasons.” My own honesty filled me with dread. Jaime smoothed my hair and looked down at me.  
   
“I know ye would love, that’s why we’re gonna make a plan.”  
   
His voice was soft and confident and I was eager to find a remedy, just in case.  
   
“Sassenach, there’s a million guys out there just like Jenny’s boss, well, ex-boss. They arna right in the head and they’re predators. Dinna wait to see how far he will take things, or if he’ll back off. Dinna allow him to hurt ye. This is what I want ye to do. Believe that I will kill him and it will ruin our happy lives. Call Rupert and Angus, explain what is happening to ye. Ask for their help and let them know I told ye to, so they won’t call me. Just tell them where he is and his name.”  
   
“What?” I looked at Jaime like he lost his mind. “Then what happens?”  
   
“They solve yer problem lass. When he is too far to follow they will tell me what happened.”  
   
I couldn’t believe my ears, it sounded like the Godfather movie and they were hitmen or something. Jaime sat next to me and held my face.  
   
“We each had an ankle and the bloke was screaming bloody murder, so scared he was dangling out a third-story window. He would do whatever we said at that point. Ian let go.”  
   
“Jesus Jaime, you killed that man?”  
   
“No, I was able to pull him in and let him fill his car before I followed him to a highway out of town. It’s one of the rare guarantees in life. Scare a bloke bad enough he will never come back.”  
   
I could feel myself shaking and Jaime put his arm around me and spoke softly. “It’s a way out when yer back is against the wall love. Call them and forget about it as best ye can.”  
   
“What if this…bloke…is dangerous?” Jaime laughed and kissed my forehead.  
   
“Yer so cute when ye makin a joke. Sassenach, I will talk this out until you can give me your word you will follow the plan. What are yer questions?”  
   
“I give you my word Jaime, I will follow the plan.” He had pulled my key chain from my purse and was pulling the keys off of it and dropping them in a pile. He pulled a new key chain out of his pocket and put the keys on it.  
   
“You and Jenny have new key chains. There is a whistle ye can blow when ye threatened …and it’s a GPS.”  
   
“Jaime! What else have you done for my protection?”  
   
“I’m sorry mo gradhe. This terror I feel will pass and I will relax again. Ah, yes, that’s all I did, well, I did sign Bitter up for attack training.”  
   
“No!”  
   
I looked at Jaime and wondered if it was over. Had the four of us actually survived this ordeal with no more than a bad memory? Jenny still has her job, her husband, her insurance. I could hear the low timbre of Ian’s voice and knew they had found each other again. I looked at Jaime.  
   
“I am sorry Jaime. I never meant to hurt you or scare you. I’m sorry you felt the need to be away from me.” Saying the words made me feel sad again because Jaime processed his emotion alone, without me. That had never been alright with me. He pressed the bottle in my hand and told me to have a fortifying drink before our walk. “Our what?”  
   
“One more Sassenach then we must hurry. Remember I said there will be apologies and forgiveness would be requested?”  
   
I nodded my head.  
   
That is next but ye need yer boots on to hear it. Jaime pulled my hiking boots out of the closet and put socks on my feet then laced up my boots. He put my arms in a hoody and pulled up. I was still sad and I couldn’t shake it, but I was ready to follow him, anywhere.  
   
We started walking with barely enough light to see the road but the birds were announcing a new day so I knew dawn would soon be here. When there was enough light, Jaime turned us into the trees and we hiked higher and higher, stopping to catch our breath now and then. Jaime stopped and smiled. “Come Sassenach, we’re on top of the world.”  
   
“Jesus Christ that is a stunning view. I do feel we’re on top of the world. My God.”  
   
“Will ye sit with me Sassenach? I need yer help to make a plan. I don’t want to leave ye ever again. I want to vow to always stay beside ye in good times and bad. You know how I feel about vows. I willna make one and break it. Before we leave this rock I will vow this. No, dinna cry love, this is a good thing.”  
   
We sat on top of the world and talked about how the longest journey for a man was from his head to his heart and how Jaime could safely make that trip when things got rough. I cried, a lot, from relief and epic love for this man. The hours passed and we laughed and told secrets and kissed over and over again. I stretched my back and yawned.  
   
“It’s time for a nap and since you’re not allowed off this rock without me, you lay down too.” I laid down and put my hand over his. “So you don’t wander off.”  
   
“Sassenach?”  
   
“Yes, love?”  
   
“Can I kiss ye first?”  
   
“Yes please” Jaime’s kiss was soft and loving and he whispered his love for me in my ear making me hold him so tightly.  
   
I laid back with a smile on my face and listened to Jaime breathe he fell into his dreams.  
   
“Sassenach?”  
   
“Yes, love.”  
   
“I’ve never had sex on this rock. Have ye?”


	31. Chapter 31

We didn’t mingle much on the Sunday following my fight with Jaime. Jenny and Ian stayed in their room as did Jaime and I once we woke up with stiff limbs on the top of the world. We barely made it home before dark and fell into bed for a love renewing everything-fest.  
   
Coming home from school the next day I thought about how the four of us came through a catastrophic event and were stronger for it. I believed we had gained a deeper understanding of each other and I for one would not hesitate to share a problem with them in the future. We just had to trust, make a plan for future events that could derail us, and have faith. Strangely, I felt the same from my three roommates, like we were all on the same page. At least for now.  
   
I moved quickly through the kitchen trying not to trip over Butter and saw a shiny crystal vase on the table full of flowers. The card said simply “Thank you, Love Ian.” How sweet he was to make Jenny feel good. With a change of clothes, I went out to gather the day’s eggs. The culinary institute was coming for my eggs today and we would make a little money to help offset the cost of chicken food. I was very happy with the arrangements Edith made with the school. No more angst, guilt, or ire from Jenny because the frig was full. The school dropped off a large wicker basket for me to load the eggs into and would leave one each time they came. I was ready to give them the first basket full, about five hundred eggs.  
   
I worked quickly in the garden, cutting the lettuce and kale, gathering the ripe tomatoes, and pulling up onions. Like the chickens, I planted way too much of everything and it would spoil before we could eat it. I passed the driver two plastic trash bags full of fresh produce and told him it came with the eggs this week. He smiled and drove away with two of my problems. I felt infinitely better.  
   
Hands on my hips, and a deep breath, I took out a recipe card Edith made me and assembled all the ingredients on the counter in the order they were used, just like she taught me. I set the meat to brown in a huge pan and then made a fresh puree, and juice from tomatoes I just picked. I dropped in six bay leaves and five cans of beans, seasoning, and stock, and then closed the lid and exhaled. It smelled so good but looked like lumps of stuff on the bottom of the pan. I searched the counter for what I forgot and saw the blender full of tomato juice and a nearby bowl of tomato puree. Thank goodness, I thought, and dropped the liquid into the pan and stirred. Checking it an hour later it looked just right.  
   
I got lost in my clinical review for the week and jumped when Jenny touched my arm. Her eyes were wide and her face pale making my eyes narrow and prepare for a fight about cooking.  
   
“You are assuming it’s poison but it’s not Jenny. I practiced with Edith and it smells great, right?”  
   
I watched her eyebrows scrunch and she looked around seeming to notice the bubbling pan for the first time. “Yea, it smells good, lass.”  
   
“What is it, Jenny? Something happened today.”  
   
“Human resource came into the office and dropped a stack of reports in my arms. They told me to get up to the section manager meetin and I was late. Apparently, the creep gave no notice or warning he was leaving the company and they were caught unaware. They pushed me to the elevator tellin me to fake it but I already knew those reports because I did em.”  
   
“When I was leaving tonight one of em stopped me and asked if I would fill in as the boss until they found someone. Starting pay is double what I make now. Then she told me to get my resume polished up and on her desk in the morning. She wants me to interview for the position!”  
   
I was stunned and felt my smile sting my cheeks it was so big. I pulled her up into a huge hug and looked at her wide eyes. “You will make the best boss that company ever had Jenny Murray and what a great day for surprise flowers from Ian!”  
   
“Those arna for me lass, they’re for ye. My thanks for what ye did as well.”  
   
“Me. What did I do?”  
   
“Ian overheard ye given Jamie the truth of what I did to save Ian and our finances. He was haulin me out of bed to apologize right after. Sometimes folks gotta hear it from a third party I guess. I dinna ken what Jamie told ye about what they did but Ian would have killed my boss.”  
   
“I know Jenny. I heard. Jamie and I made a plan for if it ever happens in the future, to me. I’m just so damn glad it’s over and we all made it through.”  
   
“You might want to stir that concoction ye got on the stove and turn the fire down to simmer.”  
   
“Stir?”  
   
We celebrated Jenny’s promotion three weeks later and had a huge fire outside to say goodbye to summer. After a feast cooked by the men, we wrapped up in blankets and told ghost stories while we cooked marshmallows on sticks and drank whisky. Apparently, Jamie and Ian talked into the night because it was quite cold when he lifted me from the ground and carried me into the house. When I snuggled into Jamie I tried to remember what they talked about. My mind was overwhelmed with the feeling that all was right with the world tonight so I gave in to sleep.  
   
Without the tragic events that make the world stop spinning life tends to accelerate, the days turn to weeks, then months, and the snow begins to fall. Epic nights in a wheat field with a Kindle book fade into distant memory as new experiences present themselves.  
   
The end of the semester was anticipated with great relief. It had been a hard semester with the demands of my school work, exams, and clinicals. It was time to take a breath and ready for Christmas and Hogmanay, my favorite time of year. Jenny was ripe with pregnancy and into her third trimester. In two and a half months we would have a baby to add to our family and I could not wait.  
   
It was a semester of learning for nursing students as a day in the life of our chosen career became more focused and defined. My two clinical classmates had returned to class prepared for clinicals and making friends with me. The three of us spent several nights at the carriage house preparing for midterms and finals and I knew we would be friends forever. When we were asked to attend the ER Christmas party we were so excited. It wasn’t that much fun but we felt like we belonged and that was everything. Lucy and doctor Abernathy pulled me aside to give me a gift and I was speechless when I pulled out a brand new stethoscope with my name engraved on it. I hugged them both and kept it in my hand all the way back to Lallybroch.  
   
Jamie was reading in the living room when I got home and I held the stethoscope out to him yawning. "I’m going to take a shower.” Too many nights studying for finals with a scant few hours of sleep made me feel weak and exhausted. I wrapped up in a towel and grabbed my lotion bottle. Sometime later Jamie was settling me onto my pillows and covering me with the quilt.  
   
For the next few days, I was alone in the house during the day and took full advantage of sleeping my deficit away. I took Edith to lunch and hauled the holiday tree decorations out of the basement. One afternoon I pulled out another recipe card Edith made me and almost put it away. Roast beef, spiced carrots, herb potatoes, with horseradish and salad. I took a deep breath and drove to the market. Edith suggested fried ice cream as a special treat but I had not practiced that desert so I wasn’t sure about it. When I got back I scraped the skins of the veggies and browned the roast adding salt and pepper, then into a pan and the oven. I would collect the juice for gravy and assembled the herbs for potatoes. This hardly took any time at all and I was free to play for a couple of hours so I grabbed my book and sat outside with the chickens.  
   
I must have dozed in the sunlight on this crisp winter day and something menacing was pulling me out of my dreams. I could hear Butter growling and throwing his body at the kitchen door. What the hell is that? The low growl made the hair on my arms stand up. I didn’t want to open my eyes because I would then have to save someone, likely me. The growling continued and my eyes opened to a huge snarling dog peering at me from around the corner. The chickens were gone, it was just me and him. My mouth was so dry from fear I could hardly pull my tongue to my lips. All I had was my book and as I stood up he snarled and curled his lips at me. I turned to run into the barn and he lunged at me. I pulled the door closed and hit his mouth so he was close. Shit. I didn’t have my cell phone, and it would be another hour at least before someone came home.  
   
I sat on the ground and saw the legs of twenty chickens hiding behind sacs of feed. There were shovels and rakes, a pitchfork, and that was about it. While I was considering, I heard tires roll up the driveway! Thank God, someone was home. I called out for Jamie and Ian and then heard Jenny’s soft voice.  
   
“Where are ye lass?”  
   
“Jenny! Get in your car, get back in your car! There’s a dog out here trying to kill the chickens. He has me pinned down in the barn!”  
   
I was so scared for Jenny with her advanced pregnancy before I could think I grabbed the shovel and the pitchfork and ran outside screaming like a banshee. I looked wildly around and saw Jenny’s white face inside her car, the window was rolling down and she screamed at me.  
   
“Behind ye Claire!”  
   
When I turned around I took the full force of the dog and was knocked down. I heard the dog scream but it all happened so fast by the time I was aware of being knocked over Jenny was reaching for my hand. We ran for the kitchen door and slammed it behind us. I pressed against the door and panted for a full minute before I looked up at Jenny, wide-eyed and scared.  
   
“Jenny, the barn is open. He will go in there and find the chickens. I have to go out there again.”  
   
Jenny had her phone to her ear, “the hell ye will.”  
   
“Jamie, that wild dog attacked me and Claire and we are pinned down in the kitchen but the lass wants to go out there and protect the chickens. Hello, Jamie? He must be on his way so you stay put lass. Claire yer bleedin.”  
   
I ran to the window and strained to see the barn door, hoping there was no dog running out with my birds. We paced until I could hear Jamie’s truck screaming in. I heard his door slam…. and then nothing. For several minutes we waited and when the kitchen door opened we almost jumped out of our skins.  
   
“Well, my lassies, who is the brave murderess among ye?”  
   
Jenny and I looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders. “What does that mean brother?”  
   
“Well, one of ye two killed that beast of a dog, so who did it?”  
   
I heard a four-alarm fire in my head and looked around for something to save me. “I … I … dead? Sure he’s dead? He … he lunged at me and knocked me down and then we ran and..” Jamie pulled me into a hug and stroked my hair.  
   
“Are ye alright Sassenach? I already know yer not because ye feel like a human earthquake. What made ye tangle with that beast lass?”  
   
“She came runnin out of the barn with a shovel and a pitchfork lookin for me, and then that beast jumped on her and knocked her down. I pulled her up and saw the dog but I didn’t know he was… what... stabbed with the pitchfork?”  
   
Jamie kept a hold of me and then sat me down with a glass of whisky.  
   
“When ye stop shakin so I’ll take the dog and drop him at the owner’s. Damn, that smells good. Jenny didnya go to work today?”  
   
“It’s Claire’s dinner she fixed for us.” Jenny smiled at me with pride and I felt my smile.  
   
 I was alright. I slammed my whisky and looked up at Jamie. “Thank you for getting here so fast. We were really scared.” He touched my cheek and looked down at me with a half-smile.  
   
Ian came in and looked at all of us standing in the kitchen, “who’s dead dog is out there in front?” Suddenly his face went white and he lunged at Jenny, hugging her and asking if she was alright.  
   
“Thanks to the lass here I’m fine. She killed the thing. Came runnin out of the barn to protect me with her wee pitchfork.”  
   
Once we all settled down, Jamie and Ian left to remove the dog. Within minutes the chickens came out and I went to feed them.  
   
My dinner was delicious, everything was perfect. Jamie looked at me with so much pride it almost made me cry. When Ian poured the whisky for a toast, I stepped away from the pan of oil I was heating, just long enough to drink my glass down. I pulled the ice cream from the freezer and looked at the two inches of bubbling oil. Something told me this was not a good idea so tossed in a small piece of ice cream from about three feet away and the oil blew up! It was a small explosion, just enough to make me turn off the fire, put the ice cream away, and sit on my hands to hide the shaking.  
   
I could tell Jenny’s back was hurting so I ordered her to bed and turned around to a mountain of dishes and pans. I took a deep breath and turned the hot water on reaching for the soap, but strong arms picked me up and threw me over a shoulder.  
  
“I think defending Jenny, killin the beast, and makin such an amazin meal, deserves somethin special.”  
   
I heard Jenny laughing at Ian upstairs before he bounded down on his way to the kitchen. “It’s all set for ye lass.”  
   
Jamie carried me upstairs and set me down in Jenny’s bathroom. The hot water was filling the tub and Jamie returned with my caddie full of bubble bath.  
   
“It’s all yer’s sweet lass. Me and Ian will do battle with the dishes and I will see ye in a bid.” He kissed my forehead and left me with three candles burning. I turned the lights off and stripped wondering if I smelled like dog. The bathroom filled with delicious aromatherapy and I slid into bubbles and steaming water. What a day, I thought, it definitely has a nice ending.  
   
I leaned against the headboard trying to read but my thoughts kept going back to the killer dog. I heard Jamie’s shower turn off, and he jogged into the room stacking logs on the fire and striking a match. “Jesus, it is too damn cold in this house tonight but nothin I say will get my sister to turn up the heat. Brrr”  
   
Jamie jumped from the fire to the bed somehow pushing the overhead light off in midair. He burrowed under the covers and wrapped his arm around my legs.  
   
“Before I pull ye into this bed wi me I will ask if that is yer wish lass.”  
   
My eyebrows shot up and I looked at him strangely.  
   
“Well, I intend to have my way with ye, inside the covers with me, but a great dog killer should be asked first, less I get knocked on the head if it is not yer wish. If it is not, I will go about my business.”  
   
Jamie’s head was resting on my thigh looking up at me with pleading eyes. I couldn’t help giggling at him.  
   
“Oh good! I thought ye might say no!”  
   
Before I could utter a peep Jamie had settled between my legs stirring up my arousal within seconds. I marveled at his energy for making love and though it had gone from daily to four or five times per week, it always left us sated and spent. There were times he would bring the neanderthal and times he would impose a slow tempo that would drive me to the heights of pleasure. I enjoyed more equality, and I could give and take as I wanted, most of the time. Tonight was a slow burn and the finish left us slick with sweat and panting for breath. I laid on Jamie’s chest and watched the shadows dance on the wall from the fire. I felt like I wanted to thank him but how could I word it? Thank you for loving me, for bringing me home, for making my dreams come true, for saving me from Frank, for learning to tango, for letting me into the business, for helping Edith, for saving me from death in the backseat of a car…for everything. I hoped with all my heart he knew. I closed my eyes and then things got weird.  
   
I heard Butter jump to his feet sniffing the window that was closed tight against the cold. He started whining and I shushed him before he woke the whole house up. Jamie was on his feet and stayed to the side of the window petting Butter. Suddenly Butter snarled and barked like he wanted to kill something. He was jumping at the window trying to see whatever he smelled. I ran to take him from Jamie.  
   
“Sassenach. It’s just a neighbor, nothin to fear. I will go see what he wants and be right back. Get back in bed mo chridhe.” He pulled his clothes on and I watched him walk into the front yard with his warmest jacket on. He spoke to the man and looked around him like he might have dropped something. Jamie’s voice had some stress, hardly noticeable but I heard it. The man tried to walk around Jamie like he was coming in the house but Jamie stopped him. The man was becoming belligerent and kept coming. I heard something about purses and money before Jamie landed a punch to the man’s kidneys. The man screamed and whirled on Jamie becoming like a Tasmanian devil, all arms and legs with one target, Jamie. I couldn’t look away. Something about Jamie’s movements or maybe his voice told me there was nothing to fear. Jamie dodged the attempted hits and kicks and taunted the man making him even crazier.  
   
It was bitter cold outside and their breath came in huge plumes of vapor. Jamie pushed the man backward until he ran into his car. Jamie opened his door and said something, then pushed him inside and left him out there. When he came through the door he was shivering and stood near the fire.  
   
“That goddamn idiot wants to be paid for the dog I killed. He is stinkin drunk and pissed off at the world.”  
   
“You killed?”  
   
“Aye, I killed, and I’ll no be payin him for raisin a blood lover.”  
   
Jamie had his hands out to the fire trying to warm them. I watched the neighbor climb out of his car and pull a rifle out with him.  
   
“Shit he’s coming back and has a rifle or shotgun or something Jamie!”  
   
“That idiot. I’m not in the mood to hurt him but it seems he insists.” Jamie banged on the wall and called to Ian. Their bedroom door opened not a minute later. Jamie spoke quietly to Ian in the hall and after several minutes I heard them laughing. What the hell?  
   
I watched out the window as the man came toward the house. I could see Ian running from the side of the house until he was behind him. Plumes of vapor shot out from under the porch as Jamie spoke to him. Ian walked up behind the man and whistled at about five paces. The man spun around and Jamie grabbed his rifle but not before the man squeezed a shot off just missing Jamie. Jamie yanked the rifle and smashed the stock into the man’s face. “Yer goin to jail for attempted murder you idiot. The highlands are well rid of ye.”  
   
The man was tied to a large pole and left in the barn to freeze, or nearly so. He was so drunk and dangerous, Jamie refused to turn him loose except to the law and that fiasco would wait until morning. Jenny was in our room looking out the window with me. When she heard the men come in she ran back to her room.  
   
Jamie’s mood was dark when he covered us with blankets. New logs were laid on the grate and the fire brought the room to warm and toasty in a few minutes. For the next hour he tossed and turned, finally getting up to dress again, he left. Once again I watched from the window as he dragged the pole and the man tied to it inside. I heard the pole drop to the floor in what sounded like the kitchen. Back in bed I hugged my body to him and felt so much happiness for what he had done. My man was honest and fair, the man would not freeze to death waiting for the law.  
   
Early the next morning officers came to take the man to jail after taking statements from all of us. I pleaded with Jamie to tell the truth about how the dog died and he relented so the story we gave was one hundred percent true. I was never so happy to close the door on an empty house in my life. I felt exhausted from all the stress of the night before and laid on the floor with Butter, contemplating the universe. Ten minutes later I was tapping out the beat to Beethoven’s fifth symphony on my stomach and decided I was really bored. “C’mon Butter, let’s go see Edith, she is on winter break too.”  
   
Walking through the carriage house I thought about the many times Jamie wanted to talk about my giving it up. I wasn’t ready to give up what felt like a security blanket wrapped in Edith’s love. Since July, I had been here only a few nights to sleep and study, which hardly warranted the rent payments every month. But I wasn’t ready, not yet.  
   
Butter’s patience deserted him and he sat against the door whining. I gave in and we went to see Edith and the Butter lovers.  
   
Edith and I chatted over coffee and she told me how everyone on the street decorated their houses with lights suggesting I drive the neighborhood during the holiday so I could see it. Edith’s house faced one of the main streets of Edinburgh and she admitted feeling bad that she couldn’t hang the lights like she once did.  
  
“I bought an extra-large wreath that has blinking lights for the front door so I feel better about doing my part.”  
   
The culinary institute was having their Christmas party tonight so I helped Edith get ready and gave her a special hairdo that she loved. She left mid-afternoon to do some Christmas shopping before going to the party, leaving me alone with my boredom again. Halfway back to the carriage house I thought about putting the lights on the house myself. It would be such a happy surprise for Edith. My boredom evaporated and I sprinted back to the house.  
   
I remembered all the boxes of outdoor lights I found when I helped Edith clean out her basement. I pulled them all upstairs and laid the strings of lights in the front yard. So many lights, where might they all go, I wondered? I pulled out the ladder and found solid ground to set it up before climbing to the roof. I had thrown a dozen strings of lights on the roof and climbed up with confidence. I pulled the strings apart and happened to glance at the others left on the ground when my head started spinning and I gripped the gutter almost pulling it off the house. Jesus Christ, when did I develop a white-knuckled fear of heights? Crap, this was intense and I completely abandoned my idea of hanging lights. Now I was making promises to God just to get me back to earth. The ladder seemed so far away from the roof and my grip on the gutter would not hold me if I fell. Shit, shit! I rolled over on my stomach to have a better grip of the roof while my feet searched wildly for the ladder. I could feel my hands start to slide and wished frantically I had married Jamie on the beach before my untimely demise falling off a roof. One foot felt the ladder all of a sudden. When both feet were firmly on the ladder I heard a man’s voice say “easy does it, lass, drop one foot to the first rung. There ye go.”  
   
I looked around frantically, “Angus! Angus, you came to save me! Thank God.” While I slowly climbed down he told me it wasn’t every day he saw a lass's rear end hanging off a roof. I blushed hot but laughed at the image he described. When my feet touched the earth I hugged him with all my might and made him blush furiously.  
   
“It is so good to see you, Angus. Come in for a dram before you leave, it’s the least I can do.” We sat in Edith’s kitchen and drank whisky, catching up on life since seeing each other in July at Jenny’s wedding. I explained what I was trying to do for Edith and he made jokes at my expense but I didn’t mind.  
   
“I’m done for the day so I’m stayin to help ye and make sure ye dinna go up that ladder again.”  
   
I was thrilled, and outside we went to survey the “canvas” as he called it. We brought more boxes upstairs and when Jamie called I filled him in. Twenty minutes later Jamie’s truck pulled into the driveway with John Grey right behind him. After a mutual back-slapping greeting with Angus, we all got down to work. Whenever I held a string or the ladder for someone Jamie would sneak up and kiss me senseless making me giggle until I almost let the ladder fall. I pointed my finger at him and narrowed my eyes eliciting a hands-up surrender from a laughing Jamie.  
   
Next to arrive was Stormy and the baby, all bundled up against the cold. She had hot sub sandwiches and coffee and the strings were abandoned to fill our growling stomachs. I worried we wouldn’t be finished in time to surprise Edith and mentioned we had to hurry. A neighbor and his wife walked over to lend additional help and I was thrilled. They loved Edith and were happy to help. A short time later the neighbors from the other side came over eager to jump in and assist. With three men on the roof catching the strings as they were tossed up, our project was coming together.  
   
Stormy was trying to give suggestions for wrapping the chimney and asked me to hold the baby. I tried to act confident so she wouldn’t notice my quaking insides and hammering heart. What do I know about holding a baby? What if it wiggles or something? I sat on the porch and she laid him in my lap and walked away. I got lost in his cherubic face, animated arms and legs, and his smiles. When I would giggle at his noises he put more energy into his squirming and smiles and it filled me with happiness. Stormy handed me a warm bottle of milk and I looked up wide-eyed at her.  
   
“Me? You want me to feed him?”  
   
She gave me a dazzling smile and walked away to help the others. Oh my God, I thought, look at this amazing baby reaching for this bottle. I inched the nipple toward him, hoping no one would see I didn’t know how to do this and take him from me. He smiled at me and pulled the nipple into his mouth. Sweet Jesus, look at him suck on his bottle. I was transfixed and afraid to breathe in case he would stop, or cry, bringing Stormy back. My body fell into a natural rocking motion while I watched him, completely in love with this moment. While the chaos and commotion raged all around me, I was in a bubble just watching him eat and squeeze my finger.  
   
Jamie stood stock still and watched his Sassenach feed the baby. His eyes stung with emotion and he could see her feeding their own child. He cherished the distillery and Lallybroch but he was witnessing something he wanted above all else, a child with Claire. Stormy walked in his line of sight and put a diaper on Claire’s shoulder telling her to hold him up to her shoulder and pat his back until he burped. When the burp came he watched her beaming smile. The infant was returned to her lap to finish the other half of the bottle. Jamie had never loved her so much. Thwack!  
   
The snowball hit him in the face and snapped him out of his reverie. He eyed the evil grin on Angus and scooped up a hand full of snow before launching a counter-attack. John Grey laughed and threw a ball at Jamie, the neighbor threw one at Angus and soon the snowball fight was on. Stormy and the neighbor's wife pretended to be cheerleaders and Claire didn’t hear a thing. She was in her own world.  
   
John held his arms out for his son after he kissed me on the cheek. Stormy kissed my other cheek and they waved goodbye. The house was finished so I gathered the boxes from the yard and took them back downstairs. I was still in a floaty frame of mind, happy to hold onto the feeling of the baby in my arms and not seeing a large immovable object in front of me until I face-planted Jaime’s chest.  
   
“Come Sassenach, Angus wants to say goodbye and get home to his dinner.”  
   
I was overwhelmed at the sight of the house ablaze with lights and twinkling stars. Long icicle lights hung from the roof edge, the chimney was wrapped in blinking lights as were the tree trucks and evergreens. The picture window was framed in blinking lights and boughs of evergreen hung around the front door. I put my hand to my mouth and felt the sting of tears because it looked so beautiful. Even the mailbox had greens and lights with a white star on top.  
   
“We found some lights that are battery operated and put them on the mailbox.”  
   
I looked up at Jamie and hugged him hard around his middle making him laugh. It was better than I ever imagined and I was so grateful to everyone. The sun had set by then and I saw the houses up and down the street turn on their lights. When I stepped back I understood why Edith felt so sad her house did not have lights. I felt honored to help her bling with her neighbors and couldn’t wait for her to see.  
   
Jamie kissed me in a way that made me forget time and space and I had to fight my way back to the present. “I love ye Sassenach.”  
   
I felt dreamy walking through Edith’s house turning off lights and pulling Butter out of a love-in with his four growling groupies. I locked the door behind me and we turned toward the carriage house as Lu and Edith pulled in. I watched Edith walk the sidewalk in front of her house with tears streaming down her cheeks. She stood and stared for several minutes and Lu smiled and held onto her. She held her arms open to me and hugged me close, and then Jamie. She was rather overcome at the sight and said little but I knew she was very happy.  
   
Jamie and I ordered our favorite pizza and made long passionate love at the carriage house. Afterward, I watched the fire dance and fell into a happy Christmas sleep with my love’s arms around me. I was exhausted and slept the night away without a dream or a nocturnal roll over, just a blissful black.  
   
“Sassenach.” six kisses on my face brought me out of deep sleep. “I love ye, but I gotta go. See ye tonight mo chridhe. I have somethin planned so I’ll pick ye up at Lallybroch after work. Dress warmly.”  
   
I shook my head trying to clear the cobwebs and managed to catch a glimpse of Jamie’s back as he walked out the door. I looked at the morning paper on the floor near my bed and saw Edith’s “Thank You” written in red marker. There were two large photos of Edith’s house. The first said, “The Christmas spirit is alive in Edinburgh as neighbors and friends light up the house of one of Edinburgh’s most loved residents.” It was snapped when three of the men were on the roof catching the lights that Stormy and I threw up to them. The next picture was the snowball fight and the caption read “and then they played.” I looked at myself in the photo with the baby in my arms and felt a longing and a hope that had not been there before. I looked up at Butter wagging his tail furiously while holding his leash in his mouth. I rolled my eyes and got up. The hope was in me now and I would talk to Jamie about it tonight.


	32. Chapter 32

Jaime was in a playful mood when he picked me up at Lallybroch. He looked at my angora stockings and smiled with the memory of the last time I wore them. He ran his hand up my leg and touched the panties, moaning and rolling his eyes.  
   
“I knew it would be okay to wear them again because you told me I couldn’t seduce you with my clothes anymore. What a relief to wear whatever suits my fancy now without worry you will be distracted. What did you plan for tonight?”  
   
“Ah, yes, yer trickery will no work anymore so ye’ll have to work for my passion Sassenach. Although I admit I canna stop touching them, they’re so soft.”  
   
“Well, since you are unaffected by my clothes I will confess there is another angora piece that completes my underwear fashion statement.”  
   
Jaime’s eyes shot to my breasts and moved toward me with a single-minded determination to look under my sweater. I held my hand up and moved to the door of our bedroom. “Do your plans include feeding me tonight. I am starving.”  
   
“Dinner, aye. Come here lass, I want a hug.”  
   
I was already walking down the stairs and pulling on my coat. He said he will no longer be seduced by my choice of clothing and I wanted to test that statement. I smiled to myself knowing he couldn’t wait to see the angora bra.  
   
We drove to the city and had dinner in our favorite Italian restaurant. Jamie shared his struggle for updating the distillery and I learned he was considering an immense change. I was aware of the magnitude of this decision and I gave him my full attention while I gazed at his eyes, his mouth, his chin, his…  
   
“We are the only distillery in Scotland who still malts barley. All the others converted to purchasing the final product long ago. If we updated our process it would taste the same, free up much needed time and gain the space of the malting and drying floors as well as the lower level where the peat fires burn. If I intend to grow in volume, it’s the only way, ye ken?”  
   
I wondered if Jamie felt he was letting his father down by converting the process handed down from father to son for two hundred years. I asked how this would benefit the business and watched him become animated and excited talking about the automation that would be possible as well as the increase in volume produced. I decided I would be a supportive ear and hold back any opinions. This was an emotional decision for Jamie that could not be summed with a calculator. My heart went out to him.  
   
“Are ye ready Sassenach?”  
   
“Of course, where you go, I follow, because you’re so cute.”  
   
It was a crisp evening but not much under thirty degrees so very tolerable outside. He asked me to walk with him and I fell in gladly. When we stopped to rest on a bench I had a feeling I had been here before. I searched my brain for a memory and suddenly it filled my head, it’s where I asked Jamie for a church wedding many months ago.  
   
“Sassenach, I agreed to a church wedding on this very bench five months ago. We found the perfect church and met the perfect pastor to perform the ceremony yet we have no date for the wedding. I want to be your husband more than anything in the world so I will be bold and ask ye what is keepin ye from our vows?”  
   
This was unexpected. I stared at his eyes while I struggled to find an answer. He touched my cheek and smiled at me with so much compassion. “Do ye even ken mo chridhe?”  
   
“Um… yes, um… what about a spring wedding? It would be lovely with the new growth in the trees and warm weather.”  
   
“What about the carriage house? If ye become my wife I canna see the need for your second residence.”  
   
I was feeling boxed in and I didn’t like it. I couldn’t make those decisions yet for some reason and he was pressuring me. I looked away hoping to gain some clarity and the ability to communicate this to Jamie. My heart was hammering in my chest making me feel out of control suddenly.  
   
“I need to set a date for sure. School just took all my brain space this semester but I want to nail down the details during the break. What thoughts do you have on the matter?”  
   
He pulled me to him and pressed his forehead against mine. “It will get colder tonight, as time goes on, and we will not leave this bench until you tell me what is in yer heart lass. I’ve watched ye closely and I think I ken the answer already. May I tell ye what I think mo chridhe?”  
   
The sound of his voice made me very nervous all of a sudden. I had no reason to put off the wedding it just happened and he was about to turn it into something bad. No wonder my heart was racing. I felt trapped by the conversation so I agreed to listen.  
   
“I ken ye feel my love, ye feel Lallybroch is yer home, ye trust in a future living with Jenny and Ian, am I right so far love?”  
   
“Yes.” I was calming down.  
   
“I ken ye got scared when I tried to run the business without ye and ye left me for a month. I remember the things ye said to me when ye left Lallybroch with Edith after a dinner party. So heartbroken ye were. Do ye remember askin me where ye would go when I wanted ye away from me. Do ye remember Sassenach?”  
   
The memory of that night when I left Lallybroch because Jamie wanted to have a meeting with Stormy and John filled my head and I gasped with the pain in my heart. He was cruel and cold and the memory of being excluded gripped my heart like a frozen claw.  
   
“Ye ken it was a directive from my da that was driven into my head and ye ken I pulled ye in because I canna live without ye. The carriage house is yer safety zone. A home and Edith’s love to shelter ye when it happens again. I ken it scared ye enough to stop the wedding plans. There have been too many heartbreaks tryin to love me and each one has eroded yer faith in our future.”  
   
I couldn’t help the tears that became sobs as he kept talking. He pulled tissue from his pocket and handed it to me. He knew this would happen and I felt confused about his insistence to talk about it. I shivered as the wind picked up and seemed to blow through me.  
   
“Please look at me, Claire. I beg ye to listen with all yer heart and fight the defensiveness. I love ye more than I thought possible to love another person. I have learned so much in our time together, my mistakes have been great, but I’ve learned what is truly important in life. It’s simple mo chridhe. A tiny lass named Claire. That’s it. Absolutely nothin will ever be as important to me, nothin. How do we get passed this love?”  
   
I asked myself if I was ready to commit to Jamie in marriage if he wanted to do it now, right now. He was right. I cried harder wondering when this love would stop hurting me so much. Like he knew my thoughts Jamie pulled me to him and gave me his strength and warmth.  
   
“It’s alright Sassenach. Can we agree to work on this together and not hide from damage that is preventing us from moving on? Please mo chridhe, tell me ye will work on it with me.”  
   
“Yes, Jamie, I promise to work on this. Until now, I didn’t realize why I was holding onto the carriage house, and you may be right. I don’t want to be afraid of a future with you, so yes, I promise.”  
   
He wrapped his arms around me and we walked back to his truck, I leaned into him feeling his strong arms around me, his tenderness and understanding. I knew this was my home, come what may, it was time to figure this out and I knew just how to do it. Remembering Jamie’s reaction to doctor Lu hypnotizing me the last time I decided to speak up about my thought.  
   
“I would like another round of treatment from doctor Lu and I want you to know about it. He helped me so much the last time, I think it’s where I need to start. How can I do this without causing you discomfort Jamie? Do you still think he intends to steal my money?”  
   
“No lass, I dinna think that, Lu is a good man. Can I be in the waiting room when yer hypnotized?”  
   
“I don’t see why not. I’ll call tomorrow and set it up. Then I need a quiet place to meditate for five days. After that, it should be much better.” I hoped it would. I couldn’t imagine a future as anything but Jamie’s wife and my fear of abandonment had worked it’s way into that future threatening all that I loved. I had work to do.  
   
We climbed into the truck and I pressed against Jamie kissing his neck and cheek. “I love you so much.” He held me with one arm and steered with the other but I could hear him breathing harder and every stoplight was a mouth mash that made me feel like a three-alarm fire inside. Jamie pulled up to a green light and seized me, panting that he wanted me and pulling my arms around his neck. I could hardly catch my breath when his hands invaded my sweater and he touched the angora bra and moaned. He flipped a u-turn at the light and we crashed into the carriage house with a single need. He pushed me away from him as he lit the fire and stared at me. I was frozen in place waiting for the opportunity to touch him. He poured two whisky’s and handed me one as he pulled pillows to the floor. I waited, tortuously, as he pulled his shirt off, never looking away from me.  
   
“Coat off Sassenach.”  
   
“Sweater.”  
   
“Skirt off lass.”  
   
He laid back on the pillows, “come closer mo chridhe.” He ran his hand up my angora legs and stared at the bra barely covering my nipples. I was doing my best to breathe but it felt like I was midway through a marathon and only wanted to finish.  
   
“Ye will come twice before I lose my pants mo chridhe. Are ye ready for that?”  
   
He pulled me down to the floor and covered me in unhurried kisses while his hands stroked my arms and legs. He sucked my nipples and unclasped my bra and then pulled my panties down. With just my stockings and high heels he drove me up the wall with his fingers and tongue until I was begging for him. With fingers inside me and thumb on my heat I was losing my mind. “Come for me lass.”  
   
It ripped me apart and my body shook with my second orgasm. I moaned at Jamie to let me taste him and felt him push into my mouth. He grabbed my hair and held my head still while he pumped into my mouth aggressively. Before I could form a coherent thought he pulled me away and pushed out of his pants, now dropped to under his butt.  
   
I am gonna show ye that ye belong to me, forever lass. No other man can bring ye to heights that I can. He lifted me and sat on the edge of the bed with me straddling him. He pushed into me and pressed down on my shoulders until I winced with the depth of him. My skin and bud were stretched with the size and depth of him and when he pushed my hips a couple of inches I felt an explosion and shuddered with another orgasm.   
   
“It’s too much Jamie. Let’s finish this, like we always do, please.”  
   
Jamie pressed me down on him again and I could feel the sweat roll down my face and chest. My head rolled back and I was lost in the erotic current. Jamie changed position slightly and I moaned loudly. “No more Jamie.”  
   
“I need ye lass and I’m gonna move ye just a bit and when ye come I’ll go with ye.” He moved my hips very slightly and my over-stretched core lit up and I almost screamed from the intensity. I could feel Jamie shudder under me and felt him grip me tightly. We fell over onto the bed and I reached for him. I felt like I couldn’t get close enough and kissed his cheeks, eyelids, mouth, and neck.  
   
We talked and kissed for twenty minutes and then reluctantly got dressed. It would have been so great to sleep right there but Butter was at Lallybroch expecting his treat. Jamie drove so slowly I kept asking him if he was awake.  
   
“More than I’ve ever been Sassenach.” Half-way to Lallybroch it started to snow and looked like a winter wonderland. My heart was full of love and happy the holidays were almost upon us. Once home, Jamie pulled a fresh bone from a bag for Butter and he curled up in a corner to grind away at it while we kissed in the dark and went to sleep.  
   
The following week I pulled into Lu’s parking lot and saw Jamie pacing in front of his truck. I wondered what could make him look so upset and walked quickly to him. He pressed my forehead and closed his eyes. “Mo chridhe, is there a possibility that you will decide ye will not marry me once yer in hypnosis?”  
   
“Impossible.” I smiled into his worried eyes. “Do you think I could ever walk away from this?” I held his cheeks and kissed him slowly. We would both feel better once this session is over I thought. I looked at Jamie until the door closed between us and felt a great emptiness without him. My emotions were all over the board these days and I stopped trying to understand them.   
   
“Go back to the dinner party Claire. Who are you sitting next to?”  
“What happened to make you leave so abruptly?”  
“What was Jamie’s reason …”  
“Where is your trust now Claire?”  
“Go forward in time twenty-five years and see your life with Jamie at Lallybroch. Tell me what you see and who is there.”  
   
Lu let his questions tell a story that only Claire would truly understand. He led her everywhere he thought might hold the key to her resistance to marriage. When the hour was up he asked her to describe how she felt inside.  
   
“There is a tiny baby in my womb and I am emotional.”  
   
Lu was careful to maintain the tempo and pitch of his voice as he pushed down on the shock of what Claire just revealed. The subconscious knows everything that is happening in the body and that is the part of her mind he talks to in hypnosis. He never had such a thing revealed in one of his sessions and as he brought her up he decided on the best course of action.  
   
I hugged doctor Lu when he walked me to the lobby where Jamie waited. “Thank you for seeing me so soon Lu. Do you have my five subjects?  
   
“Ah, no Claire, this time it’s different. The work you must do is listen to the session sometime today in a sitting position, do not lay down. You did very well today my dear and I believe you will have everything you need to make a decision about the wedding.”  
   
He handed me the DVD and smiled as we left. I felt light as a feather and very happy inside and curled my hand into Jamie’s arm as he walked me to my car.  
   
“Sassenach. I promised myself I wilna impose myself on ye again to listen to the session. I’m just gonna ask if yer comfortable with me hearin it with ye. It sounds like ye had a breakthrough of some kind and it’s all I can do not to get on my knees and beg ye to let me hear it.”  
   
When I saw his eyes it was clear how committed he was to our relationship and future. “Yes, of course, I’m pretty sure you know everything already but if you have the time we can listen now… and sit up…for some reason.”  
   
Jamie built a fire against the cold of the carriage house and I popped in the DVD. We sat on the edge of the bed and listened to what I thought were my obvious thoughts through our last two fights. I was getting rather bored and my back was feeling tense from this position. When I heard Lu wrap up the session I was relieved it was almost over.  
   
“How do you feel inside right now Claire?”  
   
“There is a tiny baby in my womb and I am emotional.”  
   
“What did I just say?”  
   
Jamie backed the recording up and we heard it again. I was in shock and I looked at Jamie fight his tears with red-rimmed eyes. “You said a tiny baby love. Is there a tiny baby? Could ye be pregnant mo chridhe?”  
   
“No Jamie, that’s ridiculous. Granted, my periods are not that regular, or that long, but I’ve had a short one last month. I couldn’t be pregnant. Why would I even say such a thing?” I saw the disappointment in Jamie’s eyes and suddenly thought this was a cruel trick. I felt my anger come up because Lu got me to say that somehow. I stumbled to my feet and pulled Jamie with me. “Come, it’s time for you to go back to work. Shake it off sweetheart. It will happen someday, after we’re married which will be the first weekend in June.”  
   
Jamie hugged me and smiled as he got into his truck. I waved goodbye holding my anger down until he was out of sight. I was furious. This was a mean trick and Lu had to know what he was doing. I slammed my car door and drove to the drug store. Back at the carriage house, I read the simple directions as the tears I had pushed back were spilling over. Ever since holding Stormy’s baby I have felt a desire for something even bigger than a baby. My own family that needed no invitation and could not be taken away. My bones ached with a desire I’ve had all my life and it was now possible with Jamie. This little trick of Lu’s was cruel and now I just wanted to get this over with.  
   
I dried the stick and set it on the counter. I watched it for five minutes and finally gave in to the sobs as my back slid down the wall to the floor. If I felt this bad from a suggestion of pregnancy that was impossible, what would become of me if month after month I am unable to conceive? “Oh Christ, please don’t let me be barren.” Once the tears were spent I pushed to my feet and grabbed the box, insert, and stick to throw them away. I looked at my swollen eyes in the mirror and ran cold water over my face. Maybe I should visit Edith. She could always make me feel better about the world.  
   
It was time to get out of this house. I looked for my keys for five minutes before checking the bathroom and there they were on the counter. I spun on my heel and caught the contents of the wastebasket in my peripheral vision but thought nothing of it. Halfway to Edith’s front door, I saw the instructions for the pregnancy test in my head. Pee on the stick and it turns blue for positive. I saw something blue in the wastebasket. I was running back chastising myself for inviting more hurt into my heart when I saw the blue again. I looked down at it for a full minute, afraid it would change if I touched it. My heart was racing and my hands were shaking but my mind screamed, it is blue!!  
   
I am pregnant, Jamie and I are going to be parents, Jenny and I will start our families at the same time, I will have an infant by this time next year, oh my God, and I will be pregnant throughout my senior year of nursing school… better to not overthink this.  
   
I floated out to my car and was parking in front of the distillery before I had my next conscious thought. I found Jamie in his office staring out the window with his back to the door. He was deep in thought and I wondered if he felt sad there was no tiny baby. I leaned on his door frame and asked if I could come in.  
   
“Sassenach, of course! What brings ye here for a visit?”  
   
“I needed another hug after that crazy session. I felt lonely for you.” I crawled into his lap and felt his arms come around me.  
   
“Don’t be sad mo chridhe, it will happen when it’s supposed to.” He hugged me to him and kissed my cheek.  
   
“Oh, yea, I also wanted to show you this.” I put the stick in his hand and could not help the smile that broke across my face. I pointed to the name of the product and then the tiny blue box that said POS. “James Fraser you are going to be a father,” I whispered.


	33. Chapter 33

Throwing together group dinners like spaghetti and meat sauce was getting easier for me, in fact, I could call in my egg pick up, work on my Christmas list, and combine ingredients at the same time. I decided that level of multitasking was good practice for a mother-to-be. Grating fresh garlic for bread gave me a happy surprise, no blood! I was definitely getting better at creating a meal. 

“Oh lass, that smells like heaven, thank ye so much for havin a meal ready tonight.”

“Jenny, you look awful, I mean you look like you’re tired and in pain.” She shot me a look and giggled. I ordered her upstairs to rest for an hour and got no argument. She was first out of the house in the morning, working long hours getting acclimated to her new job. Superwoman Jenny was showing fatigue from the hours and stress so I tried to prepare meals every night and succeeded about four times per week. Tonight was special for Jamie and me. We would share our news together over dinner so fingers crossed no one fled the table for takeout. 

I was tossing a salad when I felt Jamie’s warm, strong arms come around me. I looked at the happiest face I had seen since New Orleans and felt my insides melt. I turned in his arms and kissed him with all of the passion and excitement I felt. 

“Okay, I canna stand it anymore. The two of ye look like ye just bought a timeshare in the Bahamas and yer keepin it a secret. What’s got ye both lookin so sappy at each other?” Jenny’s face looked conspiratorial and Ian looked confused. I looked at Jamie and waited.

“Well, it turns out we’ll be raisin two bairns at the same time,” he said with a lovely crimson blush.

I thought Ian might faint because his face lost all color and he looked at Jenny like he had been punched in the stomach. Jenny looked at me, then Jamie and a smile came to her face. I locked eyes with her and nodded. It was all so quiet and surreal. Jenny got up and pulled me into a hug that she held for almost a minute. She walked to Jamie and did the same thing. It was like time was suspended until she got her hugs in and then she looked at poor stricken Ian. 

“We are no having twins dearest, Claire is pregnant.” 

Ian’s amazing smile lit up the room and he hugged me and shook hands with Jamie. 

“Well, the lass’s canna drink so more for us! Time to celebrate!” Ian disappeared for five minutes and came back with a special bottle of whisky that he had saved for a celebration that brother and sister would share together. Jamie held the bottle and ran his hand over the label. The look on his face made me choke back the tears. He handed the bottle to Jenny who didn’t even try to stem the flow of emotion. That must be some bottle of whisky I thought to myself. I looked at Ian confused. 

“This bottle is from the last lot made by their da. It took months, but I found a whisky distributor on the internet who had one bottle left. Said it came with a lot he had purchased from a Scotland liquor store bankruptcy. I’ve been waitin for the right celebration, and this is it, son and daughter both havin a bairn.”

The bottle sat between Jamie and Jenny and they both stared at it, lost in their memories. 

Jamie’s head jerked up, “I don’t want to drink it, Ian please, can we save it?” 

Ian grabbed the bottle and opened it pulling a gasp from them both. He was smiling like the Cheshire cat. “Tis fortunate there were two bottles left, and I bought them both. Come to us lassie’s, a taste of a much-loved master blender will fortify the bairn that sleeps within ye.” 

Jenny and I hugged our men and tasted the first sip of the glasses poured. Ian and Jamie threw their back with an exhale of admiration for a great spirit, the one so missed, the other sliding down their throats.   
We were all talking at once, feeling glorious with this fabulous news, feeling the spirit of Christmas, so blessed to have our little family to experience the joys of life with. 

“Well now, there be no more draggin yer feet about the weddin.” 

I looked at Jenny and smiled triumphantly. “I set the date, the first weekend in June.”

“The hell you will. Ye want to be wed with a beach ball under yer weddin dress? No! No sister of mine will be labeled trash for a shotgun weddin because Jamie couldn’t purchase a condom. That is the fodder that makes them crazy girls come out of the woodwork trying to lure him away from ye.”

“Jenny!” Jamie looked furious and I was feeling attacked and frankly confused. 

I looked at Jenny like she had just struck me. This was no condom accident, it was our greatest joy and she was making it ugly. I looked at the ground, afraid to look at Jamie fearing my reaction. 

Jenny jumped out of her seat and grabbed my hand yanking me into the other room. She pressed me into the couch and sat knee to knee with me. Her face was compassionate and she spoke quietly.

“Listen to me lass, all the equal rights and woman power combined will no change the stigma of a pregnant marriage. Jamie has certain…attributes that make the lass’s go a bit crazy for him. Why give the empty-headed bimbo’s any reason to come sniffin around him battin their eyelashes. For Jamie’s sake as well as yer own, marriage from love is a choice, its to be respected by all. Marriage from an obligation of pregnancy makes both of ye fair game. Ye might think me old fashioned and pin yer hopes on an evolved population of farmers and merchants, but a small change in yer plans will see ye married well. Do ye understand?”

I was beginning to. I had not thought of the social consequence of marrying Jamie six months pregnant. This was all such a shock and I was being happily reactive rather than proactive. I looked at Jenny and hugged her tightly. I heard Jamie’s voice just above a whisper.

“Sassenach?” 

“She is right Jamie. I didn’t think this through.” I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. Could you be talked into a holiday wedding perhaps?”

“Aye, it would be my greatest honor mo chridhe.”

Jenny grabbed both of our hands and pulled us back to the kitchen. Jamie protested he was having a moment and Jenny ignored him. 

“I have a thought,” she said looking like she might explode. 

Ian groaned and refilled the two glasses before giving his wife his full attention. 

“Claire, ye’ll make the most beautiful Hogmanay bride. We can have the service early, here at Lallybroch with close friends and then our traditional party will start bringing the whole community in to congratulate ye. Ye can wear yer weddin dress all evening!” 

I was feeling overwhelmed and looked at Jenny for a bailout. A wedding I planned for six months in the future would now happen in two weeks. A small voice in my head said Jenny was the one person in the world I trusted to have my best interest with this. I smiled and felt happy but the tears came anyway. Partly from fatigue, partly from everything else. Jenny pulled me out of my seat and sent me to bed.

“One thing I remember about early pregnancy is the fatigue lass, ye look pale all of a sudden. Go upstairs and get into bed. We don’t have to think about any of this until tomorrow. It’s the weekend, we can spend all day plannin yer weddin and make it a girls day with Edith.” So go.” 

I climbed the stairs feeling the enormity of what was ahead. We had months to plan Jenny’s wedding and still felt rushed. I had two weeks and no energy. I felt Jamie’s warmth behind me in the shower and he nuzzled my neck playfully. My ridiculous mood could flip in five minutes making me climb on top of him. Right now I just felt small and I let him see that on my face.

“My Sassenach, ye need rest lass. Let me help you. He washed my hair and covered me in luxurious soap. I could feel Butter licking in off my leg but lacked the energy to make him stop. Jamie wrapped me in towels and knelt on the floor smoothing lotion on both legs and arms, back, front, and neck, without a single erotic gesture. He blew my hair dry and lifted me into his arms to lay me gently on the bed. He kissed me softly and escaped back to the shower. 

Tine passed and thoughts flowed through my mind, some were to-do lists, some were Jamie’s soft hands, his face in the morning, his scratchy beard when he wakes me up between my legs, the way his eyes look when he comes home with a heavy need and stares at me through dinner until I’m squirming in my chair.

Jamie turned off the hot water dial and stood as long as he could stand it. The cold water made him feel alive, like a kid jumping into the newly thawed stream. It was invigorating and he grabbed a towel with energy and then snapped it at Butter making him spin in circles trying to steal the towel. He succeeded in taking it from Jamie and trotted into the bedroom to show Claire his prize. 

Any amorous thoughts Jamie had an hour ago vaporized with his need to protect Claire from getting overtired. He had boundless happy energy tonight and decided to plow through the first few chapters of his new book. Smiling with excitement he strode into the bedroom to pull the book from the shelf. He didn’t have to look at her to know the energy in the room had changed and his skin prickled in acknowledgment. He paused looking for the book, his back to Claire and turned slightly, listening. She exhaled through open lips and the hair on his neck stood up as he carried the book to the bed. 

The Sassenach’s mood has changed and she is seeing erotic pictures in her head, I can tell, even with her eyes closed. I bend my knee closest to her to hide my growing erection and make her want to look at me. I sense she is deep in her arousal already and wonder how she will turn her seduction on me, I am excited, watching sixty ways to have her in my head. I want her naked so I can suck every inch of her. Sheets and quilts are suddenly my enemies tonight. A fire will chase the cold away and force her to shed what is hiding my prize. God, I love this part, my balls are pulsing in readiness and my whole body is on alert.

The room gets warmer with the fire and I slide in pulling her to me and read out loud. She uses the lightest touch on my thigh and across my stomach. She watches her fingers touch my skin and I am nearly undone by that.

“Mercy it’s getting very warm in here. Get all these blankets off me. Ah, that’s better.”

I continue reading as she wraps her body around me and her feather touch moves up my torso and plays with my nipple. I’m ready to pull her under me with force, my testicles feel like bowling balls but by some miracle, the story I’m readin pulls part of my brain away. Thank God as it offers a tamp down to my surging need. I remark about something I read making her look at me with smoldering eyes. I force myself to concentrate and feel her touch descend to my crotch. 

“No mo chridhe. You need to sleep tonight, as do I. I offer her a peck on the cheek and yawn as I slide into my sleeping position. I can hear her breathing and I know it time because she climbs on top of me and moves her body against my hard cock. Dripping wet and slippery she pushes my hand under her pussy and tells me to touch her. With a tentative touch, her exhale is forceful, her rocking has a purpose. I feel myself slide into her warmth and gasp with pleasure. I am gorging myself on this exquisite feeling as she leans back bringing her feet to my sides and opens her knees completely.

“Touch me, Jamie,” she whispers. Look at us, love.”

I know this will shatter my last ounce of energy to hold back but I look anyway and see her body wrapped around me as she drops down on me. When she pulls back, the bulk of my cock slides out  
and I watch her beautiful body close again. My body jerks up toward her and I have a fist full of hair pulling her head back so I can feast on her lusty eyes and panting chest. 

“Ye have my attention lass,” he whispers an inch from my mouth. My hazy brain is partially aware of the room spinning and I feel the bed on my back. He is pulling away from me just when I expected him to shoot me to the moon. I reach for him but he is off the bed and his hands are pushing my legs open.

“Yer a vision lass. Hold still and close yer eyes while I throw another log on the fire.” 

I can feel my core pulsing, waiting, dripping with need and then something soft and silky presses against my eyes and is tight behind my head. Jamie pulls my hips toward the side of the bed and presses my legs open. My whole body feels like it’s being zapped with electricity and Jamie tells me to open my mouth. I feel him press against the back of my throat and moan. I can’t touch him because he holds my hands above my head. I hear him breathing hard, trying to restrain himself and he pulls away from me. Somehow the blindfold is intensifying the throbbing between my legs and I moan in need. I sense him above me and I am desperate to come.

“Open her mouth love.” He invades my mouth again but slowly, and my tongue glides over his soft skin and curls around the head before the next soft push. I am going to explode, with or without him. His wet tongue glides into my fold and my knees slam apart. It is the most erotic position and Jamie is in total command of every nerve ending from my face to my feet. When he pulls out of my mouth I growl his name and press his head to me as I take flight wondering if I will ever get back. I feel my teeth clench and my moan pulses with my orgasm that goes on and on. I was still in the grip my shuttering release when Jamie slid into me, “Christ lass!” A few deep thrusts and he shattered. 

Jamie collapsed and held me to him panting for his life. I heard a hand smack skin in the other room and Jenny yelling at Ian. I heard a few words like “why,” “you never,” and, “like that.” Ian choked out promises between deep laughter and Jenny kept yelling. 

Jamie laughed so hard I thought he might choke which set me off into my own giggles holding my stomach and gasping for breath. We finally settled down and cuddled each other to sleep. Just on the edge of my dream, I heard Jamie laugh again which rocked the bed pulling me back to consciousness. He couldn’t stop so he finally mashed his face into the pillow and made a heroic effort to stop. All was calm finally and we dropped into sleep like exhausted stones thrown into water. 

The next morning I was drifting in my laziness, in and out of sleep, and heard Jamie and Ian laughing in the kitchen downstairs. I felt the smile on my face and then heard my door swing open and Jenny saying my name over and over again. 

“Claire? Claire, wake up lass. Claire? Christ almighty I might sleep like the dead if I ever had sex like that. C’mon lass, open yer eyes, ye must get up, call Edith, arrange for a place to meet, get into the shower and be ready to leave in ten.”

I jerked the pillow off my face, “minutes?”

“Yes minutes,” now ye have nine, so get up ye lucky, spoiled, beautiful, wanton, carnal, damn! Damn, damn. I heard her swear all the way back to the kitchen and decided I better get up and get Jenny’s mind on something else. I looked at the wall and wondered how we could improve the sound barrier. Too much in my brain at the moment. I headed for the shower and a day that would be inducted into my memory hall of fame.

Ian looked at his best friend eating breakfast across the table and smiled at the memory of sitting right here with him when they were kids. Aside from losing their parents already, life had been good to them both and here they were, destined to watch each other grow old. 

“I had a thought when yer sister was beatin me in the middle of the night.”

“What might that be?” Jamie didn’t dare look at Ian for fear the laughing would start anew. 

“Bairns need their own rooms, right?”

“Aye.”

“There’s only one extra room upstairs.”

“I’ll miss livin with ye Ian.”

“Maybe we convert the rooms downstairs and continue livin together,” said with laughter. 

Jamie considered the rooms in this ancient house and raised his eyes smiling. “Aye, could be done.”

For the next two hours, the men sat at the table with paper, rulers, and a measuring tape, getting excited about making a change that would give both families a space of their own. Lallybroch was a very large house with rooms that had been converted and subdivided many times over the past three hundred years. There was enough usable living space on the main floor to build two bedrooms and a bathroom, leaving the kitchen and living room intact. Brian’s study would be sacrificed for the cause but Jamie saw the good in it and agreed. This would be a game-changer and they both knew it. 

Edith kissed Lu goodbye before exiting the car to join the girls. It was a cold day in Scotland and she shivered walking to the cafe. Claire told her about the baby and wedding in two weeks, beaming with happiness, while Edith absorbed this significant news. 

“Jenny, what’s wrong? Tell yer aunt Edith all about it.”

Jenny looked up blushing and stammering until she finally gave up and hung her head. Edith waited patiently. 

Jenny exhaled like a criminal caught red-handed, “we have a sound problem at our house and I canna make peace with it. Sometimes I wonder why Ian doesna make me scream like Claire does.” She raised her head triumphantly as if to say, there, now it’s out.

“You’re trying to too hard little love. You must make him work for it and I would bet he never dated anyone that was bossy and outspoken. That’s not his fault or yours. 

I looked at Jenny’s red face and wondered how we would ever salvage the day after this weird turn. 

“Making love is an art and men are not born with any such instincts. It’s learned so they have to have a teacher. Claire, tell us what happened to you last night.”

“What?”

“It would help Jenny see the difference if you could give a few details.”

“Um, I was too tired, and then I wasn’t, Jamie wanted to read so I took what I needed, and then there was a blindfold and a fire and um, well, the rest.”

“Splendid. Thank you, Claire. See Jenny?”

Jenny’s face had gone from red to purple and I’m sure mine was just as colorful. Edith, on the other hand, looked prim and proper stirring her tea and smiling. 

“We teach people how to treat us, child. I know Ian loves you but maybe if you live your truth in bed he will fight to figure you out. If the standard two kisses, a minute of groping, some panting in your ear, doesn’t do it for you then say goodnight and turn off the light. What is our first stop girls?”

I was struggling to wrap my head around what just happened and hoped Jenny would not be mad or embarrassed by Edith’s inspection of her most private life with Ian. When Jenny grabbed her around the neck in a tearful hug I was very relieved. 

“A blindfold Claire?” She looked at me like I had the secrets to the universe. 

“The first stop is the bridal shop, let’s go.”


	34. Chapter 34

The chilly air was invigorating as we made our way to the bridal shop. I prayed that Jenny would not want further details about sex between Jamie and me because he was her brother and that was just weird.

The owner asked us to sit and chat for a few minutes while her assistants were pulling the dresses she wanted to show us. She asked me tons of questions about Jamie, what we both did for a living, and for fun. I didn’t think the questions were intended for anything because they seemed so random. When the assistants came in with dresses she sent half of them back pulled three to the dressing room and the rest on racks nearby. 

“Alright," she looked at me smiling. "You can look all you want but I believe the three I’ve chosen will be your favorites. Call when you need assistance.”

“Out of the thousand or so dresses in this place how could she know yer three favorites?”

I shrugged my shoulders at Jenny’s whispered question. I believed it was a sales technique of some sort. My taste was off the beaten path, always had been, no way she could target my style. I looked at the vast number of dresses that hung near the huge dressing room and thought I better get started. 

I looked at the three bridal gowns and my first thought was the absurdity that I would choose one of these and actually marry the man who stole my heart when I was ten years old. I felt tears pricking my eyes and resisted the urge to pinch myself. The gowns were stunning and I was very careful touching them. I pulled my clothes off and tried to find a zipper or buttons to put the first one on. After five minutes I was getting cold so I called Jenny to come in.

“Christ Claire, put my jacket on before ye freeze to death. I think I got it, no that’s not it. Edith, we need ye help with this.”

It was the owner who came in, still smiling, and offered to help. “Arms up lass.”

The fabric of the dress slid down my body and legs feeling like a cool slippery second skin. I have a theory about the perfect dress and it has proven right every time. When the dress feels like it was made for you, sums up your personality and goals you have for the event you buy it. This was the dress I would be married in, I knew it as it slipped onto my body, and I was delighted with it. 

“Lass, I dinna ken what to say. It’s breathtakin, you’re beautiful in it, Jamie will have a heart attack when he sees ye in it.”

Heavy lace sleeves from my wrist to five inches below my shoulder attached to the heart-shaped bodice that was close fitted and decorated with thousands of hand-sewn pearls. The skirt was two layers with a modest flair. The owner went to get a stiff slip and the fabric fell onto it like a whisper. Jenny had a strange look on her face and pulled my arm so I would turn around to look in the mirror. I have never felt so elegant or had such a beautiful dress in my life. The tears would not be held back and I looked at the owner like she was magic.

“How could you possibly know?”

“It’s my job to see the person inside, and I’ve been dressing brides for thirty years.”

The owner explained the heavy lace sleeves would add some warmth for my winter wedding. I turned around to see the sharp dip to my waist, exposing my back. Keep me warm indeed, I thought. Next, we lost ourselves in gorgeous silk stockings, garter belts, tiny panties, and stunning shoes. I chose the highest heel she had because I wanted to look in Jamie’s eyes whenever I turned in his direction.

I watched Edith and Jenny with a keen eye and noticed what they drooled over. I let the owner know I would pick up those items tomorrow as Christmas presents and to please set them aside for me. I could not help seeing Edith’s eyes land on a beautiful beaded clutch. She did not touch it but her gaze landed on it several times. I indicated to the shop owner I would take that as well.

After three hours we piled out of the shop completely exhausted. Jenny went her separate way to do Christmas shopping and I drove Edith home. The sky was hosting large swollen black clouds and I saw the lights on Edith’s house from a block away. It made me happy inside that I had a friend like Edith who taught me how to cook, got me to therapy, loved my dog and my husband to be, and embraced my whole family. I helped her inside and hugged her.

“I love you, Edith, thank you for spending such an amazing day with me.”

“We will see you on Christmas dear and I will bring some things.”

I laughed at that. Some things meant an entire meal that would be remembered throughout the year. I turned my pockets inside out to show the Butter-lovers he was not sequestered against his will and they lost all interest in me walking to his bed with their tiny hearts broken.

“Maybe it’s time to have Butter for a play day,” she said looking at the depressed pugs.

A last hug and I was homeward bound with a deep sigh of relief. I was getting married on Hogmanay and it would be a day to remember. I needed my groom in a big way. 

When I turned onto the road to Lallybroch I saw a man and a dog in a far-field. The dog was running to him after retrieving a stick when he suddenly dropped it in the snow and looked at the man. It was Butter, my favorite dog who never found the value in an old stick. I looked beyond the confused K-9 and saw Jamie waving his arms at me. I parked and walked across the field, first to be assaulted by Butter, and then Jamie. His blue eyes sparkled against the snow-covered field and his smile was brilliant.

We walked home to a warm fire and a few hours to binge Netflix before dinner. Since we were alone in the house we stretched out on the couch and spent a relaxing minute and a half and then gave in to the naughty arousal of making love in the living room where we could be caught by Jenny or Ian returning home. I decided risky sex was delicious and put a star next to it on my types of sex mental list. No sooner did we dress than I heard the kitchen door slam and Jenny’s voice say something about dinner. I smiled at Jamie and he acknowledged the close call as he pulled me on his lap and tickled me. 

“Oh Christ, ye two are making me sick. I am goin to lay down before dinner, I’m sure ye can get by an hour without me.” 

Jamie sat at the kitchen table working on the renovation drawings while I got a pork roast ready for the oven. I made rice pilaf and a broccoli casserole and looked over Jamie’s shoulder asking questions. I was so excited about this renovation. We would have the entire upstairs, including the huge bathroom and tub, a room for the nursery that could later be divided for a second child and Jenny’s old room to create whatever we wanted. It was a glorious amount of space and freedom to raise our family. Jenny and Ian would enjoy the same luxury a level below us.

“Why didn’t we think of this before! I am so happy and excited and you are brilliant, can’t wait and I love you and…” 

I had dropped into Jamie’s lap halfway through my happiness tirade and he seized the only way I had to communicate my joy. He moaned against my mouth and pulled me closer to him. 

“I decided on a pork roast because I learned in nursing school that pork has special … rejuvenation …um …enzymes that target…” I inclined my head toward Jamie’s crotch. His eyes got wide and he looked down at his lap and then smiled like the devil himself.

“Sassenach, you are such a delight and yer learning such important things. I am a lucky man.” His smile was so big he could hardly kiss me.

Crap. It was supposed to be a joke but he didn’t laugh. Hm, I vowed to tell him someday so it wasn’t really lying and now I had pork in my bag of seduction tricks. Sorry, Jamie but you are just too adorable right now and I sense another hour of percolation and you will cripple me tonight. Oh, Christ, we may cripple each other. I turned the oven temperature up fifty degrees. 

Dinner was perfect thanks to Edith’s secrets. I thought about tuition for the private Culinary Institute and how many students learned from her each semester. It was a staggering amount of money because they recruited the best chefs to teach. That made me giggle because I have her all to myself every Saturday. Jamie leaned into my ear as I popped a piece of pork in my mouth. I blushed at his whispered suggestion and smiled despite myself. 

Jenny pointed her fork at me, then Jamie, “I’m gonna kill one of ya in yer sleep and I love ya both the same so it’ll be a coin toss. I canna get any peace wonderin what’s goin on in there so it’s been nice knowin one of ye.”

“Jenny, my back is sore from all the standing today. Do you mind if I use your tub tonight?”

“Yer a terrible liar and ye know yer welcome to all that I have if ye do my share of dishes tonight. I don’t feel that great.”

Jamie was doing his magic table-clearing act where all the dishes suddenly vanish from the table and appear in the sink, stacked for quick washing. Ian jumped to aid Jenny so it was just me and the adorable one. He kissed my neck as I powered through the washing. 

“Sassenach, I must advise ye of the danger yer in. It feels like fifty horses are draggin me to bent ye over right where ye stand. Have mercy and show ye love by gettin in the tub if ye must. I’ll no wait much longer.” 

He pulled my hand to his crotch and I squeaked quite involuntarily. So, the Blue Whale is not extinct after all and I must upgrade the potential danger to crippled for life. I decided I didn’t need the use of my legs anyway. I tried to kiss him and struggled for his mouth as he spun me and gently pushed me out of the kitchen.

“If yer not in bed naked when I get upstairs I’ll have ye where I find ye mo chridhe. I ate entirely too much pork I think.”

I was stuck looking at him being so sexy and saw his eyes get dark saying time is up, here I come. I vanished from the kitchen and my hands shook as I dropped into the hot water. I lit the fire after stacking three logs that erupted in flame casting a romantic glow in the room. I never tired of how the fire threw dancing light on Jamie’s skin as he moved causing a thrill when parts of his body were revealed. I pulled the bedding down so it would not hinder our movement. 

Jamie gave me a total girl gift when the weather got cold. A floor-length transparent robe made from exquisite soft fabric, huge sleeves, and yards of material that was belted. When I touched the fur that ran around the collar and down the front I recoiled believing it was real until Jamie showed me the tag that said simulated mink. It was my guilty pleasure and his ignition switch. 

Jamie came in and looked at me like a starving man. Without a word, he disappeared to the shower and cut his impressive time by a full minute. He wrapped his naked body around me and my fingers raked through his wet hair.

“Would you like a glass of whisky love?”

“Nah, I want yer forgiveness. This will no end soon, mo gradhag, and I’ll be lucky to get a full minute of tenderness in before I take what I want from ye. Give me yer mouth Sassenach.”

My two orgasms were award winners but I stayed quiet by holding my hand tightly against my mouth. I’m not sure it worked because on the orgasm planet I visit I have no ears. Just vibrating nerve endings that sing a song of pulsing delight. When I leave and come back to earth my ears are always attached to my head again so I can hear Jamie growl and pant as he rides his wave of euphoria. 

This amazing day had ripped the energy and strength from me. I was descending into the void so fast I grabbed Jamie’s arm as if to stop myself. His hand was splayed on my still flat stomach and he was asking me why there was no bump. I looked from his hand to his eyes and felt my heart explode. I told him quickly how much I loved him and tried a second time to form the actual words that still didn’t sound right. Jamie laughed and pulled me to him as he reached for the light.

I ascended into consciousness slowly seeing the light of day behind my closed eyelids. This was one of my favorite times of the day as I became aware of the world again. I yawned deeply and twisted to the other side running right into Jamie. My eyes flew open at this unexpected obstacle in my morning bed. He moved slightly but otherwise continued to sleep. I wanted to jump up and down and clap my hands at this rare surprise to enjoy a Sunday morning lounging with my favorite person. I snuggled into him and went back to whatever plane I woke from.

Sometime later, I took a deep breath and let his scent fill my nose and lungs, feeling it energize me. He kissed my face over and over again until I was fully conscious.

“Ye have the prettiest eyes God ever gave a lass. Tell me what great things ye did in heaven to win them mo chridhe.”

I pushed myself up knowing my hair was acting out a riot and smiled at him. “Jamie?”

“lass?”

“You need to tell me something important, to get it off your chest, so to speak.”

Jamie said nothing but stared at my eyes and shook his side to side.

I brought my face within an inch of his and looked in his eyes. “You have the eyes of someone who adop0ted a kitten on impulse, so tell me where it is so Butter doesn’t eat it accidentally.”

Jamie was blushing crimson and laughing. He finally stood up and went into the hall then pushed a large box into our room. I realized it was a sixty-inch smart tv and called out every ounce of inner strength not to jump on the bed and demand he set it up and turn it on. We were a bit frugal, all of us sharing a single television that his parents owned. 

“I was gonna give it to ye for Christmas but that would be a mistake, I think.”

“I don’t know about that, I can get your present ready …I just have to catch it and hold it still while I wrap it.”

“Yer givin me one of yer chickens for Christmas Sassenach?”

“No fair guessing, you have to wait and be surprised.”

“Lucky for the chicken, I dinna give ye the tv for Christmas.” He looked at me and the energy changed abruptly as stared back at him.

“I got ye, us, a honeymoon to remember, love.” He pulled an envelope from the top of the TV box and handed it to me.”

I turned it upside down and let the contents land on the bed as my eyes saw brochure pictures that made my heart pound. “We’re going to the Bahamas!”

I jumped on Jamie screaming with delight. He didn’t grab me fast enough so I escaped to jump on the bed, butt naked, still screaming with delight. “Tell me more!”

When he was silent I looked down at him watching my breasts bounce with my efforts. I dropped to the bed and pulled him on top of me. I felt him hard and large through his sweat pants and pushed them down over his magnificent butt. I was naked and squirming under him as I kissed him hard. 

“It’s gentleman’s choice until noon and I am a slave to your pleasure Jamie.” I opened my mouth suggestively. Jamie whispered his instructions for an erotic experience that charged my batteries and made them explode. He told me where to put my tongue, how to slide it around his sensitive head, how to lay my tongue flat against him and let him pump my mouth. He stopped to say something and I saw his eyes lose focus. I shoved him in my mouth, to my throat and heard him groan loudly for what seemed like a full minute.  
While I was still swallowing I heard skin slapped. 

“Fuckin Jamie!” Ian sounded like he would barge in our room and choke him to death.

As we struggled to stop laughing I remembered Jenny`s wicked sense of fair play, payback, and revenge. She was a master at tit-for-tat. I wondered what she will expose me to when I`m nine months pregnant. I scowled at Jamie and suggested he stop laughing.


	35. Chapter 35

On the Saturday before Christmas Edith and I made Beef Wellington and served it to my two friends from school. They were coming to look at the carriage house to rent for the next school year. Jamie and I had already moved all my things to Lallybroch and I felt so weird walking through the place empty, so many memories here.

After they measured everything we all sat down to eat with doctor Lu and the girls were very complimentary. Lu kept them entertained with the medical application of hypnotherapy and Edit and I smiled watching him in his glory. The girls agreed to rent and I was happy to have arranged Edith’s next tenants so I didn’t leave her in the lurch. 

The butter lovers had played until exhausted and the four of them were crashed out in Butters bed while he laid on the carpet and put his head on one of their beds. Edith got quite a laugh out of that and brought out her camera to take some pictures of our ridiculous dogs. 

“I didn’t know they still developed film, Edith.”

“Of course they do and I will compare my pictures with any taken with a phone, any day.”

I hugged Edith goodbye after she loaded me up the leftovers to take home and a pecan pie she made for Jamie, his favorite. I fell into my car completely exhausted and made my way home. As I turned down our street it started to snow, big, fat flakes that stuck to the windshield and wipers. It was beautiful. I pulled over and got out to see the heavy snow falling as far as the eye could see. I marveled at the silence. I started doing this to ease my anxiety of driving in the falling snow after I got lost. Now I couldn’t stop. 

I opened the kitchen door to loud banging and the sound of loud ripping. When I had put the food away I followed the noise and was shocked when I opened the study door. All the walls in three rooms had been pulled down and it was a big open space clear to the block wall of the house. I was thrilled at how much they accomplished today until I heard the voices of Rupert and Angus and realized they had help. That made me feel warm and fuzzy inside until Angus started telling Rupert about seeing my ass hanging off Edith’s roof. Rupert could have been super rude with his comment but he just smiled. I was already feeling embarrassed so I was grateful.

“Claire, glad ye home, we need to get started on these invitations. Grab yer favorite pen. Stormy is comin to help us.”

I was excited about seeing Stormy but the rest could hang in my opinion. Jenny had already called the guestlist for the wedding since it was a short week away, why did we need formal invitations? She insisted every invitation be handwritten as well. I would rather build a snowman with Butter and Jamie. In protest, I walked extra slow to the kitchen. 

“Christ almighty, look at the snow come down. I’m callin Stormy to stay home. It’s not safe to be on the road tonight. Them boys might want to get out while they can.”

“Oh no, Jenny! You sit. I will tell them and be right back.”

When I joined Jenny again I had told each person it was snowing like crazy, gone to my room twice to look for my favorite pen, and checked on Butter. I looked at the list thrilled Jenny was almost done. I started to write an address and found myself staring out the window at the snow, pen twirling in my fingers.

“Claire yer worse than a ten-year-old. Concentrate lass and let’s get this done.”

By the time I finished my envelope, Jenny was done with the list and I launched out of my chair, throwing on my jacket, scarf, and gloves. I turned around to get Butter and he was right on my heals so I almost tripped over him. When the kitchen door closed I took a deep breath and tried to shake off my claustrophobia.

“Ok Butter, watch and learn.”

I started with a snowball and rolled it in the wet snow until it was about to my waist, then I did another but I could not lift it. Damn, I thought, the size I can lift will look like a toy snowman. I sat on the largest ball and thought about how I might do this. 

“Please tell me yer not having second thoughts mo gradhag. You look like ye got the weight of the world on ye shoulders.”

“I do, it’s just too heavy. The snowman’s stomach, it’s too heavy for me, but not you! C’mon, I’ll help.”

I jumped off the snowball and crouched down to help hoist the midsection on top of where I had been sitting. Jamie pushed me away smiling and pulled the ball of snow on top of the other. I was already rolling another ball and picked it up easily to set it on top. 

“Perfect!”

Jamie hugged me and pulled me into the house. We all thanked Angus and Rupert for the extra hands and they were anxious to exit our road before it became impassable. They both pointed and laughed at my snowman on the way to their vehicle. I stuck my nose in the air like I didn’t care and went upstairs to relax. 

When Jamie came up later he jumped on the bed next to me and fanned out all the brochures he had collected of the islands and the fun things to do. I was so excited about the hut he rented over the water. A peer stretched 500 feet into the ocean with huts attached. Ours was on the end so it was just us and the ocean out there. It had a glass floor so we could watch the sea life underneath. We completely agreed on snorkeling daily and picked out the restaurants after reading the reviews. The rest we would figure out once we got there. 

“It’s like New Orleans on steroids mo chridhe.”

It was indeed and I couldn’t wait to get there as Misses James Fraser. We just had Christmas and the wedding to get through. I should not be thinking of them as a chore but right now that is exactly how I saw it.  
*********************

It is the eve of my wedding and I cannot sleep. I’m having an anxiety attack and coming out of my skin from the walls closing in on me. I need Jamie like I need my lungs but Jenny insisted we separate for twenty-four hours before the wedding. She asked if I wanted to jinx my own wedding which I certainly did not. Jamie kissed me at the bottom of the stairs tonight and I almost cried the way he looked at me. Now I wander around our room feeling so weird, so displaced and I don’t understand it. I feel like I want to sob my heart out, on the night before my wedding? 

I sat on the stairs with a blanket around me shivering in the cold house. It was like I was transported back in time to when I was ten years old dreading my trip back to Peru. I was going to marry the man who pulled me into his room that night and I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. So why am I blue? I crept down the stairs and laid next to Jamie on the sofa feeling his arms pull me to him immediately. 

“I could hear ye pacin upstairs and hoped ye would come down here so I can tell ye how much I love ye. What’s wrong mo chridhe?”

“I don’t know. I feel anxious and sad and excited all at the same time.”

“Well, if yer like me yer missin yer parents. I know I am. My mam talked about fallin in love and having a family of my own. I would give anything for her and my da to be here.

“Yer missin yer parents tonight love?”

That did it. The sobs came and I clung to Jamie for five minutes of emotion that had been right under the surface for the past week. 

“Dinna fash wee one, I’ve decided I love ye enough for me and them. I believe in heaven Sassenach and yer parents and mine will be here with us tomorrow. I believe we will feel their presence and their blessing. With all my heart I believe that mo chridhe.”

I started to get up and he held me to him asking me to stay for a few hours, then he would carry me to bed. I was so relieved I melted into him and started to relax. I felt him lift me off the couch hours later and he laid next to me in our bed until I was asleep again. Jamie was gone when I woke up and I didn’t see him until the wedding.

I fed the chickens and piled hay into their cubbies for warmth even though our heat lamp provided a toasty environment for them in the barn. I worried about Golfarb and went to look for her. She was nowhere to be found. With a pounding heart, I quickly counted the chickens and there were twenty! Golfarb was with her sisters, probably to stay warm, but I was thrilled. While the chickens ate I gathered the few eggs I found and carried them to the house. Egg production had nearly dropped off completely with the onset of winter and I was not unhappy about that. 

Jenny was up stirring her maids punch when I walked into the kitchen. It is a wicked brew that includes a bottle of rum and a dozen other ingredients of which half are alcoholic. Jenny would be my only maid due to the limited space but six of our girlfriends were coming early to help decorate and drink. 

“The bride is up and has her snow boots and parka on. Put them boots outside before ye track mud all over the house lass. Are ye ready to marry my brother Claire?”

“I have never been this ready for anything in my life Jenny.”

“The way yer blushin, yer gonna be a beautiful bride. But get those boots off and get in the tub, the big tub, I left ye a pre-weddin gift. Dinna tell Jamie about it cause I didna get him anything.”

I laughed and hugged Jenny before going upstairs to enjoy that amazing tub and lose myself in COCO Chanel! I jumped up and down and yelled out the door that I love Jenny more than Jamie right now. I poured it into the hot water and closed my eyes as the room filled with that magic scent. After twenty minutes of heavenly hot water, I grabbed my razor for what I hoped would be a fun surprise. I had steadily increased the width of my racing stripe for this very occasion and took my time sculpting a perfect heart. I was very happy with the way it looked and I hoped Jamie would like it or at least think it was clever. I wanted the heart right above my bud so much of my racing stripe was now gone. It felt a little bare but it looked really good. At least I thought so. 

I realized that we would be swimming in the crystal clear waters of the Bahamas at this time tomorrow, and my heart rate shot up. Every single thing in my life was exciting at this moment and I felt ready to burst. 

I was already packed for our trip because we were taking the red-eye tonight giving us two hours to enjoy the party before we have to leave for the airport. It seemed exceptionally odd to be packing sundresses in the middle of winter but it made me count the days to eighty-five degrees and sunshine and it was finally here. 

There were all kinds of commotion downstairs and I looked out the bathroom door and saw two men bringing huge flower arrangements into the room. They were beautiful with white roses and orchids, baby’s breath and evergreen branches. I wondered where they came from because Jenny and I had not planned for those arrangements. 

By the time my hair was dry Jenny was laying on our bed resting her back. She closed her eyes and announced she felt nothing otherworldly happening to her, she didn’t have a mad urge to rape Ian.

“I suspected ye were in an energy vortex like I saw on U Tube, but I feel nothin unusual so that can’t be it. I want to believe there’s hope that I will scream with a minute-long orgasm so I refuse to believe it’s ye and Jamie. Oh well, let’s start yer hair. Stormy called and she is on her way.” 

“Jenny, I can start my own hair. You stay right there. Stormy can help me if I need it. Can I get you to do the Jessica Rabbit hairdo at the end? Hey, what do you think of my heart?”

“Holy shit Claire! Give me some warnin before ye expose yerself that way. I am so jealous I want to drop to the floor kicking and screaming but this baby is in the way… of everything.”

Stormy is such a great friend and she was so gentle with my hair while we gabbed about everything. I was so relaxed with her soft hands in my hair I lost track of time. Jenny woke up, looked at the clock, and turned into a house on fire. Her large brush drove into my hair pulling it into a flat iron with an intensity that snapped me out of my Stormy haze. The wedding started in one hour and Jenny still had to dress so I sat perfectly still and helped however I could. The whole time I heard banging and dragging going on downstairs and wondered what on earth was happening down there. Two of our friends did my make up with Jenny watching closely, smiling for the most part. 

Jenny was touching her fingers like she was counting and mumbling. Then she announced I did not have something borrowed to get married in. I thought it a weird tradition until Jenny returned with the most sacred possession of her mother’s and we all gasped looking at them.

“I insist you where my mam’s earings Claire. You were a daughter to her, same as me. She is here today with da, I know she will feel honored that ye wear them to marry my brother.” Loops of sterling silver, so thin they moved like water and caught the light as they shimmered. They were absolutely perfect for my dress and the winter theme of the wedding. I felt my eyes well with tears and the whole room was running at me with a kleenex. I held up my hands and laughed at the startled looks.

With my hair swept up and ringlets falling at my temples and down my back, beautiful silk stockings and the tiniest beaded thong, I stepped into my shoes as Jenny chased the girls downstairs and suggested they drink her special Maids punch. The silence in the room was so wonderful for my frayed nerves. Jenny held my dress up as I had done for her and I slipped into it, suddenly transformed into a bride.

“Christ and all the saints yer a beautiful bride.” Jenny grabbed a kleenex and wiped her tears.

“I have something for you Jenny, to say thank you for being my best friend my whole life.” 

I handed her a box and watched her open the special gift I spent days looking for. I decided on a delicate eighteen carrot gold bracelet with four diamonds that were a half-carrot each and superior quality. I could tell instantly that she loved it because her eyes were popping out.

“Lass, it’’s amazin how real cubic zirconian looks these days, is it nae?” She said it just above a whisper and her face was the color of a pink rose.

“Thank you for saving my life year after year with letters and hugs hello and promises goodbye. I love you so much and those are not cubic zirconian. Thank you for everything Jenny.”

She turned around and left to get dressed with a dreamy smile on her face, then she ran back in and kissed me, then gone again.

There was a quiet knock on the door and Edith peaked in. She took my hands and looked me up and down. “Well, my little mustang is a beautiful bride. I love you. Congratulations sweetheart.” 

I wanted to see and feel Jamie so badly it was hard to sit still. When Jenny came back I jumped to my feet. She wore the bracelet and it shot sparkles out in every direction.”Ready lass?”

We went down the back stairs and I nearly fell over when I saw Murtagh in a tuxedo with his hair slicked back and a shiny face.

“Murtagh, you look amazing.”

“Well lassie, I dinna ken the right English words for how ye look. It might take some time.”

I giggled at that and took his arm. Robbie Mcnab, the son of a neighbor was waiting to give the signal and ran around the corner when Murtagh told him to. What seemed like seconds later the massive front door opened and Ian offered his arm to Jenny, walking her into the house. I heard the wedding music and Murtagh walked me in slowly. I lifted my eyes to Jamie’s cool, sparkling, indigo gaze and felt my heart in my throat. Murtagh kissed my cheek and handed me to my true love.

Our favorite reverend officiated the wedding and started the ceremony with the story of when we met. He spoke eloquently of seeing the love in Jamie’s eyes as he watched me that day and the way I blushed like a spring rose when he held my hand. It was so beautiful and wonderful of him to speak of it. The ceremony was beautiful too I imagine. I was too lost in Jamie’s eyes to listen but I felt soft warm fingers on my elbow and knew it was time to bless the rings. I turned slightly to smile my thanks at Jenny and realized she was too far from me to reach my elbow, In fact, no one was close enough to touch that arm. Then I heard, “you may kiss your bride.”

Jamie’s kiss was a promise of undying love that touched my soul. The reverend said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce Mister and misses Fraser." I could feel myself smiling and saw so many faces approach, hug, and speak to us. I was in a pink bubble of happiness and looked at the most beautiful decorations throughout the lower level. It was hard to take it all in and I wondered who set all this up. I looked around at all the friends I have in my life now, the people that I loved, and knew any one of them would have done it for us. 

Jenny pressed a glass of juice in my hand and smiled at me with so much excitement.

“Are ye alright lass? If yer feeling faint just look at that ring on yer finger and it’s sure to wake ye up.”

“Ring?”

I lifted my hand to see the sparkling diamonds that spanned the top half of the band. I looked at Jamie wide-eyed and he kissed me before leading me around to thank our guests for coming. 

Doctor Abernathy and his wife Gail were there as was Lucy who was loving the punch she found in the kitchen. While we talked I watched people bringing trays of food from the kitchen placing them on any flat surface they could find. I was flabbergasted at the quantity and quality of the food. When I found Jenny again I asked her where all this amazing food came from. 

“Mister Dunsany provided the flowers and catering, the likes of which we may never see again so eat as much as ye can, everything is delicious. Oh, Claire, he sent an envelope with yer name on it. It’s next to one of the arrangements." I found the envelope and felt dizzy when I pulled out a one thousand dollar gift certificate to the baby store in Edinburgh. How extraordinary, I thought. 

Before time ran out I spoke with all of our girlfriends and gave them the date of Jenny’s surprise baby shower. All heads nodded and smiled and I promised to call them when we got back. 

I laughed at the level of happiness in the room and it made me so happy.

“Sassenach, we have a minor problem. The snow is comin down heavy. It won’t impact Jenny’s Hogmanay guests, they’re used to the flatbed shuttle the neighbor provides. He makes a boatload of money from tips so he’s dancin a jig right now. We need to find a way out of here tonight or miss the plane. Can ye get changed and ready to leave? I’ll see if Angus will help.

Alarm bells were going off in my head and I quickly slipped my dress back on the hanger and changed into my jeans and a soft long-sleeve T-shirt. In ten minutes we were wading through so many people just trying to get outside. Angus was in his truck gunning the engine. I hugged Butter and reminded Jenny to feed the chickens and collect the eggs or they would eat them and we would be out of the egg business. ”And don’t forget Butter’s food is in the freezer, and have Ian check the warming light every night in the barn and …” I felt Jamie lift me up and wave us out the door. 

We jumped in Angus’s huge truck, out of breath of running. It was toasty warm inside. 

“My God it’s comin down, pray they don’t close the airport tonight,” he said with an evil chuckle. 

They did close the airport however we were already in the air high above the swollen clouds that threatened our honeymoon. We stole kisses from each other whenever we could and curled up to sleep our way to the Bahamas.

24 hours Later

I laid on Jamie’s chest in the huge hammock that attached to our hut and hung over the water. It was so relaxing to swing and watch the crystal blue water. We had snorkeled all day and now, pleasantly exhausted, we tried to rouse each other to shower and dress for dinner. Laying in each other’s arms, watching the sunset over the water was too much of a pull so neither of us could move until it was dark. 

Jamie kissed me deeply and whimpered in my ear he was hungry. 

“I am not sure how we were able to do this Sassenach but we have not consummated our marriage and I am too weak with hunger to try.”

“Well, you are my favorite thing to do but the water was so amazing. Let’s go eat and remedy the situation. Oh,” I said giggling, “I have a silly surprise for you.”

“Give me my surprise Sassenach, it will give me the energy to get to the restaurant.”

“It’s not like a decoder ring or anything like that. Now I feel weird mentioning it.”

With great effort, we made it into the hut and Jamie gave into temptation and laid on the floor to watch the sea life through the glass floor. There were so many fish that were attracted to the underwater light. “It is a mystery this surprise.” He grabbed my ankle and pulled me down to the floor with him. 

“I have a surprise too mo chridhe.”

Jamie stretched his arm and pulled the refrigerator door open laughing.

“Holy shit! Where did all that come from?”

"I stuffed a thermal bag with all that, zipped it up, stuffed it in another suitcase and checked it. It was still cold when I took it out. I forgot all about it." He started pulling gorgeous treats out that looked more like a piece of art than food.

“Oh my God, this is so good Jamie. This one is even better. What does that one taste like?”

At some point in our gorge-fest, Jamie picked me up and carried me to the bed nibbling on my stomach, making me giggle. I was still eating but it was getting harder because his nibbles were now warm and wet. He pulled my bikini top off and sucked on my breasts before he linked his thumbs into the bottom half and pulled them off.

“Christ Sassenach, oh my God, what a perfect wife ye are! I love it and ye so bare now.”

“Oh yea, that’s my surprise.” Jamie was rubbing his cheek over all the new skin exposed.

“It’s so much better than a decoder ring mo gradhag, he laughed. I love ye, and I’m fallin in love with yer pussy all over again.”

He opened my legs and laid on my thigh looking at me and touching places that were stealing my sanity. When I felt his warm wet tongue I was but a minute away from my explosion. I pulled Jamie up and pressed on his buttocks to push him toward me. I wanted to feel him inside me for as long as possible and like the best husband that ever lived, he made it last. 

We had an amazing shower outside of our hut with the full moon shining down on us. Jamie kissed me over and over as I spread soap lather all over him. I felt like someone had given me knock out drops however and walked quickly to the bed before I passed out on my feet. I heard Jamie’s voice echo in my dream asking to see my heart again. I don’t know if I answered him or not.

My eyes opened late in the night and I heard Jamie breathing next to me. I turned my head and could see his face in the moonlight. I smiled at his serene expression and tried to fall asleep again but couldn’t. Rather than wake him I slipped my short robe on and walked outside to lay on the tiny patio in front of the hut. It was so peaceful and I ached for Jamie until I felt his hand on my hip as he laid behind me whispering lovely things in my ear. 

“You’re naked Jamie.” I looked down the length of him and wanted to touch him everywhere. 

“I came out to lure ye back to bed but that’s not gonna happen with ye lookin at me that way.”

I pushed him onto his back and crawled to his feet placing kisses from his ankle to his knee. He was watching me and I smiled. From his knee, I kissed deep on his inner thigh letting my kisses get wetter as I got closer to his lovely balls. I pressed my face into them sucking and licking, hearing Jamie start to pant. I played with his heat until he held my hair and pushed my mouth onto him. I teased his arousal to the brink of orgasm and then backed off. When I did it the second time he pulled me off of him and spun my back to his chest locking me into position with his thighs and arms.

“Yer a wee tease Sassenach and I’m gonna punish ye for it. “

Being completely at his mercy I could do little when he pushed into me with force. I felt him so deep as he pulled my leg behind his knees opening my core to his touches and making me pant for release. 

“Come for me lass,” he panted in my ear as he rammed me. “That’s a good lass, oh God Sassenach.”

I was thrown so high I barely noticed Jamie’s climax, becoming aware of his grip on me as I came back to earth. We made it back to bed and slept like the dead until morning.

For the next week, we played all day, ate sumptuous food in the evening and made love through the night. Jamie was cerebral about my new heart for the entire week. He would get very quiet and then pull me to our hut, remove the bikini, and stare at my heart. We walked down the beach to listen to music one night and Jamie danced slow with me. Halfway through the dance, I knew he would be pulling me out of the bar. We couldn’t get home fast enough so he pushed me into the sand in a secluded place and pulled my clothes off. I could see his neck pulsing with his hammering chest. Once he could see the heart he just touched it, almost reverently at first. It started with a kiss, additional kisses, my hands in his hair, pulling his head to my bud, panting his name, his wet tongue, my deep moans and begging for him, and then he stopped, leaving me breathless. He dressed me again and pulled me along as we ran down the beach to our hut. I laughed so hard I almost tripped but when we crossed our threshold the humor ended and Jamie rocked my world. 

I had trouble sleeping again that night and finally went outside to lay in the enormous hammock. The sounds of the water under me was calming and I dozed on and off. Jamie woke me with a dozen kisses on my face and cuddled us back to sleep. Just before dawn, I felt him suck my nipple and I gasped. I saw fire in his eyes and tried to get out of the hammock but he held me there and pressed into my slick center. His kiss took my breath away and our stomachs slapped together while he pushed into me without mercy. I felt him pushing me right off the hammock but could do nothing except tell him harder and faster. When we both climaxed together I was staring down at the ocean beneath us and Jamie was holding onto to my hips gasping for breath. I told him to let go and my naked body slipped into the water just four feet under us. Jamie and I swam naked as the sun peaked over the horizon. It was magical. We climbed out and showered off before being caught by the fishing boats that passed each morning. When I woke up there was coffee and scones to fuel my excitement for another incredible day. 

We packed as much as possible into every minute and I knew I would never forget our incredible honeymoon. 

I felt Jamie’s kisses all over my face before he nuzzled into my hair. 

“Sassenach. We’re home, time to wake up.” 

I could see he just woke up himself and I was relieved he was able to rest.

Scotland looked like a winter wonderland. It had snowed again for the last three days and I was very happy to see Angus waiting for us curbside. My God it was cold. As we piled in he handed us our coats and we were homeward bound. 

What awaited us at home? Let’s see, pounding, sawing, drilling, hammering and an inch of drywall dust on everything. Snarky Jenny going into her last month of pregnancy. I start the hardest semester of my nursing program tomorrow and probably cannot get down our road with all this snow. I will probably deliver our baby after second semester, during finals week, necessitating special arrangements, proctors when I can take the exams, and a letter from the Dean to allow it all. 

I looked at Jamie when he whistled at the depth of snow on our slightly plowed road. In my mind, I just saw roses… everywhere. They were up and down the road, all over the white fields, blooming every color imaginable. They were even in the rooms under construction. Everyone else might see a construction disaster zone but I just saw roses. Life's challenges will have to get much harder before I dread a single moment of this beautiful existence with Jamie, and that makes me happy. 

 

The End (for now)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the opportunity to feel creative and appreciated. I love you guys!


End file.
